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Should the man get put in the FriendZone if they choose to split the bill? (Page 2)
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No. I’m actually the kind of girl who prefers to pay for her own meal, drinks, movie tickets, etc but if we’ve been dating or hanging out for a while and I like the guy and he wants to pay for me, I’ll let him as long as he lets me reciprocate the next time we’re out.
You are NO reasoning let me hope that you do practice what you preach 👍👍 @silvermoon84.
If we are "just friends" you're dam straight we splitting the bill you cannot have boyfriend privileges with the friend zone parking pass
Well I agree but the clip isn't like that... I think they would of hooked up.
Honestly, that made me cringe beyond belief. If he didn’t want to pay that’s fine. We’re just not compatible. To me, if you ask me out on a date and don’t want to pay then of course I will pay my half. It’s a nice gesture for him however and it tells me a bit about his character ie he is making an effort with me
Down arrow all you want. This is the truth of what a lot of women think and feel
yes , a lot of women are lazy entitled bums. we know. And we don't need lazy bums in our lives.
@startingfitness I’m not lazy. I’ve worked really hard to become a successful lawyer and the best person I can be. If I wanted to pay for myself I could. But I am old fashioned and I like the man to offer to pay on the first date. It shows that he is not tight with his money. Imagine if we had kids down the line and he wants to start counting pennies over nappies or something! To me, there would be nothing worse.
Every man I have ever had a relationship with has always paid on the first couple of dates. Then I will usually book a 5* hotel stay or something like that for us. Because I know I can afford it.
It’s more the gesture than the actual paying. Like if it was Valentine’s Day and he bought me some really cheap weeds or something instead of Instagram worthy roses, I would be so happy with them. But if he didn’t get me anything... he’s just tight
Exactly. I’ve given a full explanation too
If you aren't lazy and you are a successful person then why don't you pay your half?
If you are old fashioned, why don't you quit your job and stay at home and cook for him?
Pick one or the other. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.
If you want to have freedom and be modern then give us the same benefits. We don't need to be traditional and then also modern, that is too much pressure for men. This type of thinking is the reason the world has become toxic and unbearable to many men.
you say the man should pay for a woman on the first date, so you imagine he isn't tight with money. What does that say about you? it says that you are even more tight with money, given that you expect a man to pay for you, not to mention entitled , sexist and misandrist.
Get with the times, because more and more men are refusing to give free stuff to women, less men than ever before are getting married and many have no interest in relationships. Its not a joke, you can look up the statistics. We have had enough of this man-exploiting system.
@startingfitness I don’t need to get with the times 😂 I found a wonderful man who paid on our first date and now we take it in turns to treat and surprise one another. It took a while but I found the right one for me 🙂
You really don’t get it... it’s the idea that a man would want to make a woman feel special and cared for. I’m sorry if you feel like it’s a lot of pressure but not all men feel like that. You would be better sticking to the girls who are happy to pay half or even pay for you as a man. I would find that emasculating but each to their own.
Men have changed and not for the better. You only have to look at younger generations to see that. There is no chivalry left. But women are to blame. I keep my standards high and if you can’t meet them, too bad for you
I would say it depends on the how the date was arranged. Usually whoever asks pays the bill unless disscused otherwise. It's a surprise if you have to pay and you assumed the other was paying. In my opinion I don't see the issue. Say the bill ends up being 30 dallors. That's not much to get petty over. Especially if the guy initiated it to begin with.
I mean, true. This doesn't have to be a big social issue/mystery. Offering to go Dutch over complicates it, in my opinion.
However, I've offered on first dates, especially if I met them online. At that point, it's basically a blind risk for both parties.
Usually, I opted for a coffee/ diner date, and the guy would want to pay anyway. Something like $20 for both of us, nbd. Whether or not he wanted to keep seeing me, he would pay. I think it was a sign of respect or having a good time. Paying can be a social custom in the US, not necessarily romantic. Heck, I've had platonic friends want to pay for my lunch/ coffee after a nice talk.
I don’t even consider the first time I meet someone irl that I met online to be a date. I’m happy meeting at a cafe and going Dutch because that’s really more of a first meeting. If they show up, look like they did online, and there is chemistry... then I ask her out on the first date and I’ll pay for it since i plan it.
@DavidFox meeting someone irl should be zero risk for both parties. I had always made it low cost, in case the guy felt better about paying. The big caveat here is my husband insisted on paying for a nice dinner when we met. But it wasn't on a dating website, and we both really liked each other. And he's a bold guy, and made an impression on me by just going for it. 😊
Good on him for taking the risk. I’d just as you said make it low pressure and meet ASAP
First date: the man plans and pays. Why complicate it?
Yes I agree but what do you think about her saying oh.. well guess you want to be put in the friendzone... just wondering if that is how women really think.
That was a shit test from her. I’m assuming you know about shit tests. Had he not gotten all butt hurt and bantered back with her it would have gone differently.
Well as you said he screwed up to begin with... a shit test is a test that is thrown out there that can at least be passed... even if he did turn it around I think he was already doomed for any future relations.
At that point yes, he should have paid anyway. But I still think he could have recovered if up until the bill she was into him.
Yeah I totally agree. Bad move on his part.
Also I think some guys worry that paying for the first date is locking them into always paying, that’s not true. Planning, paying, and executing a first date where she feels safe, protecting, and given attention is the guy showing his leadership and intentions for wanting a romantic relationship in the future. Frankly if a guy can’t shell out $50 for the potential of a real relationship then she has every right to refuse date #2.
Exactly DavidFox
I don't mind paying for the first date or even the first two. But if I'm the one who keeps on paying after and is expected to pay, and they aren't not giving anything back to me, then I'm out.
Yes, I do like women who go dutch, I don' expect it. I just wish they cover the bill. It's just so awkward if/when they expect you to pay all the time, and they haven't really given you anything... And you can't get your point across with being treated.
The way I see it is this: Is the guy actually her boyfriend? Probably not. Until you are in a romantic relationship with someone, you should not have to pay for them. Only reason would be is if they didn't bring enough money with them. The only dates I find ok to do this is like if you go to an arcade, carnival, park, etc. But that's because you guys are both doing something fun together and neither of you are wasting your money.
Yes, if it's the first date. It's kind of a test for women to see if the man is good-hearted, caring, and won't be cheap with his woman. My boyfriend paid for our first date and my first impression was that he is such a gentleman and it seem like I can trust him to one day take care of me. Of course I wouldn't let him continue to do this without reciprocating.
nah, too many b*tches taking advantage of good-hearted, caring men for a free meal. if i wanted to donate to charity, i would donate it to someone who actually needs it rather than an entitled b*tch.
every woman who expects men to pay is a lazy bum.
@startingfitness Yeah, and that's horrible. It sounds like you had unfortunate experiences. Maybe if you start off as friends, than splitting the bill is a good start but if it becomes something more, than it's right for the guy to pay for first date. It shows that a guy won't be cheap for the woman he cares for and they can split the bill or take turns treating after the first date.
@startingfitness Another thing, it's just what I believe. I don't think guys that don't pay for the first date are gentleman and I'm into gentlemen. It's a cultural influence I grew up with.
well, you should know the origin of this tradition and why it became part of the culture.
The reason men paid for the date was because at the time women did not work and did not own property, so they did not have any money of their own.
It doesn't make sense for a person that doesn't earn income to pay for a meal. However , today women do work and do earn an income, so there is no need for this tradition. Just like women don't NEED to stay at home and be a housewife, we have no obligation to pay you.
So, to believe that men should still pay for the date, is pure sexism.
@startingfitness Another thing too is that splitting the bill is what you'd do with a female platonic friend. When a guy pays for the girl, it really distinguishes a relationship or date from a couple of friends especially if it's early in the relationship. Sure, a girl can offer to pay for the guy, but personally, I wouldn't go on a 2nd date with a guy who accepts that. It just seems wrong.
Splitting the bill is definitely something i could do for a female platonic friend or a male friend.
let me ask you a question. At what point do you have more value than a female platonic friend? On the first date? That seems unreasonable and unfair to me. I believe that you will have your rightful place and more value than any friend once you make a serious commitment. Not on the first date or the second date. Why should i invest in someone who isn't even committed to me.
You can refuse to go an a date with a smart self respecting man, but you are defying the market: you are demanding money for bread without selling bread. I only buy bread from people that give me bread, not people that say, maybe i will give you bread. Else i would be wasting a lot of bread. A lot of men are waking up these days and we no longer take this unfairness from women. We are tired of being your tools. It would benefit you if you got realistic and started treating us better.
*wasting money.
@startingfitness Well, my boyfriend paid for our first date and since then, I've been treating him sometimes with the money I can muster up and we take turns treating each other. I always get him gifts that I've put a lot of thought into and write him thoughtful messages in cards. I totally get where you're coming from. It sucks when girls only date a guy to have him pay for her meal. I went into my date with the intention of getting to know my now boyfriend more and give him a chance at being my boyfriend if our date and later dates went well. Maybe if the situation is ambiguous and it seems there's a chance a girl won't commit, then splitting the bill is best.
It was good for your boyfriend, it worked out well for him And its nice to hear that you have a good relationship.
For me , i don't bank on the chance that a girl might commit. I will only bank if she commits first. I'm very business minded when it comes to money and i don't spend unless i know i'm getting a good deal. And also, i think this practice should just die off, i'm against it for a men's rights reason as well.
@startingfitness Thanks and yeah, I'm happy with him :) It's nice to be able to hear your perspective. I think your suggestion is totally fair and it's good to know. It's better when a girl makes it clear that she is ready to commit - maybe at the end of the first date would give enough time for her to have an idea if she wants to go on more dates with the guy - and not date other men.
that's a nice idea. I would expand on that and even suggest that it would be cool if both people were honest and tell each other that they are looking forward to meet again. or if not, say that unfortunately they can't. That would bring closure for a lot of people, i feel.
There are a lot of things about dating that are turnoffs for me, but the way I see it, if you invite someone to accompany you somewhere expensive, it's only natural for them to assume you mean it's on your dime. in my opinion it's only appropriate to expect her to pay her own bill if A) the dinner out was her idea, or B) she acted inappropriately.
As far as the friend zone, most guys will realize sooner or later, that the friend zone has a lot less downsides than the boyfriend zone, lol.
Don't be silly.
Splitting the bill should be the DEFAULT, unless one party agrees to the whole bill beforehand. Whether it's a date, dinner, night out or night in.
You should know whether the bill is going to be split or not, before anyone arrives.
The friendzone is a different thing, and you don't seem to understand the first thing about it. Usually it's when friends try to be something more but you're not willing; not when strangers try to be familiar.
If a man splits the BILL first date there won’t be a second date and no conversation. I don’t do half and half - no 50/50!
@ct1243
Why do you expect the guy to pay for both of you on a first date regardles what went on.
If a man imitates the date he should pay especially first date. I’m not paying for a first date! It’s not a expectation if it doesn’t happen , there’s no date
Initiates
If I have to pay half / half first date I go out alone !
The thumbs down are women who don’t mind being a 50/50 woman lol!
So this is why don't initiate dates.
Some women *
I don’t have a problem doing a date after a man has shown interest
I wouldn’t give a guy a second date if he was acting funny over the bill
Facts especially that first date and a few dates!
This is why western women don't respect western men anymore. You treat them like queens and they treat you like peasants.
Any man who pays for an adult that has their own job is a desperate lame who is placing himself lower than the woman. Good luck with that. I should let you all know that women are only attracted to men that they look up at. And queens don't look up at their peasants.
You guys are bringing down the value of men as a whole. Have some respect for yourselves.
First date i personally think a man should pay but the 2nd and beyond it should be split, cause to me a 2nd date is more of a do what ever you want and have, but with the first date its more of impress her rather then doing what you want
Lmao never heard of a foodie call?
@VanillaSalt hey if its a foodie call don't worry i be choosing the food not her
Other people can dry hump the bill all they want. Not for me.
It's not that simple, like anything, it depends entirely on context. I dated who a guy who was adamant on splitting, he was also very tight in general and a bit selfish, needless to say I didn't see him again. I dated another guy who was very well rounded and sweet who insisted on paying but I really want dto split it out of respect and admiration of his manners and character.
It depends who invited who. Hopefully it was a mutual decision. If I chose the location then I pay. If you choose then you pay. If we decided mutually then we can split it. If you feel so strongly about it say you have no money on you or you left your purse at home and see if you get a call back. There are bigger things to worry about than money. Get over yourself!
This is why you take her on low- cost dates until you get to know her. Coffee, a walk in the park, some kind of fun activity. I'm not taking someone I just met out for a $200 dinner on the off-chance that she's relationship material. You'll blow through tens of thousands of dollars before you ever find one who's worth it.
Most of these women 95% would love to find a well settled guy who made money already, in this view those are the gold diggers, who would not stick with you at all, once the money disappears. Since they love you for the money not as for your own personality.
So having much money should it be the main deal.
I really think it depends. I wouldn't allow the whole, "who pays the bill first" to determine whether the guy is in the friendzone. We don't know if it's in his upbringing not to pay the bill.