Dating

How was I not meant for him, I’m not attracted to anyone else?

I (19F) feel doomed for life. I feel like I can’t keep this facade anymore. I was briefly dating this guy on tinder that I mean when we were both 18. He told me after a few dates he wasn’t “ready for a relationship”. We still talked on snap everyday for an entire month. The last time we saw each other was in August and we made out and then he ghosted me and ended up super liking my best friend the day after. December comes and I find out he gets a girlfriend. I haven’t moved on at this point, I was hoping we’d rekindle for the new year. My mental health has felt shattered since he has been with her. I am also a virgin too and never been in a relationship, he probably thinks I was a pathetic loser. It’s so unfair because I never got proper closure. Like everything just ended on his terms we never got to talk anything out whilst we were talking. He could take away my happiness in a second. While he’s loved up I can’t move on. I have talked to many guys but I’m not attracted to any of them. He’s blocked me on everything and all I am is the “girl off tinder”, I never existed. I have gone to therapy for this, but it’s not working, I just feel like I’m suppressing my feelings for him because you can’t be with someone who wants someone else. It’s unfair because everything just happened in a blink of an eye. I don’t want to be me anymore. I hate myself if he’s not in my life. I’d do anything to be his girlfriend. She got everything he couldn’t give me, and he looks happier with her. I’d sacrifice the world just to see him one more time. God took him away from me so I can suffer for the rest of my life, there’s no such thing as better.
How was I not meant for him, I’m not attracted to anyone else?
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