How do you have patience when you want to start dating a girl but she wants it slow?

[Anonymous]

This girl and I have been texting and emailing for about 2 months now. We both go to the same school, but we haven't met yet because we met online. Then we had Christmas break, so I asked her to lunch this week and she said she'll let me know.

I know we both like each other, so I'm just wishing it can go faster, because like today, I'm not sure what to say to her or do I have to text her today at all?

[vmw2008]

You can't make anyone move faster than they want to. Push her too hard and you'll only end up scaring her off. Continue to do what you are doing and invite her out places. But be calm about it! I can't stress that enough. Sometimes girls freak out about spending time with someone new, especially if it's someone we haven't met in person. If you react negatively though, and start getting frustrated and angry that she won't hang out with you, I promise she will run.

This has happened to me with a couple guys where I was busy with school or other events and I said I couldn't hang out until the next week. They flipped out. Kept calling everyday asking (despite what I told them) and would get angry at me when I couldn't. In my head, these guys were *not* my boyfriend, I wouldn't even consider us casually dating yet, and they were treating me like I had an obligation to go out with them at all. Like I deserved to be punished for making them wait. Do NOT act like this. It comes across as needy, desperate, insecure. Everything you don't want to be. I ran from those guys fast and they have a permanent "psycho" label in my mind.

Bottom line, be as patient as you can be. If you decide that you can't wait any longer, start dating other girls. And remember, you have no right to get angry with her for not spending time with you. Guys make this mistake often. She's not your girlfriend or your property. Being patient and carefree about it will make you more attractive in her eyes.

[Asker]

Wow that sounds exactly like my situation, thanks for your great response. Yeah like she said she'll let me know, so you're saying I shouldn't mention it again at all this week. I added her on skype cause I figured maybe if we couldn't get together for lunch we could at least actually see each other on skype.

[vmw2008]

It's not that you can't mention it at all, but wait a few days. Don't badger her everyday to do something when she's already told you she couldn't. I think skype would be a great idea actually. It would give the feel of talking face to face so she won't be as nervous to meet up with you.

[Asker]

Ok great, I think what gets me nervous though is I have to constantly tell myself she likes you, she likes you. Because I usually have to initiate the conversation so I get worried she'll think I'm texting her too much. I wish sometimes she would text me so I wouldn't have to worry about whether to text her or not today. Like today I'm wondering if I should tell her I adder her on skype.

[vmw2008]

I understand it can be difficult and confusing, but don't judge by if she initiates, judge by how she acts when you initiate. If she acts interested to talk to you and never ignores your texts then she's interested. Many women just don't feel comfortable initiating with a man because they don't want to be viewed as "easy." We're told men like a challenge. It is not always a sign of disinterest though.

[Asker]

Yeah she always texts me back within a minute usually, if she doesn't reply soon then I start worrying I did something wrong. I know men are supposed to have all this confidence, but I'm 24 and I haven't had a girlfriend yet, and this one seems like she really likes me, so I don't want to mess it up.