Should the man get put in the FriendZone if they choose to split the bill?

Question

KingdomForAKiss · Accepted Answer

Here's the problem that I see--- he seems to be harboring something (resentment?) from the start. Instead of making it a conversation ahead of time or whatever, BOTH people are here at the end of (what may have been) a great date and disagreeing. The way he's acting-- there's not even a friendzone possibility from me. And the way she's acting-- I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to see her again either.

(Not saying it's right) but men have traditionally paid for the first date. The problem with more recent bill splitting is that unless you have a conversation about it ahead of time, you risk having a date with someone with opposing traditional or modern viewpoints.

Right or wrong-- I'm going to assume he's paying on the first date if there's no conversation about it ahead of time. In my experience, having paid for a date is met with general bewilderment on the guy's part. I suppose this is because the type of guy that I usually date is more traditional in what they look for in a relationship (and I suppose I am too).

And my experience of having paid for dates, the guys were lazy types, which is why I HAD to pay for everything. These two men also had a more modern view of relationships where they proposed everything be 50/50 but wasn't that way at all. I have to actively tell myself that this isn't the norm so that I don't carry this to a new date (which is what it seems like the man in the video did, bringing hostility out of the gatwway).

Long story short-- communication is everything.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

I would hope no woman is that stupid to do that. If she does, the guy is probably dodging a bullet by being friendzoned by her!

Now I know it's traditional for a guy to pay the bill, but it's the 21st century! I don't see the issue with people either paying for their own meal, or splitting the bill.

I know the last time I went out with a guy, I paid for our meal! Yes, really.
He didn't like it, but I told him if it really bothered him, the next time we went out, he could pay for my meal. That shows him the guy you want to see him again (because you said he can pay next time, which implies you want to see him again), yet by you paying it shows you're not just interested in a free meal, or expect him to pay all the time.

Ladies, most of us have jobs and are capable of supporting ourselves. Does paying for your own food, or splitting the meal hurt your wallet that much? If it does, you need to order a cheaper meal, learn to budget your finances better, or stop using dates/guys just to get an expensive meal.
Yeah I said and I'm probably going to get downvoted: I really don't care. No one said the truth was always nice.

AndrewMG · Accepted Answer

I've not watched the video (so sorry for that) but I wanted to give my opinion about sharing the bill/paying for the bill etc. Again I've not read any of the below opinions but I've done that deliberately so as not to affect my opinion but I have a suspicion what some of the answers may be. Now when I've seen this question/or a theme of it before I've always thought do some of the people that answer have genuine friends. Now that's not a dig but when I came to Uni as a rule most of the time money was tight for me/my friends/my dates so if you wanted to spend an evening with each other it was 100% irrelevant who paid for what. My first year I had friends pay for a few beers for me in the student union, I've had dates where I paid for everything up to and including the taxi home, that's life. Now I'm older I value good company but equally I've enjoyed a far healthier bank balance, but hypothetically If I need to pay the bill I will, If I need to split the bill I will, if I can't pay the bill and then someone pays for it I wouldn't expect to be friendzoned. Fuck money and appreciate good company... that's my motto!

ChiTown33 · Accepted Answer

To quote Chris Rock " nothing dries the pu**y up quicker than a woman reaching for her wallet".
Let me answer your question with another question. Since when do a woman's decisions follow any sort of logic? It's not a question of whether he should be friendzoned it's a question of how she feels about it. It's not a question of right or wrong.
By the way i do think the giy in the video went a little overboard. He wanted to make his point. It was quite obvious she didn't want to hear it.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

Dating/relationships are so much more than "who's footing the bill"...
And anyone who can't get past that little detail whether they Male or Female aren't going to be very successful both in dating or a relationship...

kaylaS91 · Answer

No. I mean... equal rights mean equal responsibilities. My boyfriend and I have gone Dutch (paid for ourselves) since we started hanging out and here we are- engaged and together for almost 8 years.

We did discuss our views on paying and agreed it doesn’t make sense in today’s world for men to pay the bill 100% of the time. That tradition started in an era where women weren’t allowed to have an income of their own so weren’t even capable of paying, yknow? Times have changed and progress can’t be made if women continue expecting to be coddled without taking responsibility for the rights they fought so hard to be given.

lilyanony1 · Answer

In my understanding and my experience a broke man will hustle whether its to ask his friends for some money or his pare ts if there is a woman he really likes.
And he will pay for the bill.

When he encounters a woman that he doesn't really think that much of them he pulls that crap. Especially if it's the first date.
It's not that I don't think men shouldn't be honest but in my experience most men want to make a good impression and they know unless you know he work a low budget job that he will try to impress you.

I do think though there are some guys these days that have heard so much about people being scammers that they test you. But this is kind of boring... And if you successfully pass their set up test how many more will you have to complete until you are accepted.

Ugh!

We need to be raising both our sons and daughters to have respect for each other again. Society has gotten out of control talking about finessing and all that crap.

TallAnon · Answer

Other, the friendzone is not something you are put in, it's a natural occurence of a woman not seeing you as a potential mate. Whether you pay for her food or not doesn't neccesarily have an impact on this, depending on a lot of circumstances. Nowadays a lot of women can support themselves and don't value this gesture. Some even see it as an offense, since it makes them feel like they are not independent. The relationship between two people depends a lot on the nature of the two people and their backgrounds, so once act is not neccesarily always the correct one to further a relationship, things are more variable.

gypsy_rose · Answer

If a guy asks me out, I expect him to pay. He invited me.
However, if I invite him... he will be treated like a king, and he will know from the start that "i got this".
Would you invite a girl over for dinner and only make enough for yourself? No. Then why would you take her out and not treat her the same?
I think this one is common sense.

offendedsorbet · Answer

Ridiculous. My boyfriend and I split the bill all the time, or if he pays I get the next one. Such a stupid concept that a man should pay for everything it's utterly sexist and puts added societal pressure on men to be a high paid working man that provides for his family.

TremorJay · Answer

I can't be like this about money. After realizing she didn't want to pay, he just has to pay the bill and stop talking to her. I'm not saying that's my deal, but clearly he has a problem with paying, so just bite the bullet and move on. It's $20 - I feel weird even calling that a bullet

MaggieClover · Answer

No, I think that is pretty harsh. When I’ve been on dates (when I was single many moons ago) I would always meet at coffee shops where I’d buy my own hot drink in a paper cup just so I could leave if things weren’t flowing.

I had been on one date where basically I went out to a restaurant and he was just a posh twat who thought he was gods gift when he looked like squidward twin but obviously his dad new his looks weren’t great so gave him a flashy car and some money to make up for his face. Anyway he put my job down, spoke about some women, his money, his car, his house... so in the end I just asked to go home and no I didn’t pay a thing. Because he was rude.

then I went on a date with my current partner where I travelled to him and though he bought mine I actually insisted I would pay for his but he kindly refused and bought me a drink and took me to the cinemas.

thegirlfromthething · Answer

No, unless the woman is really traditional and is only compatible with men who want to be providers. Personally I wouldn’t mind splitting the bill from the second date onward but I’d prefer if the asker paid on the first date. And before anyone brings up that the guy will do the asking and I’ll never have to pay so this is just another way for me to get a free meal, no guy has ever asked me out. I’m not saying this under the assumption that I will never have to be the asker and pay for the first date.

Browneye57 · Answer

You have two topics here you're trying to confound. Perhaps you're a little confused on what the 'friendzone' is.

Feminism says women should be equal and independent. Sure.
The friendzone is where a woman puts a man that she likes but has zero sexual or romantic attraction for.

emmily2396 · Answer

No,

If you want to man to pay all the bills then you will need to compensate in some way, so don't complain if he expects you to be a maid, child taker and so on, because you put him in the position of the financial provider. You put all the weight from 1 area on his shoulders, so expect the same treatment from him in other areas. Men are human, they can only do so much. If you want him to be completely responsible of certain areas of your life (finances, broken stuff, garden, car) then you will have to do the same in other areas.

Also, why would a guy have to pay so much for someone he has just met? You aren't his mom, sister, wife or even girlfriend, he owes you nothing.

hahahmm · Answer

it’s fair because she’s tapping into some deep seeded biological desire to find a dude to use for resources. Some put off that feeling till later in life tho.

It’s fair if he taps into his deep seeded biological desire for women with long hair, tiny waists, nice boobs, curvy legs, and zero aggressive/competitive tude towards him.

He just has to be smart enough to side step the friend zone by not wasting time on it or anything leading there. Never go on that date in the first place

VanillaSalt · Answer

Man with the state of dating I’m mgtow... but if I find someone I wanna hang with first dates gonna either offer to pay or gonna say yes to splitting the bill or there won’t be a second date... unless she puts out and in that case remember ima man... equal effort. After the first date I WILL pay 100% of dates going forward unless she insists.

I will ask her out for a drink and be there early with my drink paid for in cash Incase I need to run out. Would suck for them to hold my card and she shows up and orders and it goes on my bill... that’s an awkward conversation... hey you need to pay for your own drink please...

The reason for this is foodie calls... basically I’m paying for your time by buying you dinner? No bitch my times more important than yours. Until it isn’t anyway ;)

Jjpayne · Answer

I think it's called paying dutch 🤔

But should a man get put I'm the friend zone if she pays for both?

I had that happen my last time I dated and she still wanted a kiss.

It is a nice gesture to pay for a girls meal but it should be just that, a nice gesture. The more it's expected the more it waters down the effect.

I give more props for a girl that expects to pay her own way over looking at me with evil eyes expecting me to get the check.

I'd rather hear say let get that so I can take the check from her than her look at me In expecting silence.

Id like graditude and humility to be cornerstones of our marriage or relationship.

The way she handles the check could be a deal breaker for me as well.

If she handles it in grace or in expectation

Prettysammie · Answer

The friend zone isn’t some kind of punishment. It’s what happens when you like someone but not romantically or sexually. Some guys might find it hard to believe, but some girls aren’t looking to fuck everyone they talk to.

Quackthulu · Answer

Should you contenue to date someone if they show you from the start that they don't understand the concept of dating, and shirk their responsibilities? There, I fixed your question for you.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

It depends. If I chose the place I will pay. If she chose it then I might do it as a test to see if she's a food whore or not. If she glares or hesitates, then I consider it answered. If she doesn't hesitate, then I pay even If I don't want another date because I know she isn't all about the money.

roody · Answer

That poor guy... I don’t think men should be expected to pay anymore. My boyfriend and I split the check on everything that we do, we both have our own financial situations, we’re both college students working part time jobs, so we understand that and don’t expect money/gifts unless it’s a birthday, anniversary or Christmas.

SexyAshh · Answer

He wouldn't be put into any said “zone”

Even my male friends pay for me, because its the manly thing to do. If they asked me to split a bill id just get up and leave, I dont put up with that level of disrespect and cheapness.

Barbaric · Answer

Yeah, but this is an example of both people having the wrong attitude.

He's a cheap-skate. She's entitled.

If they were to act right, how it's supposed to go is she insists on paying her half. He refuses to let her pay her half and insists on paying the bill. They have a little back and forth, she gives in, he pays and she says "thank you". Maybe she can get the next one if she really wants to.

Anything other than that and they're probably no good.

Should the man get put in the FriendZone if they choose to split the bill?

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Should the man get put in the FriendZone if they choose to split the bill?

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