What are some major green flags that are often overlooked?

[tartaarsaus]

Ty Reddit.

Green flag, as in the exact opposite of a red flag in dating.

So basically things that people do that imply they are basically nuggets of gold in terms of potential dating, but people often don't pay attention to.

[Klara-Hitler]

This is about green flags for me. I'm someone who's after long-term committed monogamous relationships and nothing else. So take that into account.

- Planning, clarifying goals, thinking about future

Planning is a sign of intelligence, intelligent people are more successful on average, and women like successful men.

When a guy has a plan and can think clearly about it, it's a major green flag for me.

- High self-control

Self-control is another major green flag for me.

When I see a man who can control his feelings and emotions, I see a married life with less drama, less fights, more productive discussions, less paranoia in difficult situations, etc.

It absolutely changes everything.

- A man who can think clearly about risky behavior and avoid them if/when he should

Men are more likely to engage in risky activities. That's quite useful sometimes. But some men just love to live on the edge. They are to be avoided, because they live the life a teenage boy with raging hormones.

Some other men can't think clearly about the risk in activities like promiscuous sex because they like it and can't or don't want to control their sexual desire (lack of self-control). That's also a red flag.

But when a man knows when to risk and when not to risk, when he likes himself more than his desire to do something very risky that thrills him, that'a a major green flag.

- A man who has standards that go beyond physical attractiveness

A man without any standards except a perfectly symmetrical face is to be avoided. It's a red flag. He's not seeing you as a person and never been looking for someone like you. It's a sign that he probably never thinks deeply about himself, people's personalities and beliefs, or at least the group he belongs to and there's nothing that makes you special to him, whether nationality, ethnicity, religion, worldview, etc.

It's a green flag when a man has more conditions than just a beautiful face. The more filters there are, usually the better.

There are more, but it's kinda late so I end it here.

[tartaarsaus]

Thanks. Clearly an awesome, in-depth answer.

I did not expect the bit on risky behaviour, or the thing on standards. But the thing on standards makes sense, otherwise someone would just date someone for the virtue of basically being a woman/man (if they have very few standards)

[Alexis_OC]

Great answer!

[Docnomania]

I wish more women thought like you

[zagor]

Does your husband meet these standards?

[Klara-Hitler]

@tartaarsaus Yeah. Maybe it’s a bit strange to consider a man with a lot of standards more attractive, because a lot of people nowadays are after someone who would “accept them the way they are”. They believe “love is love”, “love’s the only thing that matters”, “love knows no x, y, z” etc. Taking it easier is trendy.

But to me, having standards simply means a man thinks. The quality of the standards show how deeply he thinks.

I have no problem for example, if a man from another ethnicity filters me out of his dating pool because he believes he should marry his own, even if we were attracted to each other for reason x and y. That just shows me he’d be a more loyal man for the woman he’s going to choose, because he’s using his raw will to control in what womb his chosen sperm is going to end up fertilizing an egg.

And think about it, who would appreciate you and stay with you longer? A man who chose you because you met 6-7 out of 10 of his standards, or a man who fell in love with you for reasons he couldn’t explain and approached you without thinking beyond that point?

Yes, it makes everything harder. “Thinking” would be the hardest thing to do for most people I’d assume. But it could even force you to change and improve yourself, and would require you to have standards yourself, which are things people find quite hard to do.

It would also decrease the number of people in your dating pool, but I can say it would increase the quality of relationships.

Men’s standards are important. That’s why I have it pretty high in my list of green flags.

[Klara-Hitler]

@zagor When we first met, yes, he met at least a few of them. But I’m not saying someone should or even ‘could’ have all of these qualities ‘at once’ or when he’s still very young. I’m saying these are green flags. Very good signs.

If I see one or two important ones, it’s usually enough. Now if you want more, you’re going have to help each other improve. That’s what we’ve done so far and still doing.

Some of them are also qualities that need maintaining. They're usually not what people 'are', but what certain people try to be most of the time. You'd have to be willing to help if you desire them, and also realize there will be flaws.

In other words, I’m not advocating waiting for the perfect man, if you think that's what I'm doing. Never did, and that’s not what I’ve done personally.

But desiring self-control, having a plan and a meaningful purpose in life, or having standards, are hardly demanding the perfect man.

I personally think children’s upbringing and western culture have been so messed up in the past 40 years that some people think things that were quite normal for our grandparents or even parents are now demanding perfection.

[tartaarsaus]

@Klara-Hitler Ohh okay, thanks for explaining what you meant with it. Certainly is clearer now.

[Klara-Hitler]

@tartaarsaus Welcome.

[Justacatlady]

Kindness. Not the simple stuff, the kind when they think no one is paying attention and they don’t get anything from it.
Empathy.
Having similar goals. Maybe not career, but to where they want life together to go.
Truly honest communication. Not just being able to say I’m mad, but the ability to say that then work through what it is so it doesn’t keep happening.
Being able to be me, no barriers, no walls. The person I am with my family and my closest friends.
Being able to make a mistake and have my partner understand with compassion that it was not intentional

[Justacatlady]

Thanks for MHO 💚

[tartaarsaus]

You're welcome

[Therisinghero12]

Positivity/optimism, seems like everyone is so negative nowadays, they trust nobody, they think the world is going to shit, and they only focus on the bad things, it gets tiring pretty fast.
Reasonably independent, I understand wanting to spend every moment with your SO but you gotta understand that people need their space and alone time once in a while. Along with that, you gotta learn how to enjoy some peaceful quality time with people, you don't always have to be talking or doing something together and it can be a nice change of pace to just be with your partner but doing your own things.
Not attached to your cell phone, I see so many people nowadays who have to post every moment of their life on social media like life's some sort of competition to get the most likes, and then they worry when they don't get the amount they expected, I just wish people would sit back and enjoy the moment with their family and friends.

[jss123]

She doesn't look down on anybody and treats everyone the same. She has one personality to everyone too. The most amazing thing she did was prepare a food basket for a poor couple for Christmas so they could have a good Christmas day. Didn't tell anyone. After being married to a narcissist its a huge green flag for me to be seeing someone genuinely nice

[blutwolfe]

dedication and loyalty, passion and drive

The ability for me to trust them to function by themselves and have my back. To view it more as a best friend/partner and just not a "relationship".

I could care less if she's dumber or smarter, better or worse than me, as long as they have the ability to ride or die. I think that's the most overlooked green flag.

[Angelina25]

I really like Klara's answer. I'd agree with her. I can't immediately think it anything I'd like to add

[tartaarsaus]

Yup. It's a pretty great answer

[A-man-22]

Asks you out.
Calming to be around.
Likes hugs
Trustworthy
Likes to physically fool around occasionally
When I treat her she often returns the favour.
Doesn't give sex as a gift.


If I was feeling down and my partner suddenly picked me up and hugged me that would be a massive green flag.

[JSmuve]

I think different people will have different green flags that others might not value. For example, a major green flag for me in a girl is obsequence. This goes along with other, similar qualities that I find it super attractive. Others might not value it as much though and either overlook or take advantage of girls with this quality.

[EmbraceThePain]

I usually ask “Do you feel the inclination to send me to the pits of Tartarus?” and if they say “no” then that’s a green flag to me. I don’t know why many more people ask this question...

[Maximaster21]

Smell me being a guy my hairdresser randomly complimented how I smell and I think it's important to have your own good smell

[Jjpayne]

Acceptance, supportiveness, and enjoying similar hobbies

[Guanfei]

Someone caring, for example. People tend to consider caring people as normal. Which, from my experience, it's not

[Dongtai]

How can you tell if a man values things other than looks?

[thefutureisfemale]

Men being good with kids and animals is one.
xx
~ Mrs Manson

[Anonymous]

Ginger hair...
Seriously though, if she understands money, loves classical music, or loves to hike, or works out she'll have me weak in the knees.

[omgjassy]

Great listener and loyalty

[MoneyBeets]

Boring

[tartaarsaus]

@MoneyBeets nah, but are pretty damn important

[tartaarsaus]

*both

[omgjassy]

@MoneyBeets lame

[Jennifer2019]

Y is there a photo of a lesbian couple? Do u want ur girlfriend to be a lesbian?

[tartaarsaus]

It was just the first picture that popped up when looking "green flag dating" that wasn't an actual green flag

[tartaarsaus]

And the alternative was of a site "datingkindasucks. com" so I thought I wouldn't use it

[GreenGold1992]

good head on shoulders