What do you think about judging a woman on her sexual past as a factor for her desirability as a partner? Good or bad? Explain?

[PoliceLivesMatter]

[englisc]

Many people today have this idea that you shouldn't judge someone based on their past because apparently to them it says nothing about the kind of person they are today. I think that this is a very naive view, but I also think that certain people will say this perhaps sometimes in a dishonest way because they've acted in a questionable way in the past and of course to tell people that it's ok to judge on that wouldn't be good for them at all.

Now, of course some people can change, but many more don't and they don't have he self-awareness to do so, nor the motivation to improve themselves in any way.

The past is one of the best things to judge someone by though. People can tell you anything but as the saying goes actions speak louder than words. What someone does one past says a lot about their character, their views on the world, their attitudes towards relationships etc. To ignore that and just believe everything they tell you is naive.

Many women especially will complain about this since they're judged more negatively based on number of partners, the reasons that men do this I'll get into, however as a woman you know there are many men who'll say whatever you want to hear to get into your pants. He'll string women along, let them think he wants a relationship, then once they have sex he'll disppear. Let's say you find out he's done that a lot in the past - maybe he has changed (most likely he hasn't), but if that doesn't make you at least a little weary an instead you choose to believe the same shit he told all of the last girls, you're clearly an idiot.

When it comes to sexual partners, studies show that the more partners a woman has been with the more likely she is to divorce - and apparently the equivalent here for a man is 19 partners for a man vs 1 for a woman. Some women might be virgins when they marry and divorce, some women might have 30+ partners, get married and stay for the rest of their lives, but these are exceptions to the rule.

When she's had so many partners it shows that see likely separates sex from emotion and doesn't take it as seriously as someone who waited until marriage. Which one is then more likely to get bored of one sexual partner? Which one is more likely to cheat? It's a no-brainer.

[LegateLanius]

“What's your number?” is a question that many of us both dread and answer dishonestly. While it's an unproved theory, some say that women divide their number of sexual partners by three while men multiply by two, which suddenly turns the question into a math equation rather than a conversation.
We mislabel people so often that it's no wonder why some come with oversized baggage. Every insult adds useless weight that can carry into their future. Just like picking the wrong Jenga block, the wrong move can crumble someone else's world instantaneously.
Women and men alike need practice and no one should make them feel guilty for a decision that is ultimately her own. Whether it was X number of one-night stands or X number of failed relationships, we are all humans who have needs.
Choosing to disregard someone over something so insignificant is asinine. Truly, the number of how many people you did or did not fuck doesn't explain their past, their present, their future, or their ability to love. Character, morals and values need to be the main focus.
You could have missed out on an incredible woman who has an "above average number," while ignoring her intelligence, integrity, aspirations, reasoning, honesty, beauty, flaws, and other things that make people unique in and of themselves.
Your past does not require an explanation, so be brave and own it. Do your thing, be happy, be proud, be safe and live without regrets. Everything that happens is a piece to the puzzle that shapes you.

[LegateLanius]

mho?

[Quintessence]

This will be an unpopular opinion coming from my gender, but I think it's good.

It benefits us greatly to evaluate our potential partners and ensure that they have the qualities we deem desirable. This is an intimate relationship--someone you're going to be vulnerable around, and whom you're trusting to NOT exploit your vulnerabilities.
Does that mean they have to be perfect? No. But, it does mean that you have the right to make an informed decision as to whether your partner is right for you.

I have to stress something here, though: when I say it's right to judge, I mean that within the context of making an INFORMED decision--that means you don't look at things in a vacuum; you don't fixate yourself on one or two aspects of the person--no, you look at multiple variables and how they interact with each other.

With regards to sexual history, for example, you don't want to just look at the number of her past partners and leave it at that. Take into account other factors, such as the distribution of her partners, the type of relationship in which they occured, etc.
The point of making this kind of judgment is not to be a critical over-analyzer. It's to gain a greater understanding of the bigger picture--in this case, your partner's character.

As much as people want to deny it, behavioural history--and that includes sexual history--has been shown to correlate with future behaviours and outcomes. (I can cite here, if you like).
It's not an unreasonable factor to take into account when evaluating a potential partner.
The only way it becomes unreasonable is when you freak out when they, in turn, evaluate you.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

That was honestly so well written and couldn’t have put it better even if I tried. You’re a beautiful woman Quintessence, but I actually think your intelligence and communication skills are the best qualities about you easily.

[Quintessence]

Aw, thank you, PLM. <3 I really appreciate that.

[SlavicAmericanGuy]

@Quintessence Thanks for sharing your thoughts! You nail it with your so well writen post, that is the most insightful thing I've ever read about the matter.

[AlwaysBelieving]

This is a great answer.

[btbc92]

Good for both sexes, not strictly her. It's bad when both people are not virgins or waiting for marriage to have sex but judge them by what they are themselves. Once you think about having sex with that person. That person has to right to know what are your views about sex is and where you've been. Since they would too be putting their lives on the line. And if your not truthful, it can lead to legal issues. And you can get sued especially if you have an STD and is aware. And if you even wasted aware, it is your responsibility to get tested. But at the same time, premarital sex affects people's lives emotionally, mentally and psychologically. Not just spiritually and physically only. And it can hinder that persons ability to truly love you the way you need to be loved. A person has to look in the mirror and face their mistakes and past first before they can determine if that person's sexual past is going to affect their future. If they left it in the past and they don't do those things anymore, then it's a different story. But if they are still doing it, then your best to not get involved if it goes against your views and morals concerning sex. Or else, both of you will be in an unhappy relationship and marriage.

[btbc92]

wasn't aware*

[kaylaS91]

It's neither good or bad.
I mean.. it's really up to the individual as to how much value they place on their partner's past, and/or if they're seeking someone purely because they've fucked x amount of people before them.

It'd be erroneous to say it''s inherently wrong or right, though. I mean, saying so would imply that there is a universal code of morals which there obviously isn't.

[PrincessPie]

Everything has preferences, I actually think judging someone in terms of what you’re looking for in someone is fine. everyone does it wether they like it or not.

[OlderAndWiser]

I wrote a myTake on this subject last year.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a34835-is-your-partner-s-number-relevant

[Chiral]

It's generally bad because what matters for a prospective relationship is the present and the future. That said, the past is what got someone to who they are in the present and I love to hear all the slutty stories that a woman with a promiscuous past can tell and I would hope that the future with anyone I was serious about wouldn't be constrained by expectations of monogamy either. So the best indication for me that the future relationship would be sexually fulfilling is a reasonably promiscuous past.

[AriesMan]

Well, I would prefer to be a naive S. O. B. on this one! I don't want to know how many guys she has been with, how many guys were inside of her, what those guys did to her body or on her body, and I CERTAINLY don't want to even think about how many guys were inside her mouth that I am making out with. It is totally different when I think of myself as her only one, I don't need lingering thoughts killing my passion for her. Some things are best kept a woman's dark secret, but if she is cheating on me then now we have a problem!

[lord_chilled]

Neither good nor bad. I think its normal and natural and all men do it wether they admit it or not.

You'd have to be very self deluded or extremely brainwashed to actually think marrying a virgin and marrying a woman that had 20 guys is the same game.

Ladies, there's no point in complaining, you just have to deal with it. You can't eat your cake and have it too.
If you were fucking around in your younger days, you can't expect to marry a quality guy once you hit your late 20s/ early 30s.

The sooner you understand and accept that, the less pain confusion and resentment for everyone.

The funny thing is, its ONLY western women who dont understand this. Women from everywhere else know this too well.
I don't know why someone tought it'd be better not to teach the next generation of females about this and then have them confused as to why men behave the way they do.

[CT_CD]

Good. Promiscuous women are less desirable for relationships. Judging someone's past happens all the time and is a good indicator of their future behavior. A good example is looking at a potential employee's past work experience.

[HamAndCheese]

Good. I have the right to make an informed decision before entering into a relationship. And people who sleep around more are more likely to get future divorces and/or cheat.

[SebShaw82]

When men do it, I reckon it's a mark of their insecurities and fears that a woman with a lot of sexual partners before them might have had a man who's better in bed. As long as a woman I'm interested in has no STDs, no children and will be faithful, her past won't have any bearing on whether I'd enter a relationship with her.

[Anon85]

It all depends on the circumstances. I'm not going to marry someone who slept around but I have no qualms about marrying a widow

[pink1980]

I don’t think a promiscuous past should condemn a women. It needs to be addressed in a potential partner, not kept a secret. If a guy were to judge me based on my mistakes he’s not someone I would choose. I’ve changed and made mistakes in my past. I’m not the same person.

[TopCA]

There is nothing wrong with being promiscuous, it’s a lifestlye choice. By there is nothing wrong in condemning potential partner who views that as a major red flag. A women swig does not share that life story does not want a man that has been rung through so many times. Some care some for. It’s all. a matter of finding the right person.

[SlavicAmericanGuy]

Promiscuous girls (or men too) tend to have heavy anxiety issues and use sex as a escapism to it. It's not really a big deal. People take a long time to treat anxiety disorders or learn to value loyalty. This kind f change is not an overnight task.

[pink1980]

I’ve come up with a theory. Maybe you two men can help prove me correct. How frequently are you two approached my females?

[TopCA]

My ask what your point is?

[pink1980]

Curiosity

[TopCA]

That’s a weird question to ask it doesn’t really relate to anything. But if you must know not directly approached but overtly flirted with and groped a couple of times (unfortunately emasculated). Why?

[SlavicAmericanGuy]

@pink1980 Sometimes, I know that female approach is more subtle. But what is the point?

[Ayer93]

Definitely a factor to be considered for me. I like people who are more conservative with no motives of just a physically focused relationship. I don't care if they've had a few long relationships, but if they have ever had one night stands it really turns me away from them.

[Laetitia94]

Do you have one night stands?

[Ayer93]

Nope. And I'm still a virgin haha.

[SelfIsolated17]

It is a good way of determining whether she has 'settled' for you as the boring guy after she's had her fun with all of her previous partners as well as to gauge the chances for the likelihood of her cheating on you if you are not as experienced as her or the other partners she has been with.

[Phoenix98]

I'm fine with it and is it really wrong to not want a partner who's slept with 50 different guys or something along those lines?

[ThisDudeHere]

Neither. Every single person has every single right to judge another for literally anything when it comes to looking for a partner. No one owes anyone a date and everyone can judge everyone for everything.

[markscott]

It's simply a matter of choice, and what you find important. A person has ever right to want a virgin, if they so choose. But it's hypocritical if they aren't a virgin themselves.

[AlphaStyles]

I do care on her sexual past like if you sleep with so much guys then am not sure I will be the only guy u sleep with

[Miristheiss]

It isn't good or bad. The heart wants what the heart wants. We can all set our own dating standards... there's no good or bad about it, whether anyone else likes them or not.

[Philyouup]

I dont care, but if she had a sexual history, it makes fun for "getting to know you " pillow talk, if she was willing to share... but then I love when my lover talks about her sexual escapades. Helps me figure out what she likes and doesn't..

[worldscolide]

If she has cheated on her partners.. I won't touch her, beyond that I don't care about her sexual past because it's irrelevant to our potential future.

[Dimmu]

I wouldn't come near a slut
And unfortunately once a slut always

When a girl becomes a slut, she loses a lot of stuff in her personality which can't get them back
And some men like sluts for the v same reason

[Laetitia94]

Oh really.. so a sexual girl is sluit. Who are you to judge.

[Dimmu]

@Laetitia94
If people are free in their actions then I can be free inside my head
And there are sluts? It's a real thing we are not talking about dragons here
They exist

[ktdec]

But it’s always the male sluts who say they don’t want a female slut... have you noticed that? It’s so hypocritical

[Dimmu]

@ktdec you just said don't judge then implied im a slut , It’s so hypocritical indeed

I only make love to women who I marry , so I don't care if that annoy sluts ,
Oh by the way I only date virgins
Sorry I've a standard , I don't go for public toilets

[ktdec]

I didn’t imply anything. I was speaking in GENERAL. The fact that you got so defensive and assumed i was talking about you shows that you might be guilty of something 😂. Reread my comment.

[ktdec]

And i never said don’t judge... which comment are you reading? 😂 I was simply calling out the hypocrisy of the male sluts and i asked you if you noticed their hypocrisy too

[Dimmu]

@ktdec
Who are you to judge
. But it’s always the male sluts who say they don’t want a female slut.

You replied my comment I could have told you
"The fact that you got so defensive and assumed i was talking about you shows that you might be guilty of something"

[ktdec]

Maybe it’s a language barrier. You don’t seem to understand English too well.

[Dimmu]

@ktdec I like that evading position
Ok u can go , let it be my language
Lol