Being single: why don’t people prepare themselves before going into a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I, personally, at 18 years old, have never had a long term relationship. Why? Lack of confidence and I don’t have the capability (currently) to take on the time responsibility of a relationship. Do I love and appreciate love? Yes, of course. I wouldn’t deny it if it found me; but looking for love? It’s a no from me for now. I am currently on a health journey, physically and mentally, that is consuming on who I am. I am changing and adapting, becoming the best, independent version of myself possible. I have noticed though that many other people around me, specifically young girls, do not try and prepare themselves for a relationship. They rush into them, bouncing from one relationship to another without so much as time to heal. They don’t care about if they’re able to handle a relationship, and just want to rush into it. They don’t find love, they find people who also want a relationship and sex... it is so very different. So this question is for those people specifically, why do you do this to yourself? As a person with severe daddy issues AND a sexual assault victim, I understand those can be factors... but how can you not see that those instances affecting you? How can you not see that you need time to heal yourself?

[FakeName123]

While I 100% agree with rebound relationships and being in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship is bad - you quite possibly go into the opposite extreme.

To put it short: There is no such thing as perfection. Neither will you be perfect, your potential date, the situation, your point in life or anything else ever be.
Sometimes in life one needs to take risks to be vulnerable. That's what a relationship is about. You make yourself vulnerable to someone else - with and despite all of your inperfections.
Especially considering life doesn't have limitless time. And our biological clocks do not have that, either.
.

So yes, rebounding and such is 100% bad. Waiting for the perfect moment isn't much better, either, tho.

[toastygoblins]

I think it Is good you are preparing and healing for a relationship considering the abuse you faced. Hopefully it happens for you soon and you achieve a lifelong loving relationship with a good man. Just remember that mate selection is just as important if not more as healing. That way you can reduce chances of heart break.

Another important consideration Is those people who jump from relationship to relationship or sex partner to sex partner completely hurt their pair bonding ability exponentially the more partners they had.

[DiegoO]

A lot of people think they don't need to change. The idea of not having to change comes from the perception that we are who we are, we are bad or we are good. That's not accurate but certain persons feel that only with the "right" partner and right circumstance their life will be a wonder.

I don't know you well, perhaps not even half of a bit, however you seem like a strong girl. You are only 18, jeez I am 11y older than you. With that age difference, from my own experience, take care of your mental health just like your physical health (not that I am doing that😅).

Remember you are not a super person. If you ever find someone you instantly click with, it doesn't mean "it must be the one", make sure that person doesn't have serious issues, like jealousy. To love someone is not only a feeling but is also a choice that has to be taken with caution.

[Avicenna]

You get caught up in the moment of the excitement of meeting someone you like and getting to know them and to nail down asking them out. The sort of preparation you're talking about needs to be done well in advance with support from family and a competent therapist (many aren't).

[wankiam]

early relationships are in themselves a form of preparation for more serious adult ones but i do see your point and think its also important to learn good social skills and how to be independant too before entering into anything too serious

[Saarthak001]

What do you mean prepare? It's not a do or die situation. By trying to prepare yourself you may rob yourself of being who you are and what you can bring to the table. Just be who you are, take care of your mental and physical being, have lots of sex and quickies , if it works, if it doesn't then it's alright. Part your ways

[Asker]

Personally, I don’t think good relationships are built like that. I don’t mean prepare themselves for a specific relationship, but prepare themselves for being with someone in general. Many people don’t spend enough adult time being single. They are with someone from a young and know no independence. They don’t prepare themselves for the hardships of a relationship, especially for what comes with a long term relationship. Being prepared mentally for settling is of upmost importance.

[Cannuck22]

Well to be blunt why. How do you really prepare. Sometimes the best meeting of people is when they least expect it. And if you go through life trying to be prepared for everything good luck. You will drive your self crazy. Have fun live free. Life is to short to make try to make a road map.

[Guanfei]

Because most people think they don't need to.
On the other hand, I don't prepare myself because I know I'll never get a girlfriend. It would be like preparing myself to face a dinosaur.

[bklynbadboy1]

I agree you need time in between relationships to heal. Also I'm shocked you've never been in a longterm relationship

[the_sinner]

People just go with the flow without thinking about the future like adults.
Hence they face unexpected consequences.

[Nahid1707]

Yea relationships can be complicated

[GreenGold1992]

You've got a very good head on your shoulders