What are your thoughts on going Dutch on the first date?

[Anonymous]

Going Dutch means splitting the bill.

[LesterJester]

Oh sorry I thought you were talking about a Dutch Oven.

Splitting the bill should be how it is always done. You don't really know the other person and you don't know how far the relationship will go... And you're not looking to be a caregiver or guardian to the other person and they shouldn't be expecting everything to be handed to them for free.

I pay my way and she pays hers. If she expects me to fill her gob with free food and pay her way into restaurants, theatres, concerts and such, then I don't want some freeloader in my life.

Is it the gentlmenly thing to foot the bill?

At one point it was, but back then it was more difficult for women to get a job and were getting paid far less than they are now, so it was expected that the woman wouldn't have any money, or very little.

It's not like that anymore. Everybody has a job of some kind and everybody should be able to afford to cover themselves.

When a relationship evolves and is more long term, I certainly have no problem covering the expenses of going out somewhere. At that stage, you're working on being partners and eventually partners for life where you share everything. But when it comes to first dates?

Nah... Cover yourself and prove you can be independent first. Guys should be looking for a partner, not a child.

[TastyBiscuits]

Hi.

Here is my take on paying for stuff on a date.

Anyone who expects someone to pay for them on a date is a complete tool. Your up your own bum if you think you should have anything bought for you on a date. You are there as two people finding out about one another trying to build a bond, not have your body purchased. Your not there at some business negotiation and your not a visiting dignitary from a foreign land, and you most certainly are not a princess/ prince in need of honour payments for your time. Some of the loudest voices advocating this courting stance are also in the smallest minority, leave it in the past and welcome to the 21st Century.

That said. Give the other person the wiggle room to buy stuff for you, if you offer to split your bill and they offer to buy your meal then that's cool, they are showing they want to invest more in you and it may not yet be at a point where that can be expressed physically. So if that does happen and you are feeling equally into them then find an excuse to buy them something in return. But don't lead people on for free stuff.

In short I agree with going Dutch.

[Username678]

Blah... whatever that guy is comfortable with. I always went Dutch as far as I remember but it would be nice if a guy bought you a cup of coffee on a 3 or 4th date. Nothing big just small stuff.
Dutch -yes. But then again... if I told a guy -hey let’s get some ice cream and we went to the ice cream truck I think it would be normal of me to pay for both since I invited and it was my idea. If a guy said -hey let’s get some hotdogs (something small) and didn’t offer to pay then that’s a bit off for me.
I’m not a stingy person and hate greedy people and love giving so maybe that’s why...

[dandiecandie]

Listen if guys ever want to go dutch then lets stay home and cook together if your ass is broke im not going to pay infront of everyone. Im a bombshell most likely the next guy watching whatever just happened will probably approach and be like honey come here let me take care of you. Let that guy pay his meal. The reason being going dutch is for friends not for a couple. Otherwise whats the difference. If you want to save money in general than you both cook at home. And spend time together. Thats it. Make a long story short.

[ChgzDaniel]

I thought the rule was if you don't like him split the bill. If you like him let him pay... tell him you 'll get the next one but don't unless you are breaking up or he insists. If he insists then break up with him anyway, it's a sign he will be stingy in the long run.
Another rule for good fun, always watch how he treats waiters because it shows what kind of person he really is.

[witherwing]

I wouldn't have it any other way.

[beast25179]

I was brought up to believe in the gentleman pays it is nothing to do with being owed after it is just polite
A gentleman holds the door for a lady
A gentleman waits til he is asked
A gentleman never tells
A gentleman never raises his hands to a lady a gentleman is never late
All things I was brought up to believe in but I still argue with my oldest sister that equal rights for women and I still can't raise my hand to her watched a thing where the lady asked the man to pay when he complains she says well if I pay I don't have to suck your dick tonight

[starstar18]

Thank you!! That’s the problem... gentlemen don’t exist in the younger generation. And yes I said it. Does not exist.

[starstar18]

If the date goes bad I will pay for my own. If he ask me pay, I will never see him again. I want to be with someone where money isn’t an issue and if you have to ask me to pay, then you don’t deserve to be with me. I will quickly delete your number and tell you you are NOT worth my time. The guy should always pay for the first date. Tip and everything. That’s not saying I am broke or a gold digger. I can pay sometimes but i need to see that he can take care of me. If not, NEXT!! Lol

[Tuned]

So if he maybe is in a bad financial situation, fuck him? That’s pretty gold-diggy behaviour if you ask me

[starstar18]

Not exactly but for the most part on the first date yes. If we can’t go out on a first date without him paying I’m not doing it. The way you start is the way it will continue. I have been there. Then down the road the guy gets mad because he has to pay for something. It’s really hard to understand until you have been through the shit I have been through. This is usually a red flag that the guy dosent have it to begin with.

[beast25179]

Well my sister was with a guy and he had the biggest problem when it came to splitting anything she said she would pay the was fine as long as he didn't have to put his hand in his pocket he even suggested they buy their own engagement rings BIG ALARMS going off flashing lights the works the guy was weird bye bye weird guy

[starstar18]

That’s what I am talking about. I picture the guy as the provider. Men, no offense but the ones who are used to a hand out get used to the woman doing all the paying. A real gentleman would not treat a lady this way. I have a good job and I have money to pay my own way. I just wanna know that he cares enough about me to take care of me.

[beast25179]

The guy I was talking about his mother and him got stuff from sisters catalogue and then they wouldn't pay for it

[beast25179]

So beware guys with deep pockets and short arms when paying they act allergic to spending truth is they don't want their pet moths to escape their wallets

[starstar18]

That’s why if they can’t pay for the first day they are gone. Think about it... you put your best forward when you meet someone because you want to impress them. The fact they have their hand out so early is alarming. Because they will NEVER be giving to me. They will take whatever I have to give until I have no more. Been there done that. No thanks.

[motownplayer2000]

First date, rule of thumb.. if you invite, you pay... doesn’t matter the gender... after that.. you can split if your going to be in a longer term commitment. But since more men are expected to ask a girl out, and women can’t seem to ever go after what they want.. that the reason why men always pay... traditionally as well, but mostly the first.. that’s why when you go on a first date.. don’t make it elaborate, take her somewhere affordable... if she flips out and complains about you not making an effort... she ain’t the one, bro!

[pushingshoving]

Although I like saving money, you just don't. Buy the lady her meal, for God's sake. This kind of mentality will emasculate men and contribute to equality between men and women, but let's be honest, women don't want equality. Cherish your double standards. Cherish stealing half your divorcee's money, automatically winning custody (if you're not a crack-addled whore), being able to get the opposite sex to sleep with you just by showing you're into them, having doors opened for you, dinners and drinks paid for, maternity leave, and other things. Let him pay

[ckr1279]

It's good practice to go Dutch. I generally try to go Dutch, only times it hasn't happened that way is when he snatches the bill and tells me I'm not allowed to pay. And that's only happened a handful of times. I've had a guy tell me that if on the first date the girl wants to go Dutch it's a sign that there won't be additional dates. Everyone is different in it tho

[DianaCrimson]

I prefer to pay for my part. That way i know i owe him nothing, as when it comes to splitting that means 50/50 but what if I've ordered something more expensive than him. If i made the invitation i do prefer to pay for all as there are cases when man have said they dont feel comfortable going out right now as they dont have cash atm. but i know man dont like girls to pay for them, so i try to avoid this part so that i dont crush their self esteem.

[truthbeknown]

Meh, if she wanted. It feels cold and mechanical. It is also mathematically messy and potentially awkward to deal with tipping and splitting cash. I would rather one pays for dinner and other pays for the movie or whatever you are doing. I believe whoever does the asking should pay.

[i3vestri]

I prefer to pay. I don't like going Dutch but I will go along with it depending on who the other person is. If they have a strong independent personality then not splitting may be a bit insulting so I will bite my tongue after I try to convince them otherwise.

[Moonchild714]

Going Dutch on the first Date is the best way to start out a relationship. I always insist we go Dutch. If he refuses then I get the next date. What's also great is he can't use the how much he spent to get in your pants.

[beast25179]

If he is that desperate to get in you pants buy him a dress and give him them to wear on your next date

[Joeofalltrades]

A guy should always pay especially on the first date. And if any woman has an issue with that from some bullshit social justice Warrior crap she can stay single and have absolutely nothing to do with a guy like me.

[wolecollner]

I personally think chivalry is dead to those that leave it that way. I will forever pay for my dates because it's the right thing to do. I don't think it's sexist, or outdated, I think it shows the ability to take full responsibility and care for someone which inthink would be a desirable trait that a woman would look for, someone who can take care of their family ultimately (not saying women can't work or anything like that).

[BlueJack]

Whatever you say man, just remember when you run out of money and live off of instant noodles, remember that you did it for chivalry.

For me women are just normal people, it's good to be nice to your significant other and all, but if I had to choose going dutch or starving later in the month, then I'll rather choose going dutch.

Also it makes them feel more evened out and not like they owe you something.

[wolecollner]

Over time we can split stuff, this is asking about first date

[BlueJack]

Aah, I see. Well you probably don't want them to feel like they owe you something, such as a second date, even though the date was bad (if it was bad).

[wolecollner]

If I ask a girl on a date I'm asking if I can treat her, so I would think the thing I am owed is some progress toward a productive relationship. It's my treat, but if you are just using me for free food it's an issue, but if we hang out often and snuggle and eventually have sex and whatever, it's worth my investment

[Anonymous]

Lmao some girls just feel entitled to using a guy's money.
I'm not broke, it's just that I wouldn't feel like we're genuinely attracted to each other if she wasn't willing to go Dutch pretty much every time.
In my opinion, girls that are unable to separate love and financial security are way too materialistic anyway

[kiluad]

If she expected me to pay there was never a second date. Who pays is irrelevant in my opinion. I've taken girls out and had them take me out.

I feel the men who like to pay get a sense of control out of it, and women who insist on a man paying are just entitled princesses.

But mostly like I said it never mattered to me unless it was expected. Then it was a deal breaker. Like most people treating other to something make me feel good.

[yucychan]

Nothing wrong with that. I'd would offer to pay most of the times.
Its usually like he paid for the movies, and then I'd offered to pick up the tab later for our meals.

[floursack]

Whether for a friendly or a romantic outing, if I made the invite, I expect to pay, because I don't want someone's financial status to limit my interactions with them. If the other person offers to pick up or split the check, I accept graciously. I do not keep any sort of ledger about who paid how much or whether someone is ahead or behind- it's not a business venture; just let it go and have fun.

[acooke-13]

I personally prefer that, I always offer to pay my half or split it. I actually don't like people paying stuff for me, makes me feel like I'm taking the mick!

[puzzlez]

I'm fine with it! If he wants to insist I won't insult him by refusing, but it seems fair. I usually like to take turns paying for dates with my boyfriend anyway. :)

[TisforTori]

I never accept a man I barely know paying for me. I don’t want to be tagged as a waste of money for not doing sexy stuff. I think they appreciate it too no confusion of obligation many believe in.

[catalina132]

i think that who ever initiated the date should pay. if the guy asks the girl, the guy should pay. if the girl asks the guy, the girl should pay. i wouldn’t go dutch until the second date at least

[outsidecurve]

I always offer to pay but am impressed when a woman says we can split it. This shows me she's independent and makes her own money. I don't mind paying but not going to force her not to pay