Is not arguing in a relationship a red flag?

[krose2513]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months and still haven't had our first argument... is this a good thing or a red flag?

[Kaneki05]

Yeah that's a red flag. If ya haven't argued with them yet when that time comes you will have no idea how he will react or even yourself.
It's healthy to have one every now and then. People react different when they argue, get mad, get upset whatever else. It's good to know what way your partner deals with it like. Even the most basic thing does he like to be left alone for a couple mins? does he like to just talk it out right away etc
Debates are good to have more commonly it allows one to speak there views if one is just agreeing with you all the time, they are probably hiding somethings they don't agree with you on. Which is bad since relationships are about honesty and communication.

No point been with someone who don't be themselves around you. I feel like a lot people would say no arguing oh that's great! no disagreements that's great!
Simply it's not, people have some differences even if alike and it's good to know how said people react when they disagree/argue.

[OlderAndWiser]

There are two possible explanations for having no arguments or disagreements:

1. The two of you are so compatible that you have not had any conflict, disagreement, or resentments arise during your relationship. This is possible but not likely.

2. At least one of you has had some conflict, disagreement, or resentments arise during your relationship but you are so worried about causing problems that you are afraid to discuss the problems openly. This is the more common explanation for "we never argue."

Conflict is inevitable in a relationship and how you deal with the conflict tells you much about the strength of the relationship. In fact, when older people ask how long they should date before considering marriage, my usual response is that they should date until they have experienced two or three conflicts so that they know if these will be resolved in a mutually respectful way.

[Mel2021]

I would say at the moment you are still in the honeymoon phase which tends to last up to at least a year or maybe slightly longer.


I can’t think of any couple that doesn’t end up arguing or disagreeing at some point.
The point is how you argue or disagree but the key is when that times comes if it does that both partners need to communicate directly on if something is bothering them and try to be as calm as possible but in the heat of the moment that can be easier said than done

[StrawberrySmoothie]

That’s not a red flag to me. I know they say arguments are healthy but I disagree completely. You can still communicate without arguing. My boyfriend at the time and I dated for years, broke up and are still friends to this day & have yet to have a single argument. If there’s a problem, we let it be known and talk about how we can solve it.

[SteveSmith1985]

Ohhhh ok, so...

First, IN GENERAL... yes.

Not arguing in a relationship is a red flag for sure. FOR SURE.

However, not having had any fights for 7 months... that's all good. By itself that doesn't indicate a good or a bad relatioship. In fact usually (In my own observation/experience) the first real fight happens around the 8th month you're together. That's not a rule. But it's often around that time.

So, in your case, this is not something you need to worry about. It's quite common. If another 7 months go by without fighting... then you've got a problem.

Also, personally, I don't think anybody can know that they really love someone until they have had at least one BIG fight. Some people get mean, nasty and deliberately hurtful when they are really angry. You sometimes can't see that coming until you actually MAKE that person really angry.

But... you're all good. Enjoy the 'honeymoon phase'. It's unrepeatable (with the same guy anyway).

[Ironic_Method]

I'm gonna have to disagree on this one. Wife and I have been together for 6 years and have yet to have a fight and it's AMAZING.

Good communication goes a long way.

[loveslongnails]

You've been watching too many movies. Be careful what you wish for. If you want so hot "make up sex", there's other ways to get that. :) Seriously, be glad you're not with a fighter. Don't mistake it to mean he's a doormat, unless he turns out to be. When I was your age, I didn't fight with my girlfriends either. Not at all.

[boggboss]

Its dependent on context is it because u don't talk about things that could lead onto a argument or because u are just good enough at communicating me and my girl have had disagreements but have never got to a point where we was arguing and name calling or belittling in the 4 years we have been together

[krose2513]

We talk about everything but he just never argues. It feels very weird since my last relationship, me and my ex only argued

[boggboss]

Does it feel like he agrees with things he dont truly believe or is he able to disagree on things but keep it civil

[krose2513]

Sometimes it feels like he agrees but other times I don't think he really does

[boggboss]

And your not just saying this because its a new feeling or ecpirance but because u generally feel like he is too scared to disagree with you because it may cause a argument

[krose2513]

Yes, I've been wondering for the past month because i know about the honey moon stage but I don't think it's supposed to last this long so I'm suspicious

[boggboss]

Like I said i have been with my girl for 4 years and never actully had a argument disagreements and arguments are differnt thats why I'm asking if if its a issue off this actully being him being a yes man or u expirncing something new and thinking it should be like the past

[krose2513]

well thank you. i really appreciate you helping me :)

[boggboss]

if anything talk to him about it if it worries u

[krose2513]

I definitly will!

[kyleelyn199723]

Honestly in my opinion a red flag, but others may say different. I think personality it’s unrealistic to agree on everything and you two are agreeing with each other because you are still in honeymoon stage. Disagreeing isn’t always a bad thing and it gets you to learn more about your partners likes and dislikes. Maybe you two are just that good at communication though.

[thisguyhasacrush]

what if the first 1-2 years couple argued but now doesn't.

[kyleelyn199723]

Then they have learned each other’s language and communicate how each other prefer to talk about stuff they disagree with. They learned each other. I think that’s healthier than agreeing with what your partner says/does because you fear arguing/disagreeing with them.

[Guffrus]

@thisguyhasacrush I heard somewhere that statistically speaking couples who argue early do better because they have expressed / aired their opposing views and moved past it.

Which makes sense when you compare that to a couple who start out biting their tongue and therefore give a false impression of themselves which they can't live up to long term and eventually explode / have a huge meltdown.

[kyleelyn199723]

@Guffrus yes 100% me and my boyfriend fought like cats and dogs when we first started dating but now we are on the same page and know each other’s expectations and our relationship is a whole lot better than anything. We understand each other completely

[Coulis]

Helathy relationships have arguments. It means those in it feel there is something to fight for.

This of course doesn't mean physcially beating one another thiugh some co dependents get off on that.

You are just turning the corner of the 6-month mark where relationships hit their punnacle and decline from there. I. e. the novelty phase.

Come back in 5 months and tell us how it's going.

[Leavesbound]

In five relationships I have had two arguments. I hate arguments. I would not say that is a red flag as long as you are always talking to each other. But if the only reason you don't have arguments is due to lack of talking then that would be a bad thing.

[RealMarek]

Not arguing in a relationship can be good or bad. It can be a result of near-perfect compatibility and maturity or it can be lack of communication. I think it is difficult for younger people to achieve and maybe easier for people who have been in failed relationships with argumentative partners and don’t want that to happen again.

Whatever you do, don’t use the idea that it is bad to have a relationship that has no arguing as a cope if you end up in a relationship with a lot of arguing.

[slatyb]

Congratulations! Seems like a good thing to me.

I've been with my wife for 13 years and we haven't had an argument. We just discuss and decide. Occasionally I become frustrated but that's just me. She always does her best.

[Apple1996]

7 months isn't long and you're still young. Issues usually come about when you move into together and start spending 24/7 together. I would say if you were moved in and never fought that would be pretty weird.

[Anonymous]

No. I’ve been seeing a guy for nearly two years, we’ve had disagreements but never arguing. We talk openly and honestly about every single thing we want and never yell or raise our voices- ever. We also know when to let things go/stop going on about something.
Normally if there’s a problem we talk about it immediately and we’re both really good at apologising and actually meaning it.

[red324]

This is a great question. I've always wondered the same thing about my dates. Of course I only get like one or two dates before they bail on me. Or let's just say between 1-3 months and they ghost me. Never any arguing but I've always wondered what could have gone wrong in such a short period of time that couldve have been fixed easily?

[Siren777]

Depends on discussion. I think it's normal to argue and not to see eye to eye from time to time. You're still getting to know him. Give it some time. Or you're both passive and avoid conflict types who are compatible.

[DaisyM23]

It sounds good, not necessarily bad, but it could just mean that you just get along or you’re both mild mannered? Or the relationship just hasn’t progressed enough to see each other’s true sides enough to argue about

[NorthShoreCalling]

The real question is, are you both able to be yourselves and not have to hide your feelings too much to please the other. If you can both rock the boat a little and not end up in a fight about it, that’s great!

[serious]

No. To me it is not a red flag at all.

In fact it is all good. You should be happy that you both have very high compatibility and thereby you both have a common ground so no fights, no arguments.

[Anonymous]

Not if it is because you are just very good at communicating already and solve things before they become a real issue.
But if it is because you hold back and try to avoid any type of conflict it will at some point get big and bite you in the ass.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

15? Dating? Yikes

Also, how in the world, have you been dating someone for 7 months... DURING A VIRUS

that means you met him DURING THE VIRUS

if i can't go to work, how are you fucking dating

[yourbabygirl921]

Chill 😂

[krose2513]

I've known him for at least 3 years. We talked during the virus and got together in October when the rules were not as strict. We both never go anywhere and we wear masks if we so happen to go somewhere.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

like i said

not cool

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

and you know im right

[krose2513]

Ever heard of high school sweethearts? or even dating in highschool? its perfectly normal and the virus isn't as bad anymore. so end of story.

[Alyssa11]

No it just shows that you guys are mature and respectful around each other.

[GirlyGal20]

Well no unless it's because one of you is holding in some resentment towards the other/holding something back.

[Browneye57]

15? You're still a child. You likely don't even have an original thought in that little head of yours.

[krose2513]

I understand why you think that but that came off as a little bit rude. I was just asking a simple questions and I didn't need you acting like a parent trying to tell me what i can and can not have and what I am capable of thinking.
Thank you.
Have a nice day :)

[Browneye57]

This explains EXACTLY why we loathe children on here. GO AWAY.
And get a goddam clue - I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING. Take your little shaming tactics back to your room.

[Mel2021]

Oh mate catch a grip your behaving more like a child than the asker with your attitude

[krose2513]

@Mel2021 Thank you x

[Browneye57]

I'll do my best to get you kicked off. You don't belong here, and are unwanted. Go away for about five years.