How can a man be more assertive with an older woman?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Maybe I'm being wrong in putting this on the age, but I've noticed that I manage to be more assertive with women who are younger than me - for example the 19-20 years old student who's helping me out with some projects - while I have noticeable difficulties with my fiancée, who's 26. Granted, some of this can be attributed to her having always been the "alpha", even when we were in school years ago, but I've had similar issues with my ex who was 24 at the time I was 21, and some other women I've dated who were around that age or older.
So, is age really a factor?

[coldmarch]

It's not just age, although we can say that as much people grow, as much they get less insecure and gain points in "individuality". This surely helps in ranking up their social role if we imagine a hierarchy. However, as you can imagine, some women have no individual strength, are frivolous, easy to manipulate and immature, even when they are 30+, as well as some younger boy can have more dominating attributes (maybe sometimes with the help of some inflated self-esteem as well) so yes, age matters but not completely.
Anyway, from what I read I think you want to be more confident with women in general but I think that anyone gets the role they "reach", with a given person, so if your couple works as it is and you're serene with that it's ok. Still, probably, even if she is the "alpha", sometimes she might desire to be dominated/protected because any alpha person appreciates to relax as well and to be surprised when they aren't expecting that. So if sometimes you dare to be "positively" dominant/protective and show some strength about your own problems instead of relying on her, I think it could add some new spice. You'll need to break through her barriers for that and to think like if her "declared" strength is all "cute bs".
Instead if you mean you want to be more relevant during arguments, well, it depends on the way and the motivations you argue about... Maybe this would need a separated thread with a specific case because it also depends on how "right" you are in your position and how much you can go far with the solidity of your point. It's case by case...

[yucychan]

It could be. But I'm thinking its more to do with the level and position.
For instance, that 19-20 years old student, she is supposed to help you out with some projects, and you are her senior where you have more experience. Of course, you are the assertive one, she has to take instructions and you have to guide her along.

As for your fiancée and ex-gfs, I guess it has more to do with the dynamics of your relationship. I feel they are more assertive because of you. You let them take charge for most things.

[Smoothing]

Being assertive has got nothing to do with age. However, I believe you are asking the wrong question.

Something tells me that the women that you date who are older than you, tend to be more dominant in the relationship where as, you find that the ones younger than you, are more submissive.

I believe, in this day and age, you should look for qualities in a woman that suit your well-being and happiness rather than worry about dominance or power in the relationship.

Realise that women are their own persons and allow them to be just that and let them serve their purpose in the relationship rather than try and dominate them in the same way find a woman that allows you to be you without trying to dominate you.

It is a tricky one to balance.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I think I get your points.
The fact is that it's really difficult to understand how a person really is until after some years - with most of those women I didn't expect for things to turn out like they did. They changed over time.

[rjroy3]

A girl being assertive doesn't dictate whether or not you're assertive. Sounds more so you're asking how to deal with an assertive woman rather than how to be assertive.

You simply have to assert who you are and what you believe, in any give environment and circumstance. You have to state what you believe or your position on things, without getting angry or aggressive.

You just have to say what you want and how you want things to be without challenging. It's a very straightforward, no nonsense, non wishywashy way of being.

Guys and girls can be assertive at the same time without butting heads.

[MzAsh]

You’re probably less assertive with your fiancé because there’s a fear of losing her if you cross the line. You value her as a partner so it’s natural that you don’t want to rock the boat. You should feel heard by her but it sounds like she’s just the stronger personality by nature and combating that is going to land you trouble so just be careful.

[CriticalDiscourse]

I'm sorry. But if you feel you have to assert yourself over some women, I would side-eye you. This alpha shit is so old and ridiculous that it concerns me that adult men think this is a real thing.

Sure, some women think being "dominant" is sexy or whatever. But, the majority of us are humans and respond to reasonable people, who stand their ground when necessary, without making it about being "alpha over the younger female."

Barf.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It hasn't to necessarily do with being an "alpha male", the actual necessity for me is to be able to assert myself in keeping my fiancée away from some of my projects/activities so she can't co-opt them.
She says she understands, but then tries to get in anyways.
I stay out of her business, and I'd like her to do the same.

[iseekpinetrees]

With age comes comfort and wisdom. You learn to be confident, learn what you want/won't put up with and comfortable in your own skin. If you want to be more assertive you'd probably have to be more confident and cocky. Over due it.

[Anonymous]

Age is relevant up to a point. You can find girl who's twenty years old and will completely dominate you; or a woman in her thirties who'll be submissive.
You just happen to find (or attract) assertive women. Consider what you want, and move in that direction.

[Avicenna]

It shouldn't be, especially if there is a relatively small age gap like those.

This sort of dynamic only develops when you hold these women in awe for some reason.

[Shiver]

No, it's not age, it's the fact that you, for some reason, put these women on a pedestal because they are older than you and the fear of losing what good relationships you have is keeping you from having a proper spine.
In simple terms, you're being a bit of a beta here.

[Jamie05rhs]

That's funny. I'm more assertive with the older ones. I think it's because I treat the younger ones with extra care because I don't want to take advantage of them.

[msc545]

This is a difficult question, but briefly, I think that you need to set the same boundaries with older women that you do with the younger ones. Women, no matter their age, will walk all over you if you let them.

[EssenceOfLight]

Be more charming and treat her like she was a 20 yo. girl in her prime

[Skankhunt]

Setting boundaries with her. If she cross it, take action (talk to her, break up with her etc).

[locutus9999]

just start saying what you believe and dare to call bullshit when you see it. be yourself.

[Yuuibtony]

To tell that bitch to stop playing with you and get her on your lap and slap that whole telling you to call her daddy

[slatyb]

Assertive? In what way?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

As in being more dominant and less submissive/doormat

[slatyb]

IOW just expressing a clear preference? Just do it. Or making plans instead of saying "What do you want to do?" "Where do you want to go?" Because that's extremely tiresome.

[Likes2drive]

It’s probably in the personality and not the age, some people are more dominant and you’re attracted to more assertive and dominant women

[Amanda2]

Put yourself first and you’d be more assertive

[Newhead]

You better put some respect on her name.

[Snickermarstwix]

Just act with them like you act with younger human. Still a human being

[Anonymous]

Why do you want to be assertive to any woman? Maybe just treat them like a human instead or finding ways to intimidate them.

[patriots123123]

Agreed

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Not intimiditate them, just be on an equal footing and not let them co-opt my projects.

[psychoticanimallover]

Get a whip, Jean.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Why not?