The long-term effect of the sexual revolution and misandrist feminism has been a fundamental and I posit largely negative shift in the areas of dating, sexual relationships, and marriage.
The average man fears walking up to a woman he finds attractive and attempting to chat her up. why? Society is likely to view him as a creep even though he's doing something that’s completely natural. If you are single man and you find a woman attractive, you want to get to know her, the only way to accomplish that is to go up and talk to her. However, doing that isn't so simple in today’s era. Unless you are Chris Evans , there is a high chance that you will be publicly ridiculed & shamed.
I get it, us men can be quite scary. It can be very intimidating for a woman to reject a man who could hurt you if he doesn't like the response. A woman’s fight or flight response kicks in if a big guy walks up to her looking like he wants to eat her. Sure, these are completely valid concerns.
However, this is how men and women have been getting together for centuries. I think you're hot and I want to come talk to you. If that’s not allowed anymore and I don't have any formal venues like college to meet women, what is a fella to do?
No man wants to be labeled a creep and many women view this kind of behavior as not allowed. Thus the world of hookup culture, friends with benefits, incels, and hostile blue haired cat ladies who are pissed at all men because they never get any.
hypergamy has increased in recent years and women call most guys creeps for approaching them. If a woman thinks that the guy is ugly or unattractive in some way, all she has to do is yell “Get away creep!” and the man has to deal with horrific public embarrassment. Most guys don't want to be publicly ridiculed or have their reputation destroyed, so they avoid walking up to women and asking them on a date.
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+1 y
I don't know if some of ya;ll or stupid or what lol
THIS IS NOT ABOUT MEEEEEEE
I kind of just gave a take, an example as to why now a days many men don't do this approaching shit anymore
Why won't some men just walk up to a woman like a real man and ask her out?
There has always been a high chance that a man could be humiliated when approaching a female stranger. It was one of the unfair things about being a man. They were the ones who had to put themselves on the line because it was considered improper for women to do the approaching. It was even harder because women had been taught to be demure or to even play hard to get. But if a man approached a woman, there was always a good chance of being rejected and that can be hard on the ego. Guys have to play the percentages if they want to meet women. You never know when you will find success. But they won't find success unless they try. And women generally appreciate a man who is confident enough to take a chance. Some very attractive women talk about what a bummer it is that men are too intimidated to approach them.
The thing that may have changed, though, over the years, is that some women today might make a public scene, as if merely approaching them is threatening. But I have a feeling that those type of women are in the minority. Most single women want to find a man. The fact that they are choosy is no different than men being choosy about the kind of women they are attracted to.
The other thing is, different people have different goals. Some want to meet someone nice who will make a good partner and possible mate. Some just want to have fun. A guy's approach signals what kind of relationship he is looking for.
Instead of just walking up to a woman, the most successful method, is to make eye contact. A woman will signal with her body language if she is attracted and if she is interested in meeting. If she looks you over and smiles, even if she then shyly looks away, she is most probably interested.
Yeah I do think a lot of confusion is created because of old societal “expectations”. When I’m talking to a guy I really like sometimes he’ll say things that I don’t think he really means but purely because he thinks it’s ecpected, or he has to say it for me because I’m not supposed to. It can create a lot of silly misunderstanding. The key is to just be honest with each other and do what feels natural and right to you two, not what society tells you (as that’s conflicted and confusing at best!)
True, RaindropSparkle. There is always confusion, uncertainty and risk. People just need to be honest and let the chips fall where they may. That applies to both men and women. Men these days should be grateful that women are free to be more honest and forthright instead of having to play games.
Oh okay. To that, I say, "suck it up." I see rejection as freeing. Knowing that she is not into me frees me up to do other things, like being friends if she's cool and/or look for other girls to ask out.
The only thing humiliating is being strung along if it's not my fault.
Well, aside from public embarassment, there have been cases where they have actually gotten accused of harassment and have had it held against them.
As far as I know, if you even look at somebody incorrectly that can be classified as harassment. I could be wrong, but if that's true then I'd rather just not take a chance.
Plus, most of the time when we actually do want to approach them, we tend to not really do it flirtatiously unless they give off the vibe. We sort of need them to meet us halfway too, right?
And even still, we tend to hold back due to what was mentioned by you and by me. We're afraid to make the first move and mess things up.
The thing is that when a guy approaches a girl, most of the times it is with lewd intentions. If a guy (or perhaps a girl) does not want anything from the opposite gender in terms of being intimate in a more or less distant period of time, then he/she would just refrain from approaching.
I get molested so often by guys that I don't know that just want to be "friendly". A very large number of them do not understand what "not interested" means. Because of that, I am starting to be aggressive as soon as a guy passes my privacy zone which is about 3 feet around me.
That is when the dating apps become a blessing for us girls that are not into being approached by strangers that have this one thing in mind when the try to hit on girls.
Unfortunately, our perverted and oversexualized society objectifies the opposite gender with a high emphasis on women.
I approve of the fact that guys need to take their distances because not every girl wants to be approached. To me is more a nuisance than a benefit. Guys can approach all the girls they want as long as they leave me alone.
this quote, statement, from a book titled "The Alabaster Girl" really bothers and enrages me, it is:
"We are the children of men. We had a father who stood upon this earth on a battlefield with a sword in his hands with the same champion blood coursing through our veins as his, and we're afraid to talk to that girl over there?"
Seriously, why has life, society, always labeled guys, men, as being weak if they can't go up to a woman and talk to her? why is it a sign of strength on the mans part? is it because if a guy lacks the courage to approach her, does it imply that he will be unable to protect her as well?
If guys, men, are gonna get labeled or thrown sexual harassment labels, creepy, just for approaching women, it makes sense and its only natural for guys, men, to get thrown the creepy label or sexual harassment label, stalker label, because since guys, men, are on average physically stronger than women, they can easily unfortuneately get perceived as a threat in the womans eyes.
That's why I like to feel in many ways, society would become better if women approached men more often, because women are unlikely to get thrown those labels for the reasons I mentioned, but at the same time, that's more unlikely to happen, a strong part of me believes its part of a womans nature to refuse to approach a guy first, even if she is very strongly attracted to him.
"C'mon... women will never, ever, ever, ever and ever approach a guy! Period! It's not her role to do that despite the progression women have made in society at large; i. e., salary, jobs, positions, women in military, etc... Gentlemen, regardless if a woman is a CEO of company, a government official, 5 star General, department head in a company, women are still women. You can't change that. It's your inner strength, your character, your personality. It's demonstrating you have high value, are self-amused, your value doesn't come from women but from your own life!"
Its actually more than that most guys are are hoping that bec the woman has all the power that if she really likes him she will come over to him and if she doesn't that's a sign she doesn't like him Another problem is men are taught that they will never understand woman so that only heightens their fair even if she drops a frustrating amount if hints he might think he just doesn't understand what she wants from him But all your points are valid in public the woman has all the power to the point where if a. man rejects a woman he simply doesn't like she can accuse him of anything in the moment and the public tends to believe her over him The same for sexual assault Many men who have been sexually assaulted are terrified of the metoo movement bec if they get out out to the public the girl who abused him can simply cry and say she was the victim not the victimizer and all these "feminist" groups who hate. men will jump on it and accuse the victim (the man) that he's a dirty pig and ruin his life even if the judge sides w him if the judge is true to justice and doesn't bow to the pressure of these activist groups Thank you for reading just want to conclude w one final point The world has shifted in the womans favor that means women have to shift w it and start asking the guys they like out
I think a lot of your premises and presumptions are just erroneous, at best, and biased, sexist Bullshit, at worst! I am totally comfortable talking with women of all kinds, and ages, and I openly flirt, and compliment them, and non have ever had issues! Are you just speaking from your own experience, and trying to pass it off as common male experience? Maybe you come off as some kind of 'creep' and thus assume many men do, as well? I have really good relationships with many female friends, at work, and they are married, and one has a partner, and there is no issues, as I know their husbands, and her partner, and these ladies have hugged me, even in front of their partners, as it is just a friendly thing, and not 'creepy' at all! It is about how you relate, and talk, and get to know women! I think this increased 'creep' thing, they hypergamy thing is just your perception, and total CRAP! If anything, I find women more accepting, caring and loving, if the guy listens to them, and understands them and can relate to them, regardless if they are married, but maybe, in spite of that? Maybe some are more comfortable with me, because I am not interested in them, sexually, and I can be that 'friend' they can trust, and like, maybe like a big brother, or something! I'll take it, and I care about all of them!
I wondered this too... only because I’ve never actually came across it in my life either. My guy friends have never been so attacked when approaching girls, and myself and other girls I know have never been this eye to them. It’s only something I’ve come across on the internet.
You got a point. I’ve had some women say some horrible rude things to me before. A year ago I had a girl stick her hand in my face at a bar and all I wanted to do was say goodbye to her friend. That’s it. I wish it was legal to punch her in the face. I wouldn’t ever do that but she deserves it, just saying.
As much as that hurt I always had the attitude “you miss every shot you don’t take”. I never ever had a cheesy pick line. I seldom mention her looks. I usually make a innocuous comment about the surroundings and see how she reacts. If she seems interested I’ll chat her up.
I will keep trying and I don’t care what people say about me. As long as I didn’t touch, threaten or make an overt sexual comment they can’t metoo me just for saying hello.
Anyway I see dating apps as a two edged sword. It’s accessible and non threatening to women. But it also gives them all the opportunity in the world to flake, ghost, catfish, etc.
I wish women could just respect guys who try more. If you respectfully turn him down 9 times of 10 he will accept it and peace out. If he doesn’t, it’s in a public place and you got people to defend you.
That’s ridiculous if she acted that way. I can honestly say I’ve never come across that kind of rude behaviour. You just need to realise that the minority of people that do that aren’t actually reacting to you personally, it’s more about them. Don’t take it so hard. You just do you, if you have good qualities that’s all that matters and it will steer you in the right direction regardless of the BS.
@RaindropSparkle she wasn’t the first to do this to me. I actually made friends with a guy at a bar I visiting. I didn’t go in there to pick up women. It was nostalgic because I went the same bar 14 years ago on a spontaneous trip to another state.
The girl was a bartender. Attractive but a complete bitch. I started talking to her about my memory and she goes “whoa that’s too much info, I think I’ll go home with him (the guy I was having a convo with)”. I Just said “go ahead”. I wanted to show her I didn’t care.
Long story short we all got shots but they started making out and I left them alone. I did walk up to the guy to say “peace out man, I should hit you up when I’m back in town (no homo)” and that’s when she stuck her fucking hand in my face. It was like she basically said “go home loser, you pathetic creep!” BUT I did chat up a few different girls after that. Nothing happened.
Anyway I got to let that roll off my shoulders. But for real that shit hurts. Really hurts. That kind of behavior makes guys hesitant to approach women. But I got remember she was a just a cunt.
Not everyone is ready for a relationship, there are lots of people out there ( both genders) that are trying to just live their life and make ends meet. Every had a terrible relationship? I'm sure a large percentage of the population has. Personally I'm waiting until I'm emotionally ready to be in a relationship again rather than burying my feels
there is the whole aspect of parental approval (believe it or not) that still exists to this day along with the religious nutheads, I have several aquantences that will basically be single until they find the right nuthead to marry, haha 😂
Some of these nutheads love Jesus so much that they'd rather fuck the Pope's corpse than even trying to have a one night stand, haha I'm better at internet humor than stand-up
This post reminded how at the party (where everyone had at least few drinks by that point) I came up to 2 girls sitting and tried to make conversation. I talked for around 1-2 minutes shit like "hey Im one of the organisers around here nice to meet you" bla bla bla. They gave some formal responses like their names n stuff, but after I stopped giving my mini-speech they were just sitting there silently and literally waiting for me to get away. Im not saying that I completely stopped talking to women I dont know after that point, but that was just insanely rude.
Because as you stated, women find this scary. Asking a strange woman out with no preliminary conversation is not an effective way to get a date. We see post after post on GaG from guys who do this and can't understand why they are constantly rejected. Say hello. Learn to make small talk and judge a woman's interest. Make her laugh. Then ask. If you get the brush off then forget it and move on.
''Awkward Teen Convicted of Sexual Assault for Touching Girl’s Arm — Faces 10 Years in Prison''
''I remember it happening fast. As soon as he moved, I moved, and I said: ‘stop’ and he touched me on my arm. I sort of jolted out of the way and I went into the road to avoid him and he very quickly walked away…''
Yes, a 19 year old guy is facing potentially 10 years in jail, and being placed on the sex offenders register for touching a girls arm and waist...
This isn't the only case either. A man had to go to court accused of sexual assault and when they viewed the CCTV, he'd only walked past the woman for about 4 seconds...
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
It reminds me how a lot of guys have just been banned from bars or clubs or stores, malls, just for talking to women there.
A lot of these guys had good intentions and never meant any harm, I say this with sarcasm, but if they made improving your conversation skills or social interaction ability as part of the education system, it should be mandatory for men but optional for women, men need it more than women do since the burden of leading an interaction or initiating an interaction falls on the guy shoulders, and that means there are far more ways a guy can screw up an interaction than the other way around
Men and women both need an education in communication. Men tend to communicate directly. Women don't, and use more body launguage. Why not politely approach someone, state the intention, and receive a polite and reasonable response of yes or no? That is all that's required to communicate, but people, and in my experience, women especially, like to play games, hide their true feelings, and waste time, instead of simply getting to the heart of the matter, then exploring.
Because they're afraid. I used to be like you. I've approached hundreds of women, but it actually turns out she can do much worse to you than just saying "No." Each rejection is just one more woman out there talking shit about you, ruining your reputation and telling other women you are to be avoided, until you're meeting women in group settings and you have no idea that they hate your guts because of a years long game of telephone tag.
Asking to hook up after 2 seconds of chatting with a woman online is pretty creepy as well. I think men shouldn't hide behind the computer screen and go up to women in person. The worst thing that could happen is that she does not like you back and life goes on.
Why should someone entertain you just because you find them physically attractive?
I mean, I fully emphasize with the women who do not appreciate being approached. It's shallow, meaningless, entertaining of the *man's* desires.
I don't give a shit about the fact that you find me attractive, I know absolutely nothing about you and have literally zero interest in getting to know you better. You feel me?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Because women have destroyed men's lives for basic attempts of showing interest under the guise of "unwanted advancements". MOST of the metoo was this kind of crap.
Females are given this idea that destroying a males life is ok if they don't like him. reason.com/.../ And females aren't generally punished for making false claims so it's a win win for them.
The simple truth is most women in society today are black holes. You give them love, attention, even bankroll them and like a black hole it disappears into her void never to be seen again. After enough of these experiences guys become wise the avg. Woman of today. Guys start doing a lot of recon to see if she's worth approaching. And most women fail within the first few minutes of that. The guy concludes "hey, let some other schmuck step on that land mine". Every goes on about there business. Hence this is the world that has been created. Don't like it ladies? Change.
@RaindropSparkle let me be clear i said MOST WOMEN not every woman. I'm saying with most women it's all about them. A guy approaches them she may find him cute, she may find him charming but even if they hit it off to begin with she grows bored because she expects every day to be like the first day they met. It's a one sided relationship. After enough of these guys wise up and learn to avoid these woman. It's "princess mentality". Yvan asked why guys don't approach and i was just replying. Most women aren't worth approaching when they display certain traits. After you've run into enough of these women you learn to spot them.
Exactly, creep shaming is real. God forbid a picture of video of you "the creep" at the bar show up on social media or something like that. If you dont think it happens, go to look at the college IG pages. But man up and quit being a pussy right? something something man
Doubt this is new. Consider courtly love. Or all the fairytales of men literally fighting dragons to "get the girl". What is new is that people don't belong to a small tribe anymore, society is bigger and more fractured, so big city dating is something evolution hasn't equipped us for.
Now a days it'd mainly have to do with not wanting to be labeled a sexual harasser or some crap by some crazy broad.
The whole air and environment these days regarding that is so negatively charged so no one wants to risk it for fear of having their life or reputation demolished.
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