Why don’t men ask the “gorgeous” girl out?

[Anonymous]

I have overheard multiple guys gossip amongst themselves that I am “gorgeous.” I have no such view of myself, to be honest, and frankly find it funny and inflated. I am very shy but I am very polite to them. If I am someone’s cup of tea, why do I never get asked out? There is this one guy who just stares and stares, looking a bit like a deer in headlights, but no matter how much I try being friendly, he doesn’t ask me out. I don’t have a bad personality. I don’t understand why he’s just staring or peacocking around me but never actually taking a step. I am never asked out. I am shy but I have tried being friendly, I have asked out men who got spooked by it, and now I am close to giving up because nothing seems to help. If I am so called “gorgeous,” why am I doomed to loneliness with no guy actually stepping up to be with me?

[JeffersonA]

My wife is like that! Never asked out and honestly is not your fault.

It is them men's minds ruining it for you both. They are tricking themselves into thinking bad things about Thier chances with you.

As why dear in the headlights look.

For me I try and play cupid and help but poeple just sometimes can't be. Honestly it is not hard but they make it mentally hard to talk with you and be friends.

Sadly the reverse is true on dating apps. You will get so many losers and weirdos wanting you. Cause they are safe on Thier phones and keyboards.

[Asker]

yes, this is the exact experience I am talking about

[JeffersonA]

Sadly it is a reflection of them not you. I'm sure your a wonderful pretty and sweet woman. Men are just asses and so are other women

[JeffersonA]

Thanks for mho

[Anonymous]

@BoobSlayer is king!

[Pinay_ako]

• They assume you’re taken or married
• They think you’re “out of their league”
• They fear rejection and probably thinking they have no chance from a line up of guys who are already vying for your attention
• They think you’re high maintenance and won’t give them the time of day
• They think you’re intimidating to approach and maybe you don’t seem approachable in their POV

[Reem12345reem]

bc they think you're out of their league , or they don't have enough confidence to ask u out , guys are always worried about making the first move

[ohsheeT]

My senior year I went to the prom graduated and then the next year I was in the store and I ran into one of my friends and I said the prom is coming up next week or in a couple weeks right and she said it's tonight I said really I said well who's taking you and she said she wasn't asked to go

I said you're kidding me and she said no and then she told me to the other girls that she used to always hang around with they were beautiful too they weren't asked to go either I said you're kidding me that is crazy

She said yeah all three of them got dresses and you know they planned on going and I couldn't figure out why nobody asked him I said well you guys want to go I said if you guys want to go I said I'll take you you know let's make a plan and let's just go let's have fun so I took all three girls

And when I got there you know I saw a lot of people that I knew a lot of guys and all these guys are looking at me as we're walking in and they're walking up to me and they're saying are you bringing all three of these girls I said yeah and I said why didn't you guys ask them and everybody that I talk to that night every guy these girls are so beautiful that they figured why asking they already had a date so nobody asked him because they figured they already had somebody taking them and that's crazy but that's the way it is in real life too if you're beautiful you get left behind on a lot of things because everybody assumes that you're taking

[BCRanger10]

I have several possible reasons.

One is that, in my observation, men and women today are largely clueless about how to initiate, nourish, and maintain happy and healthy relationships. On this, I blame - among other things - poor examples from parents, social media, extended childhood and adolescence, pornography, and a culture that hyper-focuses on getting one degree after another and establishing careers (most of which people will be spending paying off debts from the aforementioned and simultaneous careers as professional students) and neglects formation on making important life decisions in regards to that which a career is meant to support: a home and a family.

Another reason is that men and women of our generation seem to deeply distrust, resent, and in some ways outright hate each other. Because of political polarization and (fight me) feminism, I just don't get the sense that a lot of men and women today want to pursue relationships with each other. Women are being formed to act more like men and men aren't being formed at all. So in addition to hating each other, they are also generally without direction, which leads to my next point...

... factoring in things like the rampant depression and anxiety we see in the world today. That impacts how individuals view themselves, what they believe their worth to be, and what they believe they can offer another person in matters of love and relationships, and it certainly doesn't help the situation either. Even those men and women who do get along don't know how to or feel worthy to pursue or be pursued.

Those are just my thoughts, but I've seen and heard enough.

[_SillyShoes_]

Very smart take on this topic.

[exitseven]

The urban legend goes that guys won't ask out the really hot girls because they assume either they already have a boyfriend or else they would say no.

When I was in high school there was a girl in my homeroom that I thought ws the hottest girl in the whole school. She was not one of the real popular kids and was not a cheerleader. I really don't know who she hung out with. I sort of thought she was going out with college guys. I did try talking to her a couple of times but never got anywhere. A couple of years later I was talking to this kid that lived next door to her. He told me that she never really had a boyfriend and used to stay home most nights.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'll go out with you.
Gorgeous girls tend to have this curse brought on by their own gorgeousness. Every guy wants them but they tend to think that, THEY will be nothing special in HER eyes so, why bother or, the big one, she's SO GORGEOUS she'll NEVER go out with me and she's probably already GOT 5 boyfriends to pick from so, there's no point in my even trying because I haven't got a chance with her! I reality, she's doomed to a life of loneliness because boys won't risk asking her out. Mostly for fear of rejection! Or, they figure, she's the type that'll drop him in a heartbeat for some other hot guy that comes along just because she can.

[FunkyMonkee]

I offered to go out with you.

[AviatorTom]

Guys are taught (at least informally as they grow up) that they don't have a chance with a girl who is out of their league. Why ask a girl out when you know (or at least think you know) in advance that she'll turn you down. Guys don't like rejection, so we guys do whatever we can to avoid situations where we might be rejected.

If a guy you might be interested in doesn't ask you out because "you are gorgeous" and "out of his league", why not ask him out. That will give him a chance to learn that you are a person, just like him, and there's no fear of rejection.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

I once gave a flower to a fair lass supervising in my workshop, but another supervisor told Her to reject the flower, and told me that I ain’t allowed to date her. So origami is OK to give Her, but not a flower? Is that what Thou meanst by out of one’s league?

[EricSummer]

You took the initiative and asked some men out, but they refused you. On the orher hand, there is a guy who is clearly interested, but in that case you are just waiting. I think you could encourage him a bit more and talk to him, or indeed suggest a date. In this case he will probably be happy and not spooked at all. For different situations you need different behavior.

Anyway, at around 40 years of age it sounds a bit immature to see yourself as a "gorgeous girl". At the very least you should be a gorgeous woman by now. You are likely attractive, but I doubt men will just simply be too stunned to act. Few women have this effect, and even those rather in their mid-twenties.

[Angelo75]

Becauase statistically speaking, it's very rare to run into a "gorgeous" girl who doesn't have a LOT of men trying to get to her. Meaning that either she'll have no real appreciation for a mens attention, or she's quite spoiled.
Since I'm not interested in a relationship where I'll be constantly trying to please her spoiled wishes, I'll just go for a girl that actually appreciates my attention and treats me well.

There are always one or two girl who are actually gorgeous and also have a nice personality. Like you.
But... like I said in the beginning "statistically speaking", the chances of me running into a girl like you instead of a spoiled-gorgeous-girl are pretty low.

So I stay away.

[Levin]

The men probably do not feel good enough and have all kinds of negative self-talk.

There's a very attractive girl in my office and we were a little nervous with each other at first but now I just see her more and more like a normal person. Familiarity helps.

[RingOfFire]

This is one of the first questions I have ever read here that I have absolutely no clue of an answer for.

I have not read the other answers here, but I am betting at least some of them say that women who are too good looking are intimidating to men so they are afraid of rejection.

But sorry, I don't believe that. Yes, they are intimidating to some men, but not all. I have approached many women that men considered "gorgeous" in my life and I am sure at least some other men do too. So I am at a loss to explain it unless there is some other factor you yourself are unaware of and I cannot detect through an anonymous post online.

[red_knight]

Looks never daunted me but I know for a fact that my bravery puts me head of the rest but I don't come with expectations as she know. How good-looking she is and some others too. Thing is these kinda girls will want attention from other guys and now women. Without accepting accountability for their actions. With the way they act I'll just ghost instead of asking for the them. to treat me the way they want to be treated.

Nobody likes being treated the way they treat others if they know they're wrong.

[nawtee_me]

well maybe it is because one has nothing to do with the other. If what you say is true and multiple guys are saying that you are gorgeous, then you are probably pretty close to it. Being shy on the other hand tends to make someone show less confidence then they might actually have. This would mean that guys are not asking you out because they see you are shy and lack confidence. Even though they see you are gorgeous and want to ask you out they refrain from doing so.

What you might do is show them your confidence and ask one of them out... Then you may open the door for all of the other guys to ask you out...

[jshm2]

Because often it's just "banter". Not saying you're ugly or unimpressive off the bat, but when "dropping in" on others conversations it's always wise to take it with salt.

Maybe lesbianism is your thing? Joking aside, if you're not getting approached, then you're probably not the approachable type.

[richardcory]

You say you are "shy". Is it possible that men are getting the impression that you are not interested when they make very subtle advances?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Men are publically humiliated/shamed for asking out a woman these days if she turns out to not be interested. Often times it can go as far as ruining a guy's life. If you are indeed gorgeous, they might think its impossible that you are single, and see it as certain doom to even attempt.

Logically its silly, but its how a lot of people are.

[Dargil]

Because they (we) don't feel we measure up. What happens is that suave, buff players ask them out and then mistreat them.

[Unit1]

SHE'S SO GORGEOUS SHE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE SINGLE!!! How many men are already swarming her? Why would she go out with me?

or I'm not half as attractive as her (it's a lie).

There.

[_SillyShoes_]

That's really sad...

[D_Bone_Steak]

Am I going to be the only guy that came here asking why that hawt black chick has a mustache? She's hawt, but that mustache makes me want to name her dirty Sanchez. ... Just me? Just gonna be me? Really? Just me?

[_SillyShoes_]

*I think no one is asking as that is a picture GaG added, not the Q-asker.

And I doubt GaG would answer you, unfortunately.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@_SillyShoes_ Thanks... I didn't know GaG inserts their own pics. I was just being silly, but I was wondering. Makes sense because the pic doesn't show here.

[Pacquet]

I think most guys today reject themselves for you. Beautiful women are sometimes intimidating, a lot of men think that beautiful women are out of their league.

[Anonymous]

Many make assumptions based on their experiences with women. Personally I've had bad experiences with really attractive women. They tend to be entitled, self-absorbed and high maintenance rather than kind and down to earth. I have tried asking some of them out and been rejected in some unkind ways and made to feel like a creep (I'm not a creep). I know there are lots of exceptions so it's not fair to generalize, but there is definitely enough truth in it for the stereotype to exist.

[Jazzy54]

A lot of guys lack confidence. Perhaps he thinks you’re out of his league. Remember, men fear rejection, too.