My girlfriend knows how much I hate that she has male friends. I’ve told her how much it bothers me because these guys are just trying to hook up with her. Her response is “I’m so hot everyone wants me”. We’ve gotten into arguments about it in the past, but I let it go.
Last week she mentioned one of her guy friends is coming into town. And that she’s going to meet up with him. I lost my temper and accused her of cheating. We ended up in a huge argument but met up the next day like nothing happened. My girlfriend does do a lot for me but I’m still very uncomfortable with her male friends. Also, I haven’t seen any solid evidence that she’s cheating.
I’m so hung up on this girl that the thought of her with another man makes me go crazy. I know if we break up I’ll need mental therapy.
You have every right to feel that way, and her saying stuff like she's so hot & boasting about herself is stupid. I would end it if it continues and you continue to be upset. She clearly doesn't see the value of a relationship compared to her male friends and still wants attention, even though she's got you. Once she's got a boyfriend she has to let go of everyone else. It's just dumb, and it's not your fault for being upset.
I'm sorry but no. Everyone is entitled to have friends of the opposite sex. You don't get to decide who your partner should befriend. What you are entitled to, is that your partner respects you and your boundaries (which don't include who you befriend or what kind of sports he/she should do, or ridiculous stuff like that) and be faithful if you are in a monogamous relationship. Otherwise it's just your insecurity trying to control things, and that can't be good for any relationship.
And the thing is, we don't really know how exactly it happened. He wrote what happened his way. Maybe she was taking the piss at him for being insecure? Do *all* her guy friends want to hook up with her? The way he wrote his post makes me believe he tries to find justification in his insecurities.
@spearheadbt lol well you must be just as dumb as her. Who in the right mind would tell their partner look how many people want me? It's natural to begin feeling insecure after that. Secondly, I have a right to my opinion, just like you. So you don't have to like mine
@Nazgol I'm not saying she's right in saying this. And she could be sarcastic. You never argue with your boyfriend/exes? You never said something stupid in the heat of the moment because you were mad? Do we really know exactly how this interaction happened?
"Secondly, I have a right to my opinion, just like you. So you don't have to like mine " "That's just like your opinion, man." What people say when they don't have any arguments. "theft is wrong", well I guess that's just an opinion. Or being a psychopath being wrong is perhaps also just an opinion?
@spearheadbt well you clearly didn't read his second paragraph, how she told him she will meet up with her friend. I'm sorry but relationships are only meant to be with TWO people , and once you are in one you shouldn't be a wild child and continue your old ways. That's just wrong. So he has valid reasons for feeling this way
@Nazgol huh? wait, what are you saying now, that you can't have friendships with ANYONE? Having a friendship with a guy is not a relationship, it's a friendship, as having a friendship with a girl friend. It's the same, just opposite sex. Now unless she's cheating on him or treating this friendship as a relationship, which there are absolutely no indication it is the case, then it's all fine. Who knows, maybe you shouldn't see your girl friends in case you are bi or bi-curious. Geez, I wonder what bi-sexual people do...
You should apologize. Both of you are wrong since you accuse her for cheating and screamed at her while she hangs out with guy friends who think that she is hot. Maybe she is lying. I dont know. She is also not the girl you prefere. If you dislike girls with guy friends, you only should date girls with female friends. I dont date any guy with a female friend for example. I hope i could help you.
“I’m so hot everyone wants me”. is a problem. She's goading you, maybe.
She had the male friends before she had you. So you can't expect her to get rid of them all for you. (Some would do this, unasked. But apparently she's not one of them.) Why does she have so many men in her life? Does she not get along with females? Does she get off on them always waiting in the wings?
I can't comment on you being jealous and accusing her of cheating. You "haven't seen any solid evidence of her cheating" but that doesn't describe her behaviour in general.
She needs to be a trustworthy person who is loyal to you. And you need to not demand that she give up all others in her life. Neither of these situations is happening. Sounds destined to fail soon, frankly.
-------------You need therapy now man. Sounds like you have an over induced anxious attachment style with fear of abandonment. These traumas usually come from child hood. You should not only apologize but you should probably seek some help to get these insecurities under control. I know I did and much better for it.
If you're losing your temper like this you are better off not seeing this person. It is very clear to me that there's a lot going on and I understand exactly where you are coming from. But if she saying that she's so hot everybody wants her, I think that says a lot right there. The lack of maturity is the reason why I get upset of her the most. Because it has less to do with them. More to do with her. If she thinks that this is okay, then let her do as she pleases. You are better off just not being with her. You both need to apologize. And if she don't apologize, you still apologize, and you get out of that relationship. That's what you do. You apologize and you get out of that relationship. You move on from her. If she's asleep with a person, that's her personal choice. Well it's possible you can drive anybody to mix up the decisions, she still has a choice. And she's saying that she's going to do whatever she wants with or without your permission. That's disrespectful right there. It doesn't mean that you try to control the person, but if your main concern has to do with those particular kind of men, you have every right to speak out. If you was a particular kind of woman that you knew I was trying to hop in your drawers, she has every right to complain also. But when your temper, that is not compatible relationship. And it's best that you both be on your way.
I would normally agree with the people saying she is entitled to have guy friends. Definitely, that's just normal, and wanting otherwise is flat out wrong and shows a lot of insecurity. HOWEVER, it does look from what you are saying that it's not exactly that that is happening. The fact that you are uncomfortable with her being friends with guys because they (I assume you mean all of them or a specific group?) just want to hook up with her, and with the answer you gave, I do believe that it is a problematic response. Clearly, you shouldn't give reasons for your boyfriend to doubt you! Accusing her of cheating on you without any proof is a bit strong though. Maybe these guys just wanting to hook up with her is your insecurity talking? Because this accusation certainly is. Or maybe she was sarcastic? Maybe she saw you were being insecure and wanted to hit at you for it? Thinking back, it's hard to know what to think about this exactly, because what you are telling us could potentially just be "your truth", and while not being flat out wrong, could be put in a specific light. Anyway, I think my answer has most of the important things you should consider either way.
In a way...(sigh), I think she is being unfeeling of YOUR feelings. Men have tuition too, NOT JUST WOMEN. It could be your tuition is saying there is something not Kosher in Denmark with this Mystery fellow. The fact that she is saying she is meeting up with him even if you are uncomfortable, you need to ask yourself this..."Do I still think she could be the right person for me?". If I were in your shoes, I would appreciate if she invited me along so I could get a good reading on him and figure out if he is o. k or not.
Yes, she may do a lot for you, but there are people out there who will do for others, but make a lousy S. O. Generosity and considering others feelings are two different ball parks. On the other hand, yes I understand why she doesn't like the fact that you don't have a positive comfort zone towards her friends of the opposite gender. But when you said you blew up, she may have felt as though you were trying to control her.
“I’m so hot everyone wants me”. THAT makes me suspicious! She didn't try to tell you she would blow him off if he made a move on her, or say anything to comfort your concern. This is another reason I mention asking yourself if you can still see yourself with her for life. If she said this sarcastically, I would disregard it. You are entitled to your feelings. But at the same time, I would apologize for the cheating comment (if you haven't already).
Her response was “I’m hot everyone wants me” okay that to me is dangerous. So she continues to be friends with guys she knows wants her? And she’s in a relationship. What is it that she wants from these guys because to me it sounds like she wants validation. I could be wrong.
On another note… no one should hold that much power over you. I know you love her but that kind of esteem should be held for God. It does not sound healthy at all. You should seek help for this.
You should both talk together calmly about these issues and find a solution.
You two are in a toxic relationship and she seems to enjoy that. You're head over heels for her so I know just the thought of this kills you but you should try to inform yourself on her past relationships and why they ended to not follow the same pattern coz from the little info you gave us she sounds too immature to commit. Always ask YOURSELF first the right questions before bashing out on her. If she has a heart to love you, her heart will also care for her friends and that's healthy. However, thinking that the only way you can prove how much you care for her is through jealous fed fits of anger is ridiculously toxic.
I dont recommend you doing all the work to try to save your relation as she's also at fault and should seriously reflect on her actions. But maybe you should try to create new romantic habits with her so she'll stop only fantasizing about you green with jealousy as the sexyness prove of love you can offer.
I suppose you should apologize too, but you should get out of this relationship.
This woman has male friends, you knew this when you became her boyfriend. Why would you think she would stop being friends with them? They're her FRIENDS.
If they were her BOYFRIENDS, she would NOT BE WITH YOU.
Your excessive jealousy indicates a lack of self esteem and maturity. Unless you get OVER this and stop this behavior, you will ruin anything you have between you.
It's unlikely, however, you'll GET therapy and change anytime soon. But I hope you try. Even if you don't stay with this woman, this will help you have a better life.
Jealousy doesn't only affect romantic relationships. It bleeds in the every aspect of your life. Good luck.
You should apologize, but only for making accusations without backing evidence.
You should NOT apologize for not being okay with her guy friends. Does she let you hang out with them when she does, actually flirt with them in front of you? Her “I’m so hot everyone wants me" statement is throwing up a big red flag for me, and in your shoes, that would not make me feel better about this. If this issue isn't resolved soon, one or both of you is going to build up a lot of resentment.
Ultimately, how you approach this is up to you. You can even ignore it if you want. I feel that positions on friends of the opposite gender, and interactions with them are a topic that should have been discussed before getting serious in the relationship. If you want my advice; communicate and find a solution that makes you both happy e. g. you hang out with her and the guy when she wants to see him, you drop your female friends too, etc.
To be honest. You don’t need to apologize. It’s quite obvious she’s too full of herself. You’ve made her feel she’s the most important person in your life. No wonder she dares to say things like I’m hot so what. Just bring her down from the pedestal and you’ll be fine, if in relationship two people don’t respect each other’s feelings what’s the use. if she can’t understand this small thing. Let her go! And don’t listen to people saying you sound insecure. I would say it’s not insecurity but boundaries which needs to be maintained to have a solid healthy relationship.
Honestly, It is common to get jealous. Every guy is possessive, every person feel jealous. Before talk to her, think what have you done that she is doing something like this if nothing do as I say. Do one thing. Take a good time to talk. Probably in evening time. Meet the place where you used to meet each other. and try to explain her your feelings. I know it's hard to express it but this is the time you have to take a move. If not you then my friend you are digging your own grave. Girls are very sensitive they and really hard to understand. If she understand your feelings she'll stop going out with it. If not then listen the song "Lose somebody" by One Republic and Kygo.
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Anonymous
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If my girlfriend didn't respect my feelings and spending alone time with these male "friends" was more important to her, she clearly doesn't respect you. If they were just friends she wouldn't need to meet them alone. I have always told my girlfriends that I will never be ok with them spending alone time with other men. I have no interest in being intimate with other women, so I wouldn't want to be alone with them. Even if she doesn't kiss the guy, she is still being emotionally intimate with him if they are alone. That crosses my relationship boundaries. If she met other men alone even though I was not ok with it, I would just break up with her. If her response is "I don't care" she clearly doesn't respect your feelings at all. Nobody deserves to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about how the feel.
Accusing someone of cheating if they're innocent is very hurtful, I don't think a simple apology will be enough. Also, you don't seem like you're really sorry... To be honest, if you have so little trust for her then this relationship is doomed. Being physically unable to cheat shouldn't be your only insurance against it especially if you're thinking of having a future with her. You're just projecting your insecurities onto her.
Yeah, I think you are right on this. *All* her guy friends just want to hook up with her? Maybe saying this in itself is being very insecure. Maybe she answered what she answered because she sensed it and was taking the piss at him? Not very nice, but maybe she dislikes having such an untrusting boyfriend?
I mean, it's totally normal to have friends of the opposite sex. What would not be normal is to flirt in an overtly sexual way. He didn't even write that he understands this, and that in this specific case it was because these friends had bad intentions. I think OP is trying to justify himself here.
If she isn't being considerate of your feelings, move on. If you continue dating her you're only going to be more hurt especially since she's saying "I'm so hot everyone wants me". What the f*** that's super shallow and I'm saying that from a chicks perspective. Yea I have guy friends however, I dont pull that shit with them. she's going the wrong way about things and not understanding where you're coming from because it hurts you. I understand it's hard however, if she wants attention and keeps seeking elsewhere rather than focus her attention on you then why bother? Are you ok with being consistently shut down and not listened to? You've got people to back you up, consider taking a breather and think on things. Just do what you believe is right.
I agree with you although I think there is a caveat to all this: we don't really know exactly what happened. Maybe she is sick with him being insecure about her having guy friends and she was taking the piss at him in a moment of resentment?
I understand that we dont know the situation however, actions speak louder than words. If she is sick of him being insecure she went the wrong way about it and hurt him instead. Even in resentment that's still taken it too far.
this is a really bad sign... I think she enjoys the attention and she might be using them as backup men... In my opinion, you should apologize for accusing her without evidence but also talk to her stay calm, and tell her that you don't trust them not her.
if all that didn't work... and you are so bothered sorry but you need to move on its painful for sure but that's better than staying in an unhealthy relationship.
More important when you are looking for a girl pick a girl that doesn't have male friends.
I don't believe in friendship between men and women and definitely knows how men think and I will make it clear for her from the beginning.
There is no point in apologising if you aren't sorry. and how can you be sorry when you believe you are in the right? It would merely be a gesture, but then swept under the carpet until the next time. My response to your situation is usually, if you have nothing to hide, fine, take me along, let me meet the guy too. Then look at her eyes. If she can't make eye contact with you... you know she's either cheating or about to.
Move on. She obviously mentioned the other guy to make you angry, what other purpose? If she has guy friends, they want to have sex with her. I know this from EXPERIENCE. Guy friends = she's for the streets. Stop wasting your time and money and improve yourself thats the best therapy
You would benefit from therapy right now. This is your problem and you’re trying to make it her problem every time you lash out at her. Any decently attractive woman has various men interested and trying to hook up at all times. That’s something you’ve got to get used to and get used to quickly. This is all in your. ALL on you. It’s your responsibility to get over and leave her out if it.
Maybe a little of both, there is obviously some trust issues here if your that upset about her having other males friends. My point of view is there is no such thing as cheating when your dating unless both parties have explicitly agreed to date mutually but that’s my own opinion and not necessarily the social standard.
I didn't vote because I don't like the options you gave. What you should do is dump her TODAY. She is intentionally trying to make you jealous and she's not loyal to you. Very likely to cheat if she hasn't already. Oh, and she doesn't respect you. Check out my MyTakes on leadership, being a better man.. yadda yadda.
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