How to get a girl out of her auto-rejection mode after she lost interest? She doesn’t know how I feel about her?

[Anonymous]

Started a new job last year, met a female coworker who I’ve developed a crush for. Turns out she was into me too. I had a few opportunities while we were alone to ask her out and never took it because the whole work situation makes me nervous [and she does too 🙂]

8 months of not doing anything about it and she’s now going out of her way to ignore and avoid me as if I don’t exist. Currently, I’m doing the same thing to her, giving her space. I’d like to talk to her and clear everything up, because despite what she thinks, I really do like her... but right now that’s a no-go.

Ladies, what is the best way for a guy to get a girl out of auto-rejection mode?

Updates

+1 y

If it makes any difference, she’s a Pisces.

Updates

+1 y

Okay, so I still get this pissed off vibe from her when she comes around, so that’s made it near impossible for me to talk to her now, however I’ve caught her looking at me from afar a couple times. And another time she entered my work location when I was alone just to exit out another door, when she didn’t have to go that way, as there’s a quicker way.

[Anonymous]

Well, obviously this is the problem:

“8 months of not doing anything about it and she’s now going out of her way to ignore and avoid me as if I don’t exist. Currently, I’m doing the same thing to her, giving her space.”

You’re not talking to her. And you’re both avoiding each other.

Obviously she was into you, : “met a female coworker who I’ve developed a crush for. Turns out she was into me too.”

One of you have to make the first move to talk to each other. Cause with you guys avoiding each other. The relationship you guys had in the past is dying almost fading.

I think you should you make the first move first since it seems to haunt, hurt, and over analyze everything. Just offer an olive branch. Or build friendship again and see how it goes. Cause you need to build that relationship and trust again. But with much more effort. When you randomly build something unexpectedly, it turns to something cherished and beautiful. But once it’s shattered, it’s hard to put back together. Collect each piece and gluing it back together won’t be as beautiful and the same.

So you need to start from scratch, but with more effort now.

Good luck. Hope the best for you guys.

[Asker]

What’s the best way to approach the girl who’s avoiding me?

[ConnieS]

As you both still work together, maybe approach her the next time you see her. Or even come in to work a little early one day, hanging around her "station"/desk/work area and when you see her, ask to talk with her at break-time. And take it from there. You'll know what to say. 😊

[ConnieS]

I would ask her out to lunch, maybe - nothing too formal - and explain to her what happened (why you did what you did, how being co-workers made the situation complicated, etc.) Honesty is the best policy in this case. She possibly thought you didn't like her, which is why she's acting like you're not important to her either. The best thing to do is talk to her and ask her what she's thinking/feeling (as it might be something entirely different to what I suspect). At least she'll understand that you did like her, that you were interested in her. Maybe nothing more will develop in the relationship but at least you can be co-workers without the awkwardness. I'm sure she'll appreciate your explanation. Good luck. 😊

[Asker]

Are you saying that she likes me enough to put effort into ignoring me?

[ConnieS]

It's very possible. If she's deliberately going out of her way to avoid you, there must be a reason for it.
That's why it's good to talk to her, in case there's a different reason for her acting the way she does.
The fact that she looks at you from afar leads me to believe she still may have feelings for you - they may be annoyed/hurt feelings, but they're still feelings. And if she's hurt, it's possible she was hurt by something you said or did - because she cared. (If someone bothers us but they don't mean that much to us, it doesn't hurt as much - because they're not that important to us. The more we care about someone, the more we can be hurt by them.)
That's why I think it would be to both of your advantages to talk to her, explaining what you've explained to us. If she is hurt, hopefully you can heal that pain and you can be friends again - or at least create a more comfortable work environment for you both. 😊