If you’re single, why do you think people don’t want to date you?

Question

This excludes people who are single by choice and not trying to attract anyone.

Shafaq_Mahnoor96 · Accepted Answer

I don't think I'm pretty enough tbh that's probably why. Forget that I'm not even a little pretty. I'm overall ugly. I've also been living under a rock all this time, so I don't know anything about the dating world out there or even got to experience what it's like to be in a relationship. My parents would also never allow me to date, since they're very strict and have so much hate towards dating and relationships that are outside of marriage.

They always have told me that relationships outside of marriage are not official. They only support marriage and that's about it, the guy also has to be of their choice. My culture, ethnicity and environment I've grown up in is very strict. Even if I was allowed to date no guy would like me or ask me out. Also because I lead a boring lifestyle, I literally do nothing exciting all day long. I'm asleep mostly during the day, and completely nocturnal.

I'm also very shy, quiet and reserved. I find it awkward talking to people and trying to keep a conversation alive. Though it's true that I stand out more than other people, I stand out In a bad way. I give off "Outcast" type of vibes when I'm around people without even meaning to 😔. I can also tell by the looks on their faces while I'm talking to them that they don't see me as an aqual. I've also been told by one guy, one time that I "Seek attention" so I suppose that could be another factor 💔. I get kicked to the sidewalk a lot too.

He was also the same guy that told me to make sure I'm prettier. So apparently I'm not pretty. Every guy that I've talked to in the past online was Interested to talk to me, then lost Interest and suddenly ghosted me either leaving my messages on "Read" or Ignoring my messages all together. Maybe I came off as desperate or most likely boring. Whatever it is, must have something wrong with me. Clearly I don't have what guys want or expect in a girl. All other girls have better looks, personalities, lifestyles and bodies than I do. I have nothing that a guy likes in a girl and thats why they don't want to date me.

diamond567 · Accepted Answer

I think that I have been single this whole time for three major reasons.
1. I am extremely shy. I never go out, if I do it’s just to do errands, or with my family. I go to college but I never approach anyone or don’t talk to anyone that’s just how my personality is I am extremely introverted.
2. I am not ready to be in a relationship yet. I don’t feel like I am ready to be in a relationship I want to go and focus on my studies in college. I am not saying that dating while college is a bad thing it’s not, but for me I think I wouldn’t be able to focus on my studies if I am in a relationship.
3. I am not pretty. I am not that type of girl that’s naturally pretty, I am extremely insecure about myself, I am not happy with who I am, my appearance, my body. I just wish I could change everything single thing about me from head to toe if I could do so. I don’t look good without makeup and many guys like girls without makeup so that’s something I don’t think I could do I spend more than 30min every single day doing my makeup because I can’t stand going out of the house barefaced. I cry myself to sleep wishing that I was naturally beautiful like so many girls out there. I just have a very low self esteem and I literally think I am not good for any guy so that’s why I think that I couldn’t be in a relationship at the moment.

Aethereal · Accepted Answer

Sorry if this sounds long-winded, but it's useful for me to write this down:

If I saw this question two months ago, I wouldn't have any idea why... other than the possibility that I'm not physically attractive enough.

However, I've recently realized (after observing people's behaviour, and hearing various opinions) that I'm probably single because I take the idea of a relationship very seriously, I always have. Basically; I'm very (extremely) intense.

Most people's approach to love is "let's just see what happens". You're supposed to be laid back, and have no expectations. That's why it's called "falling in love" I hear; because it supposed to be an accident, unexpected. I am not like this at all. I don't do "chance".
When I like a girl, I'm not thinking about just enjoying her company for a short while, or hooking up. I'm instead wondering whether this is the kind of person I can see myself being in a long term relationship with, even marrying. Why waste time on something if you don't plan to have it for as long as possible? I give (and look for) exclusivity and investment from the beginning. I guess this seriousness scares people off after a short while. I make things seem "real" too quickly. I leave no doubt that I'm working towards a long-term relationship. I'm robbing them of the surprise, the chance to "fall". It's like how men courted women long ago; a fire you slowly build into an inferno, rather than a spark you wait for to trigger an explosion. In the modern world, the former probably sounds boring.

I only began realizing that my mindset was very different recently, after talks with other adults my parent's age (including my parents) in which they basically told me that I should be (and should have been) looking for short-term relationships and hook-ups (sex), not thinking about the "wife potential" of every girl I like. I refuse to do that, and so I'm single... and that's fine.

JustSomeGuy11 · Accepted Answer

Oh boy, let me just grab my list 😔 Don't get me wrong, I think I have a lot of good qualities, but I think there's three main causes that I'm afflicted with.

I think it's because I give off a 'I'm happy single' or 'I'm not looking to date' vibe because it's all I know and have become comfortable with. I'm pretty independent and happy being on my own, so why would you want to even attempt to 'join' someones life when they give off the impression that there's no room for you there or perhaps that they wouldn't even need you.

I suppose it's also because I'm completely boring, even by my standards, especially when looking from an outside perspective.
I work long hours, eat, sleep and literally have no freinds or hobbies outside of work.
Even the whole 'staying in because I'm an introvert' answer ends up with me being boring, as I don't keep up with popular series', don't play lots of cool games like everyone else, I don't do cool drawings, read books or literally anything interesting, I'll just end up watching stupid youtube videos and occasionally go to the gym. Most people want someone fun to add to their life and bring enjoyment with them, not bring them down and dull their life.

Thirdly, I think it's because I look and give off a 'cute little/older brother' or 'best friend' type vibe (or so I've been told) and get unintentionally 'friendzoned' right off the bat, rather than looking and giving off a 'hot sexy date me guy' vibe. I mean, why would you consider dating your seemingly platonic freind when that guy over there is obviously flirting with you.

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

Long list here so bear with me:

-Most of the men my age are already married, taken, moved away, or not interested in me
-I live in a small town, so outside of a long distance relationship or dating apps, my options are slim
-I have high but realistic standards, which makes fboys and guys just after flings and one night stands run off
-I don't tolerate nonsense and games; I'm too old for that now
-I'm unorthodox. Picture someone that likes video games and the gym... yeah, that's a rare combination, lol. Now imagine trying to find a guy that likes to workout every day, yet also likes video games but isn't a couch potato. See the problem?

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I don't claim to be Tyra banks but I have no difficulty getting guys to date me - but I want a super super super religious guy who is willing to wait until marriage for sex and is still attractive and intelligent and the same age as me - and the main reason is because I can't date any guy unless God gives me HIs approval - met tons of good guys - God said no.

AudreyB88 · Answer

• I'm autistic.  • I'm very insecure especially regarding my appearance.

Apope16 · Answer

I think people do want to date me. Thats not why im single. I have preferred sex because I financially can't date right now.

The6ix · Answer

I'm actually a hard-working guy, I believe in being civil, honest and respectful to the other person I am interested in. Obviously I am not going to be respectful if the person is rude or racist. I don't know why I am single, I'm in shape, I cook great food, I am inspiring to be a lawyer one day, I enjoy being spontaneous, I can talk about a wide variety of topics such as sports, entertainment, politics, religion and etc. I know how to keep the convo going but if a girl doesn't give me the time of day should I place 100% of the blame upon myself? I know I am not perfect but I am not picky either. I'm going to be completely honest, yes as a guy I find bigger boobs sexier. However, it is not a deal-breaker because I find girls like Emma Stone beautiful in her own right and that comes from her persona/personality.

Sorry ladies, I believe y'all have extremely high expectations in life that are not practical. I will lose regardless because I have seen the ugly side of girls where there own so-called friends will talk shit about me when they know nothing about me and assume the worst. These assumptions from girls who are also single or in a relationship and miserable... yup that makes sense. See this is why I don't seek advice from my guy friends on a girl I'm digging. I'm not saying getting advice is wrong but people need to think on their own two feet. My concluding statement is when I see couples out and about in public I am not jealous, but the idea does pass my mind how is that guy so much better than me? I will never let the idea of degrading myself because that is associated with a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. For guys especially, confidence is needed, although I don't agree with this stupid alpha male, beta male, extrovert male personas. A guy has to be firm, mentally aware and some sort of strong physical traits are all keys.

frostwalrus · Answer

I'm single and will remain single indefinitely because I refuse to accept the conditions upon which romantic relationships are predicated: that a man is obligated to approach women, provide for the woman, protect the woman, and sacrifice himself for the woman at any given moment. Relationships are inherently disadvantageous for men since it puts them in a vulnerable position. Whatever a man gets out of a relationship is vastly exceeded by what he puts into it - and vice versa for women. I think the sex drive and the romantic "love" that a man experiences is a sort of bio-chemically induced intoxication that is necessary to override a man's sense of reason and enter a relationship which has it's sole purpose of perpetuating the species at the expense of man's freedom and well-being.

1231prncss · Answer

When i was younger it was because i was a "pride" and also had a lot of restrictions on what my mother allowed me to do. ( couldn't go out past certain hours couldn't go to the guys house. He couldn't pick me up i had to meet him there etc.. ) later i became a single parent and that became the reason. Because I didn't have a babysitter and also not many men want to date someone with a small child. Now I'm in a relationship and still face some of those battles. But my boyfriend seems to be willing to accommodate and work with me just like i do for him. (He takes care of his mother and often times our dates get interrupted by her needing something. ) so we both have our "baggage" buy i think for the most part we've accepted each others "flaws"

Incredibro · Answer

It is a psychological fact that people are are more attractive when they're in a relationship, because they have someone. Think of it as a kid who doesn't find interest in a toy, but once the same toy is used by other kids, he/she then suddenly finds it interesting and now wants it. It is only because once something is taken, that everyone finds it interesting and wants it because, when that thing/person is taken, everyone start questioning it. Whereas being single is like selling an object to a complete stranger and hoping they buying, meaning, selling yourself but before that ask yourself what it is about the object/you that I could sell them to actually want to buy it

sawno · Answer

Currently i can't offer them anything because i am burned out. Earlier it was probably my style and looks. I was just not the attractive guy in the room, and while i am a really awesome loving boyfriend i never managed to get that across because i am bad at breaking the ice. I also had environments with women to old for me, already taken or just not my type. So for me its been a mixture of not having much around me, not having tried online dating yet to bridge that gap, not having a house of my own and not being good at approaching.

ChiTown33 · Answer

I don't entertain rhis s*** anymore. The way i see it when you meet a woman she either likes you or she doesn't she's either interested or she isn't. And if she's interested you can be a serial killer she'll just look at that as 1 black mark on 100 reasons to still be interested in you. Conversely if she ain't interested. You can be rhe richest man in the world and she'll look at that as 1 positive on 100 reasons to think "eww gross".
In short women minds are made up, but can still change with the breeze, and you have zero control over it so don't waste your time. Ride the ride till it turns south.

Robertcw · Answer

Definitely time management problems. Without that I have no doubts I'd be dating. I always get options whenever I join a new job or school.

The problem, though, is I always get kicked out of said organizations within a year often just after a few months -- usually just after getting to know people and flirting/establishing rapport. Then I have to start over from scratch at the next place.

This never ends.

It's usually being late that causes me to be fired or just kicked out of whatever group I was in. I don't do bad work, but I just have the hardest time doing things within conventional hours. Everyone else zips and I zag. I don't choose to zag I'm just that way. Trying to change myself to fit in better has never worked, it's too much work for results that aren't ideal. 🤷🏻‍♂️

So I wind up leaving a trail of wreckage behind me.

KeziL · Answer

I am single because I’m in college and college boys hate commitment. At least the ones I’ve hoped to date. But they’ve all been frat boys. Maybe I’m single because I’m looking at the wrong set of guys for a relationship. Maybe I’m single because I haven’t found the right one. Or maybe I’m actually super annoying or boring and nobody’s had the heart to tell me. Who knows.

Shark_61695 · Answer

I don't go out much so there is little opportunity to meet people. When I do go out, the village I'm near is a it on the small side (ok, the village I'm really near is very small and has an average age of around 60). Shopping isn't the best place to meet people and I can't be bothered going the pub just to drink soft drinks and drive home.

I'm not the most swipable person and I'm not great at small talk... life the universe and everything or I can't be bothered :)

I'm also oblivious to body language directed at me... I'm one of life's spectators, never expecting to be included in it.

DiscomfortZone · Answer

The main reason would be being pathetic and full of self pity. Nobody wants to date a spoiled little bitch. Get the fuck over it and keep trying, like we all did. If they don't - well then it's their own stupid fault that they're still single, isn't it? :)

Oh, and as for "single by choice" - 99 out of 100 times that's just pathetic bullshit, people who are so desperate and such losers that they pretend to want to be alone and think that people who aren't complete morons actually believe them! 🤣😂🤣😂

midhun12 · Answer

Well yeah I'm single by choice but i hv never seen any girl interested in me because i dont know how to speak with girls... lol i know it's crazy well i only have 2cousin sisters in my family (yeah no own sis) nd they r like 1st grade or something so i never speak wit any girl.. so i kinda find it the reason they don't wanna date me.. also my friends change their way of speaking in front of girls which i don't know a shit about it... So i thought of staying single until i get a girl who judge me and is the perfect kind i dreamt of...🤘🙄

lucas262 · Answer

Many reasons, on 1 level iv no job since its winter now, I have no appearance of wealth, be it s car or clothes, not that i can't fix any of those,

On an appearance level im 1 inch short of 6ft, I'm 20 or 30 pounds over weight, and I'm losing my hair in the middle. Not that I can't lose the weight and take better care of myself.

On another level I have emotional baggage and a number of mental issues like adhd and ptsd which make interpersonal relationships be they romantic or platonic difficult.

On another i never went to college, and i consider myself s pretty red pilled guy.

Last but not least im a Christian and I don't go around pumping and dumping women, or go to bars or clubs to meet them.

All of that makes it very difficult to meet women and iv never had a woman openly display any sort of attraction or interest and if she did it would likly go over my head.

Shamalien · Answer

I would make life more difficult for them. Most people just wanna enjoy life, they don't see the higher purpose, so they don't wish to be exposed to knowledge and opinions that if digested would place upon them the same responsibility that is placed upon me.

tl ;dr I'm not here to enjoy life, and every woman I meet is just like 'oh i just wanna enjoy life' lol either that or they are some batshit crazy feminist activist. Never met a girl that has her eye on the ball and the will to chase that ball

stardust101 · Answer

That would be me. Possibly because I’m not very attractive to men right now? I don’t see a reason to be since I’m not looking to impress anybody. But, I’m not ugly by any means. But mostly I think it’s the vibe that I have. I’m not desperate, clingy or needy for a relationship. I’m pretty content Bering a single mother to my little babes, they probably think I’m not single lol

Anoniemus · Answer

A lot of these male responses are unfortunate... aside from the whiners complaining that they refuse to date because dating is unfair to men. Societal gender roles no longer apply and many more women are willing to split the date, ask first, or even pay.

niklaus777 · Answer

It's the perceived lack of social value and the assumption that you are not "preselected". As a single man, I walk into a bar with two female wingmates on my arm and those misconceptions dissappear completely because it shows I have something to offer that would make these ladies want to spend their time with me. I've also noticed when I am sexually active I receive more attention. I don't know if it's female pheromones coming off me, or just the way I carry myself (I don't need anything attitude).

DevilsAdvocator · Answer

Because no single girl in the world knows anything about ME, or has any interest whatsoever in knowing a thing about ME, beyond the most superficial assumptions they might come to from setting eyes upon me in that first fraction of a second. No girl in the world has ever wanted any guy for WHO he is- she only wants guys for WHAT they are, and/or WHAT they can provide her with to "make it worth her while".

s_alj04 · Answer

my personality is tomboyish, as in i curse, I encourage bad behavior, im loving but i can get morbid at times. I watch gore. I am socially very awkward. I have stretched ears. I dont put makeup on and i have bad skin, i dont wear girly clothes. And im really self conscious of my skin so i dont show much

DizzyDesii · Answer

I know u say this excludes people who are single by choice but im single by choice because im fed up with a lot of dudes that have an issue with me wanting to wait close to a year or more to have sex. Im not going to have sex with someone in 6 months or less and some dudes can't seem to handle that. So thats part of why im single and why i choose to be single. Now i never said im not into doing other freaky things but they assume i won't since i say no to sex

Ephermerallhama · Answer

A mix of things, shyness is one amongst them but, I also believe that there's a chance I'll be skipping the "dating" part and just get arranged marriage because that would be simpler (plus, you can always fall in love later if the compatibility is just right :))

Jjpayne · Answer

That's a great question. But if Christian mingle and plenty of fish have taught me anything, I wear fish colone :) girls will message but never want to meet in person. I'm only thinking my not having a job at the moment is a huge red flag and they won't even try...

19magic · Answer

Originally I was insecure and my life was unstable, I always assumed that no one would ever want me as I was too boring etc, then I found myself pregnant estranged myself from the girls who was messing me around and now I'm a not happier and getting my confidence back but I have baggage and don't really think that'll be a thing that anyone will want to get involved in

KieranByrne · Answer

I would say; Day-Dreamer (Ing)!

On my behalf!
Nothing to 'Really' grasp/garb the concept of in life. Nothing say 'Stands out' because I can/will be a bit too picky.

And or feel i should not have to fight/continuously fight for it/the relationship to work/carry on!

lernulo · Answer

My problem is what I call the librarian-psychologist impact.
It means, I create impact on women but as an advicer or as someone they call when they have no more plans or are stuck and need to continue their way.
I need to learn how to create that sensual impact which can help them to see me as something more as an adviser.
By now, I'm working on it.

art84 · Answer

I have social anxiety so it's rather hard to meet a complete stranger. I am single by choice though but I just think that my height of 5'7 puts me a huge disadvantage as women want guys who are a bit taller like 6'1. I also think of myself as not the outgoing type and kinda boring.

GhostMochi · Answer

1. Socially awkward
2. Trust issues
3. Not exactly into the sexual parts of a relationship
4. Introverted
5. Have a small circle and prefer not to be in the popular crowd. (A. K. A. don't put myself out there)
6. Location (Most good guys I do run into do not live anywhere near where I live)

Those are the reasons why I believe I have yet to find an actual good guy who isn't a douche.

AynonOMouse · Answer

In the past the only reason I got turned down was for not making enough money. So now that I do make more money the only way I will go with a woman is if she provides for herself and she has to pay for me before I would ever pay for her.
If she doesn't like it then I know she is just another typical (and very common) greedy, selfish, no good POS person like so many others. :)

Carbon-12 · Answer

I don't really talk to people I don't know. So I don't meet people to date. Also I guess I'm kinda quite and "weird" when I first meet people. Once I get to know them I'm just weird lol.
I'm also not the cutiet, so I don't really get approached.

Connor-RK800 · Answer

Oh, but they do often date me. Then I make a joke... then another... then another... and then another one. . . And another one... (just check like my answers to all the question). Anyway, long story short, that's how I married the Saturday Night Live microphone.

TahoeHiker · Answer

Hi I know you said " IF YOU'RE SINGLE." I'm not, but I hope you can make an exception.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years.. Up until Cupids bow hit two hearts 850 miles apart we both were single.
Why? because the wrong people wanted to date each of us. Not that nobody wanted to date us.
Thanks

Liam_Hayden · Answer

I'm single and date quite a bit, but have not "clicked" with a girl for most of the year, so after a few dates I just let her know, or vice-versa.

Those who don't want to date me just have their preferences. That is fine, as I have those as well.

Riddler1412 · Answer

I'm mainly single by choice.
But when I try to change that, I've noticed that girls don't like one thing about me. I don't like bull**it behavior. I don't mind playing games a bit, but if she does it for too long, I just say that she should either stop or I'm gone.

skeetskeetskeet · Answer

I've never had a problem getting girls... i figured out the formula to get pussy pretty young by this older girl i worked with at my first job who was fine as fuck... she hardcore put me up on game and made me realize just how wrong i was... i was super shy as a kid but then along comes 20 yr old her when I was 14 and even though I had zero idea What to do and all that I thought i was gods gift to the women of the world after that

coolhandroo · Answer

I'm single and it doesn't mean no one wants to date me. My solitude and peace and control of my environment and freedom to live how I chose and explain to no one I dont care to. The question is do people date and commit to god awful relationships because they think no one else wants to fuck them

Gedaria · Answer

I found it difficult, when my wife died. I kept getting friends chatting me up as if I'm free now to date. Admittedly I have got close to one of her friends at the funeral. It took months to get me to feel romantic about her but I felt more at ease with her. She was brilliant to put up with me getting emotional all the time...

soleil2666 · Answer

I am at this point still single by choice because there are tiny bits of my own unavailability still hanging around (an old hurt to heal to entirety and then a job to find since I've moved continents recently but don't yet know for sure which part of (north) western Europe I will be in)

menina · Answer

It's simple: I'm black and I live in a country where most men are white and racist.

OpenWine · Answer

I come off as weird and harsh to strangers.
I don't like being used or played on so I can be very untrusting towards new people and I won't lend a hand if I feel that imma get an arm ripped.

tldr; the good qualitys can only be seen by those who want to see and actively seek them.

I_Am_Sazerac · Answer

Because something must be wrong to the point where they feel they need to cheat on me. I still dont know what I'm doing wrong but it happens almost every time.

So my guess is that maybe they dont think I understand them to give them the right attention?

OddBeMe · Answer

Ten years married I can tell you that there is someone for everyone. Not fate, but just preferences lining up. So meet as many people as you can so you increase the chances of meeting the person that fits you most.

alice55 · Answer

Guys want to date me it's just me that don't want to date them. I'm too lazy and they would be giving me headache anyway so (men in my country are extremely nagging if you don't text them everyday they get angry and aggressive).

JordanAldo · Answer

Self pity. Those people are just trying to find a reason that they are still single, and they're too afraid to put themselves out there to be seen and try to find someone. So they find an excuse, i. e "People just don't want to date me."

Desiree16 · Answer

The guys I usually meet aren't willing to take the time to make something grow, they only want to 'hang out'. So I don't date much because at the end I'm left feeling that I wasted time and energy with someone that didn't appreciate it

Rapidash · Answer

I’m set in my ways and don’t like compromise, my course is hard and I spend a lot of time on my hobbies and interests. I am very distant with new people and very realistic... basically I’m not fun or hot soooo... kinda need to work in that 😂

humanearth · Answer

I'm married, but I'll tell you why I would be single for a long time. Why, because I'm a asshole and a prick. I don't give two shits about other people feelings.  That's why

ImagineSketchy · Answer

I think it's because I come off as incredibly intimidating, over analytical, far too serious, and I don't actually meet people. Hard to get a date when you don't go out to meet people.

Commander_Red · Answer

I'm single because I'm too busy with my job and get too tired after work. Even if I have the free time, most men I date only seem interested in sex and when I don't give it to them, they leave. Oh well. Not my loss.

Ripper_E · Answer

Because I'm real. I don't try to be something I'm not. I speak my mind, and I don't play games.
Most women I meet don't like any of that. They say they do, but they don't. Except for older women, but most older women I meet are already taken.

JSmuve · Answer

I'm not sure if girls don't want to date me, but they certainly don't make it obvious that they do. I just never put myself in a position to find out for sure. I figure, if a girl is interested, she'd let me know in some way.

MMayhem · Answer

intelligence is intimidating. plus im serious relationship material. also i think my injuries are a turn off.

Nolove09 · Answer

IM just not attractive and never had a relationship ever had sex so the one time I had a chance I made it awkward blew it and couldn’t do anything and just a lot of unfortunate events with rejection so females are not for me honestly I’m not someone who can but good luck to everyone else tho I hope you live a good life and get most the things you want wish you the best

namino · Answer

I don't know why and i hardly care about that. Actually I think you better care your fam, your friends and who you love truly important to you. It would be more happy😊

Asucela · Answer

There hasn't been a single moment in my life when I've been single, looked around and thought, "Oh, why doesn't anyone want to date me?" They're always ugly, though.

Dariiaa · Answer

Because I’m annoying and Very weird. Not low self esteem, but even I get annoyed at my constant jabbering. I feel like 2 people. An outside chatty me and an inside, quiet and contemplative me.

Zweihander · Answer

I am technically single by choice but there are also a lot of girls that wouldn't date me because I'm very strong-willed. I'm the type that doesn't compromise on my morals at all for anyone, and they take it as me being cocky or stuck up.

hollowo · Answer

*I'm too slow to get things done.  *I'm boring, annoying at times and weird.  (Like just think of all em bad things u could think, except I don't do drugs.)  : )

If you’re single, why do you think people don’t want to date you?

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