Girlfriend is letting herself go? Should I break up?

Question

I've been dating my girlfriend for 10 months now. She's gained a good 30 lbs at least. She wasn't skinny to begin with.. but was still in good shape. She worked out a lot.. ate decent. I work out and eat healthy. I like to take care of myself and told her I expected the same from her. She agreed. Over the course of 10 months she's gained 30-40 lbs. I'm not shallow.. but come on. She has a beer gut. She can't fit into any of her jeans so she wears leggings. I've brought it up multiple times. It seems like she shapes up for a week or two. "Hey look I went to the gym today.. hey look I'm eatinf healthy again." Then goes back to her old ways. She'll cook something healthy in the kitchen when I'm there.. but catch her stuffing her face with junk while she's cooking. She looks at me like "oops" when I say.. lets go for a walk.. lets go to the gym.. she pouts. She's mad because we haven't had sex in 2 months.. but what does she expect? It's NOT attractive. Our relationship has gone down hill. Sorry.. if you're going to show me you're letting yourself go.. I'm going to push myself away. I put a lot of effort into the relationship. We got into a heated argument the other night. I yelled at her saying.. I'm tired of putting in so much effort and living up to your expectations while you get lazy and let yourself go and don't try. She cried.."I know.. you have.. I'm sorry.. I'll work on it." She goes back to her ways. I deal with this every relationship where girls get overly comfortable. It' annoying. Should I end it?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think you are too expectant. Just because you take care of herself, you have no right to expect the same of her. She is her own person and can do whatever the fuck she wants. If you don't like it, break it off! Don't put pressure on her. Be easy. She likely has some sort of anxiety that is making her do what she is doing. You did say she has a beer gut though, and THAT, I would specifically be hard on. Forget the eating, if you really love her, and she seriously has a "BEER gut" you need to address the alcohol part as THAT is dangerous and should be a lot more of a concern! If she is literally feeling like she has to check up with you and say "hey look! I'm doing ok! RIght? RIGHT?" it likely means she has an underlying fear of what you think of her, but it trying to get your approval because she cares. Hell, SHE is asking YOU for sex! Isn't usually the opposite? That the guy has to BEG a woman for sex? Think about it! Now, on the other hand, you also say she has "expectations"... well... mind going into more detail? It's no wonder if you have expectations if she does too. And if she doesn't meet yours, you have no obligation to meet hers. Perhaps you BOTH need to chill and actually figure out if you LOVE each other or just want this imaginary person and pushing to try to make the other this imaginary person, even though the person you want is just that! Imaginary!

ChrisTruthseeker · Accepted Answer

You probably should break up.
You do seem a little shallow about it and maybe she isn't what you want, you're kinda treating her like shit to be honest.
Be happy she still wants to have sex.
A lot of women don't when they gain weight because they feel self-conscious.
At least when they gain weight in a relationship it usually means she's comfortable with you, she likely isn't interested in cheating or leaving.
She's happy with you.
You can have some of the best years of your life with her right now if gou want.
She's probably very committed.
If she ever drops a bunch of weight out of nowhere and starts dressing hot you should worry.
Believe me, it ain't for you.
That was my experience anyway.
Or leave, it's up to you.
Either way try to be nice.

Mikayla3 · Accepted Answer

For her sake you should end it. So she can find a better man. You are a shallow pig! Love does not come from the exterior! It is the heart and mind that matters and if those are attractive. I would give a shit less if she morphed into a fat hog. I would be riding and loving my fat hog with my eyes closed if I had to... if I loved it. You Obviously don’t love her. Gently let her go so she can find real love. Just to let you know. You have fucked her up forever. You put a permanent mental image on her self esteem. She is not the problem here. You are!

Allie_Oops · Accepted Answer

Um... any girl who puts on 30 pounds that fast is having an issue somewhere. I put on 30 pounds since college but that was like 7 years ago. To do that in 10 months tells me she’s probably emotional right now stressed out by something. Instead of yelling at her because she’s fatter and you no longer find her attractive , try asking her what’s going on. I don’t understand why men don’t think to ask if their girlfriend or wife is stressed about something. Honestly, your behavior sounds abusive. You need to work on yourself, too.

Chikky · Answer

U gotta work together babe, or break up nicely at least u owe her that, 10 months is a long time to be with someone. You guys have lost interest in each other, that's what your post mean to me, and if ure not interested in helping her no more don't prolong her stay with u.

Logorithim · Answer

OK, address this sensitively. And you should still have sex with her.

ChronicThinker · Answer

If it doesn't work for you, then move on. You put it out there to her, you encouraged her, she's showing you it isn't a priority.

N192K001 · Answer

That serious weight-gain seems like an indicator a a deeper problem and/or she's so secure in you, she's gotten complacent… to the max. Giver her a chance to redeem herself and save the relationship. If (by a mutually-agreed deadline) she does not comply, she has made the conscious decision to terminate the relationship and you can leave will a clear conscience.

Schedule a time to discover this weight-contributing matter (which may include this wight-related struggle between the 2 of you). Systematically catalogue the issues and causal factors and, together, arrange a battle plan to defeat each of the target areas. Then, make monthly (broken to weekly, broken to daily) goals and/or outcomes (as applicable).

THEN, issue the ultimatum: Define the optimal & bare-minimum levels of effort, compliance, and results to save the relationship, as well as a reasonable, mutually-agreed deadlines (both the "final" and "inter-step"). Each inter-step requirement failed registers a demerit (as irrevocable as past failures). If she misses them all (and/or a mutually-agreed number), she is choosing to end the relationship. The ball is on her court and the life of the relationship is dependent on her actions. Your departure would simply be compliance to an mutually-signed contract/agreement.

Have weekly and monthly assessment sessions. Allow for adjustments/amendments, but initially define what can be adjusted, the extent of allowable adjustments, and the unchangeable elements of the agreement. Give encouragements and/or constructive criticisms as needed.

Join her, too, so she doesn't feel alone. She should know… There should be no doubt in her mind that you really do care for her and that you really, really want her to succeed (if that is really your sentiment. This must be honest. If not, then quit.). She must know that her disregard for her own health is an unacceptable deal-breaker. (You love her too much to see her destroy/compromise herself, and incur future medical bills.) She must know that her disregard for her own self is strongly tempting you to do the same, and ONLY SHE can change that.

The ultimatum's schedule uses elements of the "12 Week Year" system, originally developed by Soviet Olympic athletes for results.
https://12weekyear.com/
The means should be effective, but ONLY if the CAUSE (S)/WHY'S of her weight-gain are addressed, eliminating the ball & chain to her leg and giving her motivation to actually DO/comply with it.

Sonjita · Answer

YES SHE NEEDS TO LOSE WEIGHT! 80kg IN THE SHAPE OF HER SELFISH BOYFRIEND!

First of all, it's not even that much weight. I am model skinny, and I work out, but I feel for this girl.
Because she might be going through something. And she is in a shitty relationship. NO SEX? YOU YELL AT HER? ARGUING ALL THE TIME? She seems to have a low self esteem. If I was her, I would have dumped you.

I once gained 5kg (which for my height is nothing), I still didn't have any belly fat and I had boobs 😍, and my ex boyfriend told me "Baby, you gained a little weight. I should make a work out plan for you". I broke up with him the same day.

If I'm in a relationship, I want a man who adores me, not a retard who disrespects me.

You need to tell her that she is still beautiful, and that you love her and care about her, work out with her or get her into some sports. Don't eat any junk in front of her, kiss her, cuddle, have sex, laugh, watch a movie together, go for a walk, hold hands, make her feel good... When she starts feeling better about herself and about your relationship, she will start to take care of herself more. If you can't do this, then you need to break up with her.

lumos · Answer

It sounds like she's having other issues. You don't gain that much weight in such a short amount of time unless you're basically eating your feelings. Talk to her and ask her why she's eating so much, if she's stressed out or feeling bad because of something. Instead of making it a fight about attraction or health, turn it into a conversation about her mental health and if there are some underlying issues that are pushing her to eat so much. Maybe ask her if she needs therapy and if that would help. I understand that it's hard to watch your partner let themselves go, not just because it affects the attraction you feel towards them, but also because it's unhealthy and might indicate an even bigger problem.
My suggestion is to try to stay by her side while she figures it out. See if she'll go to therapy or if she can tackle the actual root of the problem. If she won't, and keeps going back into her old habits, I honestly wouldn't hold it against you if you wanted to break up. Attraction is a big part of a relationship, and so is self-care and health.

Lish89 · Answer

Would she stuck around if you did? What if something happened to you like being layed up with a broken leg and you let yourself go? Would she wipe your ass? Those are more important then her gaining some weight. However, that being said. If she's letting herself go and just not eating healthy or putting in an effort, its unhealthy. As much as we don't want to be shallow, we are. My guy admits he's shallow, so when I got pregnant, I was so scared to let myself go and struggle to lose the weight after. I made the effort to stay fit during my pregnancy and to not use the famous pregnancy excuse as a way to just eat what I wanted and let myself go. I stayed in shape, gained what I needed to for my BMI and walked lots during the first few weeks after baby. In three months I lost not only my baby weight but one more jean size. My spouse saw that I made the effort even though pregnancy weight is a pretty good excuse. He saw that I made the effort to get myself back to the person I was before baby. It's different if your in love with someone that size and then complain but it can also be a struggle. You've only been together 10 months, there's a thing called "love pounds" that happens in the first year. We all go through it. I would definitely take a different approach though as your making her feel like shit which is probably making her depressed about it. Go to the gym together, go for walks, make it something you do together and support her. Yelling at her and making her feel unsexy isn't going to make her try harder, it's gonna discourage her and make it tougher to lose cause she will feel so bad about herself and damage her self esteem. Put yourself in her shoes and be the good supportive guy.. she will see that your there even at her low points which is going to make a better partnership in the long run.

CuChullan · Answer

Don't you realise she is comfort eating because of a problem? Maybe the problem is you and your expectations. Maybe she doesn't want to live up to them.
My S/O went on a comfort eating binge and added serious amounts of weight. I didn't berate her. I knew she was having problems with work, with her self esteem, her confidence. I gave her the love and support she needed and still needs. I never told her off for eating junk. I help her build her confidence and esteem. It took time, years. Now her old clothes hang off her she no longer fills them, she has more interest in her appearance. She's a far more assertive, strong and confident woman.
The way you are watching her every move and calling her out isn't helping one little bit. Next time you're going to the shops ask her would she like something nice. Even if she says no buy her one of her favourite junk goodies. Hand it to her with a smile, hug her, and tell her to enjoy it. Talk openly, stop with the demands and criticism. Let her find her own level. She will.

CatsCurious · Answer

Honestly, if you can't accept her the way she is, then break up with her. She needs to find someone who will love her for who she is and who will love the body type that she is comfortable maintaining. You need to find someone who will match your lifestyle and comfort levels. It sounds like you aren't good for each other anymore. Forcing yourselves into an uncomfortable or forced situation will only prolong the inevitable.

The fact that you're posting your problem on here is an indication that you want to be given a specific answer - possibly one that you were too afraid to entertain without the proper encouragement. Think of the answer you would most like to hear and act from there. It sounds like you want a way out and the only person who can give that way out is you.

I don't think you are a bad person. Not at all. I don't think she is at fault either. I just think that your lifestyle and values don't match her's - and that's a toxic way to be in a relationship. I think you both should be with people that support who you are, what you look like, and your lifestyles.

MPAHG · Answer

Why don't you try to think differently.. Maybe she's the one who's suffering from something that led her to gain a lot of weight !!! You can't judge the person and know what's going on in their lives just by having a relationship... I think you should try to figure out whether there's something going on with her or not... Once you show her that you care, she'll definitely tell you.

I guess that I have a similar situation. I don't have a boyfriend but I've been lately so stressed. I'm a student that attends school 6 days per week, I work 6 days per week and I'm a hard working student so I try to keep up with all the homeworks, exams and tasks. It's honestly toooooo much. I started gaining weight and became so broken and tired from the inside. I got to a situation where I found myself crying alone in my room.
Not wanting my family to see me like this put more pressure on me because I have to fake it.

You never know what's going on. Talk to her.. Maybe there's really something going on and maybe I'm wrong.

Anonymous · Answer

There is absolutely something deeper going on. I'm going through something similar.

People all get up in arms about people being judgy about weight, but if we talk health, longevity, physicality in bed, and sharing interests it's suddenly PC. You said the words "I'm not shallow", so I'm assuming you are fine if she is less than obese and can do all the fun things with you, and not risk her long term health. That's where I am. We want people to put their bodies first (within reason) because it literally keeps them alive and is the reason they can do anything.

But the weight is always the symptom, not the main problem. As the boyfriend we have to go after the problem.

Was she always non obese before meeting you? She has the health skills, knows the sustainable lifestyle? Or did she brute force lose weight before you dated? You know what I mean, the working out constantly, fad diets, starvation, all while drinking etc.

If people don't have the skills they will revert. It's a skills problem. But if she has the skills, then there's something she's feeding with food. You have to figure that out.

You can fish it out by approaching sensitively. Saying that you want to be together a long time. A vibrant life with no limits. Does she agree? But you are concerned that she's putting herself, her body, last in priority. That she's trying to bury something. A partner can and should be a guide. But they need to open up.

Be sensitive. Don't demand an answer just then, but revisit maybe once a week to show your resolve. Concern but not ultimatum can work best with women.

What is your girls long term typical weight? Is she someone who brute force lost weight to get a guy? Fad diets, still drinking a lot, etc? If so she may not have the skills to be healthy yet. Or, there's an insecurity she's feeding with food.

Anonymous · Answer

1. You're just dating so if you want to break up because she sneezed wrong, that is your prerogative but why haven't you done it yet if you feel no attraction, feel like she's let herself go completely, and is not trying, etc? That makes me wonder if you do care a bit more than you're letting on.

2. If the former is true, TALK to her. Really talk to her. Definition of insanity is trying the same things over and over again and expecting different results---telling her to shape up, get fit, eat right, is not working, so try a different tactic. Sit down for a no B.S. real talk about what's going on with her and let her speak. Legit a lot of times weight gain has nothing to do with 'just being lazy.' Oftentimes it is a symptom of a larger issue that is going unchecked in that persons life.

3. Let her know whatever it is, you want to help her with that AND you want to do the workout/eat right thing together. Offer positive reinforcement instead of a negative, 'why are you eating that junk food again,' You could try leaving a note on the fridge that reads, "I can't wait to workout with you this afternoon because you make our workouts fun," or encourage her to pick the activity you do for a workout--maybe she hates walking, but loves biking--try doing something she will actually want to do.

If you're in a true partnership, you work things out together, but if you're past caring and you're just not into it, then honestly leave her to find someone who suits whatever you're looking for and let her find what she needs because just sticking around to stick around is not going to help either of you.

Anonymous · Answer

Haha oh shit! Are you my boyfriend? Lol 😂

this is awful it sounds like me!
With the only difference being HE is the one that still wants sex and I don’t!
Because like I feel awful!
Cause I’m so fat! I wouldn’t even have sex with myself! Lol so I dnt understand why he still wants to have sex with me.. so instead I tell him not until I look better lol and I've been saying that forever!
, and I’m just getting worse!
I too eat healthy and cook healthy but then stuff myself with junk lol 😂 it’s not funny but it’s funny cause you said it and I can relate!

I would have dumped me five millions years ago! But I don't know why he’s still there... he always says I need to be strict on my diet and get a personal trainer but I tell him no, that I can do it all by myself... and I’m sure I can’t, I just always end up eating like a pig! Ugh! I’m disgusted with myself...

It sounds superficial, but I myself would not want to be with him if the roles were reversed!
He always goes to the gym, eats healthy and is super attractive!
I’d break up if I were him... I’d break up with I we’re you! Lol so Sad! But it’s true! XD

prettynormal · Answer

Just yesterday I cried on my husband’s shoulder telling him how much I appreciate that he has loved me at my fittest and my heaviest, when I look really bad and when I look good... We’ve been together 12 years, I don’t know how many diets he has seen me do... I know he really likes when I’m fit, that’s how he met me, but he still loves me and wants me when I’m overweight. He’s a keeper. I don’t know about you. She might be depressed. Stop being so selfish, and love her for who she is not for how she looks.

babygirlkeai · Answer

Honestly if you don't care about her enough to not give a shit if she gains weight or not, you should break it off because she deserves someone who cares more about her personality and helping her instead of making her feel bad and choosing looks over everything. You obviously don't love her so break it off. You're leading her on and hurting her and wasting both of your time. And just an FYI, if you get uncomfortable with your girlfriend being comfortable with you, then honestly don't date anyone. Most people still try to look nice and impress their s/o sometimes even when very comfortable or have been together for a long time, but regardless if you're disgusted by your girlfriend because she's comfortable around you and maybe is on a rough patch and needs to get some help or motivation with her health, then she deserves someone who actually gives a shit. It's really shitty to see how people talk about their s/o in this way when their other half could be thinking the complete opposite and think everything is okay. That's not fair to her. Go try to find yourself a super model and see if she stays in shape for the rest of her life or has a good heart. Stop wasting her time. If my boyfriend responded in the way that you are, I would be devastated and so upset he got involved with me. Instead of doing that, he let me do my own thing, gain a few pounds, realize I want to loose some and respect MY CHOICES. and yes he's a very thin man and prefers skinney girls. He didn't have an excuse. He told me he loved me and regardless if I gained weight or not that wouldn't change anything. Don't date someone you don't give a shit about, and regardless if you dont realize or want to hurt her, you need to stop. That is what will kill someone's self esteem. Go find yourself a girlfriend at the gym and see what happens, but for the love of God don't continue hurting this poor girl.

Paris13 · Answer

I know you Do Love her Unconditionally but you Are very Afraid she is Getting Out of Control like an oversized Mole.
Be encouraging. Something is Bugging her, This is Why, No Lie, She is Binging and without You, She may Even Get later Here, dear, I Fear.
Beauty is Formed from the inside, This is Why, No Lie, You Began your No-Big Beguine with Her so do not Hurt Her.
She is the same, Has the Same name, Just Needs your Loving Soul Mate Weight Life Support to Get Her Back on Track and She WILL POWER!!! xxoo

Koki11 · Answer

Wanting her to stay the same is kinda unfair to her a woman's body changes, soo i dont think you are into her as much as you think. And i think maybe she isn't as rigid about working out as you are and thats something you clearly can't get over sooo. I would break up coz you'll eventually lower her self esteem to the point where she'll feel insecure around you coz weight is already a big deal as is to a girl so when your man says something its shattering.
She's not for you n u are not for her. She needs a guy that won't care about the weight gain n u need a girl that is a little more active soo leave the poor girl nicely.

Anonymous · Answer

Break up with her. Yes this seems small now, but before you know it she'll be 300lbs if she keeps this up, and it will only be pain. I'd encourage her to lose weight first but if she refuses, break up with her. You'll have to visit the doctor a lot more often if she does end up becoming obese because of back problems, increased risk of heart failure, etc and everything else that comes with obesity. And I hope you don't want this to be long term cause worse case scenario, her lifespan will be cut off by 50 years. Not only that but people who get obese almost always do it due to bad habits, habits which may not be so desirable in a partner. But it's ultimately your choice, this is just my thoughts on the matter.

TLDR: Encourage her to lose weight, and if she doesn't, drop it before it gets worse.

Xxv6xX · Answer

Well if you do it is insinuating that you only liked her because of her appearance and not for the person she is and if you don't and stick by her it might get better and all relationships have a rocky patch a couple of times but if you manage to stick together you will come out stronger together and if you don't you will just be running away and once you start doing that whenever a relationship gets difficult your first thought would be to cut and run and that isn't fair or right but if it truly is unbearable then I can see why you would but after all it is your choice.

openbook1843 · Answer

How is she otherwise—do you still enjoy the same things that you always did, or has she lost interest? Is her personality/sense of humor the same or does she seem depressed or emotionally unavailable? There’s more to relationship than sex, but if you guys are drifting apart because she generally just changing in all ways, maybe it’s time to sit down and talk about where you guys stand.

If she’s generally The same person that she was when you first started dating, and the only change is that she’s gaining weight, leaving her for only that one reason is extremely shallow.

Alice2398 · Answer

I feel bad for her just reading this , it almost sounds kinda abusive. I understand you wanting her to be healthy that's a sign of you careing but you can't control her. You should take her as she is not want her to be something better for your own needs and desires.

She's probably no doubt feeling shit about herself and feels a lot of pressure to make you happy and you getting mad at her is only going to bring her down more. Maybe try and be more supportive and tell her to come gym with you and take her food shopping and learn some new healthy recipes together she might like better instead of you getting mad and angry at her. try and find a solution that works both ways for you guys

Answermyquestions31 · Answer

I think something is wrong. There’s something much deeper going on for her to gain 30 lbs in just under a year.

I think that you should help her lose weight by going to the gym with her and eating healthy. Buy her healthy groceries. They have this nutrisystem kit at Walmart, target, etc. If you eat only what’s in the kit and follow the rules for a month, you’ll lose 15 lbs. She won’t have the responsibility of cooking. I did it when I gained weight. I lost 20 lbs.

I gained a bunch of weight too. I used to be 120, but I went up to 170. I’m 5’5, but I look like I weighed 140. Everyone carries weight differently.

Also, she could have a health issue causing her to gain rapid amounts of weight.
Birth control causes weight gain. I know a girl who was a stick her entire life, went on birth control and went up to 178.

Just be there for her and be supportive. Take a breath and explain to her that you want her to be healthy and you’re concerned about her health. Go see a doctor.

ChgzDaniel · Answer

I'm not going to lie, I would be disgusted at my other half if he let himself go. What's the point in looking good if it's not for your significant other? I don't think it's fair to expect someone to put up with you getting fat. If she can't look after herself then how will she look after you or your children if you ever have any?

Engageme · Answer

I don't think it's shallow. It's no different than putting in any other effort like working or being affectionate, and not getting the same in return. I personally don't work out but my husband doesn't either. It is so true people get comfortable and lazy in relationships. It happened in my first marriage and I learned you have to always put in your share of work or it will die. You have a right to feel this way. I've been her so I understand her mindset but I don't care, shit or get off the pot. If she wants to heal the relationship she needs to work at it. You do too but it sounds like you are. I'm sorry it's happening but sometimes people self destruct and we can't make them change. We have to decide if we are going to enable them or hold them accountable.

Sujin95 · Answer

it’s funny.. i’m pretty sure she has things to you say your appearance, attitude or I don't know your mind and things but she never talks about it to not make you sad. dude you’ll be bald and maybe fat in the future. why don’t you try to learn how to love your girlfriend the way she is?
weight can be lost easily but your ugly face needs surgery and your attitude needs improvement.. i hope you make up ur mind before getting dumped. she cannot deal with it forever. no one’s existence necessarily needed

lordgrifis · Answer

My wife literally doubled her weight in this 20 years of marriage. I'm 20 cm taller than her and now she weights 15 kg more than me. But i found a remedy: i started to train myself for strenght, so even now i can pin her to the wall during sex and throw her around in bed like when she was young and slimmer.
Because i love her, not her body. Because i choose to live my life with her till the end, when we will both like dryed plum and her boobs will resemble elephant's ears, and my dick will be like a chewed gum.
If you're not ready for that, leave her and find another girl to fuck, because that's what you're searching for: not love, but a hole; not a partner, but a fleshlight.

PinkMichae · Answer

Do her a favor and end it since her other qualities aren't enough for you too stay. No one wants to be with someone they have to walk on eggshells around. I guarantee there's a man out there that will love her fat and all. I'm sure there's some woman out there that will be your perfect weight for you. Hopefully her defect won't be in her personality instead of her physical look. By all means as unhappy you are I'm willing to bet she's just as unhappy being around you. So let her be happy with someone who will except her flaws.

Somber · Answer

Ask her if anything traumatic has happened. People will often do that kind of thing when something has happened. Be sure you're always available to talk to or at least as much as you can be. Maybe try setting one day a week or two if needed when you can just eat trash all day then slowly reduce it. Make sure you are there when she does fail and be kind. Make sure you have made your feelings clear! It will probably take a lot of time, but if you don't feel it is working or worth it, then break up.

FriendlyDrugDealer · Answer

I understand that you’re no longer attracted to her because you’re big on fitness and you’re attracted to fit or in shape bodies because who isn’t.

HOWEVER! You kind of are going on about it in a disrespectful manner. Everyone has different threshold for how low their partner can drop to (ex: gaining a heavy amount of weight, quitting their job, drastic change in fashion, etc).

Like it’s normal to lose interest in her sexually but you can’t attack her or judge her or punish her because she isn’t meeting your standards. Discuss it with her like a good couple should or date somebody who has the same passion as you

ciitruskiwi · Answer

Sounds like there's something going on mentally with her like depression or something. Have you tried asking her why or if she's stressed or going through something? You have to approach this very carefully. It doesn't seem like she happy with it either but just be careful with what you say and how you say you want her to feel better and motivated not worse and unmotivated.

CarpetDenim · Answer

I find it funny that women on this question are calling you shallow, accusing you of being abusive, saying she deserves way better than you, criticizing you for “shaming her for how she looks,” etc... If a woman asked this question about her husband/boyfriend, most of them would probably call him a lazy slob and tell her to dump him. 🙄

Mornin23 · Answer

Dude, get out. Even if you did end up sticking it out, we both know she’s going to keep gaining weight, and it’ll just get worse. If you aren’t attracted to someone physically, you shouldn’t be dating them anyways. Hell, we’ll see if she can find a guy like you on the market now that she’s let herself go. Say bye and get out. Or kick her out. Take your pick. She’ll act sad and sincere just to get you off her ever-expanding waistline for a couple weeks but she’ll never actually change. And if you ended up getting married? She’ll feel secure that you can’t leave and balloon even more. Hell, do you even see her as someone you’d marry?

Break up with her, this is something you established at the beginning of your relationship and have repeatedly warned her about. Besides that, if you have kids with someone who lets themselves go, it often results in kids who follow that lifestyle. Don’t do it.

Anonymous · Answer

she's probably happy feeling secure with you and not realizing that she gained weight. It happened to me until I saw a pic and it was a wake up call. I lost 50 lbs in several months. What is sad is that the guy broke my heart before I lost them pounds. So then I dated a fluffy guy years later, he implied that I looked different than my pictures cause I lost weight and the fat he liked on me. No more dating for me because guys have many different views of how they want their ladies look like so I am not changing myself for anyone anymore except for me and my healths sake. I am not putting myself out there for them to toy with my feelings anymore.

Nxtawm · Answer

This is your own relationship, I don't know you or your girlfriend or how you guys act. You have two options, break up with her or do what all those other people are telling you which is work it out and talk to the girl and comfort her. Honestly I don't care, it's not my problem, if it's too much for you then just break up. If you want a girl who doesn't get comfortable in a relationship because she trusts the other person and believes that her So will love her for her then go date a girl who doesn't work out but LOVES to work out, at least they'll meet your expectations. Sounds like you're in a train wreck of a relationship anyways. Breaking up is the easiest thing to do.

weasley8 · Answer

Break up with her. No one is going to force you to stay with her, and frankly, she deserves someone who isn’t going to shame her for the way that she looks.

Coldwater · Answer

Did you ever think there was more to it than her just being lazy? Maybe she’s starting to become depressed or insecure because she decided to stop taking care of her self, she’s losing motivation. Whatever you decide to do at least be a good person and try to help keep pushing her. I think you should try to see if there’s something negative in her life before making any actions. Good luck

Anonymous · Answer

My mom put on weight since she got married, I saw the pics of how she looked at her wedding. Now she's got a slew of health problems that are primarily weight related and she doesn't even try anymore. I love my mom, but she was spoiled too much and now is...

Needless to say: If you're gonna let yourself go, don't make the people who love you watch you slowly poison yourself. Our hearts can't take it. When we argue, its out of concern, not hate. Losing you is our biggest fear.

Food is a weapon. Don't eat to get full, eat to survive.

wittymilf · Answer

One day something may happen to you and you may change shape and appearance, would you want her to leave you at that point? Even if she gets in shape now, one day she will age, will you want out then too? I’m not judging I’ve just been through stuff.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

You've probably been spoiling her by taking her out on dates a lot, huh? Try taking her out for long walks where you can talk over all your issues while burning calories together. If she squirms her way out of something so simple like that and still gives you excuses, we'll understand if you choose to dump her.

SelfishGuy · Answer

This is the question you get when people don't have any real problem.
Dude just keep her motivated. Don't push her, don't make her depressed, do workouts with her, eat healthy with her. There are so many ways to eat healthy, keep your belly full and loose weighr.
Breaking up because she likes to eat? Come on be a better person, man up, help her to loose weight, not by threatening her with breaking up.

MrNameless · Answer

There must be a big reason why.. Someone gaining weight that drastically fast in 10 months causes me to think she might have went over some traumatic event, and she's eating to cope. Has something happened to her in the past year.. anything she's told you?

TheFriendlyOne · Answer

Also you can't force yourself to find someone sexually attractive.
Can you force yourself to find this man sexually attractive? Probably not, that because it something you can't control just like you can't control your preference in a partner.

Girlfriend is letting herself go? Should I break up?

lovemyirishman · Answer

She probably has something going on with her.
How about u sit down and talk to her and tell her what will happen if she keeps letting herself go that u will breakup with her
And if she has something going on like depression or pregnancy or anything u help her

azzntittiz · Answer

She does not care and is manipulative, this will kill your self esteem, sex drive, confuse you and make you a very angry person in the end. I never stay with anyone who insults my intelligence, she does not care and will continue not to, all while playing with your emotional and mind.

Anonymous · Answer

The only reason you should encourage her to change is for her health. Stop being an idiot. Besides, have you asked what’s going on in her life? Maybe she’s stressed and having a hard time figuring out what to do with herself. Leave her so she can find a better man.

CheshireCat89 · Answer

That much weight change in such a short period of time (without trying) is an indicator of a number of serious medical conditions (and psychological conditions). Rather than focusing on her weight how about being worried about HER.

LovelyBones13 · Answer

I think her weight gain might also have been a sign of mental problems. She is addicted to the way she is now and her habbits. She has to break them.
Do not buy junk food.
Keep trying to work out together
Cook healthy together
Get a friend of hers to also work out with her
Buy her a really nice dress in her size prior the weight gain. That should be a good hint

nofunkgiven · Answer

It's very very hard to break bad habits. She might want to but the laziness it winning over. But if she's got the intentions that's good.
Why don't u challenge her? Like a healthy challenge. Throwing away all the sugar in the house and eating and living healthy for a month. Also u can work out together, that'll give her more motivation.

If after all that she still isn't ready to lose some weight, u can leave with no regrets cuz if u stay she'll just assume she can get away with it.

KatyKaz · Answer

I don't get why people are saying your reaction is bad. It makes sense to me. She clearly has stuff going on, possible depression maybe, so I'd say try talk to her more. Make it clear how you feel and that if she does get into shape you'd be happy to be together.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know any of you, but frankly I think your attitude is possibly aggravating the issue, if it didn't cause it to begin with. Great job in undermining her self-esteem and, cliche as ever, making sure she knows her worth to you entirely depends on her weight.

I think the probability of this relationship work is quite low. You should let her go and allow her to find someone who loves her, gives her confidence, cares about her health and overall brings out the best in her.

Anonymous · Answer

I dont think your dick is that big for that ego. Why force you likings on her to begin with? 30 pounds difference doesn't matter.. My man lost 60 pounds when he got sick and looked like a skeleton. Guess what? I didn't dump him even if I didn't like it. I stood by his side and help him get back in his muscular and sexy shape. After that , I gained 10 pounds. Lost 20. Gain 15 back. Lost 25 again. My boyfriend didn't dump my ass for my weight change over time. Now I lost weight again because of stress at work and Im about 90 pounds and 4"11.

Rcjh1987 · Answer

That's a lot of weight to put on. is there something going on mentally? I think your going about it the wrong way. It seems your lifestyles no longer match.

Wifflesnoofer63 · Answer

She got too comfortable too fast. Usually women wait until they have a ring on their finger before they let themselves go. But, let there be no doubt in your mind, all women do that. The only time women put any effort into looking healthy is when they are actively hunting for a man. Once they are married, they go to shit because they know there's nothing you can do about it. If a married woman suddenly starts going on diets and attempting to get fit, it means she's already planning her exit from the marriage and is looking to land a new guy.

_knowing · Answer

Sounds like the relationship is already over in your head.

slatyb · Answer

30-40 pounds in ten months -- that's huge. Anyway you should end this. you aren't happy, she's not happy, and you can't fix it.

"I deal with this every relationship where girls get overly comfortable" -- that's on you. Maybe you are deliberately initiating relationships with women who don't exactly have their life together because you feel inadequate but figure that the women you are choosing won't be able to call you out on your own failings.

lilaqua · Answer

Ok, for most people relationships have proven to make you fat. So realistically weight gain is kind of inevitable (unless of course you're like me and don't really like food). But shaming a person doesn't help because often eating is a response to emotional stress. If you actually love her I would recommend she a) see a psychologist to get to the root of her issues or hell even a gp and b) a nutritionist to find a healthy eating plan that suits her lifestyle.

Eternal_Blizzard · Answer

I'm sure when you cut her loose she comes back in shape...
C'mon dude... she's more than what you described...
Remember what you fell in love or liked about her...
There are many ways to fix your problem and keep her too
Decide what you want
Is this an excuse just to breakup with her?
I'm happy you asked for opinions before you did something

hahahmm · Answer

yeah I have been with a depressed woman but she still tried hard. Two choices for you:
A. Give her 1-2 months to get her sh** together. Have a set schedule you go to the gym on & invite her to join you. Don’t make it a requirement BUT if she’s never there it tells you everything you need to know.
B. End the relationship now.

JulieXO · Answer

I completely get that you're not attracted to her any more, 40lbs in 10 months is a lot. I myself gained 8 pounds since I got with my boyfriend a year and a half ago, but I'm working on it. It seems like you tried to tell her nicely many times, now it all depends on how patient you're willing to be with her. I think it's understandable for you to want to end it.

JosyJosy · Answer

I'd break up with her if I already told her how I felt and she just keeps on making the same mistake. Could there be something she doesn't tell you why she may be acting like this. Find out whatever it is and tell her what you told us.

Girlfriend is letting herself go? Should I break up?

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