Is a guy a jerk for walking away from the friendzone?

Guy likes girl.
Girl says she doesn't feel that way about him (meaning she thinks he's ugly) but wants to stay friends with him.
Guy says he has enough friends so its going to be relationship or nothing.
Then walks way.


Is the guy a jerk?

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1748

Most Helpful Guy

  • Ummm depends on how long you have been friends... But yeah, a little, if you "like" her than being friends wouldn't be so bad. But if you run off just cause she doesn't wanna reciprocate that kind of says you don't like her as a person, you just like the idea of her as a girlfriend. You know?

    Also, when girls say they wanna be friends it DOES NOT mean they think you are ugly. Granted, they might, but do not try to assume a negative connotation from something a girl said just so you can play them up as the bad guy for not reciprocating the feelings that you have. Woman do not owe you their affections. They have a right to their feelings.

    As for being a jerk, I think jerk is a bit much, but yeah, you are definitely not the shining model of a nice guy. By running off you are essentially trying to "punish" for not doing what you wanted.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, it's a good thing he did that cause a lot guys just say okay and stick around hoping sooner or later that the girl will change her mind about him which usually doesn't happen once a woman sees a man as just a friend or brother figure. It's best to walk away altogether and find someone else. Also sometimes it doesn't mean he's unattractive, it could me they been friends for so long that she can't see anything else but being friends. Girls cherish friendship, they don't want it to be ruined if the relationship ends badly.

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    • I don't think a guy is jerk for wanting more than a friendship. At some point everyone wants to find a relationship that isn't just platonic, they want to find love and possibly grow a family someday.

    • Exactly, it's good to have enough self respect to be able to walk away. There are tons of people that just want to only as a friend because you make them feel good but don't care about you as an individual.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Given that particular situation, yes, that guy is a pretty big jerk.

    Here's how I take it: A guy just met a girl, or at least hasn't known her for too long. He puts the move on her, she politely declines and says she'd like to stay friends. Where you heard that she says/means he's ugly doesn't make sense to me. You can not fancy anyone for any reason, so if she really thinks he's too ugly to date she'd probably tell him. Anyways, the guy then demands either a relationship or nothing. Take it from a girl's opinion: "So does that mean the only reason why he would want to be around me is so he can get with me? Really?" Why would a girl want to keep you around if she knows your only intention is to date her, and nothing else, when she clearly isn't interested?

    If I was that girl I'd let him go and be with his many friends. I'd say "Well I have enough good friends who are actually good for me." Not gonna lie, I'd respond to that in a pretty petty way. Trust me, man, women don't like being bossed around like that with that "relationship or nothing" crap. They'll disrespect you even more than you already think they do. Because they will think that you believe you have some sort of ownership over them. And that is not attractive in the slightest, unless you're into that Christian Grey bdsm stuff. And that situation is a good example of the "nice guy" syndrome. Where a guy thinks he ought to be "compensated" for "being nice" to a girl he fancies, but his affections are unreciprocated by her, so he gets a bad attitude about it.

    Now if the guy was genuinely only friends with her for some time, then got feelings for her. Same situation happens, except instead of demanding a relationship or nothing, the guy declines staying her friend any longer in a nice way. For example "I'm sorry, but I cannot be only friends with you any longer, then. I wish you well!" Or he can just slowly but surely fizzle out of her life. That would be alright, because in both cases, the guy shows that he cares for her while also caring for himself. Or, same story that you said went on (and how I read the story as the two having only known each other a short time), except the guy takes the rejection gracefully and tells her he wishes her well, all the same. And declines being her friend. That would be a good way to end things.

    Bottom line: You don't owe her friendship, but it doesn't give you the right to be an ass like that to her after she rejects your romantic feelings for her.

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    • That's not being an ass she's expecting him to be his friend even if he does not want to. He is willing to give something more serious a chance but not something that isn't. It's extremely selfish to expect someone to be your friend if they don't want to. He didn't find he was looking for so he walked away. He's not the one trying to manipulate her. He set his own terms he's not forcing her to do anything.

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    • But really, "let's just be friends" is a cliché ploy to let someone down easy. People use it all the time. People use it for these situations and breakups, and both sexes use it. I've used it before, and guys have used that line towards me. So most people don't really even mean it.

      If the girl does keep persisting on being friends after a guy politely turns her friendship down. THEN I would assume that she's being an entitled brat. Then be an ass and be over and done with it. I probably wouldn't want to be with a girl like that anyways.

      But honestly, after hearing more details on what you're talking about. Both people have issues and are probably better off not being together, anyways.

    • I don't get how you're misunderstanding.

      Guy starts talking to a girl he wants to date her.

      Girl rejects him says she wants to be friends.

      Guy says no thanks I only want to date.

      So now he doesn't want to date her because she rejected him and he already stated he doesn't want to be just friends.

      He wasn't saying that to get to her do anything he was just saying that the the relationship couldn't work out and moved on.

  • Depends on how long they were friends before the confession and how close they were. If they just recently met, there could have been more tact, but nothing wrong with not wanting to be friends. If they were friends before, then it is a jerk move to end a friendship over unrecipocated feelings.

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    • If he couldn't handle the friend zone in situation 2, he should have slowly ghosted instead of being mean to somebody who thought he was a friend. That's disrespectful.

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    • @Caaarl I dunno, I don't think we're gonna see eye to eye, but that's ok. Differences of opinion make the world go round. I agree he was right to end things, but I still believe more tact should be used. I value politeness and trying not to upset people. But you bring up your points very well, and I'm sure others will agree with you that it wasn't too harsh ☺.

    • I just think it's not right sometimes to be too agreeable sometimes it's the right thing to do to give a straight answer without frills or tell someone what you want. One of the reasons why so many guys get into the friendzone is because they are pushovers. They settle for being friends when they don't really want to an end up getting used by the girl.

  • Yes he’s a jerk. Because he can’t see himself being just friends with a woman. It means he only wants to have sex or just sees her as dating material.

    A good relationship has friendship as its foundation

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    • Is the girl entitled to his friendship?

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    • @BrittBratt2416 I've never used those words. I've only called them shallow. I personally don't consider calling someone shallow a major insult. Like you said, we all are.
      Bottom line, is that as long as it goes both ways, its fair

    • I didn't say you did, so you don't take offense to being called shallow? I don't believe that cause people usually hate being called shallow.

  • Nope. He didn't go looking for friends, he went looking for a romantic relationship. Its a perfectly reasonable response and their is nothing wrong with it, just as she didn't have to be romantically interested in him, he doesn't have to be interested in being friends with her.

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  • It doesn't mean she thinks he's ugly, just that she's not in love with him. She might be having feelings for someone else, she might not be open for feelings at all, he might just not be her type or she might not be feeling it without having any reason at all.

    That said, it does not make him a jerk. He's just as entitled to walk away as she's entitled to turn him down. Nobody is obligated to do anything in this situation.

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  • Why would it be? Girl will not force herself to be with him, as he will not force himself to be friends with a girl he sees as more than a friend. So he moves on, I don't see what's wrong, otherwise it would be somewhat egoist because he would be involved in a one way relationship that would maybe hurt him in the long term. The man has as much right to back off as the woman has to say no. But from what you told, I feel he lacked some manners in doing so...

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  • No in fact by doing so I believe he's unlocking his inner badassery. Of course he'll probably stop giving a fuck bout what woman or people think of him and start seeking validation from himself. Then he'll start self improvement: Start hitting the gym, taking programming classes, pursuing his passions and hustling. Then after his transformation he'll go back to that same girl and fuck her but only as FWBs while her boyfriend sits in front the TV wondering why she taking so long to buy groceries.

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  • It's not being a jerk. If he's not interested in being friends, then he's just being truthful. If he has feelings for her, then being around her is likely to fuel those feelings. He needs to move on to someone else, and fueling those feelings with the first girl isn't the way to do it.

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  • No. Women don’t understand. It fucking hurts to fall in love with someone. If you fall in love you can’t be friends anymore. Women don’t get it though. Just leave her and continue on with your life. It’s not your job to suffer so that she can have a friend.

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  • Guy is a jerk if he stays in the friendzone. Once you been turned down, how/why the hell would you hang around.

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  • It doesn't have to mean that he's ugly. He might also have a kind of a personality/behaviour she does accept in a friend but wouldn't want in a partner (for example promiscuity, smoking, doesn't make anything out of himself, big moodswings etc).
    But no, walking away doesn't necessary makes the guy an jerk. It's hard to stick around someone you have feelings for and know that these feelings are not mutual

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    • The way how he replied to her might be jerklike though, even if its probably just his hurted ego talking.

  • I have always been of the belief that friendships between genders are just when two people love each other but can't or won't have sex for whatever reason... so I guess in that sense you're kind of a jerk because you are showing her that her love for you is unrequited.

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  • No. Because people who want to be just friends never realize how much that idea hurts the person who has feelings for them. Better to call it quits and save yourself the pain every time you see them.

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  • the guy is smart,
    the girl will call him a jerk but others will know he is smart ,
    the thing is like men keep score of women they have slept with..
    women find it pride in the fact that the number of eligible bachelor interested in her at a time..
    or in other words number of men dying in her FRIENDZONE..
    girl will feel bad because the girl lost a score..

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  • No. For the fact that you know he is in the friendzone means that you know he likes you and you will not give him any time of the day. It will be a jerk to be selfish and not let him move on with his own life. He will be an idiot to continuously stay by your side as a friend while you are continuously in a new relationship, ignoring his emotions towards you

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  • Meh I don't stress about that bullshit if I can't win a woman through my own merit then I clearly fucked up somewhere friend zone only means she ain't interested in you at that point in time that doesn't mean she'll never be interested so I'll gladly be friends with her but as long as she understands that my heart is set further down the road

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  • Not at all.
    Want to be trapped in a room with someone you love but who doesn't love you back.

    Welcome to the friendzone!
    :)

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  • Kind of coming off strong with the ultimatum of relationship or nothing. I mean she stated she sees you as a friend. Props to you though for saying your mind, but at the same time it kinda seems like your throwing your toys out the pram because she just wants friendship? Nothing personal. That's just how it's come across to me. If I were in that position I'd just move on to be honest.

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  • Not at all. Y would the man invest time in a woman he's physically nd emotionally attracted to if the only reward for time invested is friendship? I'd b walking my happy ass right out the door just like him.

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  • No.

    I mean he could be a jerk about it just like she could be a bitch about turning him down.

    But she’s not obligated to date him and he’s not obligated to be friends.

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  • I'm currently in this situation. Whilst I can't cut them off completely (I see them at my salsa classes) I won't be engaging with them any more then I have to. It's not being a jerk. They wasted your time and that's the most precious thing you have

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  • Nope the whole point of a friendship is that it is mutual. It's wrong of her to expect you to be her friend if you have expressed disinterest. She's just selfish.

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    • It's not like you're constantly around her trying to force her into anything you said what you wanted and she couldn't meet those expectations so you moved on.

  • No, why would it? If 1 of the 2 does not get "satisfaction" from a relationship ( be it friends or romantic) why would you stay? Would you stay in a bad romantic relationship? Why would friendship be any different.

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  • Hell no. Why would he stay in the friendship just to not be able to stop having feelings and getting hurt? Protect yourself man

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  • I mean it might come across as you being a jerk but personally I dont think there is anything wrong with it.

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  • Nope, similar thing happened to me, she got a boyfriend and I haven't talked to her in over a year. Not a jerk, just protecting your feelings

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  • Nah he isn't a jerk. If you two don't have a mutual agreement yhen it's completely normal for the guy to walk away. You don't always have to please others at your own cost.

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  • Ok that's fine. I still don't know what that has to do with me though.

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    • Apologies, wrong section. Why does this place not allow you to delete posts?

    • Even if you are not like that there are plenty more out there who judge by looks. I don't blame them though, it's just human nature.

    • ... I give up.

  • He's not a jerk for not wanting to stick around in the friend zone. However his tone and how he ends may move him into jerk territory. "If it's I got enough friend be gone" that isn't any to treat someone who has been and wants to be a friend to you.

    If it's more on the lines of I appreciate and respect the fact that you want to be friends, however it will hurt me too much because all I will be thinking of is how much I want to make this into a romantic relationship. I want to care about you and be in your life in a whole different capacity. I choose not to be in your life as a platonic friend because it hurts. No one could call that open honest guy a jerk.

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  • Girls aren't this shallow, go outside.

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    • Really girls aren't shallow you say? Would you date a short, bald guy with an amazing personality?

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    • This is a mess.

    • I do shave it all off, I hate the look of a receding hairline.
      And no I wouldn't date a girl that's 2 feet taller than me.
      But I don't have crazy requirements when it comes to height. I'm 175cm (5'9) (without shoes, just like to point that out) so I would probably put my limit at 180cm (5'11) or so

  • No, you not obligated to default to friendship, if it's not what you want.

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  • Depends on how it happens, it could either be slow drift apart or he could be a jerk by making a huge scene out of it.

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  • Not really... But the girl saying she doesn't feel the same way doesn't mean she thinks he's ugly.

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    • 99% of the time when a single girl rejects a guy she's friends with its because she thinks he's ugly, not because she thinks he has a bad personality as otherwise she wouldn't be friends with him in the first place

  • He ain't a jerk... he was honest about it and most women can't deal with honesty and rejection.

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    • And by rejection i mean she got rejected as a friend.

  • No absolutly not, the girl is the jerk. The guy did the right thing

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  • I think not really because in long-term it really hurt to stay in friendship with somebody you love

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  • When can you have too much friends? Yeah the guy seems like a jerk

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  • Been there, done that, hurt her feelings. (Which is bad)

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  • What? No. That says a lot about you if you think the guy is a jerk.

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  • The guy isn't a jerk instead he realizes that he doesn't want to get played.

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  • Nope, his interests in the beginning were simple, get laid. Not make new friends.

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  • Yep he is.

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    • Is a guy obligated to be friends with a girl?

    • No he's not :)
      I wasn't addressing you but it made me remember a guy who i said i wasn't interested in "in that way" to and he became a rude jerk so it just reminded me

  • Nope

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  • Nope, not at all

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  • No. Gotta be real or you're someone's bitch.

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  • Yep guy is a jerk.

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  • No. Its normal

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  • Nah. If anything id say he's thug

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  • Nope.

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  • N
    O

    W
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    Y

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