Is it the right decision to completely avoid her or ignore her?

[Anonymous]

I think a girl at work is using me for attention or might be leading me on. We have been co-workers for the past 6 months and she flirts with me a lot, She is very happy around me and always smiles, long stares, likes to always be around me, playfully teases me, is very touchy and so on... There are a lot of good signs of body language. However we don't really communicate outside of work and it looks like she has a boyfriend but she never talks about him.

Should I just stop talking to her because she might be playing me?

[btbc92]

First of all just set BOUNDARIES:

1. Tell her to stop flirting with you
2. Tell her to stop touching you
3. And the teasing
4. And be upfront about what she wants

This is why I do NOT get it with people. This is a work environment, this is not about what she is doing. It is about what you're allowing in your life. As I always tell men. WOMEN cannot use you IF you don't allow US to use YOU. What she is doing to you, she does with other men. Be it she is involved or not. We, women, know how to manipulate your men because you are sexually sensitive to everything we do. It is subconscious and a lot of women and some men sadly are unaware of the things they do and allow. Don't stand for it. Don't tolerate it.

[Asker]

So she is manipulating me right? No interest right.

[btbc92]

It's not about INTEREST! Flirting is manipulative. Why worry if she is or isn't? If she isn't respecting you, stay away from her. What matters is how do YOU feel? Your feelings are more important than her silly games. Women can be really evil, man. I thank God I am not like them.

[Asker]

Well my feelings is that I really like her lol and it hurts me that she has a boyfriend.

[btbc92]

And this is how you guys get hurt. You like her because she is attractive, charming, probably giving you boners and your lusting and imagining in bed with her right? That's the trick. Many of us do that to get you to want us. You have to learn to get away from that stuff. If you know she has a boyfriend, then this has to STOP, IMMEDIATELY before you get reported for sexual harassment. She knows she has options and she doesn't care what she does because she knows she can't get touched. Don't be biased.

You have to be responsible for your feelings instead of allowing your feelings to dictate what you do and don't do. Be responsible. Because she's not going to care either way.

[btbc92]

That's why self-discipline and self-control are IMPORTANT. Before you hurt somebody else and yourself. Setting appropriate boundaries will save you all of that heartache. I see that going on with a classmate, co-worker, etc I ALWAYS set boundaries, and tell them to stop. I would never flirt or fool around with guys like that because it gives them the wrong impression about me. I am highly friendly, but I had to learn to only be playful [not flirting] with guys whom I trust and have a long-lasting established 8 months-3 years+ relationship. Not with strangers or acquaintances. Again, she got options and can use you in case it doesn't work with who she's dating unless she is clear that she doesn't date co-worker or friends.

[btbc92]

You don't know anything about this woman except the fantasies you're projecting on her. But you like her. How can you like somebody you don't really know? I never understood that with people doing irrational things.

[Asker]

guys get attracted to the looks lol.

[btbc92]

No, you just allow yourself to be delayed by looks. And then complain about the girl later. That's why I reject guys who comes to me by looks. No thank you. Your not a child your an adult now. So at that point you can't blame her for something you chose to do.

[btbc92]

Dictated by looks*

[DionysusFawn]

First of all, I agree wholeheartedly with btbc92's answer. If you're ever uncomfortable with someone's behavior it is always acceptable to set boundaries.

That being said, are you POSITIVE that she's flirting with you? Are you 100% sure she's not just a naturally friendly and affectionate person? I've seen so many men just assume that kind of girl is flirting with them and then get upset when she doesn't want to date them because he thinks she's "leading him on" when in reality she's just a very friendly person and didn't mean to imply anything non platonic.

[Asker]

I mean it's not that I am uncomfortable, im just confused. I kind of like her so I don't always mind her flirtations.
She might be friendly person but some people in the office claim she "never smiles" but when im around that's all she does is smile at me and giggle - sometimes nervous giggle.
She flirts for sure. We have a lot of episodes where we either keep 5 second or longer eye contact when we talk or sometimes randomly across the room. She also tends to (when her hair is not in a pony tail) to flip her hair away from me and expose her neck.
She sometimes touches me and absolutely likes when I touch her, I was drawing on her and she was giggling and smiling..
I catch her glancing at me a lot and she seems to be paying attention and looking when I talk to other girls in the office...

[DionysusFawn]

Do you know for a fact that she has a boyfriend?

[Asker]

yeah, 100%. She never told me, but I do know she has one. I once walked in on her talking to another girl coworker about him.