I'll be. honest every woman that i've ever dated save for maybe 1 has offered. I just consider it a polite gesture
So i don't think it'd be an issue per se with me. But i would notice she didn't offer.
You said on Coaches question that you think a guy should pay on the first date. And we see eye to eye on this. But you also say you're netvous enough that this one thing you don't want to think about. Do you offer to pay? And if not is it because of being nervous?
I ask because you seem like a solid lady to me. And if a woman doesn't offer in the future but it's only because of nerves. I don't want to hold it against her because i percieved it as a character flaw.
You can learn a lot about people just by observing how they treat others.
No, I haven't offered on the first date. But it's there in my head, "what do I do? Here comes the bill. How am I supposed to respond?"
If there is a second date, I'm a bit more comfortable and would offer. But I haven't had enough dates to completely determine a solution to any of this.
Thanks for the kind shout out StingRay!
I think most guys if they are smart they just pay for the first date. Now when the second and third date arrive and she doesn't offer at all then I would be a little weary about that?
It needs to be a two way street at some point. Let's chip in ladies!
Thanks for the mHo
Tbh, the guy normally is the one that invited me for a first date so he's paying. I have money on me though and if what I ordered was kind of expensive then I'll offer help.
But one thing about me is, if the first date goes well. I ask to take them out somewhere for our next date which means I'm paying for everything. Normally, they find that interesting and fair.
I would discuss it before we agreed on the date.
Opinion
84Opinion
Is it a first date? If so, then it might depend on whether I asked her out or she asked me out.
If I asked her out, I would expect to pay the bill but I would not be offended or get into an argument if she insisted on paying part of it. It might be weird if she wanted to pay the whole thing, though.
If she asked me out and then assumed that I would pay the full tab, I might wonder what was up.
My hope would be that we got along really well and agreed to have a second date. In that case, for example, if I paid the bill the first time, she could always say that she would pick up the tab the next time. Be up front and have an agreement ahead of time instead of having an uncomfortable moment at the end of the date. I would respect an honest, independent woman who didn't want to be mistaken for a leach. But I wouldn't have any expectation of her paying for the dates and I wouldn't think less of her if she didn't offer to pay unless she had run up a huge tab in the expectation of getting it for free.
I’ll say it again. This is about etiquette.
The person who invites pays. That’s like inviting someone to a house party and asking them to bring their own appetizer. It’s in bad taste. So many people lack etiquette these days. I’ve invited men out and I absolutely pay, because I invited him not the other way around. It’s called etiquette and good manners.
Having said that it’s a huge red flag for me. I go out on a date in which he has invited me to go out and I still always offer to pay. If he lets me - he will never see me again. Why? Because he’s super tacky to invite me to dinner, pick the restaurant (that I may or may not be able to afford), pick an entire night that I had no say in and then expect me to pay his bill. But, I’ll pay it with my platinum card and even pay the valet since he’s so hung up on money I wouldn’t want to set him back. (True story by the way, I paid for everything after he let me pay for dinner - even the movies then I took an Uber and left him with a hard on the side of the road like the little bitch that he is.)
This is why I date older men. They’re not only better in bed, but for the most part gentlemen. They treat you the way a lady should be treated on a first date.
... Depends. Did she invite me to dinner or did I invite her? Whoever invites the other should assume they have to pay the bill. It's rude to invite someone to nice restaurant and be like "I expect you to pay 20 bucks to hang out with me."
I dunno, that's how I look at it, though it doesn't just apply to dating. The only time it doesn't apply is in some group event. If you invite someone saying you're going with a group of friends to a movie and they can come if they want it's expected they're paying for themselves. But, if it's a one on one thing... the person inviting should expect to pay the bill. This is the knowledge I've gained as a broke college student who can't really afford to go out to eat.
I've never seen or heard as much fuss/discussion as this whole "first date bill pay" thing. I think it's just ridiculous. EVEN IF she asked me out, I would pay because I believe that's what a MAN should do ! Furthermore, if the guy can't afford to pay, don't ask her out or accept her invitation. First dates should be over coffee or lunch and be not too long anyway. My expectations on a first date are very basic. A girl doesn't "owe me" anything - not half the bill, not sex, not even a kiss or hug. The only thing I want on date #1 is her undivided attention, which means turn off the phone and put it away, and lets talk. That is after all, why we are there, right?
Some guys are in highschool or college and don't work. It would be silly to expect them to pay. It is their parents' money. I want a guy for more than just money. Sure, it would be nice if he eorked and wanted to pay. A woman's self care routine is way more expensive than a man's, even if she would do basic stuff, so it would be nice if the man compensated by paying dates more often than her. However, he doesn't owe her anything. Saying that someone shouldn't date because they are broke is shallow. As long as they are working to be better in the future and can sustain themselves what is the problem?
@emmily2396 Slight correction, I did NOT say you shouldn't "date". I said " if the guy can't afford to pay, don't ask her out or accept her invitation", ... to GO out ... "out" in this case meaning going somewhere that costs money. There are plenty of things to do that would be considered a date that don't cost anything at all. But I disagree with you in principle even about guys in school or college. Let's say your parents don't want you to work so you can concentrate on your studies. They're still going to give you some money to live on ,,, X dollars a week. If you ask a girl for coffee that's what, $3.50 to $5.00 ? I would think if you really like her, you can come up another $5. It's the parent's money either way, and you're going to spend $5 no matter what. Not only that, I can imagine the girl being a little impressed if she knows he isn't working but insisted on treating her nonetheless. That's just how I was raised, I suppose. Thanks for your point of view !! :)
@emmily2396 ah girl just cause women spend more money on their beauty routine doesn't mean men should pay more for the dates? Why would that ever be an important factor lol
Damn, can you even read?
"A woman's self care routine is way more expensive than a man's, even if she would do basic stuff, so it would be nice if the man compensated by paying dates more often than her. However, he doesn't owe her anything."
Yeah I can definitely read. I can read this silly shit you wrote, like that could literally be said about anything? Say he plays sports? Bought some nice clothes for the date? Went to the gym? These things would cost him money too but he wouldn't expect you to compensate for it when paying for the date lmao
Again, can you even read? I said" it would be nice", not "he has to". I even said he doesn't owe her anything. Learn to read before commenting. You clearly didn't comprehend what I wrote.
Also, women go to the gym too, that argument is invalid, it's not a manly thing. That goes into the self-care cost too.
No I read all of that, and now I ask you; Damn, can you even read?
I said why would that ever be an important factor? How you choose to spend your money is upto you and should never come into factor when expecting your date to pay. How you spend your money outside of the date shouldn't then be coming up to pay and him be like "oh shit the makeup she uses is probably really expensive, better pay for the whole dinner!" Like seriously answer the question. WHY WOULD THAT EVER BE AN IMPORTANT FACTOR?
Yeah that's what I was stating. That you could say it about literally anything you spend money on outside of the date.
You still didn't read carefully. If you need someone to argue with why don't you find someone else? You are making things up girl. I never said anything about expecting and obligation, you are inventing stuff. Learn the difference between someone doing a nice unexpected gesture for someone else vs expecting someone to do stuff for you and being mad if they don't, you clearely don't understand the difference.
I am not going to. continue this conversation with you
I never said anything about obligation either. And I wasn't looking to argue with anyone, i was just hoping that you understand when you go on your next date, the guys not going to pay more just because you bought some new makeup lol.
I'm sure I've answered this question before, but my answer remains the same. I don't go on blind dates/tinder dates so the girls I end up dating are friends/people within my social circle so it's no different then when I go for a drink/meal with a friend. I don't know where this obsession this society/GAG has with monetary issues as opposed to friendship issues. If I enjoy your company and you can't afford to go out I'll pay, I spent years at University where I was skint but friends looked after me because that's what friends do. Now I can afford it, regardless of if it's a first date/2nd date/452nd date... if I enjoy a persons company and they can't afford it I'll pay... I can't express enough how little financial matters play a part in how I judge/act towards another person.
Honestly I'm cool with it. I'm old fashioned like that and I make good money so I'm not tight with it. Most of the guys that want a woman to pay when they go out with that are selfish broke dudes and to be completely honest with you if I'm a woman and I go out with you and have to pay for my own stuff I'll never go out with you again. Unless she says to you that she want to take you out and treat you to a good time the guy is supposed to pay. That's how I was raised and if your a man and have no money then you shouldn't date spend that time becoming fanatically stable
I honestly dont think that at all if your have a girl your basic function as a man is to love your family provide for your family and to protect your family and yes in that order. Why do you even want to take her out let keep it 100 you dont love her when you first meet her your taking her out cause you want to fuck but you dont even want to pay to feed her lol
Now I do agree with with that so were definitely on the same page
If she doesn't offer, then I Hulk out!
BLUEMAX SMASH!!! AGHHHHHHH!!!
https://images.app.goo.gl/EXWw5qa7Uv5zX39H7
Seriously, I couldn't care less. I've paid for every first date I've been on my entire life. If you're so upset about paying for dates, then you've got worse problems than being cheated out of a meal.
I wouldn't react or respond at all. I would expect to pay for both of us. Having said that, I find it very classy and considerate when a girl offers to pay half. But especially in a first date scenario where I asked her out I would respond to her offer by saying something like "I appreciate that very much but I got this!"
I would look at the bill and notify my date that "your half of the bill comes to [insert the number here]".
And I would assume that my date would take out their purse, throw their share in without hesitation and then continue with the conversation.
Thankfully, I have never made the mistake of asking out a woman who would act any other way.
lol... you won't agree haha
but I notice yes...
offering and even paying is huge brownie points... huge... but I probably would hold it against her if she didn't
so neutral if she doesn't offer, huge points if she does
moral of the story is: The ideal situation Is both wanting to do for each other...
Doesn’t bother me, I’m kinda old fashioned. I wouldn’t call on someone for a date if I didn’t have enough to cover all of it. Luckily for me since I’m young and in college, small cheap dates are still acceptable like a Picnic at the river or simply getting some tea from the tea shop across the street from campus and sitting and talking in the Botanical Garden and Koi pond.
I always split it unless we start fighting over it - like okay fine you can pay it sheesh 😂. But I’ve noticed old school guys really want to pay the full bill while not so old school raised want to split it, which isn’t a problem but very interesting.
Depends if it's mutual then I'd pay but ask for the money later, if I asked her out why would I aks her somewhere and not pay lol if someone asks me to come to their house I'm expecting to eat their food and not have to buy food to come over and snack. If they asked me I expect them to pay. If none of those things go as planned I'd just pay and eat the loss and discuss the nature of our relationship later
If I asked I don't expect her to pay, even in part. I choose the place. I know my own personal financial situation but I do not know hers. $200 or $100 or even $50 might blow her budget up for the next month. I want to have fun, not fret over what to me is a pittance.
First few dates I expect to pay. If we get a few in I get irritated. However, most women will continue to expect him to pay for her. I say nothing but silently make a note of it on the "do not commit to this one" column. I'm pretty generous but it just feels like they take advantage. I've watched them "decide" they want to "try" a particular restaurant with no intent of paying. I don't expect them to pay for me but couldn't they just pay for themselves on occasion?
She gets problems to get anywhere with me after the bill and I will say " I pay my pert to the one that wants to get paid for what it was" .
Will tell her "This feeel wrong. See no point in going any further with someone that expects me to pay for them in this stage or ever. hope you find someone that looks for that personal trait "
Depends, if I asked her out then I don't expect her to pay anything, if she asked me I would expect her to at least pay her portion. I would be moderately annoyed if we went to dinner and she bought something really expensive and didn't offer to split it, even if I asked her out, it would be a red flag, but not necessarily a deal breaker
I am old fashion. I always offer.
Since I make more, I am happy treating as long as he treats me back with the same respect and love.
I learned from my parents, i don't let money get into feelings.
Most guys are not cool when I pay.
Some okay
Well, it depends how she reacts and why she doesn’t want to pay. Even if I made a decision in my mind to not get a second date with this woman, I won’t argue, I’ll just pay the bill and never contact her again.
Our first date he'd pay and sec which I appreciated but once we started seeing each other more we split. It's hard to bring up money topic at sometimes. But still instead of going out more we cook dinner to save.
I don't see in what it matter if the girl offer or not, if the guy want to split then he can just tell it to her, it's not that hard.
If people can get stuff for free they won't offer to pay for anything.
i don't like it when girls don't offer to pay as like i was expected to pay for her just because i asked for date
i mean i asked her to spend time together not to feed her delicious foods lol
when i don't know the person completely yet why should i pay after a couple of dates i won't mind paying
If it's a coffee date I'm not that fussed. If more expensive like dinner she'd lose some points in my books and if she didn't offer on date 2 I wouldn't see her again.
A guy paying should be a pleasant surprise, not an expectation.
It depends really. If we got on exceptionally well and had an incredible time with real chemistry, then id maybe let it pass. But I'd make sure she paid on the next date.
If the date wasn't that great and she still expected me to pay, going as far as to refuse to split it, then I'd find an excuse to go outside and then id just leave and let her pay for the whole thing.
I would pay the bill and pretend to act nice and comfortable, I'm very good at pretending to feel something which I'm not. I would pay the bill, and I would block her as soon as I reach home and hope to never bump on her way again because that would be creepy and it's obvious that I don't want her to catch me on a public place.
It really depends on how was the date. But I can have three reactions: she again in a date where there's something needed to be paid, she again in date where there's nothing needed to be paid or never she her again.
I don't expect it from her.
The one who asks is the one who pays.
Since no woman would ask me on a first date, it's up to me to make the first move, thus I pay.
If I invite you to dinner I see it as the bill being on me. If someone invites you to a bday party or a wedding are you expected to pay a percentage of the expense for those things? I guess I look at dates the same way. If i invite you to join me for dinner or a movie... i feel like it's my deal. If you invite me... I think it's yours
It depends on my situation. Right now where I'm at I would brave the uncomfortableness and ask. But if I was comfortable in my finances, I would pay even if it was offered
Depends. If i was the one who asked her out, then Id be fine of she didn't offer, unless she showed signs of expecting me to foot the bill. But if she were to be the one who asked me out, it would be a bit of a red flag.
I should rephrase. If she asked me out and didn't offer to get the bill it would be a red flag.
I Pay for the first date if i am asking her out but if we see each other again after that She should offer at least but i usually end up paying
I always pay for all the dates all the time, first included.
That said if she doesn’t offer I don’t like it. I don’t say anything, but it is possibly a good indicator of how she is as a person.
I would never expect that, in fact if she did offer either one I would assume she thought the date was horrible
Honestly, if a man asks me to split the bill. I’ll split and never see him again. I find that disrespectful.
Wow girl okayyyy
Just say , don't worry I'll take care of it. I see no reason in
making a big deal out of things concerning this matter :)
i'll take note of that. maybe she thinks i need to pay for my masculinity or whatever but if she's the type of dependend girl that expects the man to do everything, then she's not for me.
I am always expecting to pay the bill its a pleasant surprise when someone pays half or pays for me though. So I wouldn't get upset yet who doesn't enjoy a little surprise here or there.
On an "official" date, I'll pay. So if she doesn't offer to pay part of it, that is fine.
If a woman offers that to be nice and the guys accepts, she needs to run far and fast away. No decent self respecting respecting guy would let a woman pay on a first date.
Totally agree.
If I ask her out then I pay for a first date, after that I think all checks should be split or u each take turns picking up the check
*Looks at empty wallet*
I'l just pay for it but I'm likely not gonna go on a date with her again. I dont like this mentality where I have 'buy myself in' to get access to a woman's time. No thanks.
Well, I normally don't ask or expect the girl to offer it. When I ask for the bill I already say that we're splitting, I always assume that we're splitting the bill
I just don’t want to deal with this ridiculous game at all.
I usually get offended if my date offers to pay it makes me feel like she feels sorry for me. Like don't if I couldn't pay I wouldn't bring you here.
Depends on premise of the date ie " let me take you to dinner"
I'm old-fashioned and think women shouldn't pay no matter who they are be it a date out with a friend or family it's the way I am.
I tell her that anyone else I would go with, friends, family and so on, they would all split the bill. Asking me to pay for her time is insulting.
If she has any attitude whatsoever about splitting the first date there will be no second date. Stop objectifying men financially.
I wouldn't even notice because I'd have already paid.
EXPECT to split the bill.
OFFER.
Unless one makes it clear they are buying.
I'd just pay my half and not see her again. I am only interested in finding someone for a lasting relationship and I don't want someone that would be selfish and think the man has to pay for everything.
@mistixs I don't want legal marriage because I've already experienced the bad effects from divorce, but I would like to have a long term exclusive relationship leading to living together and raising a family/kids. I want to know that the woman is going to contribute to our future family too, not just me.
My rule of thumb is if I'm inviting I'm at least offering to pay, if she refuses I don't make a great fuss about it.
I'd be a little bummed. If I never saw her again I'd consider it wasted money. I understand that could go both ways so I'd offer to split
Mostly I have been with guys who always pay for dates, no mater is the first or the fifth. My current boyfriend always pays for dates.
I'm old school, but I don't expect her to pay. I wouldn't even notice since in my mind it's the guy's responsibility to pay for dates.
Unless it's outrageous in price I pay for it. I won't pay for everything throughout the entire relationship.
Offer to split bill can at times be interpreted as indication that you are not interested romantically or not attracted to the person you are going out with.
it is not provblem , i usually avoid expensive restaurants tbh..
I get up and leave her to pay the bill.
Simples...
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