If you’re on a first date and she doesn’t offer to pay, are you turned off?

[Anonymous]

To be honest and I know this will sound shitty. I absolutely expect a man to pay for the first date. It would turn me off if he wanted me to pay half.
Reason being is, I've never asked a man out, I've always been the one asked out. If you ask me out then I feel you should pay for the date.
Now I don't expect to go to some five star restaurant and end up with a 300 dollar bill. I'm more than happy going somewhere really casual where the bill is 20/30 dollars.
However, after the first date I have no problem paying half or he pays for dinner and I pay for the movie or whatever.
I think after the first date it's more than reasonable to split things.
I'm not a prostitute and he's not an ATM. I shouldn't expect him to pay for everything just like he should expect me to have sex anytime he snaps his fingers.
The goal in dating is a long term relationship which is a partnership. It's not much of a partnership if you're unwilling to take on some of the responsibilities.

[coachTanthony]

I read an article a while back from a woman about who should pay on the first date. The article writer was actually writing about herself and her first date that she had the other night. Long story short... they had a great time and the date lasted like 4 hours. Problem was they had a really really good time and the bill came to $130.00. The man said wow hey want to split this with me? The writer said sure no problem. They split the bill. I wish the story ended there but it didn't. She continued with the story by saying she got really turned off by him asking to split the bill. She got so turned off that she ended up ghosting him. LOL if guys are expected to foot the bill like this they won't get very far in their search for love.. they will go broke though. My advice.. first dates should always be coffee dates or similar.

[Logorithim]

It's largely a non-issue. If she wants to pay for her meal, I'd rather she offer to do it before the date, while we're making the arrangements rather than when it's time to pay. If she expects me to pay (which is my expectation anyway), I'd rather that she just says nothing, because I'll do it anyway.

[Allie_Oops]

I stopped offering because guys never take me up on it when i did. What’s the point in offering when they always say no? It’s dumb. Men end up paying anyway so why are you turned off if she doesn’t offer? If you plan on paying, male or female, then don’t expect the other person to offer.

[newbie2015]

I'm an adult who prefers traditional men. So i don't ask men out and thus i do not pay. I think the asker pays. Having said that I'd be cool going for a cup of coffe or even just a walk that is "free". So its not about money. Its about the asker taking rhe effort to plan and execute said plan.

A guy who lets a woman pay or goes dutch on a first date isn't necessarily a bad guy. But a man who does this does have different personality traits then one who refuses and insists on paying. I know i am attracted to a guy who pays.

I used to offer, and it typically just led me to dating people for multiple dates I shouldn't have. Not bad guys... but guys who's personalities didn't mesh with mine. In addition, a guy friend of mine said, "why are you even offering? By offering you're just saying you don't think you're worth it." Which is true given my personality. I can imagine this would not be the same case for a women who offered to pay with a different demeanor and personality then my own. So i don't think its bad to offer, but it has to be sincere and true to who you are and true to the type of guy you want to attract.

[PeekABooItsMe]

At a first date i will ALWAYS offer to pay for half. Saying something like "what's my half?" When the bill comes and if he insits to pay, fair do's. I'll let him pay, but as far as i'm concerned there's no need for the man to always pay. It's nice to have food paid for but ut's not a neccessity to me. I don't mind paying my half of the bill.

[Anniroc]

I think this says it all...

https://youtu.be/71o3hq6iSPM

[rjroy3]

I frame things in a way early on so she doesn't just assume I'm paying for her. So when I say, "two checks" at the end we're all good. I've had one girl my entire life actually have a problem with it and that happened to be the worst date of my life before that point lol.

But yes, for me I wouldn't date a girl like that again. Because of how I do things it would actually be weird for the girl to assume she's not paying for herself.

I do that mostly because 1. As a matter of principle I feel as if my time is enough for a girl. If she has a monetary requirement to spend time with me, then she doesn't really like me anyways and I'm wasting my time.

2. At no point in time is the girl pressured to do anything for me. Whatever she does she will do purely because she truly wants to. It's not something transactional.

3. If things don't workout I won't feel like I "wasted" my money on her. Because the reality is that's exactly how a lot of guys feel if nothing happens, even in a relationship after a breakup. If a guy spent money on a girl he'll think about the "wasted" investment. Because the reality is he was trying to buy her love. I want to stay away from that shit.

I'll spend money on a girl who is my girlfriend and I never regret it, even if we break up. I was in love. She loved me. We spent money on eachother for the sake of the relationship. That's different than spending money in hopes someone will like you for it.

[Obfuscate]

i prefer when it isn't assumed i will pay, but i tend to offer to... i like the idea that the person who invited someone to a place pays, but i am not really bent out of shape about money unless i feel that i am being used...

[blazekenalex]

I don't mind paying for the first date. However, i DO mind if she EXPECTS me to pay and doesn't even offer to split. I mean c'mon. This is the first date, we barely know each other. And since this is the first date, this is probably the nicest she's going to be to me, and she won't even offer to split? Says a lot about what a relationship with her would be like.

[Gianna17]

On a first date, if he invited me I expect him to pay but I always offer to pay for my half, if I invited him then I pay for it and i expect him to offer to pay, but I wouldn't let him. Basically whoever invited the other person pays, that way if we both initiate equally then we both pay the same.

[jeremythedrummer]

If i knew she was not well off financially, then its ok. But if she has enough spare cash, and she expects me to pay, nope. Outta sight, outta mind. Not that i dont offer to pay, i always will, but i think its kinda basic consideration to at least offer.

[IAMSoUL]

You have to do the "check dance" at the end of the night it's the only way to know if she's the one fr lol.. It's how I met my current girl.. Did the whole check dance till she let me pay unknowingly she's already paid for it all already.. Then the waiter takes my money and brings back icecreams and some change I'm looking at him like wtf is this.. And she's just outside waiting looking at me like hurry up bruh.. From that moment on I knew she had to be mind

[Drumlin2001]

Whenever I go out on a date I always go in the mindset of being happy to pay for anything we do. I'm more concerned about enjoying the time spent with her, in whatever we're doing, then worrying about splitting the bills. I think after a few dates if there'd been no attempt on her part to discuss splitting payment of anything some alarm bells may ring, but don't think it would be the decisive factor in anything

[norumbega]

After 20 years of marriage I re-entered the dating scene. I have yet to have a women pay for a drink or a meal. That covers women from 28-53 YO. But then again I am old school, and generally would cover it anyway. But it would be nice once and awhile.

[FinalVow]

depends on who started. If she asked me out and said "hey you want to have dinner?" then she pays (I will totally offer though) If I ask her out it usually looks something like "hey *dies a little on the inside* you want to have dinner your choice *fk kill me now please be sensible and don't pick that 5 star restaurant that costs 300 dollars for 1 person*? the * is me thinking after saying something.

[JJ81212]

I just want her to reach for hwr wallet, she doesn't necessarily has to pay, but what I hate the most about this situation is the talk about how she is "an independent and strong woman", there's no independence there if you are not willing to pay for your services!!!

[Ninadbelle]

I personally think it's a man's duty to pay the first date I have paid before on first dates and the times I have it has made me less interested in the guy because I prefer dominant men who will take charge and make sure I'm taken care of and happy

[Masculion]

I tend toward the "traditional" in some situations. However if she expresses "feminist" views and equality then I expect this to extend to all aspects. I don't care for cherry-picking when it comes to such things. Treat women with the respect they deserve based on their personality/actions.

[JessForAdvice]

I thhave bk for a first date it would be nice for the man to pay. I would definitely offer to pay my half and wouldn’t necessarily expect him to pay. I would be prepared.
However when in a relationship I would want to pay for food or whatever we are doing every now and then.

[Darknut123]

Has everyone lost their man card lately? you're the man. Going out to dinner or whatever you pay. This shouldn't even be a question honestly. Embarrassed for my fellow man to even have to see it.

[bloodmountain1990]

Depends on who asked for the date and how it went. I definitely don’t like gold diggers or ones who think because I’m paying that it means they’re entitled to everything. Fortunately, that was a rare occurrence. And it’s not about being cheap, it’s about being reasonable.

[genericname85]

yes definitely. i want her to try to pay.

once i had a cool situation in a date. we actually talked about it and she said she wanted to pay for herself. when the waiter came i just payed for both of us before he could ask her to pay.
we went to another place that same evening and had a few drinks. she just payed for my drinks while i went to the restroom :) this is the kind of strong woman i like.

if she expects freebees, that's a freaking no go. i want a modern woman not a princess.

[JohnFrost]

I will not be turned of at the first date. But it would be a turn on if she offered. And if at the second date she still doesn't want to share the bill I would probably think if she is worth it. I love a strong independent woman. And I'm also from the Netherlands where this is kinda the norm

[pinayfit]

Why is it a turn off? why you asked for a date if you can't treat her on your first date? Or be honest , ask her dor a date and tell her chip in or pay for it

[motownplayer2000]

It all depends on who asked. If I asked her, then I would gladly pay for the first date... if she asked. Then I would expect her too... it’s only fair! We have to start thinking about being equal!

[passinby]

Hell no, I will talk to the manager and get her a job there clearing tables.

[Astoriana]

I don’t allow anyone to pay for me unless we’re in an established relationship, and then that’s only because it’s his turn.

[SigmundFreud]

I thought feminism was all about equality? Logical inconsistency turns men off almost across the board. My wife and I both pay, and we both hate feminist ideology (why she was even a candidate for marriage in my mind).

[sam3324]

I don't want to say it would be a complete turn off but one it'd be nice if they offered and two if the date is going badly or they feel like there's not going to be a second date why should I have to pay all of it?

[slimsims]

No.

I always just try and pay but as soon as she try’s or ask to split I like to say either “I’ll get the next time” if it goes well, or let’s just split it at least.

If she doesn’t say anything it depends on what she got and if she’s expecting someone to take care of her verses someone she wants to get to know

[Kiran04]

It is acceptable on a first date for the man to pay. Every date after that, she should at least offer to split. I don't expect her to pay the whole thing, but if she does not GENUINELY offer to split (none of this "I offered but it was a test" horse shit) then she gets browning points in my book. Any woman offering to split on a first date is usually throwing a lame test my way, which automatically drops her down the hotness scale 4 points. Don't fucking offer if you aren't serious.

[VegetaSSB]

No, i am not turned off and i would date her again, there are little things that men still enjoy doing despite feminism having made a push against, such as paying for dates.

[V-Rye]

This one totally depends on the situation. I usually stick with the rule of, if I inviter someone out for a date, I'll expect to pay for it. If I'm invited by her, I am usually under the impression that we are paying our own, or she is paying. But in the end I always make sure I'm in a position where I can pay if needed.

[mattai787]

it depends.. if I had picked the restaurant then it would be okay.. but if the place was picked by her and it turned out to be a super expensive restaurant.. then definitely no.. I’d say bbye to her for sure..

[AD240pCharlie]

The perfect scenario is when she offers to pay for half of it so that I can turn down her offer and pay for it myself. That shows that she isn't stuck-up and that she actually cares.

[Jmcmanning]

I always offer but I had one instance when one of my female friends got me to agree to a blind date so she could go on a date with this guy but he wanted his friend to come along. I got turned off when she told me she uses guys for food and entertainment - a reason why she usually didn't have food in her fridge. Then that same night, she claimed she had a headache and I was left to entertain both guys since we were playing pool. Girls like this are a turn off even for a friend, so I can imagine the impression they leave on a guy.

[mountainbeari]

Yes I think I would if I was attracted to her but I may be troubled thoughtful and aware this could be a general pattern a mentality.

But it's not an outright red line. Overall I am prepared to be masterful on occasion but don't want to be used.

[LonelyTiger]

I'm dating , it's my responsibility to keep it good going , and it's her responsibility as well , I would never ask her to pay a bit but in case she exclaims herself , it would be a good sign, but If she don't realise , it's alright 😉.

[rain_maker112]

It is first day. We would like to keep the tradition going, but the next few dates and she still acts as if it's my duty to be in charge in bills? It's my duty to let society discipline her again.

[YilunChen]

I don't think it's men's duty to pay whenever, but it can be a choice. As me, I will offer to pay if I can offord it. And I don't think there will be a time when I can't offord the bill in a date because neither will I see anyone who is out of my league nor anyone who doesn't care about my fiance condition at all.

[Jon_25]

Wait which question was for the answers? No I wouldn't be turned off, and yes I would go for another date.
I'd think SHE would be "turned off" if I didn't offer to pay, especially on the first date!

[emmanuel100]

I responsible guy cater for the house including the lady so that payment is my responsibility not her and that is how I am raiaed... My custom

[shelbyr1721]

When I ask somebody to go out with me, even just friends, I am expecting to pay. All the same, it means a lot to me when my friend or the guy pays his share. Though I think asking means you should expect and offer to pay for the other person too, I also think the person who agreed to come along should pay their part. That being said, I think it’d be more polite and would say really great things about the girl if she offers to split the bill on a first date. Even so, I don’t think it’s unfair for her not to pay if the guy was the one who was asking her out. Personally, I’ll always offer to split and every now and then I’ll want to treat my guy. I know that my last boyfriend would get upset if I didn’t let him treat me at times though, so we didn’t always split, but I always offered.

[MrKandMissy]

I'm not sure why the expectation would be for her to offer to pay, really at all.. Seems like if ANYTHING it oughta be him offering to cover it, or them deciding together to go Dutch.

[Shoenron]

If the date went well, It wouldn't be a turn off since I'm well aware that men are expected to pay on the first date. It would be lots of bonus point for her if she offers to split.
If I don't want to see her again, I won't pay for her.

[arrykancil]

Personally, i will pay for her, even though that makes me can't eat, because my money allocation/my ration becoming gone for her. But i'll tell her the truth after she looks happy and i tell her that i do that for her.😊😊😊

[vald9inches]

i have always had the belief that a Man should pay on the first date but we are living in different times i guess lol

[Ayer93]

Yes. I make it a rule for myself if she doesn't offer to pay her bill the first date to not have another.

[Errantsquire]

No I don't expect her to pay for anything or even offer. When she pays for things or insists on paying I take that as a signal that she's not into me and she doesn't want to feel obligated.

The best thing I had happen was when I had a girl see a need and fulfill it with her own money without me asking. We were driving and the sun was in my eyes. When we were out at the markets she bought me sun glasses. It was a huge turn on for me.

On this subject I dislike it when people won't accept anything as a gift. My soon to be ex-wife notoriously ruined every Christmas by returning almost every gift that I gave her.

[crazy8000]

Most likely not!
If she doesn't offer on her own to pay her part she gives signals that she most likely are a user that tries to ride on others.

[Partywithtom]

My rule is whomever asks the other out pays. If I ask her I'd pay. If she insisted on paying her portion I'll fight briefly but will give in if she really wants to pay.

[robertsb97]

I would date her again because i dont let my now girlfriend pay for me anyway, i dont take handouts. Im actually turned off if they do offer to pay for me because it means that she is a bit too dominant for my liking

[hahahmm]

Only if she asked me out because that means she’s a self-centered, entitled princess type & not the giving type.

[DarthLadyKiller]

Much to learn you have still. To be like men women want. hmmmm. Paying for men's dates leads to the feminazi side. A willingness to let a man look after you, you must have.

[lifeguard65]

It's a given to pay for a meal on a first date or split the bill,, circumstances and how the date went could impact the outcome, but I'd gladly pay and date again especially if there's some elusive spark!!

[Pistachio0690]

If i asked her on the date, I'm paying. It's not a turn off if she doesn't offer

[ShadowGamer]

Tbh neither would need to pay cause it would be a home cooked meal. She could pay me back in kind by cooking for the 2nd or by helping to prepare an cook the first would be a great excuse to talk about allergies which don't usually come up.

[Aynsof]

I would prefer each paying their own or if not that the one who asked the other out should
It wouldn't by itself make me uninterested at least not for just the first date

[LesterJester]

It depends on whether you mean she pays her half or pays for both.

[1getiton234]

Depends who asked who out. If I ask a woman out I'm prepared to pay. Now if a woman asks me to go eat with her. If I can't afford to go out I don't go out.
Give up expectations!!
That doesn't mean lowering your own standard's.

[Lavenderella]

I would go dutch unless he offers before hand but will treat him back on another date.