Kindness, sincerity, uniqueness, morality, having a healthy sense of self with strong convictions yet not stubbornness. An appreciation for things like the arts, because it shows me they don't live on pragmatism alone, and are open to and are in touch with beauty and a rich inner, emotional life. Knowing and understanding yourself is paramount to me. You don't have to be anywhere near perfect, but you have to be able to analyze and introspect. If you don't have objectivity about yourself, you may not be amenable to reason (and reasonable, intelligent discussions, of which the topics could then be unlimited, are the juicy steak of life.)
I notice this type of question (which I do find very interesting) often results in a lot of 'what do they offer me' kind of answers. That is ok, but that's another way (one way) of looking at it. I believe at the root of the question, is 'what is it about them that makes you love them'. That's how I see it, anyway. I won't fall in love with someone just because they love me, or want me, or treat me well. And I can fall in love with all sorts of people, and have, there has been no 'type' all my life. Though as time passed I have learned that often they were not right for me in the end, but you can do these things for a while in life - go out, play, experiment, learn, grow, develop who you are, and appreciate others. People are so different, no two are identical (part of the reason I loathe stereotypes and archetyping people so much). Everyone has something to offer others (I'll keep this happy, and not talk about the s*** people out there who need to do a lot of work on themselves and are unworthy in their current state).
P. S. Thanks for asking a good question. I'm sure it's been asked before, and a lot of users don't like the repeats, but I am ok with other people asking. It can reshuffle the decks, and bring in a different combination of users and answers.
So far, I do not let any feelings interfere with my studies and my goals in life. I prevent all types of close contacts so as not to get tempted and I must say, I have been quite successful with my strategy.
Sure, guys have attempted to hit on me but I systematically reject their proposals because I am ambitious and will not let anyone or anything interfere with it.
I will have enough time in 20-30 years from now to think about love and if love does not come, it is not tragic. Lots of people live happily without love and all the constraints it brings.
And this one you think of, is probably the one that is on the very bottom of my priorities anyway.
I will only add that that 20-30 years from now most like the overwhelmingly majority have settled down and gotten a family, and I also want to add that there are millions of people who live clinically depressed without love.
Im not judging you for your choice I only want to well tell this so you just know about what you can expect. As not everything goes as planned.
@weirdoweirdo I am very aware of that and I have considered that when I made up my mind.
But then, I am a little of a special case because one of the major thing that brings people together (if not the most important for many) does not interest me the least and that is intimate relations.
In 40 years, I will likely still be able to find a person that does not prioritize intimacy over just being together and to me, that is more important than to have the pressure to deliver and expect a performance.
Of course there is a difference between being single and being lonely, I agree.
Life is too short to not experience love and sex. It’s enjoyable so seek out the right person to do stuff with. Why do you only have to prioritize your education?
I’m in college but I love meeting girls and making friends. College takes up time but it is no excuse to not find love. Loneliness sucks and there is no reason to have to deal with it. Being with someone will make you feel better about life and give you more drive. What do you do in your free time when you aren’t working? Sure you work a lot but I know that you have off time, especially if you are in college.
You might look back and regret that you didn’t use your younger more attractive years to find love. The interactions we make with people are just as important as the aspirations we have in life and that’s why a lot of the successful people we know are very sociable like able people who have a significant other.
Do you really want to be 50 years old and just start searching for someone to love when most of your prime years have passed? Think of all the couples you’d know at this time that have already been married for over 20 years and have had kids. If you want a family or any sort of company you will have missed out. The window for having your own kids biologically is 20-30. Any later than this and you risk your children having birth defects. If you decide to stay single this long you will have given up the chance to have someone to spend your older years with or to have a family.
It will be very hard to find a partner at the age of 50 because most men are already taken by this time or have decided they will not date anymore. I might add that at 50 the men will be a lot less fit due to natural aging and it will be hard to find someone you find attractive. How will you feel when you are older knowing you never got to experience love? Would you rather have look back and see a life full of love and social interactions or with regret at a life with no love?
@username-5000 I thank you for your very explicit reply. I should perhaps been more detailed with my original reply.
Part one of my reply (GAG complained at the length of it)
I am not interested in being sexual because sex just does not entice me. I find it has more negative aspects than positive. People go great lengths cheating, abusing raping and even murdering for sex and if I analyze the replies from mostly guys here on GAG, it gives me a fairly good idea of what their priorities are in a relation.
I find GAG to be an excellent mirror of society and honestly, I don't like what I see or read.
I am not seeking to be sexual in a relation and at age 50, a great number of men have made their experiences, collected a number of trophies and body counts, given or received STD/STI from their multiple partners.
I do not strive to have a family because, let's face it, in 99% of the cases it involves being sexual and I am sorry to say, that is really something I find disgusting. All these exchanges of body fluids. If at least they were limited to where they were intended to be placed but no, very few guys are satisfied with that idea.
A guy that of 50+ has left all those activities behind him for the greater part and I hope to find someone that prioritizes intellect and character over the strenuous physical activity. Sweat, grunts, moans, body fluids, body odors and a messed up body are the results of that activity. It just revolts me beyond words.
But on a positive side, you can also be in love with someone without being physical. You can cuddle, hold hands and give pecks on the cheeks. That is just as much proof of love than to be intimate 2 times a day until it becomes such a habit, a routine that it is not pleasurable anymore for the one that practices that activity. And then what? They placed so much emphasis on getting physical that all the other beautiful things of a twosome where dismissed.
Thank you but I will keep going my pace through life. Furthermore, people have found a second love or new wife in a retirement home. And those prioritize every day as it comes, without being sexual. Are they less happy? I do not think so.
Thank you for taking the time to read to the end (I hope).
If you meet the right guy and kiss him you might get turned on. I believe that sexuality is fluid and that in time your desires could change. For example, I had a friend who was a lesbian in high school and would constantly talk about how gross men are and how she’d never have sex with one or be with one. Once we got out of high school I didn’t talk to her for a year until I saw her at an event and she introduced me to her boyfriend who she had been dating for months who she then proceeded to grope as they were leaving. Moral of the story is these things might change so I wouldn’t rule it out if the right person comes along. Personally me and my ex couldn’t kiss without wanting to grope each other.
I see way too many negative points in being sexual and I have my well established routine to suppress any surging libido. So, I am as cold as a fish all year round when it comes to hormone peaks.
What’s so bad about sex why work so hard to suppress your desires? If both parties are healthy and practice it safely it’s a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do.
@username-5000 sex just takes much too much importance in people's life. Less than 1% of a person's lifetime occupation rules 99% of it. It changes people for the worse if they cannot have it.
They are ready to rape or murder to satisfy their uncontrollable hormone levels. I could eventually agree to having sex if it was for procreation but usually people have it not to procreate but just to act worse than any animal would ever do.
Have you ever witnessed a couple of horses, falcons or hedgehogs behaving like humans do? Of course not.
Actually, people are hypocrites when they pretend that they dislike a person with body odor or bad breath, yet they perform oral sex on a woman's vulva that stinks like high hell after a number of minutes being aroused and intimate. Where is the logic behind this double morals?
And that is why I don't want any of that egoistic and hypocrite behavior. And that is why I have become so good at suppressing what to me has become the very cause of an unnatural human behavior.
Actually many species have sex for pleasure. It’s fine if you don’t want to have sex but unnatural? seriously? Our species has been doing this for millions of years. Sex has been present in every single human society on earth and without it we would literally be nothing.
A majority of people won’t kill or rape for sex we don’t want it that bad. It’s fine if you don’t want sex but don’t insult the people that have it. We do it because it’s fun and it releases chemicals in our brain that make us feel a greater bond to each other. Also oral sex isn’t for everyone if you don’t like oral just do regular sex and foreplay? How is sex hypocritical or egoistic if it is consensual and wanted by both partners? Me and my girlfriend have sex often and many times she asks me for it and we have a great time. We use protection and are both STD free. We both try our best to cater to the other persons desires.
“Have you ever seen animals act like humans do?” Actually yes a lot this is a big part of how we study human sexuality by studying chimpanzees and rats because they have a close evolutionary heritage to us. Animals engage in consensual sex often and sometimes in unconsensual sex. Chimpanzees and rats have foreplay and flirting patterns like we do. Horses falcons and hedgehogs all have sex as well.
@username-5000 I know you are trying to divert the question of human sexual behavior. That other animals perform certain body manipulations is a fact but no animal would ever be so perverted to attach another one if he could to abuse the partner the way humans do and to dream of being raped like a number of girls will tell you or to dream of having sexual intercourse with their underage sons and daughters like many adults fantasize.
And yes, humanity did have sexual intercourse for the purpose of procreation for thousands of years before 2019 and and I never denied that fact.
That’s just not true other animals do stuff like that all the time it’s actually really common for other monkeys to attack another monkey. Rape is very common in chimpanzees and has been observed in lots of other mammals too. In some species rape is the only form of sex. Us Humans are a lot better than animals.
I can only speak for myself, others may vary. It starts with the hair, beautiful thick silky straight hair that glistens in the sun.
Then Fair beautiful face with great skin complexion. Then beautiful body, between athletic and voluptuous not size 0. A great smile and laugh.
Then behaviour, she should be strong, confident and caring, whilst being fun and quirky. With strong opinions. Het natural body scent (when I make her sweat 😏) should smell good (biological indicator that your immune systems are compatible and you will have healthy children).
Then chemistry, mutual interest, life goal comparability etc
Lastly the small things. Morning sex, me waking her up by going down on her, her doing the same to me. Cuddling on a cold night or morning. Lounging around together all weekend Netflix, chill and takeaway.
Pushing her cold feet and hands into me for warmth in bed... the little things
That's when you wake up the next morning and say I love you.
If I fall in love with somebody, it means they have a great many qualities that I love. There are certain qualities and values that I hold dear, or love, and when people express these qualities and have the same values, I take a liking to them.
So if they’re a male and they have everything that I admire, I’ll love them in a friendship sort of way, a highly esteemed friend let’s say.
But if a female values the same things I do and has many characteristics that I love, I will instantly feel a very powerful and strong attraction to her. That is when I will love her.
First of all, love needs to be redefined. People think there is only one type of love, which is not true. Regarding the question, good manners make me love someone. Manners and sensitivity go hand in hand. Anyone who has manners has class. A classy person chooses not to flaunt even when he has everything to flaunt. Those classy, kind and sensitive people really do have a powerful presence and positive vibes. They have that warmth that makes them approachable.
Attraction and Shared Connection, after having formed intimacy. By intimacy I don't mean sex, tho that does help. When you are attracted to eachother and you've really opened up, gotten raw emotionally and have experienced them as a person. To me if once you really know them and form a connection from that. Love is inevitable.
But that can only happen if you're not desperate and are not afraid to lose them. Because if you're afraid to lose them part of you is held back. You feel like if they knew THAT part of you then they might not love you and leave or you overlook things about them. Looking at them with rosetinted glasses, because of a sense of lack. When that's hidden away you can never be truly wholly open and honest. And when you're desperate you can never really know and love them, because you're lying to yourself about what you're okay with.
I love someone who’s good hearted. Who just oozes goodness. I love a sweet and kind person. I desire gentleness in a partner. Maybe because i’m like that myself. Kindred spirit.
I also like a naughty cheeky side. Probably a side he’d only show to me.
I dig the innocent looking types but really is crazy like me 😂 in a way
Not one singular reasons. Everything about him felt like home, not just one part of him or us. I cannot say why I fell in love with him, just that I did and I am lucky I did.
Depends on the frequency of the love and their capacity to accept it, me, and the universe at the same time. Just as my love is continually challenged to grow and broaden its parameters and circumference to include more of my self, more of my world, and more of her ever growing enigmatic love as it returns...
I'm not exactly sure, I just know it happens. For me I look forward to see my boo everyday after work or during our days, when i don't see him I do get a little pouty but i can manage cause we do see each other everyday. I also get that warm feeling when we snuggle.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I fell in love with my current boyfriend when I met him at work. For some reason, it just felt like we clicked perfectly. We had the same exact sense of humor. The same values. Like, every time we talked, it came so easy to us. We’d be talking and before we knew it, an hour had passed by and it only felt like 5 mins.
Being good looking, muscular, well dressed, cool haircut, caring, looking out for me and letting me being clingy without complaining about it. Never yelling at me neither hitting me and being gentle with me (no teasing, no rude touch, etc...) Also liking video games, anime, comics and I prefer quiet / introvert guys.
Someone who has a good sense of humor, respectful, kind, caring, smart, loving, understanding, and loyal. Someone who loves me for me. Someone I can easily talk to about anything, to cuddle with, to have fun with, go on adventures, to support me, understands me, and be there for me no matter what through my ups and downs.
Being able to trust her, getting lots of affection (them initiating), having the same morals, some same interests of stuff to do together, loyalty, them being dependable/know I can count on them, knowing they consider my feelings/how something would make me feel, and if she happens to have the kind of face that I find very cute.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Personality. Someone funny, respectful, kind and caring. Someone who loves me for me and someone I can rely on and who will support me. And someone who I have a connection with, and can talk to and be comfortable around. Also them being adorable is a turn on.
If they have a general concern for my life and is broadcasting whole heartedly to me she is invested. Last but not least she has to have her own life to completely infuse our realms together emotionally.
I don't know that I've ever really experienced true love, but I've always formed an attraction after I got to know the person and liked their personality. There's just something that clicks.
Nothing, literally nothing. I do not see myself as someone who is able to fall in love. Also, I do not believe in love. They are just chemical in your head, Sexual attraction and once they fade away you will see the other person's true colors. Most of the time you won't like it. I never been in love, not even once
For me , its the interaction between the 2 of you. You can like a girl but that particular one hits the spot. And you are hooked. I have dozens of female friends that I chat with have meals with and get up close and personal with. But when I met the second wife it was like two jid saw pieces slotting together. We were at mutual friends funeral. We met got chatting about Michelle and that was that married in 6 months …...
Kindness. When they are polite. Saying yes sir to me is a turn on. Respect is a big one. But if they are messy or unhygienic its an immediate turn off all emotions and vacate
I have fallen in love a few times, each time has been due to being accepted. They accepted me for who i am, and showed that they were genuinely kind hearted people. Its that easy for me, has never had anything to do with looks.
I think it is impossible to say - It is just so instinctual maybe beyond words, the connection - A wife of a friend of mine just explains it perfectly "He just gets me"
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