Should I move on already and ask her out?

Question

I really like a girl and I know she also wants me to ask her for a date. She is kind, cute, and most importantly, I feel she likes me as well from the way she talks with/about me. We were classmates in the college and I really like to ask her out.

The only major problem that I have is my former crush. It dates back to the high school days (2014). I was DEEPLY in love with her. She was the one for me (or at least that is what a 17 year old foolish boy claimed). She was the top student, knew three languages, a piano player in a highly educated and wealthy family. But in the end, destiny didn't want us to be together and she moved to another country to attend a high ranking college.

Should I move on already and ask her out?

I'm helpless. I still cannot move on. I keep remembering my school day's crush although I haven't met her over the past 6 years. Even there are nights which I dream being with her in a world which is nothing like the situation I'm currently in.

This bothers me a lot. I know I will never be with my crush ever again since she is gone forever and getting married soon. On the other hand, it makes me compare the new girl to my crush. When I see her struggling for an exam, I cannot help thinking my former crush could have done it easily since she was way more talented. Or when I talk about fan fiction or memes or a joke and then I have to explain more I keep thinking she is not sharp enough on these things as my crush was getting them at a glance. She is not as wealthy as my former crush and her parents are not as educated and high rank people as my crush's parents and so on.

I feel like an asshole since she is very kind to me, but that things cross my mind and I can't help it. I don't know what to do or even ask her out or not. She does not deserve to be compared with someone like this. Every human being deserves to be the #1 person in his/her partner's mind. My biggest fear is asking her out then rejecting her unconsciously. I don't want to ruin her life.

Datboi65 · Accepted Answer

You sound like you need to go to boot camp foe a couple of months with that attitude of yours. You're hanging on a crush for more than NINE YEARS. Grow some nuts and get it together.

You wanna know what I was doing when I was 17? I was already planning what my professional life would look like in the next 10 years. I was doing calisthenics and eating well, learning how to control my anger and overall trying to absorb conventional wisdom from those giving advice at the time. I don't have "crushes" because that's stalkerish behavior, and just plain weird. Obsessing over someone that doesn't like you back to the point of dreaming about them is just pathetic and irrational. You mean to tell me that a grown man is still thinking about a girl from his high school days? Everything you mentioned about her life ain't special. Plenty of smart people who come from wealthy families, talented and multilinguals. I know a friend that can speak 5 languages fluently. Instead of worrying about what SHE was doing, why not worry about what YOU could be doing. Go pick up a book and start feeding your brain. Learn some more topics/languages/finance or artsy stuff or whatever would make you a more interesting and knowledgeable person, and stop worrying about others. May be if you would put half the effort she did then some girl would obsess over you that way, but you're out here making yourself look weak and pathetic.

And you might think I'm being too harsh, but that's reality bro. I don't know you and I ain't here to put you down. You're hanging on to a dead memory, go on with your life. Lift some weights, feed your inner beast and hit the ground running. Put more effort at work, ask for a promotion, pick up some hobbies and make some connections. Soon in time you will realize that that girl was just one of too many, and that you should NEVER let one dot take you far away from the bigger picture.

Go watch David Goggins for some inspiration.

https://youtube.com/shorts/YAelHsS0p38?feature=share

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

Oh. Dear. God.

What did I just read?

First, crushes are okay. They're real. The intensity and fire of them exists. I validate that. And, yes, some crushes become relationships and still others love and still others a lifetime with that person. Those have one thing in common: they transition. They become reality.

But.

My friend, 9 years? Nine!!!

Are you kidding me?

Stop. Just stop with the crush.

How? Yes! Ask this new girl out. Start talking to her. Divert your mind by learning about her.

In the meantime, divert your mind from old crush by filling it with new stuff. Read a book. Volunteer at a school. Go to the library and read a book. I guarantee a large part of this problem is that you're not doing anything else with your mind except think of old crush. Stop that.

Yes: move on and ask out.

@_Maya_

EmyyWolf · Accepted Answer

WoW! Dude that’s kinda … g-4-y. I’m sorry. But you need to grow some BALLS 🏀🏀, and get over things. You sound so  feminine  with this dumb little story. Some things aren’t meant to be. They’re just not. You’re supposed to learn that in HighSchool. You sound inexperienced as hell. You sound like someone who hasn’t even gotten his D-K 🍆 wet whatsoever.  You're 26 my dude. At 26 you don’t even think about this FairlyTale nonsense. ” Oh my God, my HighSchool crush didn’t workout 😖 now I’m depressed forever ” Shut Up! Dude. Go to the club, go to the gym. Work different jobs. Meet women. Work at a mall or work security for a club. Go places were you’ll see wayyy more women. Wtf are you doing? Sat there on your ass. Obsessing over someone who didn’t work out and wasn’t meant to be. MY GOD… what’s wrong with you. Be a normal person. You’ll get many more crushes on many other women of different types. Putting one insignificant person on a pedestal because they have certain skills is STUPID, and a DETRIMENT to you. You do know that this person eats and shits like everyone else right? They have past traumas and mental issues of their own. Their shit stinks like absolutely everyone else’s shit. Your problem is that: ONE, you’re inexperienced as f-k. TWO, you’re probably ugly, fat or average as to why women aren’t seeking you out and you’re hung up on one imbecile. And THREE, you’re doing nothing about it. You’re not going to the gym, you’re not going out of your comfort zone and talking to people. You’re not going to parties and get togethers. DO SOMETHING M—FER , DO SOMETHING! GO TO THE GYM EVERYDAY! WORK AT A MALL!! EAT HEALTHY! EAT MEATS!! You first have to work on your own desirability and manhood and put yourself on a pedestal before you focus on others. You’re 26, you’re halfway to your 30’s. Stop wasting more time. 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

thatshydork · Accepted Answer

Ok first - if you’re assuming that she doesn’t get the joke because she wasn’t laughing, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t get the joke. Maybe the joke just wasn’t funny to her. I understand most of the time when people are joking around but I don’t laugh because the joke just wasn’t funny to me. It’s nothing against you or your humor, humor is just subjective. If she does however show clear signs of confusion when you tell her a joke then she might not get it. That doesn’t mean she’s not sharp, she just doesn’t get that you’re joking.

Second - it’s been nine years. You have to get over this crush of yours some how, so it may as well be with someone who you think you might like. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up falling in love with this girl and forget all about this crush you’ve had since high school.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If your heart is not available to her, dating her would be leading her on. . . wouldn't it?

_Maya_ · Answer

Dude you are hanging into a crush from 2014? Excuse my language but holy fuck you gotta let that go. It's been almost a decade my guy. Like you are probably not fit to be in a relationship if you can't let a crush from almost 10 years go. That's insane and I can't even really comprehend it. You didn't even date. She was a crush ffs. She is also marrying and you still dwell on it. All I can say is good luck and that might not be enough. 🙎‍♀️

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

In life if you never try you will never know & as for me I rather try & fail rather than not try at all. As for love it works in mysterious ways & as for the heart the heart wants what the heart wants but unfortunately the heart can’t always have what it wants. As for you will all honesty you had a change & didn’t take it in the past however like the future it isn’t written yet & if she already isn’t in a relationship anything can happen if you try. Reach out & simply say hello to her & if you have her phone number give her a call & simply reconnect however if you don’t have her phone number simply move on.

As for you holding on to her will only hurt you in the long run because holding on to her will deprive you of finding someone else & that special someone else.

whistlingwh0res · Answer

You can’t compare someone with imaginary girl friend, she was never your girl friend. She could be someone you pass by on the street and yet you compare with someone? That seems not fair. I mean what if you compare your girl friend with super model? Is that realistic? Sigh

DiegoO · Answer

"She was the top student, knew three languages, a piano player in a highly educated and wealthy family. But in the end, destiny didn't want us to be together and she moved to another country to attend a high ranking college".

And she was just a crush. You all never dated and she's not the same girl you fall for.

You're losing valuable time living in "what could have been". It could have been something, but NOTHING happened.

Hey, I had a crush to. We talked, but for several reasons it just didn't work out.

At the end she was just a crush 🤷, get me? Is not the end of the world. Move on. If you can't, I suggest you meet a mental health specialist.

rachel776 · Answer

if you were in a different city it would have been a different girl. and a different city from that would have been another different girl. so you fell in love with her because she was in your same location. find another girl

_SillyShoes_ · Answer

I think you need to work on YOURSELF first. And this is serious.

Go to therapy and move on first, otherwise you will be leading this new girl on and breaking her hear eventually just because you are not over your c**p.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

Dude move on I promise If she is as amazing as you said she has moved on

You have a great girl who likes you don’t be an idiot ASK HER OUT YOU BONEHEAD!

dude seriously if you don’t ask her out I’m going to find you and eliminate you from your life.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

For fuck sakes, get over yourself! Stop wondering what could have been and start making what can be! But you won't because you overthink too much. Take stock and don't let another interest slip by.

Anonymous · Answer

Your former crush isn't the same person as she was before. You need to let go. It's hard I know and it will feel like will you ever love again? But you can't compare the present and past. All I'll suggest is stop putting anyone on a pedestal and instead be in the present moment, learn from your previous mistakes and don't foreshadow stuff.

WhitneySnow · Answer

You should ask her out, but only if you can really open yourself to the idea of a relationship with her and get over your former crush

Surely · Answer

You will be one lonely guy until you get your teenage puppy love out of your mind and move on!
Just because your high school sweetheart could do and afford a lot of things. Doesn’t make her a good person to marry.

lorenzomichael · Answer

Move on kid from your crush she obviously did. Ask this new girl out and don't fuck it up, show her a good time, and she just might return the favor. Are you hearing what I'm saying? Stop being a wuss be the man that you are.

Anonymous · Answer

First off, never ask a woman out unless you're fairly certain the answer is yes. Is it?

Secondly, life is not a rom-com you'd be amazed to find out what a horrible partner this original dream girl you dated would make. Because the reality is 90% of this is in your head. And it's cool to be in your head from time to time. But it's a waste of your life to live there.

Iron_Man · Answer

If you really want to be with your crush, you’re gonna have to contact her. There’s no sense of getting two girls involved at the same time with your confusion leading them on

Yannishka · Answer

The answer is simple. Move on before moving forward. Let the past die.

wishiwasfiction · Answer

I think you should stay single if you're not over the past

LiamJHayden · Answer

Don't let yesterday kill tomorrow. Ask her out.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Don't ask her out. Sounds like she deserves better.

DextroShade · Answer

You need to get over your oneitis and ask out someone new. Pining after a girl you knew in high-school who left you six years ago is some weak beta shit.

Should I move on already and ask her out?

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