Are guys usually hesitant to or against dating single mothers? Do they generally harbor ulterior motives?

Question

ShadezMcgee · Accepted Answer

I am not hesitant because I wouldn't date one. I have given an in depth answer to a question about single moms a while ago regarding my views on it. This was what I said below.

1.) The kid will always come first over you, rightfully so. A kid requires a lot of time, especially when the mom is not working to make money. Her spare time will mostly be dedicated to the child. Any dates will be dependent on baby sitters and her schedule from her commitment to work as well. This isn't counting any emergency the kid may have like sickness, school, etc.

2.) The baby daddy. Most of the time the baby daddy is in the picture one way or another be it with split custody or alimony. If she still has any interaction with the man who is the father of her child to a heavy degree, there is a good likelihood she would go back to him on a physically intimate point and I believe a part of that is do to pair bonding and biology. I would rather not deal with being in competition with or face a possibly hostile dude.

3.) The kid. I don't like the idea of helping raise a kid that isn't biologically mine. The possibility of getting attached to him and vice versa or him resenting me just sounds like an annoying hassle to deal with. The other bit to go with that is I have no say on how the kid is raised if there is something I don't like. Plus I feel rotating doors of men in a single mom's life takes a toll on the kid emotionally and psychologically.

4.) I would rather date a woman who is free from those commitments by being single and not having the responsibility of having a kid.

5.) This one is a personal opinion and very judgmental, but in my eyes, unless she married and widowed young, if she is single and taking care of a kid at a young age I feel it is a sign of poor judgment and decision making. Divorce, impulsive decision on having sex with the wrong man, etc.

6.) Financially I am really only able to support myself. Taking on a woman and her kid as well would be a bad move on my end.

hellionthesagereborn · Accepted Answer

Yes because a child is going to cause conflict. Not saying any one is to blame but the fact is the relationship dynamic is completely broken from the get go. A relationship starts with the two people then ends with a child. With a single mother, you have some one elses child their, who is going to supplant you in all things so you will have a very hard time creating that proper male/female bond with the mother as her child will always come first (not saying this is bad or good, just that it is).

Then you as the man are the provider but your now providing for some one elses child which is time consuming and resource intensive. Men are biologically wired to be against this (hence male mate guarding traits like jealousy/possiveness and aversion to promiscuous women). So while it doesn't stop them it is something that can put a strain on the situation, in and of itself, if all else is great, it won't be an issue but if their are other issues, this will add to that strain.

So their are many reasons why they avoid it and why in general they tend to stay away from them. Now if people can make it worker, great, but single mothers should understand that this is a very real thing so just be very careful whom you have kids with.

Tiffany_Taylor_Made · Accepted Answer

I would say that younger guys, such as guys in their 20s or whatnot, are likely to be more hesitant to date single mothers. However, as men get older and they're still single, eventually, they're going to reach an age where they're too old to maintain healthy relationships with much younger women without kids and, thus, would be more likely to date women around their own age. The older the woman is, the more likely she is to have kids already. At some point in a man's life, if he still wishes to date when he's older, it's almost a given to date a single mother. If he wants to avoid this, it's best that he get married, have his own kids, and keep his relationship healthy. Also, on a sidenote, women with young children should definitely be careful about dating men that are very eager to date single mothers. The chances are good that he could be a pedophile.

mindNsoul · Accepted Answer

I have no kids of my own. But I have a stepdad that I love more than my own father. We all do and my younger sisters even call him dad. He has been in our lives for 13 years now. He even gave away my sister on her wedding day. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him and my stepsisters. I make sure they're well taken care of. And when I die I made sure that he and the little girls are also taking care of.

people here can say what they want but he is a real man and he is a good role model and I told him that I wish I marry a man like him one day.

Nawlins34 · Answer

In my travels and personal experiences speaking to other guys, they are generally biased against single mothers. It depends or what their objective is with the woman. If they want sex, the complaints are minimum but if they want an actual future with the woman, the following list pops up:

1.) Her parenting skills are incompatible with his (watching how she handles her kids is a preview of how she will handle their kids if they have any).

2.) How self-aware she is with her time. (I and some guys have seen women who "think" they have time for a relationship, but in reality, they don't.).

3.) No overall "balance" in their lives due to being a single mom.

4.) Reduced likelihood she's interested in having more kids.

It matters how people look at things as well though, I see this as more information available upfront that starts much needed dialogue between two mutually interested people to make a better decision going forward.

Me personally, I was against dating single mothers, then I met a single mother, LOL. We're engaged now. She addressed all of my concerns and I hers. It wouldn't have worked with ANY single mother.

MCheetah · Answer

Don't know why they suggested this to me so late...

Dating single mothers are literally doing twice as much work, for a woman with half the value. Not even getting into the cuck aspects of raising another man's child, why would any single man want to do twice as much work, in pleasing both the girl and her child, on top of the mother (unless she's a sh*tty parent) having very little time for you, to begin with? I feel bad for widows, but all other single mothers have no one to blame but themselves.

In any case, their kid should ALWAYS come first over their own selfish desires, so unless they find a single father or a man willing to change diapers and have 25% the availability with her compared to a single woman, single mothers should just accept their fate as undateable, because no one wants to deal with all that sh*t. I even once considered dating them, in the past. It's impossible to date a decent single mother without also having to be in the kid's life, so dating one is signing an unwritten contract to become a stepdad, as well. You better learn to change those diapers, boy!

oddwaffle · Answer

Makes are biologically programed to eliminate the competition to his genes. The child that you have is competition to his offspring if he plans to have one with you.

This is why a lot of mammal males tend to kill offsprings of the females and why a lot of mammal females that build nests tend to try to prevent any males from approaching the best including their own mates.

Mirroring that back into humans, human males will try to eliminate or avoid females with children. They would be seen as burden and competition to their future children.

Similarly, some females will avoid males with children unless the male is really wealthy and powerful. They will still try to favor their own offsprings should they have them with the males.

Female humans or social mammals tend to cooperate in raising offsprings if they are grouped together instead. This is because they would become something of a herd and enjoy a much better protection against hostile males as well as more stability in securing food.

PumpklnPie · Answer

I do see a lot of guys refuse to date single mothers and I don't blame them.

They don't have to date someone who has a kid and they're not a bad person if they don't want too.

I never want kids, I'd never date someone who had kids because 1. Usually ex drama 2. The kid isn't mine and that comes with its own issues 3. I simply just don't want kids 4. Having to work around a schedule that involves a kid

So I personally completely understand why men don't want to date single mothers.

I'm not sure about ulterior motives? I hear guys say that they're easier to get in bed but I don't actually know if this is true.

TruthBringer · Answer

It's a lose-lose situation for the man. The dynamic is far different than a relationship with a childless woman. I personally refuse to date a single mother and invest my resources in another man's child (in another man's genetic pool). I invest my resources in MY children. Another man's child is not my child, plain and simple. And that's not me mentioning the attitude the single mother herself brings (check out the video). I always advice (young) men to stay away from dating single mothers as many step fathers and ex step fathers warn about the dangers of dating one. I tend to heed their warning.

Avicenna · Answer

Well, it's obvious as to why single moms are usually the last choice- they have the expense and time constraints of having a child or children. That can mean a lot of chaos as well as more people you need to get along with. Step-parents are rarely appreciated, should it get that far. It's much better to meet a childless woman and have kids with her rather than coming last in your partner's life or being expected to help babysit or raise someone else's kid.

That said, there are so many single moms out there that a lot of guys will have to date one if they want a girlfriend at all.

JackSmy · Answer

I have tried, two times, and each was a single mom, and the kids were 8-12. Both were dealing with the assbag fathers, not paying child support, and also working and trying to manage day-care before, and after school and so on.
They were AMAZGIN WOMEN!! OMG!! So much better than me, dealing with all the shit that they had to, and doing it, but still trying to find time for dates, or just talking, but not sharing me with the kid, because of those THOUSANDS of issues!!
I tried, and tried, but it was just too hard. Neither would let me 'In' and help, knowing the child, but they so often canceled, or were totally distracted on 'dates' in whatever way we tried.
I think if either would have let me help, trusted enough, it could have worked, somehow, from my perspective, and maybe helped her, but they were so concerned about what the child would feel, if, maybe. . .

AmtgardJean · Answer

Most men have a thing against dating women with children. The reason is simple. You have to think of the children as well and most likely the father/s of said children. It means less time to work on things between the person you are dating. The children should always come first. You will never be the center of that person's attention or affection if they are a good parent. It is an additional strain on your time, energy, finances, and nerves.
These are always things you should think about when choosing to date someone. So a single parent is something that you have to think about when choosing to date.

ThePolishKnight37 · Answer

They get lonely also and need love also. I find it hard to want anything but to find out about them. Maybe find out why they are single, judging them beforehand is just wrong. Maybe their spouse was killed in war or by a freak accident. Maybe he was abusive or what if she was raped and decided to keep the child instead of condemning it. If she is special enough to be worth the effort. Now that being said, I would like to get to know her before I meet the child. It is not fair to the child to have people in and out of their life regularly. So if you date a single mom make sure she is more than a passing interest. Just because they have child does not make them a sex toy.

HikerDude · Answer

I don't see any taboo around single moms. The Jerry Maguire theory holds that guys should treat them differently because they have a kid, but that's unfair in my opinion. I was like 19 the first time I talked to a single mom, and she came on to me pretty hard. I gave her the line about not wanting to hurt her because I was only really looking for sex, and she laughed and said, yeah me too. She wasn't into me for my mind and didn't want another guy in her life in any case. She was looking for good sex because she hadn't got any in a long time.

Single moms are just women, and guys might be into them for any number of reasons. Besides, it's her job to define her situation.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I have nothing at all against single mothers. I think they're amazing people. I just personally am not interested in getting into a relationship with one because I don't want fatherhood thrust upon me. I'm not against having kids; I just want it to be my decision. I want to have a choice in the matter.
Also, I've never even been in a relationship before, and I just feel like having a kid is rushing ahead like 20 steps. That's fast-forwarding way too much.

Anonymous · Answer

I look at single mothers very carefully. I won't date a white girl with a black child because I feel that is what she prefers and I won't waste any time or money on someone that prefers someone else.

If they had the child out of wedlock then there is a good chance that she is not responsible and should not be trusted. If she was in a long term relationship then I might reconsider but these are important things to me when considering taking on her and all of her baggage.

some women get pregnant on purpose to trap a guy. That is another reason that I would be leary of them.

Orangesareyummy · Answer

I think some single mothers are excellent people. It does seem to hell if they have a job, have one child and have their shit together though too. I know a lady who listened to men and went for a rich guy to marry. Rich guy had no prior convictions. He ended up hurting their child so she left, which is a smart move. I think she is still a good catch because of who she is as a person.

Anonymous · Answer

Not to the poster of this question but to the many comments I see on the question, I've come to realize that GAG is filled with many miserable men that are super jaded.

Anonymous · Answer

I think you're right about the ulterior motives. I think they view them as damaged goods, and thus easy to get into bed.
This might sound bad, but I don't mean for it to be bad. I've told guys on this site that pay hookers, to just find a nice single mom, and make her their steady friends with benefits or fuck buddy. Just be honest about your intentions. A struggling single mom can't afford to go out to dinner or buy drinks. But if the guy has enough money for hookers, then he can help the single mom out. Fill her gas tank, buy her groceries. Buy the kid or kids some toys. Take her out on the town. Help her with the rent.
I have nothing against hookers, but I'm sure most of them are just going to buy drugs with the money.

VanillaSalt · Answer

I won’t date single mothers. Her kids come first. Your not their father. Besides she’s single with kids for a reason. Bad choices.

Dweezil · Answer

I would think twice about it.

First, the kid would not be happy and maybe resentful that their mother has a new person in her life.

Second, I don't want another man effecting my relationship. Where there are kids there is a father. Any decent father would want to look after his kids. I would not want to stand in his way.

Bottom line is kids complicate things. I guess a man needs to ask himself is it going to be worth the effort.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Sometimes Single Moms have still have ties with the Child's father
this is something every guy got know that the babies dad will part
of he/she's life so this is why one would be hesitant to date a
Single Mom but this is not always the case?

RagnarRedbeard · Answer

I'm not sure what you mean by ulterior motives? But yeah plenty of men simply don't want to date a single mother because they don't want to raise another man's kid.

Anonymous · Answer

Of course they are! Why would any normal guy CHOOSE to date a girl who has kids, who is too old, who is too young, who is too fat, who is unattractive, who is already in a relationship, etc., etc. When a guy is putting down a list of what he's looking for in a partner, "single mom" never comes up as a desirable characteristic.

KingdomForAKiss · Answer

Yes, many are hesitant-- less so if they have kids of their own as well.
Ulterior motives-- well that's more individualistic. Not sure if you're referring to the guy or the single mother but either has potential to carry a motive.

strawberrylipstick · Answer

i wouldn't just because i dont really ever want kids and i dont want drama with her ex lol. i just couldn't handle it lmao it would be bad for everyone involved

kkirk4442 · Answer

If I were single, I would have no problem dating a single mother. However, it seems that a lot of guys are concerned about taking on the responsibility of a child.

GeneticMistake · Answer

I mean if you love the girl and she loves you back you should do it. I mean personally for me yes I would prefer if she didn't have kids already from another relationship but it wouldn't stop me from being with someone.

warrenstone · Answer

Absolutely yes. There’s 3 reasons why:

1. Baby daddy will always be in the picture.
2. You have to help raise another mans baby.
3. She will rely on you to provide more than ever.

All 3 are major deal breakers.

DCooper · Answer

As long as your personal boundaries preclude getting serious enough to get attached to her kid (s) or heartbroken when she turns out to be banging baby daddy on the side, then why not?

Meldrum · Answer

Single mothers are no different than any other ladies. They want someone steady that they can fall in love with. It's difficult to be in their situation but you should be happy if one of them loves you. You start out with a ready-made family to boot.

shalt · Answer

Sorry, that's why most women post pics without their kids until first few dates. It's off putting instantly. Cuz then we get to never spend time with each other or in picking up the mess of another man's kid. Not cool

genericname85 · Answer

I don't assume they have ulterior motives. But I still stay clear of them, cause I don't want another dudes child in my life.

Juxtapose · Answer

You will always be second to the kid & a lot of people want to be their lover's #1.

Neal_Anblome · Answer

Depends a lot on the age and circumstances, but by default, most are. And not without reason. The only universal thing that can be said is - it's quite a bit of baggage. Not everybody can handle it and not everybody wants to handle it.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

I can only speak for myself. I do not date single mothers. My motive is to date a woman with no kids around.

YHL6965 · Answer

I wouldn't date a single mother currently, at least not for a serious relationship as I don't want to deal with the consequences of her failed relationship (s).

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, more than likely the just look for a man to leech off his resources. When theyre done with him, they go to the next one.

Anonymous · Answer

Usually yes but personally no Saves me a job and allows me all the perks of having kids without the perpetuation of my corrupted genes

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Nothing against single moms, as I understand unfortunate things happen and we make mistakes as humans, but single moms aren't for me personally so I won't waste her time nor mines.

Wewladdy · Answer

A smart man ignores a whore who carries so much baggage.

Iron_Man · Answer

They are because then they’re going to take care of the kid for the rest of their lives

DWornock · Answer

Many men will date single mothers because that way they can date more attractive women.

Dbach · Answer

For me personally I don’t/won’t date a single mom. I am not ready for kids

Snakeyes7 · Answer

I don't know about ulterior motives but kids really overcomplicate the relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Single moms and good for pumping and dumping. Nothing more.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes I wouldn't date single mother. If I had my own kids it might be different.

Twalli · Answer

I would want to make sure her kid likes me before becoming too serious

Y2KxD · Answer

I accidentally chose the wrong option. No way I'd date a single mom. I have no interest in raising a other man's orgasm!

AkshiJanjua · Answer

I have no interest in single mothers. Nor do i wanna give stupid sympathy

Anonymous · Answer

Most guys don't feel like raising another man's child.

Anonymous · Answer

We just worry about the pressure of having a kid and what we would have to do being in a relationship with Women thats a already a Mum.

Phoenix98 · Answer

I have no desire to date a single mother no.

Mark987 · Answer

no they are amazing... and the best sex ( no lie)

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. Few people want a second hand family.

Max1000AD · Answer

I think that be nice to fall of a single mom.

misanthropistkev · Answer

I would fuck one but date NEVER

jahaims · Answer

I would never date someone with a kid

EaterPeter · Answer

I am bcoz of multiple bad experiences.

constantine15 · Answer

They’re good in bed but that’s about it

Are guys usually hesitant to or against dating single mothers? Do they generally harbor ulterior motives?

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Do men really avoid dating single moms?

Are guys usually hesitant to or against dating single mothers? Do they generally harbor ulterior motives?

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Do men really avoid dating single moms?

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