Girlfriend is letting herself go? Should I break up? (Page 2)
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I feel bad for her just reading this , it almost sounds kinda abusive. I understand you wanting her to be healthy that's a sign of you careing but you can't control her. You should take her as she is not want her to be something better for your own needs and desires.
She's probably no doubt feeling shit about herself and feels a lot of pressure to make you happy and you getting mad at her is only going to bring her down more. Maybe try and be more supportive and tell her to come gym with you and take her food shopping and learn some new healthy recipes together she might like better instead of you getting mad and angry at her. try and find a solution that works both ways for you guys
I think something is wrong. There’s something much deeper going on for her to gain 30 lbs in just under a year.
I think that you should help her lose weight by going to the gym with her and eating healthy. Buy her healthy groceries. They have this nutrisystem kit at Walmart, target, etc. If you eat only what’s in the kit and follow the rules for a month, you’ll lose 15 lbs. She won’t have the responsibility of cooking. I did it when I gained weight. I lost 20 lbs.
I gained a bunch of weight too. I used to be 120, but I went up to 170. I’m 5’5, but I look like I weighed 140. Everyone carries weight differently.
Also, she could have a health issue causing her to gain rapid amounts of weight.
Birth control causes weight gain. I know a girl who was a stick her entire life, went on birth control and went up to 178.
Just be there for her and be supportive. Take a breath and explain to her that you want her to be healthy and you’re concerned about her health. Go see a doctor.
I'm not going to lie, I would be disgusted at my other half if he let himself go. What's the point in looking good if it's not for your significant other? I don't think it's fair to expect someone to put up with you getting fat. If she can't look after herself then how will she look after you or your children if you ever have any?
I don't think it's shallow. It's no different than putting in any other effort like working or being affectionate, and not getting the same in return. I personally don't work out but my husband doesn't either. It is so true people get comfortable and lazy in relationships. It happened in my first marriage and I learned you have to always put in your share of work or it will die. You have a right to feel this way. I've been her so I understand her mindset but I don't care, shit or get off the pot. If she wants to heal the relationship she needs to work at it. You do too but it sounds like you are. I'm sorry it's happening but sometimes people self destruct and we can't make them change. We have to decide if we are going to enable them or hold them accountable.
it’s funny.. i’m pretty sure she has things to you say your appearance, attitude or I don't know your mind and things but she never talks about it to not make you sad. dude you’ll be bald and maybe fat in the future. why don’t you try to learn how to love your girlfriend the way she is?
weight can be lost easily but your ugly face needs surgery and your attitude needs improvement.. i hope you make up ur mind before getting dumped. she cannot deal with it forever. no one’s existence necessarily needed
My wife literally doubled her weight in this 20 years of marriage. I'm 20 cm taller than her and now she weights 15 kg more than me. But i found a remedy: i started to train myself for strenght, so even now i can pin her to the wall during sex and throw her around in bed like when she was young and slimmer.
Because i love her, not her body. Because i choose to live my life with her till the end, when we will both like dryed plum and her boobs will resemble elephant's ears, and my dick will be like a chewed gum.
If you're not ready for that, leave her and find another girl to fuck, because that's what you're searching for: not love, but a hole; not a partner, but a fleshlight.
HEAR HEAR!!! I imagine your marriage is quite wonderful and I wish you and your wife both many more happy years to come! You are the shining example of what I'd wish more would follow! I only wish I could meet you and shake your hand sir! That last paragraph especially has been what I've been saying for YEARS with few actually listening! So it's good to have somebody older and more experienced say the exact same thing! Thank you!!
Thanks. We've had our problems during this years, sometimes really great problems, but we've endured and we're still togheter.
Kinda reminds me of the morals of Leisure Suit Larry if you've heard of it. Glad to hear you have kept going despite issues that are bound to happen in any relationship really. Nice to hear this sort of thing.
Do her a favor and end it since her other qualities aren't enough for you too stay. No one wants to be with someone they have to walk on eggshells around. I guarantee there's a man out there that will love her fat and all. I'm sure there's some woman out there that will be your perfect weight for you. Hopefully her defect won't be in her personality instead of her physical look. By all means as unhappy you are I'm willing to bet she's just as unhappy being around you. So let her be happy with someone who will except her flaws.
Ask her if anything traumatic has happened. People will often do that kind of thing when something has happened. Be sure you're always available to talk to or at least as much as you can be. Maybe try setting one day a week or two if needed when you can just eat trash all day then slowly reduce it. Make sure you are there when she does fail and be kind. Make sure you have made your feelings clear! It will probably take a lot of time, but if you don't feel it is working or worth it, then break up.
I understand that you’re no longer attracted to her because you’re big on fitness and you’re attracted to fit or in shape bodies because who isn’t.
HOWEVER! You kind of are going on about it in a disrespectful manner. Everyone has different threshold for how low their partner can drop to (ex: gaining a heavy amount of weight, quitting their job, drastic change in fashion, etc).
Like it’s normal to lose interest in her sexually but you can’t attack her or judge her or punish her because she isn’t meeting your standards. Discuss it with her like a good couple should or date somebody who has the same passion as you
Sounds like there's something going on mentally with her like depression or something. Have you tried asking her why or if she's stressed or going through something? You have to approach this very carefully. It doesn't seem like she happy with it either but just be careful with what you say and how you say you want her to feel better and motivated not worse and unmotivated.
I have.. she says she's completely happy. She has shown somd bi polar/depression symptoms for a while... she denies it
It doesn't sound like she's happy. She could be in denial and it could just be a hard thing for her to accept but if she has been showing signs for a while maybe it's best for her to have at least one talk with a professional.
I din't think she realizes she's not happy.
I find it funny that women on this question are calling you shallow, accusing you of being abusive, saying she deserves way better than you, criticizing you for “shaming her for how she looks,” etc... If a woman asked this question about her husband/boyfriend, most of them would probably call him a lazy slob and tell her to dump him. 🙄
haha!!!
80% of the responses from women say dump her.
I didn’t say every single woman that answered this responded like that. A significant portion of them did though.
I think you should also consider that a good 40% of the 80% that said to dump her made some kind of elaboration like “because she deserves to be with someone who loves her for how she is.”
I figured about 80% would be negative reactions.
Exactly! To me her actions are no different than failing to provide any other effort such as emotional support, sexual pleasure, helping with bills. It's work to make a relationship work and if he has a problem she has to be the one to get help instead of feeling sorry for herself.
Wait, so if a woman says he should dump her so she can find someone who loves her. . . that supports your point?
That's ridiculous.
She does deserve love. If she is a fat slob, let her find a fat slob who will love her.
Gee whiz!
@RolandCuthbert no I was saying he is right in his opinion. Not so she can find someone who loves her. He obviously loves her but she needs to put in effort not just give up.
@RolandCuthbert The people saying he should dump her so she can get another guy are STILL insulting him, how can you not see that? They’re basically telling him he’s a piece of shit and that she should get someone who isn’t a piece of shit— all because he’s unhappy with how much weight she’s gained, even though he has tried to support her and help her work it off again. They’re telling him to dump her because they’re accusing HIM of being the one at fault and not her, so yes, it entirely supports my point.
Well I get that I'm just saying that wasn't what I was saying. I'm with him 100%
You agreed with me and now you’re “with him 100%”? I made the original comment.
@Engageme He obviously loves her? According to who? The word love is not mentioned one time in his post. And he is asking should he dump her. Of course, he should.
1. He doesn't love her.
2. She might love him, but there is no way she will ever meet his expectations. She doesn't even appear to want to, so I doubt it.
Its weird, we wouldn't waste time cataloging and disparaging a woman who claims she needs a guy who is "well-off". And who contemplates dumping a guy because he lost his job or his riches.
Same thing. Just dump and let that guy find the woman who will love him regardless.
@CarpetDenim He is insulted? I don't care. He doesn't love her. So why keep pretending? If he is Mr. Atlas, let him find someone more suitable. Let him find a woman as dedicated to fitness as he. What in the world is going on here?
I am supposed to care about his feelings?
And he isn't just unhappy that she has gained weight. He is contemplating breaking up. The funny thing is, you are mad at me because I have told him the absolute truth. It is not going to work out.
So end it now. End it quick. He needs to tell her, he doesn't want a fat woman and move on.
Your concern over why I am telling him to do it is beyond belief.
He is a jerk. But he will find out just how big a jerk in the not too distant future.
We aren’t debating whether he should dump her or not, he absolutely should. We’re debating why. He’s not a jerk in my opinion, and he’s not at fault. Their relationship went downhill because of her.
If you don't think he is a jerk. Go date him!
What the hey?
You think you are going to convince me that he isn't one?
No, I don’t intend to convince you he isn’t, I’m just expressing my own opinion that happens to be in conflict with your own. And just because I don’t think he’s a jerk doesn’t mean I have to go date him to prove it. I already have a boyfriend, so thanks, but I’m good.
Dude, get out. Even if you did end up sticking it out, we both know she’s going to keep gaining weight, and it’ll just get worse. If you aren’t attracted to someone physically, you shouldn’t be dating them anyways. Hell, we’ll see if she can find a guy like you on the market now that she’s let herself go. Say bye and get out. Or kick her out. Take your pick. She’ll act sad and sincere just to get you off her ever-expanding waistline for a couple weeks but she’ll never actually change. And if you ended up getting married? She’ll feel secure that you can’t leave and balloon even more. Hell, do you even see her as someone you’d marry?
Break up with her, this is something you established at the beginning of your relationship and have repeatedly warned her about. Besides that, if you have kids with someone who lets themselves go, it often results in kids who follow that lifestyle. Don’t do it.
she's probably happy feeling secure with you and not realizing that she gained weight. It happened to me until I saw a pic and it was a wake up call. I lost 50 lbs in several months. What is sad is that the guy broke my heart before I lost them pounds. So then I dated a fluffy guy years later, he implied that I looked different than my pictures cause I lost weight and the fat he liked on me. No more dating for me because guys have many different views of how they want their ladies look like so I am not changing myself for anyone anymore except for me and my healths sake. I am not putting myself out there for them to toy with my feelings anymore.
The moral of the story is, you may end up with a bitchy skinnier lady who won't respect you for shit if you leave her
This is your own relationship, I don't know you or your girlfriend or how you guys act. You have two options, break up with her or do what all those other people are telling you which is work it out and talk to the girl and comfort her. Honestly I don't care, it's not my problem, if it's too much for you then just break up. If you want a girl who doesn't get comfortable in a relationship because she trusts the other person and believes that her So will love her for her then go date a girl who doesn't work out but LOVES to work out, at least they'll meet your expectations. Sounds like you're in a train wreck of a relationship anyways. Breaking up is the easiest thing to do.
Break up with her. No one is going to force you to stay with her, and frankly, she deserves someone who isn’t going to shame her for the way that she looks.
Better he finds out about this problem now, then after he says "I do." Because after she squeezes out a couple puppys and has him by the financial balls, the candy bars and french fries will really fly!!
It’s fine for him to leave if he’s no longer attracted to her. My problem is that he’s trying to pressure her to get in shape for him. Either way, they should break up. But if he’s going to shame her, then I think she’s the one who deserves better than him, and not vice versa.
Also, I don’t think you really understand the motivation of most women to get married.
Did you ever think there was more to it than her just being lazy? Maybe she’s starting to become depressed or insecure because she decided to stop taking care of her self, she’s losing motivation. Whatever you decide to do at least be a good person and try to help keep pushing her. I think you should try to see if there’s something negative in her life before making any actions. Good luck
My mom put on weight since she got married, I saw the pics of how she looked at her wedding. Now she's got a slew of health problems that are primarily weight related and she doesn't even try anymore. I love my mom, but she was spoiled too much and now is...
Needless to say: If you're gonna let yourself go, don't make the people who love you watch you slowly poison yourself. Our hearts can't take it. When we argue, its out of concern, not hate. Losing you is our biggest fear.
Food is a weapon. Don't eat to get full, eat to survive.
One day something may happen to you and you may change shape and appearance, would you want her to leave you at that point? Even if she gets in shape now, one day she will age, will you want out then too? I’m not judging I’ve just been through stuff.
Oh? Are these two married?
@Miristheiss you've voiced your opinion on every single persons post who says something along the lines of "would you want her to leave if.." And appear to be pretty agressive with the "they aren't married" Comments. Yes it could be premature, but at the same time, that's why people date! Usually your looking for the person for you. So when dating you usually want loyalty, friendship etc because looks come and go but a loyal partner who is your friend and someone you can trust and count on to be there through anything is a rare find. So he should be asking himself if this is really a deal breaker or something worth working through because maybe when his looks fade and he can't get it up anymore, she will stick around despite that. Just something to think about.
Yeah , what’s his angle 🤷♀️?
You've probably been spoiling her by taking her out on dates a lot, huh? Try taking her out for long walks where you can talk over all your issues while burning calories together. If she squirms her way out of something so simple like that and still gives you excuses, we'll understand if you choose to dump her.
Have been taking her out on walks.. she pouts wheb I do
I was very fit & sexy in my 20s. Then, I started letting myself go throughout my 30s. My boyfriend did exactly what I suggested to you. I enjoyed the walks with him because our bondings were very productive. Those walks are one of the reasons I decided to work on myself. I may not be as sexy anymore but I feel so healthy now.
This is the question you get when people don't have any real problem.
Dude just keep her motivated. Don't push her, don't make her depressed, do workouts with her, eat healthy with her. There are so many ways to eat healthy, keep your belly full and loose weighr.
Breaking up because she likes to eat? Come on be a better person, man up, help her to loose weight, not by threatening her with breaking up.