Should I date a former player?

I’ve met this guy, I’m so attracted to him - he’s super nice, genuine and respectful and treats me well. The only problem is he has slept with over 20 girls in the last 3 years and he’s only 21. I am the first girl he has had feelings for and he is very adamant that he’s done with that and regrets it a lot. All he wants is a relationship but I don’t know if I can cope with a number that high. I know the past is the past but I have only slept with one person and place a lot of value on sex so it’s turning me off him. Please help.
Updates:
For all of you saying I’m naive I am not going just off his words I’m going off the words of friends who have known him for years, we have been meeting up for 3 weeks and he has not laid a hand on me let alone pressure me for anything.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I would say it's a stupid idea, but people DO change. My younger brother used to be THE definition of a player, on an epic scale. I knew he was pretty bad, but my ex told me that when he was drunk, he admitted to her that he'd cheated on every single girlfriend he'd ever had... even I didn't know that as his brother, and he's thoroughly ashamed of it now.

    He's 25 now, in a long term relationship, and I genuinely can't imagine him cheating on his girlfriend. He's a totally different person now, and he has actually changed into a better person.

    It will probably end badly, but it's up to you if you take the risk. People often don't grow up until they're in their mid 20's if not 30's so the risk is there, but people sometime DO change when they meet the right person.

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  • It's about whether they are really former or not. In this case he's not former. It's too recent to be former.

    "I am the first girl he has had feelings for"
    Or maybe you are the 21st girl who is the first girl he had feelings for.

    There i no evidence that he is a former player. Wait five years. Better yet, wait ten years. In the meantime, watch his eyes. I bet those eyes are roaming, and the next skirt that catches his eye he'll be gone.

    On the other hand, I'm not sure if 20 in three years qualifies him as being a player. That's not many for a player. 20 in three weeks is a lot, not 20 in three years.

    There is no way to predict, but this sounds like high risk. If it's someone you want, try it out. But be ready in case it goes wrong.

    "he’s super nice, genuine and respectful and treats me well"
    He wouldn't be much of a player if he didn't know how to treat a girl.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Sure. people can change and have regrets. BUT!!! You need to play it smart here. All you have is what his is saying. No sex with him for at least 3 months (and preferably only after you both have discussed you are in an exclusive bf/gf relationship). Players will not stick around too long if they are not getting what they want fast enough. As there are others out there that will give them what they want faster. Hold off on sexual activities!!! See what he does then. A true man that is not a player will respect that, and stick around.

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  • If you like him, date him. We all have sexual history and as you get older numbers stop mattering. Plus him having experience mean he should be pretty good in the sack and will be able to give you orgasms. You don't know how great sex can be until you have been with a man who has been with a few women. Trust me.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 32

  • "I am the first girl he has had feelings for"

    Bwahahha how many times he said that I wonder?

    I think you should still go for him. If it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. Don't place such high expectations on anyone.

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  • Take a lot of time before getting deep into this relationship, for at least two reasons. it's difficult for a player to change, so make sure you take a lot of time, to see if he really has changed, or will tire of you. Also, you need time, to see if you can adjust to the issue of him having had so many sex partners in the past. You don't want to be in a relationship, where you will always be a little jealous or always feel like he will think of those other girls, etc.

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  • Follow your heart, have no expectations. Enjoy your time with him if you really like him that much. Any attractive guy today might have such a score or larger. Don't let it bother you. And if it's going to click, he'll be yours only. Even if not, you have a life experience. You seem young. Life is short.

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  • Whether you give him a chance or not both are valid. There is no right and wrong to this. My advice for you is - do whatever you need to do so you won't regret in the future.
    Feel free to take my advice however way you want it.

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  • Give him a ridiculous task like apologising to the 20 girls he used in front of their friends. Let him apologise to 3 or 4 then tell him that if he apologises to all of them you'll agree to date him but not have sex before marriage. If he STILL keeps going anyway and apologising to those girls one by one, pull him away and give him the best sex of his life because you know he wants to be with you 😉

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  • I would be careful about this one. The best way to know if he's genuine is try holding off on sex altogether until marriage. If he truly cares, he won't take advantage of you like he did all those others.

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  • People's priorities shift sometimes, I don't find that too hard to believe. 20 in 3 years is a decent amount, but it's a little more than one every other month on average so it could definitely be worse. I'd just be careful of STDs before you get physical.

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  • Make him prove himself. Tell him you want to take things slow and that it will be awhile before you can have sex. Players usually move on to easier prey if that is all they want.

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  • This is extremely funny. I never knew a man’s number would bother any girl so much. I know guys would be bothered by a girl’s number. But it’s so not normal.

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  • It's like you asking that you have a chainsaw, would it cut woods gently.

    This guy is only 21 and has slept with more than 21 girls, I highly doubt that him meeting you has changed anything, you need a lot of time alone before you have come to the conclusion on what you did wrong, he just seems to be getting into another relationship.

    Every time you are gonna have an argument, you are gonna have the him sleeping with other girls in the back of your mind and he's gonna go like "Well I told you about it, your fault that you are still with me".

    You need to find someone else, who has the same values as you.

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  • I'd say don't do anything physical for a while to see if he truly enjoys being with you no matter the activity.

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  • 20girls in 3 years? Thats not many at all. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

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  • Do you think those last girl slept with him because he said "I'm looking to bang". He's reusing lines he used on them, on you

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    • He used tinder and was literally using it for casual sex, deleted it all about 6 months ago, he’s spoken to his friends about it since they’re all starting to get into relationships, I’m not just going off his words that he’s said to me.

  • Be careful, but i think he should get a chance. Take things slow cause if he is using you for sex he will drop out quickly.

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    • Yeah weve been on a few dates and he hasn’t even laid a hand on me, he never talks about sex and has not pressured me with anything

    • Yea, he's a keeper for sure. He seems to really like you, go all in! But always have one eye open.

  • And what makes you so sure that he isn't trying to play you too? Clearly it's working so he could've said this exact thing to those other 20 women

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  • why does the amount of people he slept with even matter?

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  • A former player? Or still a player? You're being baited...

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  • Former? Ha! He's playing you right now. Find someone who shares your values and shows it with their actions rather than their words.

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  • I can't tell you what to do... but he's probably told all the girls that line "you're the first I've had feelings for"

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  • You know a guy getting called a player is in reality a compliment that he is good with women. If you dated this guy, you would enjoy time with him because he is confident and makes moves. If you go with a guy that is crap with women on the other hand, he'll be nervous, boring; creating no fun emotions in you, afraid to kiss you, and when the time comes when you're horny and want sex, he'll be too afraid to take your clothes off and give you the pleasure you crave.

    Show him you're a quality girl, and he'll want to keep you around. Fail to create value, and he'll move on to others.

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What Girls Said 8

  • 20 is not bad at all, for a normal guy. I have dated and been in relationships with guys who did more than this. Go slow with him and see if he is worth keeping under your own pillow talk.

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  • If you like him give it a try but i wouldn't trust someone like this so don't trust him and don't have high expectation cus you don't know how many times he said this to other girls

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  • Be careful once a playa always a playa.

    Eventually the urge will return

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  • So, basically, you got the male version of what men would call a slut lol. Doesn't worth it, really. Just let it go girl...

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  • once a player, always a player

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    • I don’t believe this my friend is dating a former player and they have been happily together for over two years

  • I wouldn't

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  • make him prove he's serious, then it's ok

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  • Yes, take a risk. People can change

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