If you’re on a first date and she doesn’t offer to pay, are you turned off?

Would you date her again?


If you’re on a first date and she doesn’t offer to pay, are you turned off?
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23145

Most Helpful Girl

  • To be honest and I know this will sound shitty. I absolutely expect a man to pay for the first date. It would turn me off if he wanted me to pay half.
    Reason being is, I've never asked a man out, I've always been the one asked out. If you ask me out then I feel you should pay for the date.
    Now I don't expect to go to some five star restaurant and end up with a 300 dollar bill. I'm more than happy going somewhere really casual where the bill is 20/30 dollars.
    However, after the first date I have no problem paying half or he pays for dinner and I pay for the movie or whatever.
    I think after the first date it's more than reasonable to split things.
    I'm not a prostitute and he's not an ATM. I shouldn't expect him to pay for everything just like he should expect me to have sex anytime he snaps his fingers.
    The goal in dating is a long term relationship which is a partnership. It's not much of a partnership if you're unwilling to take on some of the responsibilities.

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    • So does that mean if he wants to have sex on the first date you let him? Because that is what I'm getting from this. You expect him to pay on the first date and act traditional but after that you will split things. So guess that mean on the first date if he pays then you're ok with him demanding sex from you? I didn't think so.

      You are a hypocrite. You expect men to treat you like you are special because you are a women when it is in your favor but when it is your turn to play a more traditional role you don't want to go with it. You're literally asking for special treatment. The best thing is your last line shows how hypocritical you are. "It's not much of a partnership if you're unwilling to take on some of the responsibilities." Which is exactly what you are doing avoiding responsibilities in a relationship ie paying your share of the date. Let me guess you call yourself a strong independent woman too?

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    • Gosh ur pathetic.. u really are u have to be insane to come up with ur logic.. 10$ im cheapp. No your cheap for not wanting to pay.. most sit down restraunts is 10-15 as on first dates ur normally not going out to a super nice place.. i dont think my time is more valuable i actually dont think that at all. I was raised that the man works and the woman stays at home n raises the kids.. i am old fashioned im 35yrs old and every date i have ever beem on in my entire life the guy has always paid.. even when i did offer at times.. only 1 did a guy ask me to go dutch.. which i ovetlooked because i wanted to give him a shot but then he started whining about 5$ in gas and that i needed to drive my own car to his house which proves my point.. men like that dont want to put forth any effort at all.. and thats not my type.. you are outnumbered if you haven't looked throuvh this thread almost all men say they pay.. so im not the minority here u are and ur attitude..

    • @leolioneye you're right about everything you said

Most Helpful Guy

  • I read an article a while back from a woman about who should pay on the first date. The article writer was actually writing about herself and her first date that she had the other night. Long story short... they had a great time and the date lasted like 4 hours. Problem was they had a really really good time and the bill came to $130.00. The man said wow hey want to split this with me? The writer said sure no problem. They split the bill. I wish the story ended there but it didn't. She continued with the story by saying she got really turned off by him asking to split the bill. She got so turned off that she ended up ghosting him. LOL if guys are expected to foot the bill like this they won't get very far in their search for love.. they will go broke though. My advice.. first dates should always be coffee dates or similar.

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What Girls & Guys Said

22144
  • It's largely a non-issue. If she wants to pay for her meal, I'd rather she offer to do it before the date, while we're making the arrangements rather than when it's time to pay. If she expects me to pay (which is my expectation anyway), I'd rather that she just says nothing, because I'll do it anyway.

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  • I stopped offering because guys never take me up on it when i did. What’s the point in offering when they always say no? It’s dumb. Men end up paying anyway so why are you turned off if she doesn’t offer? If you plan on paying, male or female, then don’t expect the other person to offer.

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    • The point of offering, is showing that you're considerate, it has nothing to do whether money come out of your purse or not

    • No it’s not. Courtesy is shown through politeness and behavior. How is offering to pay when you know you aren’t going to courteous? Courtesy is displayed on the date, not on the check.

    • Oh I definitely think that you should always be able to pay. I'm not saying you'll offer just for the sake of it. But if you didn't expect to pay for something you enjoy, you shouldn't be doing that thing

  • I'm an adult who prefers traditional men. So i don't ask men out and thus i do not pay. I think the asker pays. Having said that I'd be cool going for a cup of coffe or even just a walk that is "free". So its not about money. Its about the asker taking rhe effort to plan and execute said plan.

    A guy who lets a woman pay or goes dutch on a first date isn't necessarily a bad guy. But a man who does this does have different personality traits then one who refuses and insists on paying. I know i am attracted to a guy who pays.

    I used to offer, and it typically just led me to dating people for multiple dates I shouldn't have. Not bad guys... but guys who's personalities didn't mesh with mine. In addition, a guy friend of mine said, "why are you even offering? By offering you're just saying you don't think you're worth it." Which is true given my personality. I can imagine this would not be the same case for a women who offered to pay with a different demeanor and personality then my own. So i don't think its bad to offer, but it has to be sincere and true to who you are and true to the type of guy you want to attract.

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    • Actually I think the contrary though not strictly. If a woman doesn't offer to pay at least, then I consider her someone who doesn't bother to invest in me or even thought about it. Basically the value I put in her doesn't mirror the value she put in me and thus makes me feel worthless compared to her.

      Honestly that disgusts me in a sense because if we were to continue that relationship, I will always be at the bottom rung rather than an equal standing.

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    • @Nivinxus a person who makes a "gesture" with no intent to follow through is just a fool. So really, its not about the gesture, because no one, regardless of differing standards, is particularly fond of a fool.

      But then you go onto agree with my point. My dating approach is very traditional. Not because it "works" or its "right", but because it reflects me. And THAT is the biggest reason people dont have successful relationships. They aren't real. so I'm confused why thats a "disgusting" thing to you? Just because other people do things outside of your immediate world that you don't get doesn't mean your judgement is appropriate or warranted. Unless it directly effects you, i dont see why the condemnation. A world of only people like yourself with only your opinions seems... limiting.

    • Gesture with no intent... I stopped reading right there because you seem blind to the point I'm making. Whatever, let's just agree to disagree because it appears you and I seem to have different way of conveying the message.

  • At a first date i will ALWAYS offer to pay for half. Saying something like "what's my half?" When the bill comes and if he insits to pay, fair do's. I'll let him pay, but as far as i'm concerned there's no need for the man to always pay. It's nice to have food paid for but ut's not a neccessity to me. I don't mind paying my half of the bill.

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  • I think this says it all...

    https://youtu.be/71o3hq6iSPM

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    • I completely agree. If the woman doesn't offer to pay her share she was not raised correctly. If the man doesn't pay for her he was not raised correctly. There is a lot to be said in the offer. He raises a good point when he mentions the fact that the first date is the most polite this person is ever going to be. There is a lot to be said about how someone acts on their first date. This is when the red flags are the most important to catch.

    • I love those bits too and yes we need to watch for red flags that show a person’s character. I live everything he says here - like how he says you should be treating your partner like your best friend and you wouldn’t expect your best friend to always pay. I also loved his talk about if she can’t contribute equally (eg he earns a lot more and wants to take her to nicer places than she can afford) she should still try to contribute. I love how he says it’s not about the money it’s about the lack of gesture.
      I always offer, all guys I have dated will decline the offer on the first date and pay. But next opportunity to pay I usually do, some guys are not comfortable with it.

    • I can’t believe that woman was dating that guy for 4 or 5 months and was arguing with him that he should still pay for everything!

  • I frame things in a way early on so she doesn't just assume I'm paying for her. So when I say, "two checks" at the end we're all good. I've had one girl my entire life actually have a problem with it and that happened to be the worst date of my life before that point lol.

    But yes, for me I wouldn't date a girl like that again. Because of how I do things it would actually be weird for the girl to assume she's not paying for herself.

    I do that mostly because 1. As a matter of principle I feel as if my time is enough for a girl. If she has a monetary requirement to spend time with me, then she doesn't really like me anyways and I'm wasting my time.

    2. At no point in time is the girl pressured to do anything for me. Whatever she does she will do purely because she truly wants to. It's not something transactional.

    3. If things don't workout I won't feel like I "wasted" my money on her. Because the reality is that's exactly how a lot of guys feel if nothing happens, even in a relationship after a breakup. If a guy spent money on a girl he'll think about the "wasted" investment. Because the reality is he was trying to buy her love. I want to stay away from that shit.

    I'll spend money on a girl who is my girlfriend and I never regret it, even if we break up. I was in love. She loved me. We spent money on eachother for the sake of the relationship. That's different than spending money in hopes someone will like you for it.

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  • i prefer when it isn't assumed i will pay, but i tend to offer to... i like the idea that the person who invited someone to a place pays, but i am not really bent out of shape about money unless i feel that i am being used...

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  • I don't mind paying for the first date. However, i DO mind if she EXPECTS me to pay and doesn't even offer to split. I mean c'mon. This is the first date, we barely know each other. And since this is the first date, this is probably the nicest she's going to be to me, and she won't even offer to split? Says a lot about what a relationship with her would be like.

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    • I mean, if a girl expects that I have to pay for a date, that technically means she thinks I have to pay for spending time with her.. that's not how relationships work. At least not in my opinion. It's a two way street.

  • On a first date, if he invited me I expect him to pay but I always offer to pay for my half, if I invited him then I pay for it and i expect him to offer to pay, but I wouldn't let him. Basically whoever invited the other person pays, that way if we both initiate equally then we both pay the same.

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    • Catch 22, women don't ask men out.

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    • I'm done, it's too late to argue. Agree to disagree?

  • If i knew she was not well off financially, then its ok. But if she has enough spare cash, and she expects me to pay, nope. Outta sight, outta mind. Not that i dont offer to pay, i always will, but i think its kinda basic consideration to at least offer.

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  • You have to do the "check dance" at the end of the night it's the only way to know if she's the one fr lol.. It's how I met my current girl.. Did the whole check dance till she let me pay unknowingly she's already paid for it all already.. Then the waiter takes my money and brings back icecreams and some change I'm looking at him like wtf is this.. And she's just outside waiting looking at me like hurry up bruh.. From that moment on I knew she had to be mind

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  • Whenever I go out on a date I always go in the mindset of being happy to pay for anything we do. I'm more concerned about enjoying the time spent with her, in whatever we're doing, then worrying about splitting the bills. I think after a few dates if there'd been no attempt on her part to discuss splitting payment of anything some alarm bells may ring, but don't think it would be the decisive factor in anything

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  • After 20 years of marriage I re-entered the dating scene. I have yet to have a women pay for a drink or a meal. That covers women from 28-53 YO. But then again I am old school, and generally would cover it anyway. But it would be nice once and awhile.

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  • depends on who started. If she asked me out and said "hey you want to have dinner?" then she pays (I will totally offer though) If I ask her out it usually looks something like "hey *dies a little on the inside* you want to have dinner your choice *fk kill me now please be sensible and don't pick that 5 star restaurant that costs 300 dollars for 1 person*? the * is me thinking after saying something.

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    • Also if I initiated she better not even touch that fancy shmancy purse.

  • I just want her to reach for hwr wallet, she doesn't necessarily has to pay, but what I hate the most about this situation is the talk about how she is "an independent and strong woman", there's no independence there if you are not willing to pay for your services!!!

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  • I personally think it's a man's duty to pay the first date I have paid before on first dates and the times I have it has made me less interested in the guy because I prefer dominant men who will take charge and make sure I'm taken care of and happy

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    • I second her statement..

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    • A man's duty... right.

    • Men are supposed to care for women

  • I tend toward the "traditional" in some situations. However if she expresses "feminist" views and equality then I expect this to extend to all aspects. I don't care for cherry-picking when it comes to such things. Treat women with the respect they deserve based on their personality/actions.

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  • I thhave bk for a first date it would be nice for the man to pay. I would definitely offer to pay my half and wouldn’t necessarily expect him to pay. I would be prepared.
    However when in a relationship I would want to pay for food or whatever we are doing every now and then.

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  • Has everyone lost their man card lately? you're the man. Going out to dinner or whatever you pay. This shouldn't even be a question honestly. Embarrassed for my fellow man to even have to see it.

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  • Depends on who asked for the date and how it went. I definitely don’t like gold diggers or ones who think because I’m paying that it means they’re entitled to everything. Fortunately, that was a rare occurrence. And it’s not about being cheap, it’s about being reasonable.

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  • yes definitely. i want her to try to pay.

    once i had a cool situation in a date. we actually talked about it and she said she wanted to pay for herself. when the waiter came i just payed for both of us before he could ask her to pay.
    we went to another place that same evening and had a few drinks. she just payed for my drinks while i went to the restroom :) this is the kind of strong woman i like.

    if she expects freebees, that's a freaking no go. i want a modern woman not a princess.

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  • I will not be turned of at the first date. But it would be a turn on if she offered. And if at the second date she still doesn't want to share the bill I would probably think if she is worth it. I love a strong independent woman. And I'm also from the Netherlands where this is kinda the norm

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  • Why is it a turn off? why you asked for a date if you can't treat her on your first date? Or be honest , ask her dor a date and tell her chip in or pay for it

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    • I think some guys get turned off because they're afraid the girl might turn out to be a leech if she never contributes to anything.

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    • Give people a chance , thats the only way you get to know the person do not be afraid to give chances thats the only way you learn

    • Id would say be ready either way it doesn't matter who pays on first date. If its a problem for the guy talk about it. Its about getting to know her as a caring friend and she should be thinking this way also and be ready to express that in all ways.

  • It all depends on who asked. If I asked her, then I would gladly pay for the first date... if she asked. Then I would expect her too... it’s only fair! We have to start thinking about being equal!

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  • Hell no, I will talk to the manager and get her a job there clearing tables.

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  • I don’t allow anyone to pay for me unless we’re in an established relationship, and then that’s only because it’s his turn.

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  • I thought feminism was all about equality? Logical inconsistency turns men off almost across the board. My wife and I both pay, and we both hate feminist ideology (why she was even a candidate for marriage in my mind).

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    • Feminists laugh at a man who doesn’t pay for her dinner and call him cheap, even though she could easily afford it and would never do the same in return, that’s not equality, that’s sexist societal expectations made out to somehow be considered equality which is total BS. Such a double standard with supposed sexism and feminists.

    • Exactly. Only non- thinking beta males pay for dates as per social expectation. 9/10 men never see the girl again. And we all know millions of women do this routinely just to get free food! And men still think that's just a normal expectation? Sorry but only betas think that. No offense to anyone, just my opinion and something to think about. Thanks John Miller.

  • I don't want to say it would be a complete turn off but one it'd be nice if they offered and two if the date is going badly or they feel like there's not going to be a second date why should I have to pay all of it?

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  • No.

    I always just try and pay but as soon as she try’s or ask to split I like to say either “I’ll get the next time” if it goes well, or let’s just split it at least.

    If she doesn’t say anything it depends on what she got and if she’s expecting someone to take care of her verses someone she wants to get to know

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  • It is acceptable on a first date for the man to pay. Every date after that, she should at least offer to split. I don't expect her to pay the whole thing, but if she does not GENUINELY offer to split (none of this "I offered but it was a test" horse shit) then she gets browning points in my book. Any woman offering to split on a first date is usually throwing a lame test my way, which automatically drops her down the hotness scale 4 points. Don't fucking offer if you aren't serious.

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  • No, i am not turned off and i would date her again, there are little things that men still enjoy doing despite feminism having made a push against, such as paying for dates.

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  • This one totally depends on the situation. I usually stick with the rule of, if I inviter someone out for a date, I'll expect to pay for it. If I'm invited by her, I am usually under the impression that we are paying our own, or she is paying. But in the end I always make sure I'm in a position where I can pay if needed.

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  • it depends.. if I had picked the restaurant then it would be okay.. but if the place was picked by her and it turned out to be a super expensive restaurant.. then definitely no.. I’d say bbye to her for sure..

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  • The perfect scenario is when she offers to pay for half of it so that I can turn down her offer and pay for it myself. That shows that she isn't stuck-up and that she actually cares.

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  • I always offer but I had one instance when one of my female friends got me to agree to a blind date so she could go on a date with this guy but he wanted his friend to come along. I got turned off when she told me she uses guys for food and entertainment - a reason why she usually didn't have food in her fridge. Then that same night, she claimed she had a headache and I was left to entertain both guys since we were playing pool. Girls like this are a turn off even for a friend, so I can imagine the impression they leave on a guy.

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  • Yes I think I would if I was attracted to her but I may be troubled thoughtful and aware this could be a general pattern a mentality.

    But it's not an outright red line. Overall I am prepared to be masterful on occasion but don't want to be used.

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  • I'm dating , it's my responsibility to keep it good going , and it's her responsibility as well , I would never ask her to pay a bit but in case she exclaims herself , it would be a good sign, but If she don't realise , it's alright 😉.

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  • It is first day. We would like to keep the tradition going, but the next few dates and she still acts as if it's my duty to be in charge in bills? It's my duty to let society discipline her again.

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  • I don't think it's men's duty to pay whenever, but it can be a choice. As me, I will offer to pay if I can offord it. And I don't think there will be a time when I can't offord the bill in a date because neither will I see anyone who is out of my league nor anyone who doesn't care about my fiance condition at all.

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  • Wait which question was for the answers? No I wouldn't be turned off, and yes I would go for another date.
    I'd think SHE would be "turned off" if I didn't offer to pay, especially on the first date!

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  • I responsible guy cater for the house including the lady so that payment is my responsibility not her and that is how I am raiaed... My custom

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  • When I ask somebody to go out with me, even just friends, I am expecting to pay. All the same, it means a lot to me when my friend or the guy pays his share. Though I think asking means you should expect and offer to pay for the other person too, I also think the person who agreed to come along should pay their part. That being said, I think it’d be more polite and would say really great things about the girl if she offers to split the bill on a first date. Even so, I don’t think it’s unfair for her not to pay if the guy was the one who was asking her out. Personally, I’ll always offer to split and every now and then I’ll want to treat my guy. I know that my last boyfriend would get upset if I didn’t let him treat me at times though, so we didn’t always split, but I always offered.

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  • I'm not sure why the expectation would be for her to offer to pay, really at all.. Seems like if ANYTHING it oughta be him offering to cover it, or them deciding together to go Dutch.

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  • If the date went well, It wouldn't be a turn off since I'm well aware that men are expected to pay on the first date. It would be lots of bonus point for her if she offers to split.
    If I don't want to see her again, I won't pay for her.

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  • Personally, i will pay for her, even though that makes me can't eat, because my money allocation/my ration becoming gone for her. But i'll tell her the truth after she looks happy and i tell her that i do that for her.😊😊😊

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  • i have always had the belief that a Man should pay on the first date but we are living in different times i guess lol

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  • Yes. I make it a rule for myself if she doesn't offer to pay her bill the first date to not have another.

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  • No I don't expect her to pay for anything or even offer. When she pays for things or insists on paying I take that as a signal that she's not into me and she doesn't want to feel obligated.

    The best thing I had happen was when I had a girl see a need and fulfill it with her own money without me asking. We were driving and the sun was in my eyes. When we were out at the markets she bought me sun glasses. It was a huge turn on for me.

    On this subject I dislike it when people won't accept anything as a gift. My soon to be ex-wife notoriously ruined every Christmas by returning almost every gift that I gave her.

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  • Most likely not!
    If she doesn't offer on her own to pay her part she gives signals that she most likely are a user that tries to ride on others.

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  • My rule is whomever asks the other out pays. If I ask her I'd pay. If she insisted on paying her portion I'll fight briefly but will give in if she really wants to pay.

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