Why are boys sooo shallow? Obsessed with sexy girls but could care less about personality?

Question

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Now this is absolutely true of some boys. But it's certainly not true of most boys (even in high school).

I have no doubt that you have very good reason for feeling the way you do. Guys seeming to be shallow is something you have experienced (maybe multiple times) and something you've no doubt observed.

Again... there ARE for sure, shallow guys like you describe. They also tend to be fairly loud about it.

I think though, that there are several things sort of working together to give you the impression that MOST guys are shallow in the way you describe. That's simply not the case. (again, I understand that I am in a completely different age-bracket. I am conscious of that in saying everything I'm saying.)

The first thing is: The shallow guys are the guys who are LOUD about their views. They are the guys you're going to hear/see/overhear talking about women. The guys who aren't shallow... simply aren't loudly talking about "what they want/like in women" during the natural course of things. If there's a group of guys TALKING about 'sexy girls'... that is going to be a group of shallow guys.

So a part of it, is that the shallow guys are the "visible" guys. They are the guys who's views get broadcast to the world. If you're looking at it from the outside, it's easy enough to give more weight to this small group of shallow guys... just because their views are loud, and you hear it ALL the time. You don't hear the guys who aren't shallow because they just don't generally spend time loudly broadcasting their views.

The second, and related factor is: There is actually pressure on guys to 'fit-in' to that stupid "a guy is SUPPOSED to be shallow, and try to bang sexy chicks" mentality. If a guy isn't totally secure in himself (a fair number of boys your age... I think you'll agree) then there is actually a whole lot of pressure to PRETEND that you're actually more shallow than he is.

A guy feels pressure to join in when a group of guys are bro-ing out and talking about the appearance of various girls (in a decidedly shallow way). I know that you know that already. But trust me... you really DON"T. as a woman, you can't.

Let me tell you. Guys... are pretty funny when it comes to how they relate to each other. There is a lot of pretense, a lot of subtext, and a whole lot of "hiding your softer side" involved in nearly ANY relationship between two or more guys. That applies to a group of friends, as well as a group of guys who happen to be in the same place at the same time but don't know each other.

Here's the thing. Guys will always SEEM to fit into the stereotype of 'how guys are' (in a bad way) more than they actually do fit that stereotype.

I've had some close female friends over the years. Especially when I was younger. It was a weird window into this phenomenon. I would find out through my female friends, that some dude--who I KNEW and was buddies with--actually DID have a softer side. That this dude WAS actually somebody with some internal substance. That this dude wasn't the 'shallow' guy that I had always assumed him to be.

Again, these are dudes that I was friends with. But as a guy... we just didn't show each other any of that part of ourselves. But guys can/do feel able to drop their mask with individual girls, in a way they just can't with guys. I cannot tell you how many times this happened. Eventually, I stopped being surprised. I figured out that most guys really aren't as... shallow and idiotic as they seem (even to me).

The most clear example was when a very good friend of mine began dating the neighborhood drug dealer. I had known this dude for years. He was not a particularly nice dude. But... underneath his (legitimately... and often proven) tough exterior... this guy was as loving, caring and deep as anyone else. He ended up being a great boyfriend to her actually.

Bright_blue_eyes · Accepted Answer

Because personality doesn't matter if we don't have attraction to go along with it. Personality is only 1/4 of what humans need to make a relationship work. We also need attraction, compatibility and some other need based attribute that I can't really define with 1 word. Because men are visual, we're not even going to give the fat girl a chance. No point. The world is full of thin attractive girls with good personalities.

Don't be discouraged. There is someone out there for everyone. He/she may not be the ideal image by Instagram standards, but attraction is different for everyone. If you're not able to attract the quality of guy you want you may need to make some personal changes.

mrfoox · Accepted Answer

I think this goes for women too. I guess it's high or unreasonable standards. They want someone super hot while they often aren't above average. But hey, to each their own

Siren777 · Accepted Answer

They're visual creatures. They love what's pleasing to the eyes above personality as that's what they see first.

Anonymous · Answer

Younger guys this is often the case as they aren't really looking for relationships. It's all about their hormones. As guys get older, it tends to change a bit. But it seems that way on the surface, because looks are what we notice first (we're visual, something I don't think women can relate to not being the same way), but that doesn't mean personality doesn't matter, it very much does (it may not be talked about). For me it's always been 50/50. I'm going to see if I'm attracted to you physically first, then I'll look at your personality.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Boys to eventually mature and realise that personality starts to beat simply looks.

they get burnt a few times with good looking but toxic girls.

Actually chat to girls that are normal and suddenly realise these girls are interesting.

of course some boys don’t grow up and constantly chase good looking girls out of their league.

The_Maphio · Answer

Your age tells volumes about why you're making this question.
Boys your age are generally quite shallow indeed, not that girls are particularly deep either.

The point is that at that age most boys just want to get their noodle wet. The idea of renouncing a massive pool of potential beauties for the sake of one only is off the table.
Try again in 2 or 3 years. Provided they matured enough in the meantime.

MLGbreezy · Answer

Lmfaooo woman are the same exact way if not a arguably worse then guys. Men are visual so that natural for us to want what pleases are eys most. What's woman's excuse for being shallow. It's especially incriminating when woman do virtually nothing in dating and have majority of the advantage in dating and in choosing there male partners who are 9 times out of 10 out of there league.

Anonymous · Answer

Because they are boys.

Personality isn't everything and looks are not everything but personality carries looks better than looks can carry personality.

But remember your rage about shallow boys when you are judging men based on their wealth and status ;)

HawkPerception · Answer

You're taking to the wrong guys. There are many guys that care mostly about personality. Hell I couldn't care less if a girl was sexy if she had a shitty personality. I absolutely have to be attracted to her personality.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

Because sex is a prerequisite for most men to lead into relationships. I also include fit, feminine, able to cook, support, and give me a sense of peace i can't find anywhere else.

Nikola321 · Answer

I'm not. I don't care about sexynes. I pretty much only care about the personality :D I mean, physical attraction still needs to be there though, but I mostly look at the personality.

Bakhodir · Answer

There are two types of girls 1. For serious relationship
2. Just for sex
First group's personality is more important. But in 2nd group - it is all about sex.
I sort them by their attitude and smartness. It does not mean the girls in 1st group aren't hot. They are pretty, smart and with good personality

ChiTown33 · Answer

For the same reason that women lover liars but shun guys that would actually be decent to them. It's called "attraction" and unfortunately we're ( men and women) drawn to what we find attractive not what would be best for us.

Anonymous · Answer

that's not true at all. guys go after looks first because nobody is look at her brains. they chase after the woman's looks then after if the woman has no substance upstairs brains wise he gets disinterested and leaves. i've dealt with several ding bats clueless air heads in my day and it's a massive turn off

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

I think the only explanation is they don’t have one themselves. They’re just a skin bag or a melted turtle

oralqueen · Answer

because sex appeal matters keep in mind, sexy girls can also have good personalities

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Because you have to learn life lessons before you realize how important personality is.

Anonymous · Answer

Because we are VISUALLY stimulated.

Your question would be like us asking you why are girls so shallow and obsessed with what men can provide for them over actual love. Since women generally love based on what men provide.

jahaims · Answer

Because they are full of hormones and culture promotes that sort of behavior.

Stevefiveo · Answer

Probably most boys are but personality is important in a relationship.

TheFlak38 · Answer

assuming that you have personality and not just three holes to get fucked.

Anonymous · Answer

Because they are dumb. Men care about personality. Don't worry you will be valued for your personality as you get older.

Anonymous · Answer

You said it but I tell you I love a girl who I love for her personality. Do you think I will be able to marry her?

Anonymous · Answer

They care about personality more than looks though, so... nope.

Anonymous · Answer

Same reason women are obsessed with a man's wallet and how successful he is.

Anonymous · Answer

We care about personality. It's doesn't matter if you have a sexy body, if you're an abusive bitch.

Anonymous · Answer

We care but our little head does all the thinking sometimes

BakedBeanieBabie · Answer

Generalizing is unbecoming little one.

Anonymous · Answer

It's called BEING A MAN Get over it Dorothy

Browneye57 · Answer

They're BOYZ honey. How much under 18?

WowwGirl · Answer

Penis does the picking

Djaay · Answer

Shallow? Or just plain uninterested?

Rohaan2020 · Answer

i guess u have met wrong one's

SamFromFL · Answer

Many like both

Nachowedgie · Answer

It goes both ways

Why are boys sooo shallow? Obsessed with sexy girls but could care less about personality?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why are boys so superficial

Why are boys sooo shallow? Obsessed with sexy girls but could care less about personality?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why are boys so superficial

We're glad to see you liked this post.