When we start out life.. we probably have unrealistic expectations of our partner.. a Disney prince to sweep you off your feet or a woman whose a ten out of ten who will cook and clean and have your babies (and still be a ten) or whatever. Over time bad experiences and understanding life make us adjust those expectations. Whatever your secret ideal is - no matter how ridiculous- should you compromise to make sure your not bitter and lonely? Or do you stand fast to. your ideals even if it means you die single/not in a stable relationship?
Your ideal man/woman - standards should drop (aka get more realistic) as you get older or you will end up lonely or alone. True or false?
As I have gotten older, I have developed an appreciation for the fact that I am not a perfect mate for anyone. Hopefully, I am a good match for some women, but even in those relationships, my partners will need to have some patience and tolerance with me. Since I try to live and love by the Golden Rule, I have tried to develop patience and tolerance for my partners and their odd quirks and shortcomings.
I have also developed the ability to fall in love with someone who is not a physically beautiful person and I love my current girlfriend and my previous girlfriend because of the whole person that they are. While I know that they do not meet generally agreed upon standards of beauty, even for women in my age range, I still feel attracted to my girlfriend and I was attracted to my previous girlfriend. Both women have been satisfying to me in our physical relationship and I have been quite happy and satisfied with both of them.
I have also realized that even if I had sex four times per week and each session lasted about an hour, that is less than 3% of my total time devoted to sex. Knowing that my girlfriend is a good person and that she will always be there for me is more important than seeing a beautiful specimen when we make love, and even though she is not beautiful, we still are making love and not just having sex. When I go to sleep with my arms around her body, I am quite satisfied and I feel at peace with the world.
So. . . things have changed as I have gotten older, and I am actually more content now than when I was younger. My standards have changed, but I would not say that they have lowered. I still want a woman who brings great value to my life, but that great value does not come from a perfect body.
I misread things occasionally, as well. This is exactly what I as talking about. Iu have patience for other people's mistakes because I know I make mistakes, too!
I've become much more picky as I've gotten older. I always dated attractive women, but I understand my physical preference more now, along with understanding my preference on personality much better now. I'd rather wait awhile and date a great girl for me than to find someone quickly. The percentage of girls I would date plummeted though.
If you don't take care of yourself as you age like most people don't, you do kind of set yourself up for having little options. Very few girls look close to those examples you gave on ideal women. If they did though, their options would magically skyrocket.
Well. There are two schools of thought there. For example.. I've always taken care of myself and look a lot younger ... so I'm not too worried about aging and stuff. Walking around in the mall.. I still get a lot of attention. Having said that.. I'm divorced and with kids so for a lot of guys that would be deal breaking baggage. Which yes.. would narrow my dating pool (it's really not just looks). Which is fine because I wouldn't personally want anyone to "lower" their standards to date me. The other way of looking at it is.. do you really want someone who wants you coz you are tick box perfect (ie looks, no baggage, self sufficient etc) but knows nothing about what makes you unique? I see my flaws as a happy filter to weed out the lazy and superficial.. so I'd personally prefer guys to stick religiously to their standards... if I end up alone.. hey I have my cats! (Kidding.. I dont have any 😋)
I don't agree with your logic, honestly. I mean I don't see how preferring something more appealing or desirable means a person is lazy. We are all superficial. Sometimes people prefer to not have an attractive partner due to their own insecurity and self worth issues regarding keeping them satisfied.
Being divorced at 37 is understandable. It's not that much different than going though a break up. Kids aren't always a flaw at your age. Being pretty, I'm sure you'll do fine.
So I'd say being divorced is pretty trivial and having kids just depends on how the guy feels. If you were 22 with kids it'd be worse. Assuming you'll date a guy around 40 or 45 maybe, he'll probably have kids too.
Everyone sets standards according to what they believe is real and worth the trouble. And as you get older you gain more experience and your expectations and standards change... unless you have always been mature enough and conviction about what you want and expect, then I see no problem with keeping your standards. Personally I care less about staying single or not because I’m enjoying a life that a married person might like to have, my freedom, my free time, my liberty to leave on a vacation whenever I decide to...🙆🏻♀️ yup that life is priceless! 🙃
Honestly i guess it depends. I know for me I’d rather be single, I’m not unhappily so, than in a relationship that doesn’t fulfil me. My standards aren’t particularly high in terms or looks or money, but my personality ones are- and I won’t be in a mediocre relationship just to be in a relationship.
Retarded units alert. Yeah… Ladies, if you use those, feel free to ignore me. In fact, please, do so And the ideal women's body… That is model-grade. There is no need for such overkill. My standards aren't that high. Just…don't be landwhale or fat (I am not too), don't be retarded (any kind: religion, using pseudo-units, filming vertically, writing like…well…retard, stupidity in general), don't be one of those "I travel a lot, so eat shit, I'm better than you" or the same with exercising. Don't have sex with a guy just because you can. It's really simple. You don't have to work out, you don't have to be super successful, you don't have to have bilion guys in your sexual past…
I was just using those as an example dude.. don't get worked up over them. Everyone has different ideals in terms of what they want from the opposite sex. So I prefer guys that end up in other women's friendzoned.. the quieter, gentler types.. my best friend loves mach bad boys.. it's all relative... the question was more around whether one should compromise ones own standards
@MaverickAngel I know, I know. Don't worry, it's not meant to be that serious. But I get worked up over units, because they're so basic, so low level and so everywhere. You do what? :-D I'm not laughing at you, it's just oddly specific. Hey, I'm quiet (not on the internet though), gentle type. I strongly believe that people should compromise, because standards and ideals are just…no, you ain't gonna get that. Simple as that. And then it depends on what. If I say I would not be with religious, imperial units using girl, then…yeah, but also…whatever. I'm from Europe, from most atheistic country. So I'm pretty much fine there. People talk about this in regard to physical standard. "Yeah, she need to be super hot, big tits and…“ But that's not the end of person.
So... while I dont consider myself superficial.. if other people want someone super hot and that means something to them.. pffft... each to his own right? The question was more about your own personal standards - do you compromise those or not (whether they be reasonable... over emphasizing looks or whatever). The higher you aim (in anything.. including your career.. the less your chances of success)... but should you compromise what you value? (Even if it to "lower" your standards to a more achievable norm). My guess was that most guys (being more pragmatic) would say yes and most girls (being more idealistic) would say no. Very few quiet guys in South Africa lol. (I think they are drowned at birth lol)
@MaverickAngel Yeah, sure, why not, but let's be honest. Some shorter, fat, bald guy will probably not land superhot model. I do, but extend depends on so many things, I cannot even name them. "The higher you aim…" completely agree here. I would say yes. Because…maybe you'd be able to get it later. And yeah, girls aren't that willing to compromise, I see it also. :-D I saw that you're from there. So you're in BRICS country, specifically the S on the end. Isn't SAR pretty much the most developed country in Africa? It must be annoying, dealing with us, northerners. We have winter when you have summer, but at your location, there is summer all the time anyway…
These standards aren't that high at all. 6ft is a little taller than average. Getting a degree these days isn't that difficult in the slightest. Beer is amazing tagged along with meat. Most people don't smoke today. What guy doesn't enjoy watching sports? Anyone with common sense can change a tire. Who can't swim? If you went to college, then you should be able to afford a nice car.
But to answer your question, yes. Dating value and options start to decline as we get older.
Whatever your personal standards are. For e. g. I value guys like are almost knight like in theory value system. Couldn't care less if anyone thought he was hot or not though... I'd be attracted to him myself because of personality qualities- and that's all that ever mattered to me. Having said that.. lots hard finding guys like that on an emotional level..
At least u know how hard it is what u are looking for and inturn know why you may have difficulties getting that so many complain whilst asking 4 impossible
I think for most men the lowering of standards is natural. When you are young you seek perfection but as you become older you realize more and more that it is unlikely to happen and not many men want to end up alone forever.
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