Most Helpful Opinions
I think that many people put the cart before the horse here.
It all comes down to mutual desire. That’s the first thing, and the most important question. Same thing for guys. Does s/he like you or not?
If you’re the one chasing and making most of the effort, in all likelihood the other person just isn’t that interested in you. Otherwise they’d also be putting in the same effort in return. That’s how people act when they like someone.
Women in particular will chase a guy, it won’t work out, and they’ll assume that it was because they chased. It’s not that they’re not interested in you because you chased. You were chasing and they were putting in less effort because they were never that interested in the first place.
So basically, chasing is fine if the guy is showing reciprocal interest. If not then you’re wasting your time.0
We both did the chasing for my current relationship. I caught him watching me and he talked to me a few times and then got me a gift on Valentine’s Day but after that he avoided me, avoided eye contact, turned around when I came near him so I thought he hated me. He didn’t talk or acknowledge me for a month but I tried to talk with him at work, ask him for help but nothing. A month later he approaches me and talks to me, gets my name and I get his, we flirt a little and later that week I give him a thank you card for the Valentine’s Day gift and add my number into it. He said he wanted a clear signal from me that I was interested or found him attractive and he wasn’t sure if I’ll talk/date someone from work. I think guys like when girls are showing active interest in them or a clear signal that they like them. This is just my experience though, every guy is different.1
I don't think anyone wants to feel like they're being chased after. Sending constant messages with no reply is frankly weird and shows you don't respect the person you are trying to talk to.0
What Girls & Guys Said
What really matters is if the guy is interested in the girl or not. If he is, then most guys will be fine if she is persuing. But if he's not into her, then her persuing him will just annoy him.30
"If a guy likes you I'm guessing he wouldn't mind the girl initiating conversations."
"If he isn't interested, chances are he'll be annoyed."
More like indifferent.
"I tend to withdraw when a person doesn't show interest". Same here.
"usually reaches out to me but when he does it's too late cause I got used to the absence and moved on to another guy)."
Switch the genders and this sentence will still be true.
"When I also vanish, they tend to pursue me instead.". He's not pursuing you; he's just checking in on you to be polite.
"they simply blow hot and cold until it gets boring.". You interpret it as hot or cold, but technically it's more like 68°F vs. 63°F. I'm pretty sure his passion is completely tempered. If he ever appears excited, he's just writing it that way to be kind in order for you to feel good about yourself.10
I am split about it, if you initiate conversations it's fine would love to talk
But if you are gonna come up too fast I would run the fuck out of there.
Once a girl started to sing movie love songs for me and mind was like escape danger danger danger.
So I then routed to my friend made them friends then escaped from scene they fell in love and all then ultimately he had backlog a whole year. I mean I was like fuck escaped her.
Not blaming failure on her though but a possible reason as well a distraction by being on and talking continuously0
Men want to feel like they’ve accomplished something by getting a woman to be with them. When women chase men, men know that they have enough value that they should be going after higher quality women. Men that get chased fuck every chick they can and because there’s no real incentive to going after a woman that will probably reject them, they just use the women they can. These guys are the reason women falsely think men have it easier in dating. Women are fundamentally not pursuers; leave it up to men or you’re going to make everything even worse for all of us.0
I think the best thing is when the chasing is mutual, one sided chasing always leads to disappointment from my perspective. I also deal with the same issue where if you chase they don’t want it but when you stop they pursue. My best advice is to just be focused on what keeps you happy and everything will align. Don’t be afraid to make your move but chase when you are also being chased is the key10
A lot of males prefer females to do the shasing/hunting wooing.
some even need you to do that to find you attractive and get right kind of feelings.
It shows a lot of person traits that they might be something to let in.
That hasa own drive, doesn't rely on other to make thing's happen in their life, self sufficient, initiative taking.10
I know I'm all for it, I never was a fan of the one-sided dynamic of how guys are always expected to make the first move or talk to women first or ask them out first, guys always been expected to be the initiators but why do I get the feeling that gender dynamic will forever be in place or just forever be one-sided10
Yeah i don't play high school games. I don't chase.. I don't reply to 1 word texts. And everyone gets 1. Friends, girlfriends whoever. You get 1 try. You fuck me over im done.
I tell everyone that from the start. If i like a girl ill talk to her and im always straight forward. If she talks to me i assume the same. Because thats how it works. If they have no interest and they dont reply or stop talking. Then okay, why should i care? I just ask some other girl for her number or something.0
I like women chasing me or making the first move, I appreciate that, but even if I like her it's not gonna work unless we are both looking for the same thing10
When I was younger I loved to chase. Now as an older man, I wait for a woman to make her interest in me known, then I reciprocate if I’m interested10
tons of guys, men do that, but obviously, the overwhelming majority of women don't do that, even if they are attracted to a certain guy, they still normally won't be the ones to hit on him first or pursue him0
I like it, every girl I dated chased me, it's a good way to weed out the ones who aren't interested enough.10
As long as the aren't crazy!!! It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.🤡0
I stopped pursuing women, even ones I'm interested in because of the way women lose interest when you pay attention to them.0
I think you have same problem as me. When you pursue someone they distance and when you show distance then they pursue5
Well if a girl i didn’t like did I would be uncomfortable because they’re usually really awkward and kinda creepy but if it’s a girl I like I’m usually creepy and awkward I hate talking to girls I like 😅0
I see that the whole thing about dating is dependent on luck. Sometimes you waste your time with the wrong person and sometimes someone with potential is too late. I'm okay with the girl taking the first step...0
If I like the girl then I like it if she chases me.16
If I am attracted to her I like it. If I'm not I don't.10
I usually don't even realize she's chasing me until I'm ready to file a restraining order.0
Depends on what you mean by "chase."
Cuz girls have two strategies as far as I've seen.
The more rare thing I've had girls do to me, is they just straight up ask me out. Dead ass ask me for my number when she sees me, and I never met her before. Like 99.9%of the time, for me anyways, it was always fat and ugly girls who ask me out so directly.
The second strategy is what most girls do. Flirt with me, or, try to be near me, try to be around to talk to me, touch me and pretend like she didn't notice, talk to another guy but look at me and make sure I notice her. Stuff like that.
Most guys aren't interested in the ugly obese desperate girl.
Moat guys either dont get flirted with by a decent looking girl (anything better than hideous and obese for me) or, most guys simply do not see the way girls flirt at all. Either cuz they simply are blind and ignorant about it, or cuz no girls flirt with them.
So really, in 99% of cases, you chasing us makes us feel awkward. We are not used to it. We dont know what to do unless you're fat and ugly. Then it's an easy no.
I know for me, I said no to girls who were BEAUTIFUL. But their looks shocked me. I couldnt understand why a pretty girl would do these things.
As a shy guy myself, it took YEARS of women literally throwing themselves at me, before I realized girls just like me when they see me. For no reason other than who knows what. Maybe I am handsome I honestly dont know what it is.
So if you're dealing with a shy guy you like. You're fucked lol. Us shy guys are impossible to chase.
I'll give you a single tip for shy guys:
YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY DIRECTLY TO HIM THAT YOU LIKE HIM.
I know, that is painful for a girl to do. Welcome to men's world. Except, we aren't allowed to say directly that we like you. Too many women are angry that men do this.
The ones you dont want. But you want the ones you DO want to do it too.
But the men you DO want, are not perfect players and manipulators like the guys most women fall for.
If you want some shy guy, there is NOTHING you can do, besides telling him absolutely directly that you like him.
Anything less than absolute directness, and he will assume someone paid you to play a joke on him or who knows what he will think.
I think the same applies for us guy to you girls. We have to be direct and honest and tell the truth and say what we want from you.
Can you do that to get him?
Well, he isn't a player nor manipulator. I tried to flirt with him but he gets awkward. He's going through some stuff and just got out of depression. He told me "very bold nice, just been busy" because I told him very directly that I wanna see him again (did it in a raw way and it meant to have sex). He gave his netflix credentials so I bet he's a good guy. I'm decently good looking, bleached blonde hair and dress well. He told me that I'm hot and we cuddle few times. My last message was "all good, hope you'll have a great weekend 😊" he saw it right away but didn't reply for a week. I stepped back to give him space cause I don't want to become annoying. I know he likes me cause he checks my stories and he's only following very few people. What gives? I'm clueless 😕
I dont know lol. It's impossible to say.
Not responding to your text tho sounds like some manipulative player move.
You have to watch him with other people and other girls too.
Its up to you to decide how shy you think he is.
Also being direct might not even make sense to you. Like you said "what I said implied sex."
Yea, that shit doeant work. Dont imply ANYTHING lol.
But this only applies to dudes like me. Like I was. And you could pull your panties down and tell me to fuck you, and I'd think you had the police ready outside to arrest me for rape.
I'm telling you you're fucked lol. If he's like I was anyways.
he's probably not as bad as I used to be. He might even just be playing with you.
Its hard to tell lol.
If I had your phone for example. This is what I'd say to him. But, I have no consequences so I could say anything and probably dont help you.
I'd say something like "I thought you like me?"
Maybe he says "of course I do..."
Then you could say "so how come you dont flirt with me?" Or "I like you too but i dont think you like me back."
I dunno lol. If a. girl said that to me i feel like i would believe her.
I dunno. Your guy probably a player just playing manipulation games with you who knows lol.
But what's the purpose of pulling out a manipulative player move if he likes me and the sex and we can fuck regurarly? Other than not interested, wouldn't make sense to like a girl and play what, hard to get? I'm extremely shy and worked on it so when I'm direct (happens very rarely) I am direct saying stuff like "fuck me now or come over I'm horny". We didn't mention if this is hooking up or more getting to know each other. Cause once sex happened he changed. We used to be friendly and chat sporadically and when we had sex, whenever I'd text him like yo, wanna go here or hang out? He's pulling away or makes up some excuses. I told him that I'm looking for fun and friends not a relationship just like him and want to see where it goes. Hm, your texts are cool but I'm not this type of girl it seems like a cry for attention, although this is what I'm thinking. If someone doesn't reply to my texts I let it be cause I'm introvert and don't like intruding someone's space. He'll talk or text if he wants to meet I'm guessing but he seems more shy to me than player. Manipulative guys usually tell me what I want to hear to get in bed and then ghost, this one is just awkward he'd still reply but it seems he has no game with women. I was the one to ask him out, I was the one to follow up and invite him over so he very well knows or understands that I'm into him at this point. Could it be that he just wants to get me to chase him to get a boost or validation? He seems to be in his own world lately so I let it be. I'm more social than him and party a lot he said he didn't mind and gets my need to socialize but often would get jealous or passive aggressive seeing me going out having fun. I asked him to join me and my friends to start meeting people but didn't feel comfortable being around people he doesn't know.
Maybe he wants more than casual sex lol. You left all that out in your story.
I know I ghosted a girl once. She only wanted sex. But I was just a shy weirdo with zero game with girls.
I wanted to love someone. Sex was meaningless and useless to my lonely heart. So I ghosted her.
I dont know what y'alls situation is. You left out so much who knows at this point.
So you fucked him and have a casual sex relationship? Of thTs fine than why are you so worried about if he likes you back or whatever?
Because we first became friends and sex came after. I didn't know if I should keep it casual, sexual or do nothing. I missed hanging out with him and laughing, drinking beer and smoking. Well, sex obviously was pretty good but I don't miss me like that. Honestly, I do like him but more platonically wasn't 100% sexually attracted and I think he took it a bit personally. But couldn't fake any orgasms or lie to him. He got his fun I didn't really cause I'd want to do it three or four times more to have this mind blowing sex, he had it in his mind didn't ask me how was for me. Then retrieved, but didn't consider that I liked spending time with him regardless and learning from him. I must say I that I am sensitive and romantic and he joked about that so in my head I already made the idea that we are incompatible but he's still interesting and chilled to learn stuff, play board games etc. Why did I tried to ask him to fuck me again? I don't know, just an impulse of the moment. So yeah, this is the situation.
I don't know if joking that I am a romantic was just a facade, maybe we wanted the same thing (meaningful sex and discussions) but two introverted awkward people together make for an epic failure. I can easily break the ice but hate texting, I'd prefer face to face. My only thought is to write and check on him but I'm afraid he took it in his heart that I wasn't sexually attracted then tried to hook up again, maybe he thought I'm playing and can't say straight what I feel (I was intoxicated when I booty called him so never meant to take conversation there).