AM I AN ASSHOLE. Is it wrong to date women half my age?

[Anonymous]

OK, so I turned 50 a few months ago, but I have taken good care of myself, am a successful person, my kids are grown, and I divorced two years ago. I have always been told I am very handsome, but I have never really taken this seriously.

I started on a dating site about 10 months ago and put the age parameters to "ages 40 to 50" and began reaching out to women and they reached out to me. Here is what I found out:

I went on about a dozen dates with women who are "in my age range" (40 to 50) and was really disappointed. These women did not look at all like their profile pictures, most of them are seriously overweight, wore way too much makeup, didn't have much to say and overall they were completely unimpressive. These women seem hell bent on trying to recapture their "roaring 20's", even wearing inappropriate clothing, trying to put off an attitude of "I'm so sexy baby".

At the end of every date with with above 40 to 50 year olds, all but one was ready to have sex with me. I did have sex with four of them but I never had any intention of seeing them again -- shitty, I know.

I talked to a friend of mine and he said, "dude, why TF are you dating 40 to 50 year old women when you can have 25 to 30 year old women". I was kind of stunned. He leaned over my shoulder while I logged in to my dating site and made a few tweaks for me. Let me say, my profile is totally honest with very current photos, career, and information. Having said that, I reached out to some seriously hot women in the 25 to 30 range fully expecting to be laughed at (then go kick my friends ass!). To my surprise, I have an inbox full of messages from extremely attractive women all of whom are between 20 to 30. Amazing! I could never have attracted these women when I was 25, but so be it.

Having said all of the above, I am gearing up for a first date tomorrow afternoon with hottie #1. She is 26, a stunningly beautiful brunette, and she seems ready for action.

Am I totally fucked up?

Yes, you are a total douche for dating/having sex with women half your age.

No, hell no! There is nothing wrong with dating/having sex with women half your age.

Other, see below.

[Anonymous]

I mean, this is what happens when society values women primarily for their looks. There's some biology at play as well, but I would argue that our society has conditioned an obsession with youth, plus power dynamics that certain types of men aim for. At least you're not going after 19 year olds. (At least not yet lolol)

Are you an asshole? Probably, I don't know. At the very least you don't seem to value all the positives that older women bring and have a narrow view of beauty. Perhaps misogynist, depending on what else there is to unpack in this preference for younger women. That might qualify you as an asshole, yes. You seem to not be interested in a serious relationship though, which does change the formula a bit. One thing - you should be transparent about your intentions. If you're having sex with these women and "never seeing them again," while giving the impression that you might be interested in a future, then yes, you're an asshole. This is the most guaranteed asshole thing I've read so far. So maybe look at your character and how you treat women, opposed to solely obsessing about a preference for age gaps.

I turn 30 in a week, and I don't think I would personally date someone 50 at this age for many reasons, but it's not a 100% out of the question thing. My parents are in their 50s (and look great imo) and would be verrry pissed if I brought someone home their age. The hyper-awareness of how older women are treated as disposable makes the whole scenario a turn off to me. I think some older men can be predatory and that relationships with large age gaps often attract women who are delusional about their own maturity levels. Not only that, but not all old men are that mature in ways that I care about most and values compatibility (politics, culture) could be a struggle when you're dealing with generation gaps. I'll probably be an "old mom" (if I decide to have a baby), giving birth in my late 30s, at this point. Aging eggs + way aging sperm = a recipe for a ton of problems. I'll probably freeze my eggs this year, but still. Adding 50s sperm into the mix just isn't the best idea.

Still, I can see the few pros. There is a maturity difference in some cases and I could see myself connecting with the right kind of older guy. I get the sexual appeal as well - taboo age difference turn on. So I do understand why some women go for it. Some women also have their own bundle of... psychological gifts that make this arrangement especially appealing. But everyone has their own shit. If you get something based on respect, vulnerability, and non-toxic vibes then you're doing better than most. Even if you are an asshole.

[TonyBologna25]

I would argue that youthful women are prized due to biological reasoning rather than societal reasoning. Fertility is attractive to men for deeply rooted innate desires.

[Asker]

You talk about the "positives" of older women, which is exactly what I was looking for. What I found was a bunch of overweight women who had not done anything to improve themselves (mentally, physically, spiritually) for decades.

At the same time these women had a serious attitude of entitlement that is completely unwarranted. As I mentioned in another post, it is like watching a poker play who you know has a poor hand, but pretends to be holding a royal flush. This is not only self-delusional it is also really unattractive.

[Asker]

Thumbs up for honesty. Also, having a child is the ONE thing I can point to in the world and say "being a part of this was fundamentally good".

[Asker]

I could easily argue that society values men for what they are able to provide (resources). How attractive do you find an unemployed man? Women are very hypergamous, is this better than a man who (successfully) seeks the company of younger women?

[Opinion Owner]

Your idea that older women have nothing to offer only further emphasizes my point that you've diminished women's value to mostly looks. If that's what you want, then own it. If people think you're an asshole for that because of our different ways of viewing women, accept that it comes with the territory of how you view women.

I dont buy the whole "older women are not improving themselves" argument... compared to whom and by what standard? This is an assertion that seems to lack empathy in my opinion and places women in a narrow category of what self-improvement is supposed to look like. If they have children, these women have been challenged to the moon and back already and have probably grown by default. Have they advanced in their careers? Have they adjusted to children leaving home? Do they have interests and hobbies? What exactly is their relationship with spirituality? I know my own mother has grown in her spirituality (to my dismay) and I've watched her get stronger in that way over the decades.

[TonyBologna25]

“ older women are not improving themselves" ... people at that age in general are mostly stuck in their ways. You don’t see that?

[Opinion Owner]

I think one (not necessarily you) has to tailor searches for more than just age. Different social circles, educational demographics, etc. are likely to be more involved in certain intentional life practices. That definitely exists among younger women, but I was 25 not too long ago and the vast majority of 25 year olds I know are not on some aggressive Eat, Pray, Love spiritual journey. That's a specific group of people, not the majority of the age group. Early 20s people are even more likely to be quite daft on critical thinking or thinking about thinking or "what is life?" philosophical quests. It's true that they have more time and context to be challenged in those questions, and maybe there's a bigger group of people doing that work, but that group is still the minority in my opinion. On the one hand, it's true that older men and women get settled into their ways. They're not faced with those moments of necessary significant growth to survive as adults the way teenagers might be, for example, or young adults leaving college who need to adjust to the real world, etc. Having said that, I know plenty of older women who have grown in different ways. Whether or not those are the ways that you think are important is another question. But I know far too many 25 year olds who are not that impressive in terms of mental, spiritual growth. Maybe physically, as this is still emphasized as important at this age and they also have age on their side that makes physical challenges easier. There might be some grain of truth, as young people often have way more time / money on their hands and no responsibilities. Not to say that you can't try new things and live with intention as you get older, but it does seem like it takes that much more effort with marriage, mortgages, kids, etc.

[Opinion Owner]

One can still find older women who live with intention. I've known older women who have become doctors over the decades, been civil rights lawyers significantly involved in their communities, are well respected artists and deeply involved in spiritual endeavors, are literally established psychologists and therapists who care about their own psychological growth, etc. The idea that women are just sitting still in a corner for decades after 30 is not only ahistorical and backed by literally nothing, but reveals some pretty huge issues with how you empathize with and understand older women as well. That's probably the larger issue. If you're divorced, then I suppose that could be an unresolved thing in your own psyche.

[Opinion Owner]

"I could easily argue that society values men for what they are able to provide (resources). How attractive do you find an unemployed man? Women are very hypergamous, is this better than a man who (successfully) seeks the company of younger women?"

Yeah, you could argue that, but what does that have to do with the argument that society conditions an obsession for youth? How does that prove, disprove, or relate to what I said?

[Angbaby]

1/2 your age. It’s about your ego and the friend of yours who suggested it. I’ve known men who have married women 20+years younger than them. Where did it land them. Broke from divorces or paying child support until they’re 80. Not all 50 year old women “let themselves go”. I’m very attractive, skinnier than a lot of 20 year olds but men my age don’t want a strong woman who owns her own property etc. They want to have the young thing so he feels good about himself. I wouldn’t class you as an asshole. Have fun with your young things. Eventually they will dump your ass.

[Asker]

Thumbs up for honesty.

I do not disagree with anything you have said, and I am well aware of the inherent conflicts of dating a woman 20+ years junior to me.

Is there an element of ego, you bet. I see these women as carbon copies of the women who turned their nose up at me and actually laughed when I would summon up the nerve to ask them out when I was 25. So, I guess I am living a "revisionist" version of my 20's with a lot more fun and success. The big difference between these older women (who are pretending to be 20's or 30's) and me is that I am not pretending to be anything I am not. Yes, I am drawn to these stunning women just as they are drawn to my "resources" (wealth).

I have absolutely no intention of marrying anyone, let alone a "20 or 30 something" who's life course is very different than mine. Only a fool marries in this instance.

I do take issue with your assertion that men are averse to "strong women who own their own land". Often if you substitute "strong" for "bitter, bitchy, jaded" you will get a better picture. Men my age would love to have a calm, reasonable, self-sufficient woman, with realistic expectations.

[james2018dean]

Not all of us are the same. Or looking for the same.
I would consider a nice figure an added bonus. Something extra!

[TonyBologna25]

What are you looking for my man? If you’re seeking an emotional connection with substance, you’re not going to get it with a girl my age. I have coworkers your age who I’d consider friends in the office, but not much past that. You’re experiencing an entirely different phase of life. It would be damn near impossible for you to have much in common with a 26 year old past anything surface level. I refuse to date women unless they’re over 21 at my age. They’re fucking annoying and that’s not even a big gap. So no, it’s not wrong to date a girl who’s half your age, but I hope you don’t have expectations from it. Also, don’t be too offended if she starts to seek a sort of sugar baby/sugar daddy dynamic. That very well might be in her mind. Goodluck though.

[Asker]

I have given up on a "emotional" connection with a woman. A 20 awful marriage really dented my ability to bond with a woman. So, I am only looking for a woman to have good times with, whatever that may be. This may sound shallow, but I have already live three lifetimes of "bad" times and have no wish to repeat more of the same. Not only will I not repeat it, I will not tolerate it. As soon as the bitchy, demanding, manipulative aspect of a woman comes out --- byeeeeeeeee.

[JackSmy]

Who is anyone here, to judge you, and what you feel, and your life? I wonder why you ask, like for 'permission' to do what you feel like you want to?
They are adults, and legal age, right? They choose for themselves, as you do?
Are you nervous, or embarrassed, liking younger ladies? Do you think people are going to judge you? Why do you care?
I'm reading a book by a guy named Mark Manson, and it is called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK"
Get it, read it, and stop wasting your f*cks!!

[Asker]

I downloaded the book per your suggestion, although I have not cracked it yet. Thanks!

[JackSmy]

My brother gave me a Hard-copy book for Christmas. I had no idea it was 'downloadable'!! I'm in chapter three, and he has already given me a lot of things to think about, and a few things, reinforcing what I already know!

[KyleBroflovski]

There's nothing wrong with it. If fags can put their dicks in each others ass then surely a guy can date younger women. Just be careful because young girls, especially in this day and age are snakes a lot of the time. Childish gold diggers that like crying sexual assault troll around on dating apps so, just be wary

[Asker]

I hadn't thought of that. I can't imagine these young girls are anymore f'ed up than the women I have been dating.

[Shiver]

Your age÷2+7=about the youngest you can date without seeming like a massive creep, but of it doesn't matter to either of you it's fine regardless.
I mean, I fuck women over double my age all the time, so I guess I can't really judge too hard anyway. Lol

[Anonymous]

Nah, these chicks know exactly what they are getting into. It's mutually beneficial so you have nothing to feel bad about.

This is why women who wait until later to try to find a good man usually end up in a bad place, because single older guys hold all the cards. They can date women their own age if they want, but they also can choose to date younger, hotter women because those younger women are attracted to older, single, successful guys.

Enjoy it bro.

[Asker]

Thanks man. I have to admit I am really only in this for sex with girls I could never have scored in my 20's and 30's. My profile doesn't paint any illusions about "soul mate" or "life partner". I take adderall for ADHD which, when timed properly, I can fuck like a champion!

[Opinion Owner]

Go get 'em. And don't feel bad for a second. Women have all the power in their 20s, and they have no problem using it to their advantage. Now you have the power and you should take full advantage. I sure as hell would.

[Asker]

This is a totally new experience for me. I am going to ride the ride for all it's worth!

[Bandit74]

The girls are probably interested in you for superficial reasons too so you are no more douchey than they are. Also if you're able to still get 20/30 year olds when you're 50 youd should take advantage of it while you stoll can. When girls are in their prime and have a ton of options to choose from they have no qualms taking advantage of that dynamic and choosing guys for superficial reasons so you have no reason to feel guilty for it.

[Anonymous]

50 is big... But if you look 30 and you are a doctor its okau..
I have a 50 yo man after me that actually looks 75 and i jist wanna punch him in his face for having deviant thoughts about me at this age!!! he's poor/average and looks 75 yo... He grosses me out and i hate him now.

[james2018dean]

I recommend you end the relationship before get arrested for assaulting a senior.

[lucas262]

MGTOW,
Never gonna date a woman under 16_18 never gonna date a woman over 30. Society make men feel ashamed for having standards for themselves, women have them for you, tell society to screw off, and be your own man by setting the standard What ever it is you want and staying to it. Your your own man.

[23anonuser]

Men judge women based on their appearance. Women judge men based on their finances. It's just the way the world works.

[HoratioCaine]

You better be fucking hot for your age, but its not just you, women who date men twice their age are fucked up and are just as sick if not more. I literally had a 60 year old dude expect a relationship with me when I was 19.

[pigoat]

Fuck i wanna disagree but i can't lol

[HoratioCaine]

@pigoat lol

[Asker]

I have a hard time considering myself "hot", but women have always been readily available to me. I have worked hard to keep in good shape, not to attract women but to stay on this planet longer! I have a successful business which really took off when I divorced the toxic cunt I attached myself to to 20 years.

Now, divorced and free from the ultra-negativity of the ex, I feel like ton of bricks are off of me, so now I am on the prowl!

[Asker]

OK, but here is the thing. This 60 year old was wrong to expect you to date him because you were not into him. These 25 year old girls are really into me? So, is this wrong?

[HoratioCaine]

Have fun with your dates, i would advise you not to get married then unless you wanna die early or get fucked over in divorce a few more times.

[Asker]

Oh, absolutely. I have positively no desire to get married again -- ever. My life is finally on track.

[foxrider77]

Wow I only had to read the last paragraph. Have fun.

[Liam_Hayden]

If she is an unrelated adult of sound mind, thyen there is nothing wrong with whatever you both consent to.

[Anonymous]

Many women go for guys twice their age as they have more money. In my friend circle girls dated 35-45-year-old guys while being 20-25. They take them to expensive hotels, restaurants, and car rides, which younger guys like me from not-so-rich backgrounds but working, cannot afford.

[CuriousMufuxka]

You're simply an asshole for posting anon! I get the fake or instragram filtered pics, hell even the younger do that as well.. You should set a better example, though it won't count for literally anyone else.

[Asker]

I'm not sure what you mean? Better example? For whom?

[eatenurpeach]

Age has no bearing on anything. People that use that as an excuse is no different than using sex, skin color, religion, ... etc

[Dchrls78104]

is Jason Statham (52) a fool or wrong for getting involved with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (32)?

[Anonymous]

If you're ok with just hookups yeah. I'll tell you what a friend me, pretty much all women 35 and under just want to get their f*** on. That's it.

[james2018dean]

Nope. If they want to date you, what would you be doing wrong?

[Snickermarstwix]

You're not an asshole but people maybe even your own kids may have mean look towards you.

[SomeGUYonGAG]

If both people are above the age of 18 and both consent then nobody should be concerned, especially a bunch of people on the internet who don't know you in person.

[CT_CD]

No, hell no! There is nothing wrong with dating/having sex with women half your age.

[aeon95]

Bro take advantage of stupid women who want old men.