Yet another follow up from my two height questions yesterday. Do you think there is a double standard between men and women when it comes to dating preferences of height vs weight?
The double standard being that a woman can turn down men for being too short but men are shamed for turning down women for weighing too much. usually saying something like 'it shouldn't matter.'
Do you think this double standard is real and how prevalent do you think it is?
Yes there is a double standard and is very prevelant in the dating scene
Yes there is a double standard but only among a small group of women
No there isn't a double standard actually
Can we all just PLEASE have our own preferences without shaming each other for them? Amen?
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Just to be clear, im 5'9 and i have never felt insecure about my height. i just dislike double standards. if you can have your shallow preferences then i can have mine too. To shame one over another just makes you look hypocritical imho
Do YOU think there is a double standard between men and women when it comes to weight vs height?
You mean in the questions that are asked? Not at all. In my opinion, it's nonsensical for a woman to ask a man about his height as if it matters (aside from having children) and if it IS important to her based on attraction, she shouldn't get upset if he asks about her weight. It's a preference but there isn't a double standard. I do think men and women want specified weight and heights for different reasons though.
Men want a woman that physically appeals to him. Understandable. Women want that too... but there is more to it than just attraction.
That woman in the video said it right though (1:25). In the past, the taller a man was, the more assumed qualities he had (power, wealth, status, confidence, etc.) and I think some women still think that today.
I also understand the French woman based on what she said (lying her head on his chest, cuddling) and the woman that preferred to "look up". These are all other reason.
its a double standard in that both are shallow physical preferences in a man, and to shame one while not shaming another IS hypocritical. there's really no argument to be made against that.
I don't think either are shamed majorly. Both are desired but a man isn't demeaned, discredited, sneered at consistently if he isn't over 6 feet.
There are people who do shame one and not the other, but I don't think it's enough to be called a double standard (like how men are congratulated for sleeping around and women demeaned).
kind of like how a 5' 5" 275lb woman is beautiful and only shallow men would refuse her but a 6' 5" 275lb man is mocked and rejected by most women and especially so by the 275lb women who have standards you know.
i can’t speak for every girl but my care for how tall a guy is stems probably from my own height insecurities being so tall. having a significant other shorter than you only accentuates how tall you are. weight is a completely different ball game in my opinion and WAY touchier of a subject. asking someone’s height is a fairly normal question where asking someone’s weight is douchy.
@toad you dont ask someone's weight unless they ask you. if he wouldve asked her height back it wouldve been appropriate or even asking why she asked. how does he know she's not insecure about her height
i don’t think they’re interchangeable which is why i don’t think it’s hypocritical. i feel like height is informative and again, her problem with it says more about her and not about you, where wanting to know her weight makes you sound vain.
@cutiebytheshore123 nobody hurt me. i just hate double standards. or is that wrong?
but anyways why assume she's asking about height because she's insecure and not assume the same for a guy whos asking about weight because he's insecure? thats a big assumption to make in my opinion
how would a guy asking about weight have to do with insecurities? how would that make him insecure? you’re equating height with weight and it’s just not the same. asking height is like asking age.
because men do get insecure about their weight too... or do you deny that? maybe he's asking about weight because he wants to be sure you won't shame his fatness either
It seems that many of you are under the assumption that people don't talk shit to short men, the same way they do to heavy women. "It's just informative, because... blah, blah blah," everyone thinks they have a good reason for being shallow. The truth is, we're all just going to be shallow regardless, so don't try to justify it. Although I do agree that a man's height and a woman's weight are not comparative for two reasons: 1) An overweight woman could lose weight. I'm not saying it's easy, but it is possible. A man has no control over his height. 2) There are some men who prefer bigger women. There are websites, communities and whole cultures really. It's not an insignificant number of men. There are no women who prefer short men, only ones who tolerate them.
It has always been taboo in our culture to ask a woman's weight. The reason this taboo doesn't exist for men isn't because it isn't offensive, but because men are considered responsible for their own self-image.
@cutiebytheshore123 and asking about height is just as shallow and immature if you're gonna go that route. it baffles me how you can't see the hypocrisy here.
If you want to shame someone for a shallow preference then you can't complain when someone shames you for your shallow preference
@saint there are definitely women who have spouses shorter than themselves. and there are gobs of women who are 5’nothing where i’m sure it wouldn’t matter. i do agree that men who are short do get discriminated against probably more than i realize but the point i’ve been trying to make is that weight isn’t its equal counterpart. there’s a shit ton of guys who only like small dainty women and at 5’9” that ain’t me. doesn’t mean i should attack them for their weight. it doesn’t even make sense.
I'm sorry but if anyone has double standards its men. they want you to look like beyonce but dont have jay z money. the world doesn't work like that buddy
@cutiebytheshore123 if a guy is insecure he's told "get over it girls don't like insecure guys" and to "fix them self". So i guess that's another double standard. When a guy is insecure, he had to go back and fix him self, when a girl is insecure she gets a hotter boyfriend. what a fucked up game
women are constantly trying to fix themselves and better themselves and find out what’s wrong with them and so on. i get what you’re trying to say, that men are supposed to just ‘man up’ and move on, which is a whole different societal problem, but women don’t just go get a hotter boyfriend.
this topic got a lot more heated than i expected and i doubt we’re really going to see any more eye to eye so let’s just agree to bury this short and fat hatchet.
"’re really going to see any more eye to eye " so you want to bury the hatchet by throwing in short joke? why should i bury the hatchet when you acknowledge the double standard and have 0 interest in even addressing the issue?
You said it yourself, girls will demand taller men to cover up their height insecurities. but if a guy tells a girls who demands tall guys she's insecure, he gets torn apart.
hahah it’s short AND fat to cover both bases of this incredibly long thread that i’ve pointed out numerous times along with @cutie that WEIGHT and HEIGHT are not equatable. but good luck to you.
They may not directly be equatable, but they are both still shallow preferences. thats where the hypocrisy lies if one is acceptable and another one isn't
" you dont ask someone's weight unless they ask you" using that instruction, no one should every ask anyone's weight ever. you're instructions aren't clear and your logic is flawed, at least explain it instead taking the fact that you have the benefit of the doubt just for being a woman and running with it
If a guy demans skinny women, he's a shallow pig. and i agree. But if a girl demands a certain height, why does she get it and why is she entitled to it?
the problem is implying that if a guy was too short for a girl, he should get a pass at her weight. which makes no sense. it would only be a double standard if a girl said she only liked guys taller than her but got offended if he was only interested in short girls. a total contradiction. someone’s weight and someone’s height preference is not a double standard because they are not of equal value.
i can get behind the statement that they are shallow preferences. they are. they matter very little to a persons value. but so is age yet i’m sure everyone has an opinion on that as well. you can’t get mad at someone who isn’t interested in you. behind that person are 20 more who love your attributes so just move on to someone else. i’m sure i’m too tall or not thin enough for many people. but i am who i am so fuck them, ya know?
Short isn’t actually a real thing, neither is tall, it’s just an idea. Height is a relative term, weight is not. Someone who’s 6 ft is tall, but would be short compared to a guy that’s 6’8. A guy that’s 5’7 is short, but would be tall compared to a guy that’s 5’2. So it makes no sense to discriminate someone for their height.
I remember a girl asking me "how tall are you" and i told her and she "oh good if you were a few inches shorter it wouldn't work out". I made her requirement, but i didn't go out with her because i don't care for her priorities of what qualifies a person. but if i brought up "I think you're shallow" do you think she would have accepted it in grace?
My issue isn't their shallow preference, it's the way to make it seem it's the person's fault for not meeting their preferences. Guys and girls have the right to be shallow, but more often i find girls seem to blame men for not meeting their physical expectations than guys do. If you like tall men, that's cool, I UNDERSTAND, but at least own being shallow instead of blaming guys for being short. I'm not saying you as in you personally, im using it generally.
i haven’t had that experience of someone being blamed for expectations not met but i understand your frustration. and i definitely wouldn’t care how she took being called shallow if i were you. not to veer off but to shed more light on why women may have that preference is that they want to be the fairer, more feminine of the sexes and if your bigger than your counterpart, it’s harder to be that. again, i feel like it’s about their own insecurities (including my own) than a guy not being in control of a physical attribute he has zero control over.
so what about the girls that are already short like 5' and only have preferences for dudes way taller like 6' or over than them? they would never have to worry about being shorter than dudes 5'5-5'11 and yet the still have that preference. is that about their own insecurities? or is it also just as vane as a guy preferring skinny women?
That being said, how come a girls insecurities entitle her to "better" men? when an insecure guy is often told to lower his standards or stop looking at women until he fixes everything? Like i understand "it's how it is" but how do i learn to sleep well knowing that?
I have never turned down a girl because she was too tall or too short. I have been turned down by a woman who is taller than me and that really blew!
This weight thing in insane. If I am not turned on by Laura Lardass, why should I pretend I am interested and ask her for a date? Am I really doing a girl a favor by PRETENDING to be attracted to her?
I actually don't really care about it. One of my ex had kept her weight secret from me, she was bit overweighted and she thought I wouldn't like her. In fact I knew, we still dated and it only took 2 months, however it wasn't her weight or height what ended us.
Not sure if I sounded wrong, I more wanted to point it out I wouldn't care if the girl is short or not. Ofc first impressions are important, the one I talk about wasn't fat either, but yet I don't ask it like it is a filter. There are people like they just wouldn't ever date like "I wouldn't date if he is shorter than 175", what if he is 174, if 174 is acceptable, what about 173 then? It goes like that..
I would think that people can turn someone down for any reason. No one is obligated to be with someone if they don’t want to. But if it’s for something physical, then regardless of gender, I would consider it rude if someone said that that was the reason they rejected someone. It’s fine if it is. Just don’t tell the person. There’s no need to make someone feel bad about them self just because you don’t find them attractive.
As for there being a double standard, I’ve never seen anyone being shamed for it unless they said something rude. Maybe that’s just where I live though.
I put that there is a double standard in a small group. Because I’ve never seen it but I’m sure if this many people are talking about it then it must exist.
I've seen both men being shamed for being short AND women being shamed for being overweight. We can't help who we're attracted to and many girls aren't attracted to guys shorter than them just like many guys aren't attracted to girls who are very overweight. Everyone should be allowed to have their preferences but you shouldn't shame or think less of someone when they don't match your preference.
That being said I think one of the reasons the weight question is so sensitive is because two girls can be the same weight yet look drastically different. If a girl who's 5'10 and a girl who's 5'0 are the same weight the tall one is either going to be severely underweight or the short one is going to be severely overweight. That's why I think if guys had weight preferences like some girls have height preferences it would be weird and most guys seem to have body type preferences instead.
like you said a 5'10 girls would weigh more than a 5' girl, it woulsn't make her fat. But girls are MUCH more rigid and say things like "I don't feel protected around short men". While both are shallow, men at least can tend to admit their shallow, while women create roundabout ways to make it seem not shallow.
Rejecting a girl or judging her attractiveness based on her weight is more likely to be labeled as taboo/shallow/sexist than a girl doing the same to a guy based on his height.
There are also social movements/campaigns pushing for women of all sizes to be perceived as having the same sex appeal meanwhile there is nothing pushing for men of all heights to have the same sex appeal.
And when you consider how a woman being fat is usually a result of her lifestyle choices and completely within her power to change while height is something you can't control, it's kinda ridiculous that judging women on their weight is treated as being worse.
Well tbh it's worse for the girl to judge a guy by his height being as that's something he can't help/change but a girls weight (in most cases) can be changed
boring personal thread: Like... personally, I've dated one tall chubby dude while I was at my thinnest... and I've dated a 5'10 skinny dude while I was at my heaviest. Mmm so I guess I haven't cared too much about those things in dating. But I will say, this man sort of catfished me online parading with years old pictures where he was 20-3o lbs lighter... and I didn't appreciate that but I kept talking to him. It just sort of fizzles bc we wanted different things.
conclusion: I think it's wrong to not hold yourself to the same standards you hold others or being deceitful about the truth.
I suppose there are double standards among both women AND men -some of them-, and it’s really sad but I understand where you’re coming from Honestly though, weight and height aren’t nearly as important as social media makes us believe they are! In social media people over exaggerate everything, they take a few double standards (for instance) and make us think those few are the majority - and then begins the obsessions, but trust me when I tell you women are obsessed with their own weight and men with their own height if anything!
I think any physical preferences are double standards. Women turn men away for being short, bald, fat, old, skinny, or any of a number of physical preferences. This is perfectly acceptable even though many women often say crap like, "Looks and money don't matter as long as he's kind, and sensitive, and has a sense of humor." Meanwhile, if men have even a single physical preference we're chided for being shallow. There's even a growing movement trying to shame straight men who are exclusively attracted to straight biological women with traditionally feminine features. It's now seen as deplorable for straight men to not be attracted to gay men, cross dressers and trans people. I have some pretty serious concerns about what our society is becoming.
Let's be honest: regardless of sex, anybody will be reluctant to date someone overweight, and that's understandable. And that's even coming from an overweight person! Because in often cases, it's poor health and a sign of laziness. But height, on the other hand, that can depend, especially since that's not something that can be worked on unlike weight. To me, two partners being similar heights seems most ideal, so I really don't understand women who think anything under 6' is too short, unless they themselves are that tall, which is more often not the case. Apparently my being 5'10 is too short for many women. Also, back on the topic of weight, curvy or 'thick' body types (so somewhat overweight) are actually often desired by men, and only obese is the real deal-breaker. But with men, even somewhat overweight is a deal-breaker to women.
I think these questions are reacted to differently, because weight can be changed, height cant🤷♀️. Maybe just ask a bitch if she moves slow and eats McDonald’s :). And chicks can just ask guys if they need a stool to change the light bulb, and all will be mended in the dating world.
Women always complain about the "double standard" but the problem is, it doesn't exist. We as both men and women do it to each other everyday and about many things. .
There is no double standard for either side. We do it to each other frequently in different ways.
Also, it's our job as a society to shame certain behaviors. The trick is to not go overboard with it.
I think that if I ask a guy a shallow question he gets the right to ask one back. That said, height is permanent but weight is temporary and irrelevant unless you know their height. Everyone has the right for their shallow standards but that doesn't mean someone who fits their standards will be attracted to them.
I see what you mean. Yes it is not fair for the guys that most girls demand for them to be at least taller than them but expect the guys to close one eye when it comes to their weight. I am not overweight but I have some friends who are, and they won't tolerate any guys who ask about their weight.
you're not talking apples to apples. Asking height of either sex is one thing but if you did a role reversal and had the guy asking how tall she was and then her responding with asking how heavy are you, you'd get the same reaction.
ehhh i disagree with that because its not as taboo to ask a mens weight as it is to ask a womens weight. i think most would be ok with that question. i know i'd be ok with it.
Yep, its a huge double standard since they demand that men be taller then them but also demand that men don't have any demands on them, like being skinny. Its absurd. If she can only date tall guys then why can't a guy only date thin women? Its one or the other, I don't care which she picks but pick one.
I don't know. Everyone has their own superficial standards. Everyone has some preferences for the physical appearance of their partner. To single out a height v weight comparison is really kind of can’t see the forest cuz of the trees.
I work to keep fit n take care of myself. If someone says my boobs are too small or I’m too short idc. I’m not looking to change their preferences. If I say a guy is too short for then that’s just what my limit is physically.
I think you have an irrefutable point. As for me, women are always going to have certain standards in many regards that are nigh on impossible to meet in totality. I'm fine with that, it's part of the game. But one of my standards is that she generally has to be in shape for attractiveness to be present. That's not to say I couldn't love her.
Weight though you can't judge much as individuals carry weight so differently. A couple of years ago I asked anon how much they thought I weighed on here and when I said how heavy I was no one would believe me. Everyone in real life thinks I weigh less than I am.
I wouldn't object to going out with a guy shorter than me if he had the right personality and life goals for me. Some people though are overly picky or shallow
"I wouldn't object to going out with a guy shorter than me if he had the right personality and life goals for me." yet there are no standards to tall guys other than the fact they are tall?
@Armourdillo That goes without saying. I don't care about a guys height at all, or any physical trait (though obviously I have preferences I prefer) but all I really care about is personality, our connection and whether we want the same things out of life. If I was single and a guy shorter than me asked me out, I wouldn't just say no.
There is a double standard but there shouldn't be. I shouldn't feel like I have to date a hobbit & guys shouldn't shouldn't be made to feel bad for not wanting a land whale
I'm 6"1' and I have literally had girls tell me that the reason the started talking to me was "because your tall" and that's cool with me I like short tiny girls that's just how we as humans are built we naturally want men to be tall and fit so they can protect women and we naturally want small tiny girls so we can protect them but I dont date girls that are not at least an average build unless i see them trying to get fit
There's a double standard of perception, but in practical application not so much. No amount of shame or scorn is going to get men to date fatties if they don't want to. Attempting to always backfires. People get more butthurt over men not wanting to date heffers than they do women not wanting to date dwarves, but it makes no difference in how people date. You can't make anyone date anyone they don't want to.
I think it is fine for people to only date someone they are attracted to regardless of their preferences. I know sometimes one person is attracted to another and the feeling isn't mutual, but I think it would be worse if they agreed to date someone they aren't attracted to because they would always be disappointed with their partner. That would be unfair to their partner and they would always feel bad, instead of feeling good and wanted, which is how people should feel when in a relationship.
That's how "dating" goes. It's different from being in a relationship. A real relationship means both people accept each other.
Dating, on the other hand, has "rules" that most of time are unrealistic and shallow. Dating teaches us how to rule out opportunities. Imagine if friendships were based off the same rules of dating - you have to be within a certain range, height minimum, salary-based, educational-based, etc. We would never have consistent longterm friendships
That counter question of hers is already considered shaming? Oh dear.. I've shamed so many people without intending to in that case. But generally speaking yes, everyone can have as many shallow preferences as they want to have.
that isn't shaming no, but plenty of girls do shame guys for having a weight preference. it happens very often actually usually countering it with something like 'that shouldn't matter' or 'its what the inside that should count.'
I still don't see the shaming in those two sentences.. 😅 Shaming for me is when women start making fun of you for having a weight preference "when you look like that yourself".
How do you feel if they said 'that shouldn't matter as much as personality' or 'its the inside that should count more.' ? Is it still shaming.. or common sense?
context matters if she's saying that just out of the blue i would be cool with that. and sure it sounds like common sense when its just said like that.
but going with in the video if she asks for my height and I ask for her weight but she retorts with those lines then yes i still see that as implied shaming. Her height preferences are more acceptable than my weight preferences.
and for the record the only real physical preferences i have are that she has a good looking face and is not obese. im ok with chubby personally. I'm just arguing principle here.
I haven't watched the video until now.. that was funny lol. Tbh it seems those girls weren't even aware of the double standard until they asked them for the why and forced them to give an explanation that made one more ok than the other. The only girl who said it shouldn't matter didn't say that she preferred taller men by the way. Frankly, I think the weight question is a little ridiculous in the sense that you won't be able to imagine anything with that number considering most people are really bad at guessing the numbers that match the body. They should have stuck to the letters that they can work with.. which is cup sizes.
Asking someone about a measurement of their body whether it’s height or weight is quite rude. By doing this, it seems like going out with someone is contingent on this measurement, which is insulting and shallow. It’s just a date. My opinion is if you match with someone then you are probably somewhat attracted to them and that should be enough to qualify for one date. So just go out with them and if they are too heavy/skinny or too tall/short, that’s fine, you don’t have to go out again. But at least you didn’t directly insult them by making it seem like you didn’t even want to meet them at all because of something they are probably already insecure about. As if they are a waste of your time due to something they have no control over. Women getting upset about weight questions, but expecting men to be okay with the height question is wrong because it basically invalidates other people’s insecurities because they are not your own.
Yes there is a double standard. If asking about height is okay then asking about weight should be okay too. Not saying asking is about them is not okay. Turning down anyone for not standing up to personal preferences is shallow but nothing wrong so if turning down for height is not shamed then turning down for weight should not be shamed either.
I guess I want to know why he’s calling her Bay before this conversation even came up. But yes there is a double standard. But shit like this doesn’t bother me so I never really thought about to before.
Of course, Both sexes can be very shallow when it comes to weight... that being said I've seen way more 300lb gals with a man than I've seen 300lb men with a woman
Unfortunately, this double standard will forever remain irrelevant because women can afford to be picky and hypocritical - they will still have men going after them.
Nonetheless there is a double standard in the dating scene and I’m positive that everyone is aware of it but I definitely don’t see anything being done to change anything about it.
While men have height preferences? That is the case and we don’t see a lot of people calling men out for being shallow but instead we see people that are changing themselves to match these standards (women getting breast implants and performing butt exercises). People don’t want to point out the faults of people’s minds because they know they can’t change them so they just conform to them.
You’re right we shouldn’t shame people that have an idea of what they’re looking for. Just goes to show that they have a better clue as to what they want in their life. I hope my opinion helped you out in anyway. 🤗
Yes there is absolutely a double standard... but with that said, there IS a difference between being short and being tiny. There's also a difference between being slightly overweight and being a Fatty Alfredo.
if some1 asks a preferential question that could be seen as negative, then the other person should get to ask one back. girl asks for height, dude gets to ask for weight
@Wraithofsparta Women want a tall man while men want a slim woman. Yet it's ok for the woman to be picky but not for a man to be picky. It's ok for a woman to say a man is too this or too that but if a man says that he's a jerk.
Yep there is a double standard there I agree. I did a weight question in response to a height question. Honestly, I think it's just a small group of women who are openly shallow about it
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