I appreciate this. I don't agree with her looking for someone who is genetically clean. Although, I do sympathize. It would be somewhat appealing to know that I'm not putting my kids at more risk by being with someone without the gene. I know there would still be a risk because mine is somewhat genetic, but it would be nice not to increase my childrens chance of acquiring it.
That was exactly what it was! She absolutely did not want to increase our children's risk of having any kind of inheritable disease. She went out of her way to marry someone ethnically different from her as well to decrease the chances even more.
I don't know that I would go as far as seeking a man without the gene, but I would want to look into our kid's odds after deciding to conceive. I would want to be prepared I suppose. Even though I can still give my newborn a mild form of it for a short period of time, I would ultimately feel guilty for giving it to someone long term. Either way, this is an interesting perspective
Totally agree. I do understand where she was coming from. She wanted to give her kids the best chance at being disease free and I can appreciate that. Isn't that kind of natural? Humans in general try to size up and choose the most suitable and best mate possible, natural selection right? It's just now we have the technology to look more than just skin deep. On the flip side, I know my children are probably carriers now.
I suppose it is pretty natural, but I find it to be on a level of I want my kids to be set up well in life. Knowing that my kids will be carriers is honestly a reason why I would consider fostering or adopting instead. Although there is always something nice about knowing you carried your child as a mother I suppose, lol.
Yup, my ex is very happy knowing she carried them and gave birth to them. It's also amazing how much of yourself you see in your own kids. Even as infants and as toddlers, they exhibited traits and quirks of mine that they simply could not have learned. They had to have been innate.
That is absolutely adorable! What caused your wife to initiate the divorce if I may be nosy?
I guess it boiled down to me holding back my emotions. I did that on purpose to an extent after the kids were born. I wanted to create a really stable environment for them. But that's kind of what she lives for in a relationship. She wants that emotional roller coaster of a ride, the crazy ups and the crazy downs. So she eventually became disillusioned and resentful in ways. Since we didn't fight or get in arguments, she says that she didn't even become fully aware until it was too late to fix things. By that point she said she realized she just wanted to be done with it.
That's really rough, but it also sounds like she may have been emotionally immature. Without knowing the whole situation, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing though (also without knowing your opinion lol).
She's emotionally different than me. She thinks that I will easily be able to find a much more compatible person that I would potentially be happier with. Her emotional roller coaster thing seems unstable and a little crazy to me especially after being married for many years. I like to become comfortable in a relationship and not be on edge all the time. But that seems dull to her and fills her with despair. If she had told me, I would definitely have tried to work on things with her, open up more. She says that probably wouldn't have helped, we're just too different emotionally.
Thank you for taking the time to let me get to know you. I appreciate your replies
Yes it should be disclosed at some point in the dating process so the other person can make a choice. I would have a hard time dating someone who used to have a drinking problem but has been in recovery. That might not be fair but part of me just feels I can't take the risk loving someone who might slip up in the future. That sounds pretty hypocritical on my part I'm sure.
Ok I read the post completely wrong. That is what I get for having insomnia. I was answering if it was a psychiatric illness but in my case besides my digestive problems I've had for a long time the anxiety and depression would be my chronic illness.
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They never tell us do they? LOL
@coachTanthony It may be something that is too embarrassing to reveal, but the disease varies greatly. For some people, psoriasis causes them to have problems dating while, for others, it is something life threatening. The advice depends on the seriousness of the ailment.
Yeah for sure! Hard to give generalized advice without knowing!
It's not necessarily embarrassing. I have SLE, and started to show symptoms around 16, but was only diagnosed about a year ago when I got really sick.
I've found this to be partly true in my case as well. That's partly why I asked
Yeah it sucks more when they say they understand or its okay but then with in weeks or days everything changes. Especially when you really care for them.
The worst time I've experienced this was when I was sick quite a while and in and out of the hospital for about 4 months, and afterwards he decided it was too much for him. Which I understand, I completely sympathize with that. It was just a really heartbreaking reason to leave, though.
I've been there done that and it's really hard for everybody and I understand what you mean. It's hard and it hurts and it feels really unfair. But we can't change what we can't control sadly. I been in the same spot but instead of a parter it was my mother. I'm sorry too hear you went through that. I for one know I need somebody besides family to talk to and when something like that happens it's hard
Asker: sorry to say but if he loved you enough, he would have stayed. People who love you stay in good and bad times. Would you have done the same?
I do like the idea of acknowledging that we both have issues. I feel like it would be harder for the other not to look at me like I have more? Or that maybe I'm a financial liability?
I can't see that if someone truly cared for you then the respect and love they have for you would outweigh any doubts they had or any financial difficulties. That said it relates back to my previous point of acknowledging each others difficulties in dealing with these issues and getting through it with a strong foundation for a lasting and meaningful relationship as your reward. Obviously it's not going to be as easy or as simple as that but it makes that if someone truly loves you then you just need to make sure they know you love them too and give each other what you both need out of a relationship, otherwise you may just be generally incompatible.
This is insightful, thank you for your input. We all have our different issues in a relationship. Some are just stronger than others depending on how the two act.
Exactly :) i hope i helped in some way, best of luck to you
You have, thank you for taking the time to reply.
Agreed. I feel like we all have something to work towards, regardless of illness.
Very true. Then I ask, would you stay?
since when is autism a total deal breaker?, they can express love,
autism isn't a dirty defect
both men and women with autism deserve love like everyone else, why should they be automatically disqualified from the world of dating?
Good Lord, autocorrect killed me here. Birth. I meant to type birth defects. And what I'm saying is I couldn't relate to them because I've never had a defect or something like that so it would be harder for me to understand their situation and how their mind works.
high functioning individuals are kind of like everyone else, except they might have minor issues related to the condition
Crohn's is rough, I'm sorry to hear that. Hope you're feeling okay rn though!
I say that would be reasonable.
There is some thought that digestive problems can cause anxiety since about 90% of the serotonin is produced in the gut.
Agreed, what about chronic illness on a physical level?
I believe love may be for complicated than that. Infatuation? Definitely. Love is a lot more complicated than simply love is love, though. Unless we're talking in a marriage equality sense.
Lol, that checks the "Not dating anyone with Crohn's" box
Ohhh fuck yer killin me!!! Rotflmmfao
Are you saying if she's anti vax you'll date her, or the opposite
Yes that’s exactly what I’m saying
I don't know that you'll find many chronically ill people who are anti vax unless the illness was caused by vax injury, but you do you.
I never thought of it that way...
autism isn't a chronic illness though
guys with autism are kind of embarrassing,
What would those circumstances be?
What said illness is I guess
🤗 thanks for sharing
@brandiAlone im looking for some fun but your link is not working!!!
Doesn't surprise me 😂
So no matter the circumstance, if she's hotter, you will?
Lol no, like I said, it isn't contagious. It's partially genetic.
people like me pll for who they're i mean HIV is a no go but like you don't have to disclose anything thats a chronic illness until u know the person better then if they judge oh well oOr if they stay then they decided they like you fof you
but also, men are a lot more sensitive and dont think about things like the genetic fitness of their children so im sure there's a guy for you
How so? Would you or would you not? Thank you