Why do my tinder chats keep hitting a wall?

Question

I've been on and off tinder for a few years now. It seems like I always get frustrated and quit at some point. One major reason for this frustration is that my conversations seem to always hit a brick wall at some point. We'll have what I am considering a good and fun conversation and out of nowhere they stop replying.

I decided to give tinder another try not long ago. I matched with a few people, and started a conversation with two guys that seemed the most approachable. I didn't pick and choose out of a thousand matches, by the way. I only had maybe four so far and decided I'd stop swiping and try to get to know these new matches.

I had a conversation going with both of these guys for a few weeks. Then, a couple of days ago, both of them didn't reply anymore. On an app like tinder it's not alarming if it takes a few days for them to answer but both of these guys had previously answered within 24 hours. Now I haven't heard from either in four days.

Obviously you can't know what has actually happened because you aren't mind readers. The guys only know why they decided to not answer anymore. However, this has happened to me more times than I can count.

Do you have any idea what could be causing this trend? Is this a sign of me simply being a bad conversationalist? Should I ask them what's going on or is that too pushy?

Updates

+1 y

When I ask tinder related questions, I always forget that the purpose of the app seems to be quite different in different regions. I probably should have asked this from Finns exclusively on a different platform. I appreciate your replies anyway.

Updates

+1 y

I get the point of taking too much time before meeting them. I just want to make something clear, though.

By "a few weeks" I meant more than a week but less than two weeks. We were never online at the same time. I would send him a message in the morning and he would reply late in the evening when I was already asleep. And the cycle would continue like that. Because of that, we didn't get very far in the conversation.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

As a guy that's played with tinder and other such apps, I'll tell you my own personal reasons for behaving like them.

A lot of the 'matches' never reply at all, but when they do it's usually very... um... lets just mundane. I'm a quick study so it doesn't take long to find out the majority are there just for attention AKA a waste of time. It didn't take long for the atmosphere of app hook ups to literally train me, to simply accept this one and that one has no intention of meeting face to face, which means they serve no chance of me getting to bump uglies with them.

Also the sheer amount of 'basic bitches' out there bore me to death. You know basic as in they do the same shit most chicks do, but for some reason they think they're special. Like she's the only one that has a gym membership and got starbucks or something. Anyways, these basic chick always want to talk about the same shit... what do I do?: as in she wants to figure out how much I make. ... and you know, the same run of the mill questions and it gets boring fast.

There are some interesting people I've met, but most of them turn out to be all over the place (as in with their vaginas) and can't even be considered for much more than a booty call. Don't get me started about their opposite, which start pushing for marriage and absolute commitment just for the privilege of their time.

I just went on a rant... to sum up what I think, it's easy to just assume she's not really interested and move on.

coachTanthony · Accepted Answer

So if I am reading this correctly... these guys you are interested in are chatting you up on Tinder but not moving fast enough for you? If so... message him this... but way before it becomes a 3 week conversation: Okay, gotta go... busy day! You should text me sometime so we don't become those weird Tinder people who never actually talk on the phone. (smiley face emoji.) The next message from him should be... Oh, I don't have your number or Cool what is your number? If that doesn't happen then move on.. unless you want a pen pal.

bakedmacaroni2017 · Accepted Answer

In my opinion, you need to move on. Might be a sign that they're not *that* interested. Or you are not what they're looking for WHATEVER IT IS THEY'RE LOOKING OR SEARCHING UGH. THESE GUYS. You know what I mean?

Because if they are interested, they WILL get your number. They won't let a day or two pass by without replying to your musings.

You deserve better is all Im saying.

But you know what, if you really like these guys, just go and tell them. Whatever it is that you decide to do, always remember it's better to love than to not have loved at all. :)

Sorathevilone · Accepted Answer

Well I guess it could be they found someone that would explain it or maybe they spoke with you and decided maybe your not for them. It could also be they want sex and you I assume want a relationship so they got that and found someone to suite there needs. Dating apps take donkeys years to make any progress at all. Keep trying and it can get disheartening but it will happen eventually

LLils · Accepted Answer

Yes, I've been there. You're very lucky if they actually say hi back nevermind a complete conversation. Not sure what's the purpose of the app or people even but society is all screwed up. Try to move on to a mobile phone or Facebook asap once you get response on tinder as otherwise. Brick wall.

nita00 · Accepted Answer

I'm still trying to figure out the "goal" of tinder, in my somewhere-in-europe region.. Seems that here people are there for different reasons (they say) but I've been in your situation a million times, if this "cheers" you up in any way :)

pingiluv · Answer

Use Plenty of fish, I have been using it and guys want to meet like the same day lol. That’s too fast for me. Maybe I should switch to tinder because 3 weeks is okay for me lol good luck!

solidopc · Answer

I used it once. I'm a 38 year old man. It was perhaps 6 years ago I used it when it 1st came out & I was single. I found the same experience in a way. But my thinking is that was that this would be a long distance relationship & just didn't seem worth carrying on as I wanted nor just sex. I did want sex. I'd be a liar to say otherwise. But I wanted more someone I connected with on a mental level. I'm very cerebral & if you don't want apture my imagination & are one of those rare people that you feel total trust with. I'd never felt that b4 in my precious relationship. But I have since. & though I can't be with this person for various reasons. I need to have comfortable silences aswell as all night talks till we both fall asleep on facetime. When you have a connection like that. Sex is just a different sport to pulling a random on a weekend. I only want the real thing now. But I've found it once in 31 years & it ended last August. Nothing that doesn't give me a feeling that strong will do. & its frustrating because I've never cheated on anyone. But I 9th my long term gfs cheated. So I don't believe that if there is no quantum connection between our brains and I think you are the love of my life would it seem worth carrying on.

Or they were hoping for some action on camera and the other buggered 9nce they realised you weren't a slut.

CheekyPaws · Answer

I suspect they found someone else.

One thing I noticed about what you said is that you said that you were chatting to them for a few weeks? To me that seems like a very long time, was there any discussion about meeting up at all?
I'm not saying you need to meet up and have sex, not saying that at all, but what I am saying is that, getting to know someone new via text chat is fine initially but in my opinion, it's far better to get to know them in person, probably after about a week maximum.
The reason I like to meet up in person rather than endless text chatting is because you get a much better understanding of the other person irl where as doing so via text, it is just too easy for our imagination to get overexcited and start creating this person in our mind, then one day when you do actually meet up, you realise in horror that they're nothing like the wonderful image you created in your mind and feel disappointed.

So yes, I think, either the conversation ran dry (not necessarily your fault, maybe they ran out of things to say) or they got bored of just chatting.

Yes they should have been upfront about it and either just say they're bored now and move on or actually suggest meeting up, but maybe they were too shy or something, or maybe, like the vast majority of tinder users (not all!) they have no manners and can't be bothered and they just treat you like another number.

Either way, I wouldn't necessarily give up, but before you continue, maybe set yourself a sort of vague objective rather than just seeing how things go. For example: match > chat > if all is going well > arrange to meet (safely of course!)
And then from there, take things at the speed at which YOU are happy to progress at.

Good luck and don't let them get you down 😉

r4ngeF · Answer

You seek gold, where others seek coals.
Of course, the odds of finding gold always exist, but the chances are very low.
I dont know what people look for in Tinder in your area, but in my country and every other country I heard of.. Its rather meaningless sex. (So i will make my own induction).

Besides that, why dont you guys exchange phone numbers and start messaging on whatsapp for example?
Why letting thesedff "delays" to devour the only basic chemistry you've managed to establish?
Want it or not, society - nowadays - dictates us the worst of all behaviors.
It teaches us the "instant life", and by that I mean that people are just impatient. If you dont talk with this guy, he knows that "there are more fish in the sea", and might automatically "get rid" of any feeling towards you.
You should be wiser.
Dont think in romantic terms. Get inside the head of men, unless you want to stay single and bitter.
Learn some manipulations, learn some "moves". You live in a world that (unfortunately) forces you to act like that, and the truth is sad, but must be said dear.

IndrekN · Answer

As an Estonian, I imagine our cultural behaviors would not be that different, so I will take a chance and try to discus it anyways. What my own experience so far tell me, is that it happens with both genders. It also happens with myself and people who I have matched, so it is not so uncommon. Why it happens, it probably have many reasons in different occasions, here are some. 1. People from opposite endings are expecting different things. For example: one end might expect good conversation, while other end expects date, hook up, relationship etc. If the other person who expects something else or more than conversation and sees one point that it will not happen, they might loose interest/motivation to talk. 2) People discover that they have less in common then they thought/hoped. 3) First "high" of matching with someone cool fades and turns into routine. 4) Internet relations generally are quite hard to keep up in longer period only with internet talks. Meeting in real life and doing some mutual hobies might help.

ImSoSozzled · Answer

You shouldn't spend too much time talking with someone on Tinder. Most people have tons of other matches who they are talking to which is time consuming, so it's easy to stop putting effort into conversations, especially if they start turning into the same "getting to know you" topics about where you work, what you do for fun, etc. Additionally, most guys aren't looking for anything serious, so if weeks have gone by with no sexual talk, they'll probably think it's not going anywhere, so it's not worth the effort.

The best strategy is to have a quick, fun conversation, exchange numbers, and then arrange a meetup. That way you can quickly figure out if it's going anywhere and you don't have to waste weeks talking only to have him flake.

DonRomeo · Answer

Tinder was and is a hookup app. Due to women having 100% of the power in dating, it collapsed under their demands for relationships indtesd of sex, and thus has had to rebrand as a dating/relationships app. However, those guys who are still on it joined for the hookups - Tinder's original purpose.

They are not looking for a relationship, and something you wrote might have given them the impression that you're not up to sex. Given the decreasing sex ratio, and mass rejections, it saves their time to just move on to a more likely prospect.

Or thats my guess anyway. Maybe you're actually cool and open to hooking up, in which case no idea, probably a technical issue.

Drifter83UK · Answer

Here's something a little different if you're trying to meet someone. Why not try talk to people in the physical real instead of the virtual world? I don't think it's related to your conversational skill set... Approaching strangers and taking the chance to strike conversation is the best way. Since social media apps have popped up some believe the physical approach method is insane lol. Give it a try though, i think you may be surprised.

Yes at first you may find it awkward, but practice makes better (as perfection is non existent 😂).

If you push yourself for a while to have randomn conversations with strangers, after a wee while it'll happen automatically.. No need to feel embarrassed or ashamed, also don't worry too much about what people think, the moment you stop caring how people perceive you is the moment you will live your life as a free woman 🤘😬.

If it's just conversation you want, you can hit my inbox anytime lol.

I hope this mini thesus was helpful 😅😂🤣

Cursewords · Answer

You're obviously boring. Everyone else is far more interested in actually hanging out, you just seem to want someone to talk to and jump through all these ridiculous communication hoops.

I live in Finland and I've had years of success on Tinder. I can tell you that just no man here has time or interest to placate you through some boring lengthy written conversation when it so easy to just go and get coffee together at Coffee House or some shit.

Start being the one who makes plans to meet up and you won't have any problem. 99% of men are just looking for a way to ask the girl out.

brennanhuff · Answer

"I had a conversation going with both of these guys for a few weeks. Then, a couple of days ago, both of them didn't reply anymore."

Well that's it right there. Tinder is a dating/hook up app. Were you planning on meeting these guys out for a coffee or something? You know see any of them in person? You can talk for so long before it feels like wasting time. They probably were hoping to meet up with you and not just converse back and forth through tinder for weeks and as a result they didn't wantt to continue after, or they just ended their tinder account or they talked with other women who didn't waste their time and wanted to meet up

Tetroy · Answer

At least you are getting responses lol! I just started Tinder like two weeks ago and have gotten like 8 matches (with limited swiping) but I have not been able to get even one girl to respond to me!

I see it as this, if someone swipes right on you and you become a match you should have the decency to at least have a conversation with the person. Because in a way you did swipe right on them so it means something. These guys were most likely just showing you that, the fact you were both a match but that is all they wanted out of it was a quick conversation.

MrMilti · Answer

I am using Tinder in Austria, where some are indeed looking only for a hookup, but the majority are really interested in relationships, so here is my opinion to your problem:

Do not text for "a few weeks", I consider that waaaay too long.

When I match someone, I like to text for max a week and if I feel at least a little sympathy, I want to meet in real life.
When a woman does not want to meet for weeks or even months, I get the impression that she isn't really interested and just want somebody to cheer her up and I quickly lose interest in her.

Wollu · Answer

Online dating isn't the real world as you know. But you assume it is by your instincts. Essetially you are in a crowd of women standing around a dude. You are a timeslot. If it's your turn, you get answers from the guy. Then he moves on to the next girl. He forgets about you and focus on the next one. And so forth. You wonder why there is no answer. So uninstall this crap and go for real people where you can see if they pay attention to you. Everything else will turn you into a girl with a serious mental disorder on the long run.

asterking01 · Answer

I like you just because when asking this question u knew that this is a perspective type of question. The advice all may give may not b the answer for your case. And only person who knows u will have kind of correct answer for you These are the reasons I can think of -
1) the time difference, the less compatibility and very less possibility of you actually meeting them
2) u may not have good attitude towards them (unintentionally) ( I don't mean to b rude )
3) they might be scared because of the way u may chatted with them (they might have thought u as a scammer or something )
4) or the most simple or the basic u r not what they want... ( U may have indicated u don't wanna rush n get physical and they wanted physical or vice versa )

Dre_808 · Answer

I'm assuming you were looking for someone you could possibly date. Either way I think the issue was you may have took too long. When you say a few weeks I'm thinking 3+ weeks, is that right? I've used Tinder a lot in the past, I get bored with chatting inside of tinder. The longer the chat goes on in tinder the more I feel like it's not going anywhere. If I get two or three like that I'll stay away from the app for awhile. Sometimes I just get tired of the app and delete it. For some reason I always go back. Lol

BOUNTYGUY9 · Answer

you have been found out thats why they dont want you you have been doing this tinder thing for far to long that all the guys tend to know all about you as you are putting yourself around findland is not a big place so you are well known guys are not intrested in a girl like you as there is lots more to play about with thats why the guys are not getting back in touch with you you should have more respect for your self tinder l would never use it as all the guys and girls have shared each other would you not be better getting a real boyfriend take care

Dramantic · Answer

I usually don't have the patience to chat with them that long, so if they never ask to meet I just give up. If, you're chatting with a guy through a dating site that long and they haven't asked to meet up, then I've been told there's something else going on and they're not worth the worry.

gobsmacked3 · Answer

You are a young woman. Net connections are all the rage. I just do not know why you do not invest more in real life. From my observations, you are smart, good heart, eccentric in an endearing manner and a great personality.

Why not let this dazzle and be appreciated in real life?

Rather than the transparent nature of 'tinder'?

Bellydancer83 · Answer

Dude, I'm not on tinder but I been on a site for about 2 weeks now. And I am closing that shit. People are bat shit crazy. Really, if you ever thought for a moment you have issues, just go on a site like that and you will quickly find that you ain't got shit on other people... i feel like I've got ptsd at this point. ... and it's these exact creeps who are out there, your boss, the guy at the bar, your neighbor. All shapes, all sizes. Crazy

BleepRawrsaurus_Rex · Answer

In my opinion tinder is a waste of time. Most people subconsciously see it as a way to gain confidence in their appearance or as a way to get an easy lay. No real effort goes into creating a bond. If you’re looking for something other than what I previously mentioned enroll in some classes, take up some hobbies, or simply ask your other friends for a possible suitor. I’ve had more positive experiences when I’ve had an organic conversation/bond with someone I know in real life.

Why do my tinder chats keep hitting a wall?

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