What's the deal with dating and paying the bill?

[elmosfire]

So, a friend of mine went out on a date with a girl. They hade a great time, and at the end he paid the bill as he insisted. The girl gracefully accepted, but made him promise that next time it would be her turn to treat. They both agreed and he gave her his word on the matter.

Next date they went out on, things went smoothly and when it came time for the bill he reached out for it, as he normally would, but then remembered their agreement and let her pay for the drinks. He then proceeded to take her home, and it seemed like all was going well.

Few days passed, and while texting her, he would get quick abrupt responses. My friend is not stupid. He knew something was up. Mind you he's been on plenty of dates and a few serious relationships. So, he asked her when they'll see each other, and she responded, she didn't want to see him ever again. He asked why, and she said she got turned off when he thought it was a given thing she would pay for the bill even though they agreed on it. The end.

Now, when my sister heard this story, she thought it was hilarious, and most definitely believed the girl had some issues. I, on the other hand, thought maybe she was multi dating, and just trying to get out of a situation by finding a lame excuse. However, a Russian girl who's a friend of mine thinks that a woman should always be treated, and that the girl had every right to feel turned off.

What do you think? Is it a cultural thing perhaps? How should one avoid such situations? I'm just curious to hear what all the girls think, but guys can also state their opinion.

[yucychan]

I'm really sorry your friend encountered such a bitch. He will meet someone better.
I cannot stand girls like that. Say one thing but meant the other. I don't get her attitude. My issue is not so much on her wanting the guy to pay for everything. It's the fact that she's the one who insisted that she would pay, and then now she blamed your friend instead. What an insufferable bitch.
If she doesn't have the intention to pay in the first place, then she should not have insisted on it.
And I never believed in the mantra that guys should pay for everything. Usually I would go Dutch or offered to pick up the tab later. And I'm really fine with it.

[elmosfire]

Thanks for your answer! I really appreciate it. What do you think about it being perhaps a little of a cultural issue as well? I'm only asking this because my Russian friend didn't seem like she thought it was entirely absurd although she admits that it was odd she agreed upon it and then basically changed her mind. Is it possible it was just a lame excuse?

[yucychan]

I'm not sure. I feel like that girl is playing some kind of mind games, trying to see if your friend would still pay for the drinks.
Tbh, for Asian cultures like mine, usually the girls do prefer the guys to pay for everything. I just happened to be the minority who believed otherwise

[elmosfire]

Thanks a lot for the insight!

[Clo917]

So.. she promised to pay the bill, then got upset because she followed through with what they agreed on? Don't say something unless you mean it, and why should men have to pay for everything anyway? I guess it could have to do with culture, or perhaps their upbringing if they were more traditionally raised and taught that men should pay on dates. Regardless, what she did wasn't cool and it sounds like he dodged a bullet.

[Wonderer89]

Ugh that’s the worst.
Those women who do the obligatory fake “grab” at the bill but have zero intention of ever going through with it.
There are women who expect to be treated, there are men who will always treat. Everyone should just be up front and honest so if their ideals don’t match up they won’t waste each other’s time

[Exterminatore]

I think she expected him to be a provider. When he didn’t she was turned off.

I don’t think it’s cultural.

I do think if she didn’t intend on it she shouldn’t have said it. That’s called lying.

I also think since women think they’re our equals, they can pay their own way until they are servicing our various needs why should we pay? Just cause? I think not. Women wanted equality so give it to them and let them pay their own way.

[Logorithim]

She should never say something she doesn't mean. It was her initiative for her to pay for the second date, so she should have stuck with that when the time came, period, otherwise her word is worth nothing.

He was actually better off not getting serious with this person, for whatever reason, and it's quite possible that she was looking for an excuse to end things with him (that sounds very likely).

[Drumlin2001]

Whenever i go out on a date i'm always prepared to pay, will split if thats whats wanted or let them pay if they wish. It really shouldn't be an issue.
If i was seeing someone and they made that much of a fuss over who picked up the tab i would have reservations about continuing anything. If they're prepared to ruin a relationshop over picking up the bill then their priorities seem to be wrong

[Mister_E_Alaska]

I'd be thankful. Found out she was crazy in just 2 dates. Perfect. Dodged that bullet.

[elmosfire]

LOL. That's so true!

[MarkRet]

Getting worked up over something stupid like paying a bill should be a red flag for this guy. She's got some issues, or she's having fun gaslighting him. In either case, he's better off without her.

[Browneye57]

Watch what they do, not what they say. Women will say anything their little feelings happen to be at the moment.
Guys will say anything to get in her panties.

[slatyb]

It was too late to avoid the first date. I have no time to try to read a woman's mind.

[DakotaNorth]

I would never go out on a date where I couldn't pay my half. If he offers though, I won't argue.

[jacquesvol]

That depends on how poor you are and how much you spend.
In your country people are often poor but it's possible to do things which don't cost much.
Ευτυχισμένες γιορτές!

[elmosfire]

Thank you! Επίσης!

[jacquesvol]

I always split bills 50/50

[pooper89]

That’s a dumb story. No sane woman would ever tell a guy she wanted to pay the next time they went out unless they’ve been dating for quite some time or it’s his birthday

[OfDeath]

I can see possibilities for both possible reasons you suggested so it's hard to say