Lemme share my exp as someone who got kinda harassed at work (office).
Dude is married with 2 kids, started writing some bs on Teams about that he feels like there is a connection between us. I kept saying "sure, friendly connection"
The discussion ended there. Next discussion was about him asking where did I move. I told him the city. He asked "more specifically?" I told him I do not want to share that information.
He kept pressing and trying to invite himself over like "I made too much cake, I can bring some over if you like" so I had to be F I R M. I said "Look. I do not want you to come over. Drop it." ... then he kept messaging me, so I asked my team leader (he is pretty laid back and we get along well) and he told me to tell him, that I "want to keep this relationship professional" and nothing else, and if he still gives me trouble, then he will give me some HR contacts.
Luckily he got the message and hasn't messaged me this year :)
I hate that i am naive and too nice to the point that i am stupid i just dont want to hurt their feelings. But i joke around it and gently reject them and when they get overbearing i just shut them down bluntly.
One time i didn't know if a guy liked on my job liked me or not because he was not single but regardless i wasn't into him and i like single men. Long story short i thought we were going to hangout bam ended up in a hotel room. We did not do anything i didn't know it was a motel or hotel or whatever it was!
u "You seem like a great guy and I might have a different decision if we didn't work together, but I have a strict rule against dating co-workers. I didn't break that rule for the last guy who asked me out, I won't break that rule for the next guy who asks me out, and I'm not going to break that rule now. I hope you understand."
Think of it in the reverse, what would you want him to say to you if it was you? The best rejection I ever got was she didn't make me feel bad for asking (and you "running away" is the opposite! LOL). I'd simply say something like, "Thank you so much for asking, but I'm sorry I'm not interested." Simple, direct, and friendly.
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You could just say you make it a policy not to much business and pleasure, that you have a strict policy against dating co-workers... Besides a lot of companies frown in that and some do have policies against that.
That way it makes it about the job and not him personally
I think trying to keep it as a friendship might be the trick. It's not saying you want him romantically yet it's not saying it's because he is a terrible person. You are rewarding him for being a good guy. I think while people say friend zone, I'd rather a girl that said no to me, go to lunch with me because she likes me as a person rather than just say no and have no interaction after that. Given, it's got to be done carefully as you need to establish verbally said boundaries at the beginning. But if he get the idea, it can go from ducking when you see each other to smiling and waving with some causal banter every once in a while.
Keep saying no, and no, and no, and no, and no, and no. Should I go on? and no, and no, and no. The guys at my job tries to hit on the women who work there and customers. They ask me but I’m aware of their game because I’m around when they talk about it. Don’t mix business with pleasure. I did once ! but that’s when I was new to the job when I was a bit younger and I didn’t know any better.
It didn’t turn out well because when we would get into a disagreement out of work there would be tension at work and him following me trying to get an answer as to why I’m ignoring him. Don’t do it.
If single, you be honest about what you are looking for, it will be obvious to them that they aren't that type of person.
If taken, you simply tell them that.
Why do people have such a hard time just being themselves? I've had a lot of women
i wasn't interested in it on me, when I say "we aren't compatible enough to date" they either leave it or ask why, if they ask, I explain why. talking about your ideal mare is as easy as talking about the perfect house or the best job or your goals and aspirations.
Now if you have no idea what you want, can't help ya there, only thing left to say is "not interested" at that point.
Next time you see him, apologise about your last reaction, then explain to him that you struggle with social anxiety and that sometimes, your reactions are driven by that anxiety.
If he accepts your apology and the conversation ends. Great! Nothing more to do.
If he accepts your apology then start making advances again.. tell him politely that you aren't interested.. "Honestly, I'm really sorry but I don't want to, maybe I need more time for myself"... something along those lines is fine.
If he doesn't accept your apology, then that's a narcissist, end the conversation in silence, and never let him cross any boundaries with you in the future.
Feel free to let us know how things went!
Just say, "I'm flattered and appreciate that you're asking me to go to lunch, but I really just want to go home and chill. I know you understand, and thank you again."
Don't think so much on it. This is why people have anxiety because they think too much. Just practice catching yourself doing this, and making yourself stop. It will take a few years, but you will get there if you truly want to. I know because that was me.
I would just say that you can't hang about after your shift as you have responsibilities at home. If he asks again that is. If he doesn't then it's all good.
It's easy to suggest that you tell him that you're just not interested but that's easier said than done, particularly if you already have social anxiety. Most people find it easier to make a polite excuse. It's less awkward for both parties. Keep the "I'm not interested" card for if and when he doesn't take the hint.
Maybe say you have a busy schedule or something? Something where he'll likely get the message.
Saying, 'yo, just not feelin you' might hurt his feelings. Having said that, least he definitely stop pursuing you so you might spare him in the long run. Go with what fits in the moment.
I'm guessing if someone asked me out (seems unlikely) who I wasn't interested in, I'd probably cite a busy schedule. After all, you make time for people you like...
If you're not interested in the guy politely tell him you appreciate the offer but aren't interested. You don't have to give him a reason. If you start giving reasons or making excuses many guys will use those reasons to keep pressuring. If he asks why, just repeat, "I'm not interested."
To deal with social anxiety, consider discussing it with your doctor.
You say "No thank you." For god's sakes woman.
If he presses, just say you're not in any place to date, and you surely don't date at work. You own ZERO further explanation.
And no, dating at work is a giant fail. Cuz when it all blows up, which it surely will, one or both of you will have to look for a new job.
Here's the quip for it all..."Don't shit where you eat."
Most women and men suck at rejecting people. It's kind of hard to reject someone that's a co-worker too as you too work together. I would just say it nicely if he asks again only if he asks again and just say "you seem real nice, but I don't date co-workers because I feel it could complicate things in the work place". If he asks if he is not attractive enough just say "you are not my type but you seem decent looking".
“Hey I’m sorry but I’m just not interested.” Short and simple. He may be hurt initially but it’s better this way in the long run. Since you work with him you don’t want to drag it out or give him any inkling that he might have any chance or it might get very awkward and uncomfortable when you have to go into work and he keeps trying to chat you up.
so yeah just a short direct statement should do the trick. If he’s any kind of a man he’ll respect it and move on.
I don't mix business with pleasure. I find it inappropriate to go out with employees. Say, thanks but I am not interested politely. The other response would be a horrid one especially in case of harassment.
"I'm flattered, but I'm not interested in going out with anyone at this time. It's not you in particular, it's anyone. Thank you again for offering though, but lets just keep it professional". And don't run away. Just smile, and then go.
"Thanks, but I don't date coworkers." Maybe it's true, maybe you might if you got an offer from someone else. But he can't argue with it.
Just keep it short simple and honest. The last thing you want to do is lead someone on because you were too scared to say no. Just tell them sorry, I don't date coworkers and in general not looking.
First off you have a right to keep things professional and tell him you never date a coworker. Nothing wrong with that. In fact if you word it that way there is no reason to think you hurt his feelings.
Say you won't date anyone from work. It's not professional and leave it at that.
Tell him gently that you want to be a professional friend to him not a lover so that he get an idea that you are not intrested in him
Just be polite and considerate, reject how you want to be rejected, but imagine yourself being less stable.
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