Should a man pay on the first date or split the bill?

Question

I’d say well if you don’t know the person and since it is a first date why not split it? Also here’s a video and I disagree with Steve 100% , like if I don’t know you why should I pay for you, and invest money and time into something that may not work out? 
 But it’s different if your dating then I don’t mind paying for everything or most stuff. But I just think the first date should be split.

MovingOnAgain · Accepted Answer

Long ago, it would make sense why a man would have to pay. Before these times, women would usually stay at their homes, clean the house, and raise the kids. Men would go out and work all day to bring money for the family. So of course, if the man would be the moneymaker of the family, he should damn well pay for an outing.

But times have changed. Women are now far more independent than before. And with that independence comes responsibility. Long gone are the days where men should pay for the woman. She is every bit as capable of earning money, herself.

If a man is going to pay the entire bill, let it be out of generosity rather than a difference in genders. And with that being said, equality asks the woman should be just as willing to pay for the entire bill, herself, as well.

LonelyGuy87 · Accepted Answer

Men and Women are equal after all. So no. Guys shouldn't have to pay. As a matter of fact, why can't the girl pay?

MayBlythe · Accepted Answer

First Date: Pay for what you ate Second Date and on: Whoever asked for the date should pay

sweetielittlegirl · Accepted Answer

Split. Why have always man to pay?

coachTanthony · Answer

Hey Steve, this is 2018. Although I agree with you if it were 1955 Ummm.. not sure if it still applies.

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

I think it depends on who asks out the other person-

If the man asks out the woman, he should pay. If the female asks out the guy, she should pay.

Nonetheless, even on dates where the guy offers to pay, I ALWAYS offer to split the bill: it's just courteous.

ChronicThinker · Answer

Until your cock shoots out money, no.

OnlyYouKnowThat · Answer

Women are equal to you when they're applying for the same job as you but when it comes to dating 90% of women want you to pay the bill. (Also remember that 87.6% of statistics are made up on the spot) Women believe that they should offer to split the bill because they are supposed to be equal and all and they don't want to be seen as inconsiderate or taking advantage. But in reality they don't want to split the bill, they are hoping that you will counter and say "no, it's ok, I'll take care of it". As soon as you say that they put their purse away and wait on you to pay the bill, because that is what they expect you to do. Their offer to split the bill was just part of the dance that they have to do. Look at the lady in that video you posted here, she mentioned that she offered to split the bill on two dates, then she said with indignation "and they accepted!". You see she was disgusted that those guys actually accepted to split the bill with her, because the female expectation is that the man should appreciate the offer, and then confidently refuse and pay the entire bill himself.

So if you want to see her again and have a second date then consider paying the bill. However if you don't want a woman with a sense of entitlement and you don't want to be taken advantage of then offer to split the bill instead. If she doesn't like it you may not see her again and no great loss. But if she decides to see you again then at least you have laid a foundation whereby you are expecting her to contribute and not take advantage.

ak667 · Answer

It depends on your approach to dating and courtship in my opinion.

I think there's a very good point to splitting if you are like equals, like two colleagues deciding where to go out for dinner after work. In that case I'd expect the bill to be split, but also for the colleagues to decide together where they want to go. That's an equality approach to courtship and I really respect that a lot if guys can pull that off to no disadvantage.

Meanwhile if you are a boss inviting one of your workers out for dinner, and you pick the place, and lead your worker, then I think it makes sense to treat your worker; otherwise you will likely be considered a cheapskate. The power dynamic here is not equal with one leading and one following, and one having the say over where to go and the other following along.

I always found more women recipient to the "boss" sort of approach, where I don't ask them where they want to go. I take initiative, I ask the girl out, I lead, I come up with ideas for where to go, and it's on me as far as the bill. It's a mutual exchange since I'm leading and the woman is voluntarily entertaining me by following me with her company that I pay for my own idea of where to go. Later on in the relationship, things might become more like colleagues choosing where to go, and at that point we might start splitting.

But in the beginning, I've always found it to my advantage to lead, to take initiative, and in my opinion part of leading responsibly is to pay and treat the one who follows your lead.

MermaidMotel · Answer

Do people realize you can spend $0 dollars on a single date? There are plently of FREE things to do that don't require any money and can be more entertaining than a sit down meal. There is literally nothing memorable, nor slightly remarkable when going to a restaurant. Going out to a restaurant is a much more pleasurable experience when you already know each other and are comfortable with another, or are already dating.

However, when going out on a date, you shouldn't agree to go unless you're willing to pay for your own meal.

windknowsmyname · Answer

First off lets get some things straight. 1) im here to get to know you personally. Not feed your belly or fix you food. 2) thats free meal for her and she dont have to go on a second date or 3rd. Nor do she have to put out. What are do you gain? Nothing. Dating 3) dating is like hanging out but building intimate relationship where one is trying see if the other is worth spending there whole life with. So your telling me when we hung out i didn't have to pay for shit now that im trying to get to know you. I have to pay.
Will i pay? Answer is... no.

rozequarts · Answer

Honestly, I always offer to split - but I have a suggestion for you. If you REALLY wanna impress the girl, you should insist to pay. That doesn't sound fair I know. But the trick is to take her to a cheap place the first day. Coffee and maybe a walk around the park is nice. All that will cost is like $10. Heck, some bistros have you pay like less than 10 for lunch, if you wanna pay for both of y'all thats 20 dollars - also decent.

here's the kicker, if she is into you and things are going well during/after the date, then she's a decent girl. If she seems off or maybe unsatisfied with coffee or whatever else location you chose (or worse, if she picks an expensive restaurant) - she's probably a gold digger or high maintenance or something. Never take a girl to dinner for a first date. there's too much tension on the conversation and the meal and its just a waste if you decide it won't work.

devilish-cutie · Answer

it depends, the one who asked for a date should pay in my opinion or split if that is what both of you want
it shouldn't be on men that they always pay but it should be like treating friends sometimes
when i ask any of my friends on coffee or something i always treat them cause i asked them... if i also ask the next time they might treat me to return the favor
i think it should be more equal and mutual in that way, like it doesn't have to be split, but i treat you this time and you treat me the next time

Daniel3035 · Answer

Why haven’t you given an option for the girls pays the bill?
Oh Yh because that’s an abomination not like we don’t pay for enough already bills food clothes etc etc.
Who said we have to pay first date? It’s our realm our relationship the man is in charge yet the girls act like they’re the ones in charge dictating who to date and we have to pay the bill anyway? Please.
On a first date a woman pays full that way I know she isn’t messing around. I could pay for 15 dinners and she couldcheaton me. No girls going to pay for a date just to cheat on me later that’s why.

Azhirii · Answer

Mmk. So I think the male instinct for providence and seeing a woman be satisfied for another meal is pretty strong with me. It goes all the way back to this primal hunter gatherer type thing with me. I like seeing her accept what I can offer.

Now this is 2018. She might well make more than I do, who knows.

So I'll always say I'll get it. If she asks for a split, I'll say I'd prefer to get it myself, male instincts being what they are, but if she still wants to split, I have no issue with it.

The problem I think comes with entitlement. Just because you bought her dinner doesn't entitle you to shit.

It's just kinda like buying her an article of clothing or jewelry and her actually wearing it of her own accord. It's because it came from me and she makes it part of her. That's what is attractive about it, and why I'd always rather pay, but I'll never make a fuss about it. I can be Mr. Dominant man other ways without being an entitled pick about it.

englisc · Answer

As one guy put it, if the guy doesn't offer to pay he hasn't been raised right, and if she doesn't offer to pay her half she hasn't been raised right. I'd only pay for a girl who doesn't think that she's entitled to it. I paid for my girlfriend when we first met. The girl I met a while before her outright told me that I should buy her more drinks and that men should pay so I told her to get fucked.

If she feels entitled to your money she's likely a golddigger, or at the very least she's the kind of girl who years down the line if things go bad is gonna try to take you for all you've got.

Many say that they're traditional girls, but usually the only thing they're traditional about is you spending money on her. Otherwise they want to be equals and will call you a sexist if you have traditional expectations of her.

Banyan · Answer

Whoever asks the other out should pay. Guy paying is due to the assumption that they are the ones leading the situation, which may even be the case a lot of the time. However, this shouldn't be misaligned to the guy, rather than the assertive position that taking someone out entails. If I ask you, I'm making the plans, im making the arrangements, and im paying. This isn't some weird ownership thing. Just whoever instigated the date should follow through. If it's not like that, and just sort of falls into place, split it. That's just my two cents

vald9inches · Answer

Wow that guy is living in a totally different reality surrounded by women on his tv show than what most men live in lmfao how the hell can he say that men don’t appreciate if a woman offers to split the bill? That is insane any man would appreciate it that offer and might pay for the whole thing anyway

Barrabus_the_Free · Answer

Don't buy a woman anything. The minute you do, she starts seeing you as nothing more than a walking ATM.

Women go on about how "Strong, Empowered, and Independent" they are, they can pay for their own stuff. That's what independent adults do.

TheHillsRAlive · Answer

It's only a meal. Most likely not very expensive. Sure go Dutch if you feel it's best. If you like each other and decide to pursue. Make mention that you enjoyed the date and would like to see the person and next time it'll be your treat.
It's difficult for me. When I was a single woman, I often wanted to "stay" in control, so I ALWAYS paid for the date. That way no one could say I owed them a thing.

There were several exceptions- some guys are just really cool and I felt safe and let them treat me like a lady- I enjoyed those dates and looked forward to lavishing attention and love on those guys. Not because I felt I owed them but because of how I felt about them.

Buying a meal is no big deal- just get to know the person and if you can put their best interest first and guard your heart.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

For myself, a ''first date'' is a test. I will be aware that it will cost something. And I'm prepared for it. The test actually is to see how, in what manner and with which considerations the woman I meet will make use of this offer. That will enable me to see if and where we have things in common. If it hurts, and does not match my own preferences, the experiment still has been successful, because one not suitable candidate had been sorted out. One time spending, as an investment into a hopefully positive future is a risk that I am willing to take.

yucychan · Answer

I would prefer to split the bill, and pay for my share. I'd always offer to pay when I'm out on a date anyway.
Of course, if he insists strongly that he wants to pay for both our shares, I'm not going to publicly argue with him in the restaurant as well. I'd just express my appreciation and say that I will pick up the tab for the next date or outing.

PoliceLivesMatter · Answer

I think splitting it is honestly the best way to go when initially dating and getting to know a person, yes. I don’t mind paying, unless what we’re doing or where we’re going is very costly, then I’d want some mutual assistance. Generally speaking though, if I had to vote, I’d like to split the pay during dates initially when starting out and getting to know each other

Anonymous · Answer

It should be whatever you feel comfortable with.

Feminists are going to say that a bill should be split, but traditional people will say that the man should pay. This is why it's so important to date people whose views are aligned with yours. However, don't expect or try to change someone who holds different views from you. I would say have a discussion about this before meeting in order to avoid awkwardness and avoid wasting each other's time if you're incompatible because clearly there is a significant compatibility issue if you both have different beliefs as to who should pay.

Should a man pay on the first date or split the bill?

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