Why is being single looked down upon?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • "Being looked down upon"?
    OK, no doubt that "having" a a boyfriend or girlfriend is a social or cultural expectation. Is it a realistic expectation though? Absolutely not. People drift in and out of relationships as a normal course of life. Family and kin are possible exceptions to this if they are supportive of you as an individual... in other words they support you whether you are hooked up or not. The only big deal about this expectation is how it affects your self-esteem. If you feel “bad” or “less worthy” for not having a mate then, my friend, you have work to do on yourself….. the psychological kind. Get some perspective with a therapist or listen to audio books that deal with this.. You might start out with Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “Your Erroneous Zones.” It’s on You Tube.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • tell me about it..

    This is what happens every time i go with my married friends, their wives give me the look as if i was a lost puppy, and the guys give me the lucky look.

    and when i say i chose to be single because i do suck in any relationship, they all stare at me.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Because we're created to mate and breed. Plus we have emotion we'd like to share with someone. Being single means no one finds you desirable. That's especially painful for women considering we're biologically designed to be desirable.

    I hate being single. I feel like no one gets me, no one likes me, and no one will ever love me.

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  • People think you are lonely and miserable because there is no happiness without a partner

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  • Its not if ur single by choice. But i mean, if u just can't get anybody... then yea people gone talk about u. doesn't mean u have to care tho

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  • Today being single is a choice. A choice people didn't have in earlyer generations.

    Considering all the problems asocuated with dating, it might even apoear to be the best choice for an individual.

    However it is not the best thing for the community that this individual is a part of.

    If it's a woman, she is a danger to other women, who seek to establish a family. She could lead away her man. The single woman is also free to act on her sexual frustration in many other harmful ways on the community. She has no real concept of cairong because she has not experienced it witj herchildren and can't there fore extend real kindness toward others. It's fine while shee is young but the older she gets, the problem also grows in size.

    For a man it is very similar. Being single and not taking responsibility for his mate and the children they raise together renders him careless and very much useless in the community life, where you need dependable people. Also prone to messing things up for other families, he lives a purpouseless life engaging in random hobbies to fill the void where the pleasure of helping others and the feeling of being a part of something should be.

    People might not be able to articulate this but thats how we naturally feel toward outsiders. It's in our survival instinct since for hundreds of thousands of years we depended on each other for sourvival living in small, close knit communuties for most of the hystory of our species.

    Even when survival became much easier, the family was a team unit where we would help each other achieve other things, like wealth and power etc.

    Only recently we started to ask this question, why not just be single? Because only now we are in a state where it seems that we can actually achieve more if we go at it alone. But can we?

    In my opinion - no. Today we are on the edge of new discoveries in almost every field. We are fast approaching technological singularity, quantum computing is on it's way, we are rethinking work and education, reevaluating societal paradigms. New things are coming, but if we think they are coming to free us individually, we are still thinking in an old fashioned way.

    My feeling is that this kind of thinking in fact is stopping all progress. With a team we can do things we cannot do on our own. The chalenges of the 21st century are hudge and they simply dwarf all individual efforts to change.

    And one of the biggest challenges and areas of growth is finding meaning to connect.

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  • Because in a society which views love and companionship as important goal in life and which is dependant on how others perceive you being in a relationship is important. I think that bs that singles should be looked down upon. You don't need a s/o to make you feel accomplished and life isn't about finding the love of your life but making a change. Of course it would be nice to be in a relationship but tbh its just the shallow view of society.

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    • not really, you'll be happier with a great partner rather than anything else, no money/career can replace that

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    • I was referring to your answer, not the question

    • @johanmdsn "tbh its just the shallow view of society" INDEED IT IS!!

  • mmmh depends
    If you are someone sexually active, who's never commited to someone, some people may perceive it as being immature and a heartbreaker

    If you are older and still single without ever being in a relationship, people think it's weird

    but what do I know, i've never been in a meaningful relationship with someone and I dont feel bad about it

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  • Misery loves company. When those that are in relationships and are miserable see that you don't share the same kind of misery or struggles that they have in their relationships, sometimes they are going to try to put you down for being single and feeling fine and free about it. Some people are simply assholes and just won't mind their own business. They're miserable because they have to deal with the drama, the troubles, the struggles and hard work that comes with their relationships, and when they see that you don't have to deal with any of those things simply because you have nobody to lose since you are always single, it must have got onto their nerves about it, especially if you're carefree and really don't give a fuck about relationships. And since people that are single and don't give a fuck about relationships don't have to worry about the same things like they do as they would have much more to worry about, including worries that their partner, spouse, or significant other may be unhappy and cheating on them, etc., and then there's always those that got family and kids, and sometimes people just are going to be assholes to others that don't conform to whatever the fuck they believe everyone in society must conform to, simply because they don't get differences and aren't willing accept differences. In other words, relationships, having a family with kids, etc., simply just aren't for every single person on the planet, but there will be people that simply just don't get that, and when they see someone that isn't like that, they think they are some kind of weirdo, freak, etc.

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  • I personally don't look down on being single, but i know my mother fears that with me being single if she passes before i meet someone that I'll have to deal with it alone. I was single when my dad blew his brains out almost 3 years ago so if i got through that i think i can struggle through just about anything alone.

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  • tbh. it's not.
    No one cares if you are or not in a relationship (and I mean that with respect) It is probably only you that is thinking to much into it.
    Relationships are only popular because of Social Media.. and tbh all those pictures you see on Instagram and Snap.. are mainly staged to look that cute. just letting you know.

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    • Not going to address this but you have a funny opinion.

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    • @UptightLight I had some bad.. but I should never let the bad over come the good, that will come.

    • Good for you 🙂 I'm glad you feel that way.

  • I think it also depends on age. People look at you differently when you're single at 20 than when you're still single in 30. They still think the main purpose of adulthood is to get married and have kids and if you don't do this, you are weird. But that is a generation issue. Our parents grew up in different social situation. When I told my mom I'd rather have a puppy than a kid, she almost fainted hahah.

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    • Pretty much, the older previous generations' attitudes are like that. They expect that you conform to their ideals, standards, etc. But I say fuck 'em. The planet is overcrowded and things are not going to get better or easy for the future generations, we don't need to bring more people into existence onto this planet, it could do just fine without more people added to it constantly on a regular basis as there are a limited number of resources on this planet. And obviously they don't pay attention to or care about the fact that divorce rates on average are about 50%. The whole continuing a family line thing is a selfish fallacy. Everybody eventually will die, even family lines eventually terminate and die out involuntarily. If they stress over you not passing on your genes, then they're all completely deluded.

      But decide whatever it is that you want to do with your live and how you want to live your life and don't let ANYBODY else tell you otherwise.

  • it's not, you just think it is because people around you also think it is...
    they're not thinking for themselves... there are times to be single and time to be in a relationship... having a girlfriend or boyfriend just because everyone says you should is literally...
    LITERALLY retarded

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  • people always have an opinion.
    ignore them
    do yourself.
    I was single until I was ready for marriage
    and I chose the right guy at 24
    the end of story

    and how old are you?
    my opinion is at 17 that is still too young and immature to really know what a real marriage/relationship is supposed to be like... and for you to focus on school.

    see? Everyone has their own opinion on how to live life
    I'm not an exception

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  • They're jealous :P No but seriously, I guess maybe people don't understand how someone can be happy with being by themselves. For me it's the best thing ever! You get to work with yourself, learn who you are, please only your own needs...

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    • They want someone to share the same miseries and struggles they are going through, and if you're single throughout, they can't relate to you. Relationships aren't easy, it comes with much hard work and sacrifice, risks, and requires maintenance, if somebody isn't fully up for it, then don't even bother starting and getting involved in one. Some people don't get it and aren't willing to accept differences, but it all depends upon their views and their upbringing and how open minded they are in accepting differences from other different people than themselves.

  • It's probably because society thrives on the idea of couples. Everything sells if couples are involved. Chocolate, jewellery, flowers, clothes etc. Everything. Advertising is focused on it. So now we think we need to be in relationships all the time.

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    • Wow awesome point. You are so right that society always throws this idea that everyone needs to be in a relationship and if your not in one clearly somethings up

  • It's not for me. I love being single. I love my boyfriend dearly, but if we were ever to break up I wouldn't be sad cause I was single again. I'd just be sad cause I wasn't with my boyfriend. Being single is great and should be cherished when you're young. A relationship restricts you from doing a lot of things you once did when single, so enjoy it while it lasts!

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  • The lack of a partner used to be a matter of life or death for a childs life and/or quality of life. Naturally this inspires a symbiotic relationship that dates back to the days of pre human species. The modern deal with lack of a need for partners and/or partners that aren't necessarily procreating with using each other's DNA is similar to the need for the human 'pack'. As weak water bags our power comes not from our muscles or bodily defences, but from our brains and specifically how our brains function with others (human or otherwise) thus it is only natural for a social stigma to be placed upon those choosing to usurp our natural power and choosing to create power from themselves through the devices that modern society has created for itself (aka phones, market, healthcare, police, social structure) when we are even safe from the only possible threat remaining (ourselves) we begin to doubt the necessity for the social life. Thus we remain in our phones, isolate our friend groups into echo chambers, choose not to create life naturally, or choosing to avoid social norms entirely until the planetary population is decreased and economic problems begin to arise once again to break free from the simple tribalism that is created from the vast chain of events that occurs from that social structure being in decline. Considering the current level of overpopulation the earth is experiencing right now, due to lack of development and/or too much development, it is likely to be a simpler time to be single (considering that benefits the collective stability of nature in general) but until the entire system that initially created the need for partners, in any sence of the word, the stigma for those without will continue. Unfortunately, i fear that idea would be the end of humans as a dominate force, so its generally not what I aspire to.

    Tl;dr its nature fam, duh

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  • Because TV and socal media push unrealistic expectations of what it means to be 'successful' and 'happy' and too many people go with the flow right over the waterfall, because it's not comfortable being different all the time. People need to stop giving a crap about celebrities opinions on every little thing.

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  • Who said so? I didn't get that memo, and I certainly would have SHREDDED it, if I had!! What's wrong with being single, and doing whatever you want?
    Ask people in unhappy marriages about being single, and see what they say!!

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  • though i myself can't relate; human's tend to crave interaction, and connection. i needed all the time i had alone before i got into my relationship, and still need it now in it. i like to know that, when i do feel up to socializing it's with someone i want and can freely talk to. so i mean i don't know, it's seen sometimes as incompetent but i think it's a strength and good way to learn about yourself

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  • Not everybody pictures the view off being single upon down, being single means your strong enough to wait for what you deserve and it’s better then being in a false relationship.

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  • I'd say most people have been single so a lot know it is better to have someone who loves you. Not that being in any type of relationship is better than being single, some relationships are toxic. It's good to be single sometimes, or to have some alone time while in a relationship to appreciate what you've got.

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  • I don’t look down on people who are single, especially those who can have almost anyone they want at almost any time. I look down on myself however for being single all my life at 25 by force. I wish I at least had options if I was to be satisfied with single life... and I’d say that applies with everyone else too. Being single isn’t looked down on, it’s undesirability sadly

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  • Because it is assumed that if you're single you're lonely and sad

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  • Because no loves themselves anymore, and we have no self worth

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    • 13 talking about people lacking self worth. Scary intelligence.

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    • True. However I can not so enjoy the app and spread your opinion. Have fun.

    • People determine there self worth by having people rate them or by how many like they get on selfies, instead of judging people by the content of their character to paraphrase Martin Luther King

  • Ugh, it shouldn't be. My parents, however, gives me crap because they want grandchildren and they know that, because of my faith, I won't have children until I'm married. They don't like having to wait

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    • I can relate! It's very irritating. My mum can't have more children because her husband (who's not my biological dad) Produces weak sperms. So the baby won't survive pregnancy, and even if it does (which there's a very low chance) it will likely turn out to have disabilities.

      And my mother is pretty much putting her dreams onto me and relying on me to bring the grandchildren quickly. I don't want to be a mother anytime soon (one day but not yet). And it triggers me off so much when she makes references to having grandchildren and all.

      She's even got me ranting about it to a user on GAG 😫

    • I feel bad for your mom. It must be so disappointing to her that she can't have as many children as she wants. It's still not right for her to push this on you though. Your relationship with her must be shaken by this "responsibility" she put on you. How are you holding up?

  • Its just society thats put this idea in people's heads that you're not an accomplished person unless you're in a relationship, have a career and own your house.. blah blah blah. I think people need to stop judging other people and let them live their lives the way they want to.

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  • I didn't know that singles are being looked down upon but if they did, it might be because people nowadays have nothing better to do than to be judgmental about other people who they don't even know. I am single since birth by the way

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  • Well it's not that it's looked down upon. It's just that for most (including myself), an ideal life is one that has love... someone to share experiences with... to laugh with, to converse with, to have sex with, to have a family and grow old with, etc. Being alone is depressing for most whether they admit it or not because we all desire that. It's hard to go against our instincts.

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  • Never. Not at all. In fact, some are like I wish I was single again.. etc but being in love is more beautiful.. but if the guy breaks up or anything, then you're prone to be sad.. so single is a win win situation. You are saved from the risk of emotionally​ drowning.

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    • Personal message here itself

    • I m kind of unable to thats y i m asking otherwise i would have done already

  • It not looked upon it’s rather us as individuals don’t like to be alone. We crave attention from others and that love feeling... the notion of really being wanted and needed by somebody who wants to share your life x

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  • Well "looked down upon" is a big saying, but it's genreally because of a few things. The main two been the feeling that your 'not able to get anyone' and the second been that familly is rated very highly so when you don't have a partner people will question it.

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  • That depends on if you're single by choice or not. If you are, it's not a bad thing, but if you're not single by choice, you'll view singleness as bad in your own life, which you will then project onto everyone else's singleness too.

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  • Because we are a species that reproduces sexually. In other words, if you aren't mating, a) sooner or later you will run out of time and your genetic legacy will be reduced, b) it could be because people are rejecting you, which may be a sign that you are not an attractive (in the broadest sense of the word) mate.

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  • There’s a general (incorrect) perception that you can’t be happy alone.. that unless you have a companion, you will be lonely and therefore, unhappy.

    There’s also a social “norm” that says when you share your life and lie’s experiences, you ARE happy... and to a great extent that’s true.

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  • Companies make money on you being in a relationship
    Parents wanting grand kids.
    Couples feeling threatened by a "loan wolf".
    Religious influence and attitudes about what sex should be about.
    Social norms - What's popular is often pushed as the standard.
    Desire by many women to have kids and be taken care of - That goes with marriage.

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  • Because most people are dependent instead of independent if you can live alone and figure you out then if anything ever should happen it be easier to accept someone into your life and be complete.

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  • Because most people think that finding a partner, means you are succesful

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  • Because people wrongly assume that no one is single by choice.

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    • im single by choice >:( , not my choice, but its still a choice.

  • I don't know.. but I don't care either.. I'm happy with my single life I can change this whenever I want but for real being single is very much less hectic than being in a relationship..

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  • In my honest opinion, I believe being single is the best! I'll rather be single than in a boring, unhappy relationship.

    Some people just don't understand this and until you have someone, they won't let you be.

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  • It incites the thought that you can have long relationship and you're single for a reason or so society bullshit like that, don't force anything to fit in, specially to social standard to be taken

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  • Being married is a capstone of adulthood. If you’re single, it’s as if you’re not fulfilling your purpose

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  • It’s not looked down upon. In fact your friends who marry young and have kids young are bad decision makers. During the years of young adulthood. You will have many relationships of misconception. Meaning you think you love them but don’t or “fall out of love” so they say. Is it really wise to make those big decisions with somebody when both parties are still mature and developing? No. Wait as long as you can.

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  • Loneliness is good. People are more in control of their own lives... plus they have more time to think about other things. Women are a distraction... lol

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  • I have seen this same problem :/ I am single by choice but many of my friends doesn't seem to approve it :(

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  • There is an entire industry built on serving couples, being single means no money for them. There is an even larger divorce industry, another group of people you aren't paying by benefit of your relationship.

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  • Being single especially at an older age is a sign that you are not a compatible mate. That you have failed multiple times at relationships and that is a red flag to beware before involving yourself with a person like that.

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  • I think it's looked down upon after a certain age because there is an implication that there is something wrong with you. I've been single since 2009, and that's because I've been burned in too many relationships and I just gave up.

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  • that`s avery good question
    probably the best i encountered so far here.
    i always wondered why , also , presuming people who ask are not arrogant and having a fabulous impression about themselves,

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  • Not really. I absolutely love being single, more than being in a relationship. Especially now that I barely have time to even sleep

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