Do you feel the current dating market is mostly filled with leftovers? Why, why not?

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Updates

+1 y

I'm not talking about virgins or not but mainly people that are heavily damaged by life or past relationship to be dating or marrying.

[meowcow]

Those who knew they wanted to get married were swept up long ago. When people are more agreeable to marriage at an earlier age, they will find what they are looking for.

When young men and women are NOT looking for marriage at a young age, they spend their youth partying and travelling. By the time these women are ready to settle down (usually in their late 20's or early 30's), they are indeed "leftovers", meaning that men who want families will not choose these women. There are many reasons, but they can pretty much be summed up that late 20 to early 30's women lack youth and fertility. They may be great people, but family men are looking for youth and fertility, so they will choose the <24 year old women.

For men that are looking to settle down in their late 20s to early 30s, the reason for being alone is different. After many years of partying, playing video games and travelling, these men have little to show for it. Women want mature men, and these leftover men are not mature. Many spent their 20's and even 30's playing video games all day. No career, no savings... nothing. No young woman wants to marry into poverty to start a family. This is why many women complain that men are immature... because these leftover men are just that.

Multiply this by a population of 300 million in America, and you basically have a cesspool of "unwanted" men and women, with speckles of "good men" and "good women". But these are very hard to distinguish, and you basically need to date 100 shitty people to find the 1 gem.

Thanks progressives :)

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

On point.

[Glue-Sniffer]

Is that how it works in your village?

[bamesjond0069]

Exactly right!

[Logorithim]

This is a good question, and a really complex topic in which it's impossible to capture all of the nuances. Some people are single temporarily, and there's really nothing wrong with that.

But it's people in more difficult situations that you're talking about here, and in those cases, I think it depends on whether someone else is OK with the issue (s) they have. If there are severe financial, emotional/psychological, or substance abuse issues, then they are not going to be dateable for most people, and they are definite dealbreakers for me.

IMHO, a woman being overweight (but not obese) is usually OK as long as it isn't causing health issues, but that is a common reason why a woman is single,

[sassygirl13]

The older you are the higher expectations what comes a long. Some already dated the hot, the old fashioned, religious and liberal and looking for different options. They have tried regular dating, online, blind dates that they can't really decide what is it that they actually want. The longer you date the more you explored leading to try a bit better each time. They can hookup with many but their relationship type is strict and defined.

[ThatUnknownGirl]

Great answer.

[sassygirl13]

Thanks!

[bamesjond0069]

Yeah but it seems women get higher expectations as they also become less interesting to men. So its easy to ride the train to long and miss your stop. Men are different, as long as we stay in shape, make more money and learn new things we can always get a hot young babe. We have different issues to deal with though.

[sassygirl13]

Yes but to many guys they miss real relationship where he finds someone who really gets him and inspires him to be better feeling like a winner because they were in short term relationships they know won't last.

[LuWe22]

I have now found a boyfriend. Was I a leftover? Never actually dated before him, never had any interest in someone else, never had sex before and yet he still picked me

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You can't be considered a leftover if you never been in a intimate relationship or marriage. But you probably have some leftover clothes your cousin gave yoy or used TV from your parents etc.

[LuWe22]

Ah okay. 😊

[Investigator]

Everyone starts out in life as a wide-eyed child, excited by the world and everything it contains. Later in life, they will either become a jaded pessimist or remain a naive optimist (that is my opinion, anyway). But this is a little two black-and-white, there's not enough room for nuance.

Your definition of "leftover" is someone that is "heavily damaged by life or past relationship to be dating or marrying", which is way too vague. By this logic, leftovers are the rule, not the exception; if you have lived a life and overcome hardship, then by definition you are a "leftover". What I think you mean by "leftover" is "someone who is jaded by the negative aspects of society and distrustful of human nature", which would be a lot of people (myself included). If this is your intended definition of "leftover" and then your question is "is the dating market full of them", the answer is "probably".

There's a lot of people who are burned out on relationships, after being screwed over by their partner, but there's a lot of people who have not and remain optimistic. Unless you've never had a girlfriend/boyfriend or just heard from friends-of-friends about the crazy shit that happened to them and you internalize this as measures to avoid, you're not a leftover; there gets to be a point, though, where you can become one by nature of the environment you grow up in. If you are surrounded by people who constantly back stab or betray you, it's rather easy to become cynical and pessimistic about humanity. It's a toss-up, really, as to whether or not you become a "leftover" or encounter one, although it's more likely than not.

We're all stuck on this floating rock in space together, so sometimes it's a matter of when, not if, it happens.

[Anonymous]

Some people choose to get serious with people later in life. It could be for a number of reasons such as focusing on their education, career, wanting freedom, traveling or maybe they are later bloomers because they just didn’t know how to interact when they are younger.

One thing I’m absolutely fed up with is how couples and married people judge single people, especially single people over 30. Single women are known to be “cat women” or weird psycho. Single guys get labeled gay or beta or some other bullshit.

I was raised by a very domineering mother who I now never talk to unless it’s a holiday or family gathering. I had to unlearn a lot of misinformation she pounded into me when I was young. She taught me what women “say” they want. I had to figure out what they really want. But she has pressured and judged me nonstop when I was younger for being single. She thinks dating for guys is the same for women (it’s not)

Anyway mommy issues aside, don’t judge people unless they judge you. That’s how I look at it.

[bamesjond0069]

The only men who should be dating 30s women are like divorced 50 to 60 year old men who already had a family and want someone they dont have to invest into.

[WillyD]

Sadly yes after 25 there are very few quality women left. I've said this before my advice to any guy over 25. Don't waste your time looking for a a good woman it's like trying to find the loch ness monster. You've already lost the first battle accept now. and wait maybe you'll get lucky and stumble across a good woman or maybe she'll come to you. But at this point your best course of action is till wait till 40 then their stock will start plummeting and they got 2 choices come to you or be alone. either way you're fine.

[Saville_Row]

Your question made me laugh so hard. What good to the world does marrying before 25? You have nothing then and in a lot of cases (not all) it will be five years until you didn't even have your SO. It's simple. A lot of us are not mature enough at that age and would imply to lose life long dreams or freedom.

I think the market is not full of 'leftovers', but of people doing their thing, and you should do the same!

[NatashaJ]

Honestly, most of those people who marry before 25 tend to get divorce or quite miserable if it was arrange marriage. It just sounds like someone who wants to feel better about themselves so they put everyone down with him. I am fine being single because I was in a relationship that annoy the fuck out of me and it made me want to be single for years because I didn't want to date another person who going to annoy the living shit out of me for a long time lol.

[bamesjond0069]

If you aren't married by 25 as a woman id say you are a leftover. If you think you need to earn money first it just strikes me as selfish and shallow and who wants someone with personality defects like that?

[Saville_Row]

@bamesjond0069 Honey, a lot of people who marry before 25 just do it because they are horny. How is wanting a good home, good education and a good life for your kids selfish?

And there's other things people look in their lives besides money: like recognition, meaningful relationships, experiencies and legacies to pass to the new generations.

Divorce and single motherhood almost always start a vicious cycle difficult to break.

[bamesjond0069]

Its selfish for a woman to want both to be a good mom and to reach career and income goals. Its not realistic and i just think why are they so controlling that they have to bring home the bacon? Why can't they just focus on being a good mom so i can focus on making money. Instead many women want to do everything and then there is no room for a man any more because they are so controlling and think buying expensive baby toys is more beneficial than being a stay at home or mainly stay at home mom.

[NatashaJ]

@bamesjond0069 Funny your 31 and not a leftover while a woman is at age 25? no wonder your bitching no woman wants your bs. Come back when you realize how ignorant you are.

[bamesjond0069]

@NatashaJ men and women are different. Most women exclusively date older. So my age has nothing to do with it. For women age is almost everything because most men exclusively date younger. Im 31 but i have an 18 year old girlfriend. Im far more desirable now than i ever was at 18. Someones just jealous its the opposite for them. Lol

[NatashaJ]

@bamesjond0069 Ew wtf she could be your little sister you clearly taking advantage of her and you act like she stay forever how you know she not going to dump your ass for someone her age? and money is not everything to women personality counts more. If you act like a shitbag constantly she probably goodbye and leave.

[Cammy137]

As I'm out of the single scene, I don't really know what the dating market is like at the minute. Certainly when I was still single there were plenty of people to choose from and actually it seemed to be the more dysfunctional people who were in relationships

[Logorithim]

That is common for young adults. You'll soon see that start to change rapidly for most of your age cohort.

[Tuomaaash]

Depends on the age of the person. I found that especially on Tinder people have heavy burdens from past relationships or they were people who generally just wanted a ons. Neither which I was very interested in. I would have to say that most are "leftovers", but that´s not necessarily a bad thing.

[aficionado]

Not exactly 'leftovers', but as a man, I certainly feel there are hardly any single women left.

Most women get lapped up in their early to mid-20s. The ones who remain single beyond that age, have really high standards that only very few men can meet.

So yeah, if you are not a 'cream of the crop' man in your 30s and beyond, you are pretty much out of options.

I don't know how it works for women, so I am not commenting on that.

[bamesjond0069]

There are tons of single women. Single moms, sluts, fat women. All the kind you want to marry! Lmao. Date young girls they are single and not fucked up yet.

[aficionado]

@bamesjond0069

Haha, young girls would go for guys around their age! Why would they choose me? I am not filthy rich, so I can't really be a sugar daddy. And I wouldn't want to, even if I had money.

[BuchitaBuchys]

I mean, if you mean you can't take someone's virginity, at our age (we're both above 25), it'll be kinda rare and a bit unreasonable to expect that. I don't consider non virgins as "leftovers".
If you mean like no babymama/daddy drama or kids, unfortunately that is also less common but more doable.

Personally, I'm not looking anymore and I definitely don't consider my boyfriend leftovers.

[thisbutterfly81]

I wouldn’t say we are leftovers. Some live life acting like a left over tho... cold, hard (not the good kind), and self contained. But I prefer to be a renewed and vibrant find! I’ve finally embraced who I want and am able to be without anyone telling me who that is! Therefore the person that ultimately wins in the end with get the best version of me!

[bamesjond0069]

Lmao

[thisbutterfly81]

What? 🤷🏻‍♀️

[bamesjond0069]

Id say there are no decent women after age 22. Personally i prefer younger than that. Men age doesn't matter at all providing you are getting exponentially wiser and richer. Im making a lot of money and i spend lots of time learning things and tbh i feel like im doing better and better attracting the women i want (mainly around 18).

[Silver158]

I'm the same but tend to find the younger women are mostly just drama so I prefer around mid twenties women

[bamesjond0069]

@Silver158 But see my girlfriend is 17 and so if we stay together then she's been taken out of the market and if we have a stable relationship for years, you will never have the opportunity to date her. And if we have a stable relationship, she's obviously one of the good ones and so all the girls who are her age now, when they are 24 lets say, I've already had my pick of the bunch before you even looked. So whats left are leftovers like the question asks about.

[Silver158]

Isn't 17 underage in the US?

[bamesjond0069]

@Silver158 no. Depends on the state. 16 17 or 18 depending where you live.

[Silver158]

ah right, fair enough.

[Silver158]

*calls the police to tell them not to worry*

[bamesjond0069]

@Silver158 *makes fun of me but is happy with my leftovers* cool dude lol

[Silver158]

You know the 2 ** are for things that you're doing right? Ask your girlfriend she'll tell you lol. See I wasn't making fun of you before but now I am

[bamesjond0069]

@Silver158 haha she teaches me lots of stuff about pop culture and stuff. I do the same thing in return. Its kind of fun.

[Chanel1981]

It's all about meeting the right person at the right time

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say leftovers is the right phrase, but I can definitely say the online dating market has less people I find myself compatible with. I definitely see a lot of women on there who lack common interests and don’t really add much to the conversation when talking to them. Is that ALL of them? No, but a good amount.

[wiseyoungman]

By your late twenties/early thirties, yes, it's all re-treads and psychos. Doesn't mean you can't find a good one, but that's pretty much the deal

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Lol..

[wiseyoungman]

I know that's not super inspiring, sorry. If it helps, I found a good one (both were 28 when we met), it just required a rather arduous search through dates with many losers

[sonnysunshine]

I’ve sick of women in their 30s who have made shitty decisions in their youth (dating violent assholes) having a bitter attitude towards men in general.

[Aenetoo]

Yes. That is definitely the case around here. Sad to say. Cuz some of the girls around here are cute. But it's like my brother said. They're either weird, ugly, or divorced.

[zagor]

That is just silly. A lot of people have very good reasons for not being in a relationship.

[Shoenron]

Lies people tell themselves

[zagor]

@Shoenron A lot of people are concentrating on developing their careers in their twenties, especially if in a complex profession. But I guess that doesn't apply to you.

[Shoenron]

So that means you're not on the dating market, smart boi. And even then, people that can't manage both will be leftovers. Sad but true.

[Andybeach]

I find that sometimes it can be better. People know what they want and are over the bs. Its less flirting and more direct.

[Wifflesnoofer63]

Definitely yes. After age 25 or so, the only women around have been on the cock carousel for 10 years. They have been through the wringer and their roast beef snatches are good for only the occasional pump and dump.

[steveguitar]

Never dated, but who the fuck knows, we're all in the wrong places I guess, or unfortunately do something that others don't like

[Shoenron]

Depends on your age above 25 is women leftovers and 30 for men mostly.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Age has nothing to do with it. You can be washed up before you turn 21 if they started at 15.. lol

[Shoenron]

Age at which you started has nothing to do with it. Unless you let yourself become a crack head blob fish there is no way you're washed up at 21 even if you started at 6.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You'll be surprised. I'm not talking about physical looks though..

[Shoenron]

But you did say "mostly filled"

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You brought age into it not me. I was specifically addressing how dating is currently..

[Shoenron]

You seriously did not understand the answer?
Women above 25 still on the dating market are mostly leftovers.
Sale for men above 30.
Under that it's not mostly leftovers.
Is it that hard to understand?

[ZanyInternetName]

It's always overproportinally filled with leftovers.