How do you let down your guard in dating?

Question

What is the best way to get over it “the wall“. We get it like many others people have been hurt.
Or

you have your assumptions that men are a certain way and women or a certain way. Society moles your way of thinking where you’re not sure how to trust someone.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

You don't. You find someone willing to climb them and put effort in getting to know you.

For many, it's a game to get someone to be vulnerable. And like a game, they call you crazy or clingy or a sore loser when they get bored or 'don't feel the vibe' and walk away the second it gets real.

Now I'm not saying that you should 'test' every suitor until toxicity, I'm just saying sometimes it is better to maintain your guard until the person has actually demonstrated something of value to you.

Maybe you want someone who can cook or helps around the house. Don't let your guard down until they've actually demonstrated these skills.

Maybe you want someone who is looking for exclusivity. Don't put your guard down if you're still seeing dating 'active' on dating apps or them setting up coffee dates with anyone else.

Trust is built, it is earned.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

In my experience, the only way is time. Time to get to know the other person, time to trust them. I've been hurt a lot in the past, so it takes me a while to let my guard down.

When I met my now-bf, I had my guard up for quite a while, and I don't even think I realized it. But looking back now, I was cautious and scared. He was so patient with me. He reassured me when I needed reassuring. He was consistent in his actions towards me. It honestly took me quite a bit of time, but we're in a good place now.

VanillaSalt · Accepted Answer

I hate women. But… I know individuals that are women that I would die for… my brothers wife and my niece. The gender itself is trash. This is my opinion and nothing will change that.

I love the idea of marriage but in reality it’s a terrible idea for men. You get just as much from an LTR - the tax benefits AND the government loses the ability to throw alimony at ya.

I won’t marry. And if you want my trust you better work hard to earn it because the fact is… marriage is the strongest and most intimate relationship supposedly and the rate of divorce is 53%… so much for until death do us part. If you cannot accept that then I’ll go my way and you go yours and we’ll just pretend we never met. Fact is there’s millions of men and women that are an option when your not.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

It always seem hard for me to do that and then the older that I got in the more I realize that no matter what you can't make somebody love you and if they can't love you that's okay tell me So I can walk away I would rather then tell me and move on then live in a dead end relationship so going into anything anymore I'm all yours my guard is all the weights free because you're going to do whatever you want to do and if I say I love you I want you I need you whatever I will be that person and I'm in a point in my life where if my partner doesn't want to be that person just tell me I'll move on

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Sharing laughs together is a great way to break down some of the walls.

coachTanthony · Answer

-----------You don't trust that someone won't betray you. You trust that you will be able to handle it if they do.  That's how.  ~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

legalboxers · Answer

You suppose to... But in some cases.. you can't..  But if you really love them. Fuck everything, you get burned you get burned.. These three songs could probably teach you. They are songs in which you will learn how to protect your heart. Im old. I dont care. But this is how you do shit.

Savage_Wisdom · Answer

It happens in steps. Obviously, you shouldn't let loose all the skeletons in your closet all at once, that would just scare them off, or you appear too clingy or desperate. And there are always going to be parts of yourself that require a certain level of trust before you let someone see it. I guess the key is in realizing when keeping parts of yourself from them because it's none of their business becomes keeping parts of yourself from them because you're to afraid to let them see.

msc545 · Answer

Usually it has a lot to do with time. If time goes by and you have a series of good dates with someone I think you gradually can let down the guards around your heart. It doesn't guarantee you're going to have a good outcome but certainly waiting to do that is a good idea. If you do have a good outcome than all is well. If you don't have a good outcome than you need to figure out what it is that you missed and what it is that you wish for that didn't come true so that the next time you do it things are better. All that being said, certainly there is some things that just cannot be predicted and I think we've all experienced that. There is almost no human activity that is risk-free and dating certainly is not one of them. Have courage and just do your best.

Alyssa11 · Answer

The wall is a good thing. It’s actually a good thing to take your time with someone and make them earn you and earn your trust.

Now making sure you don’t get hurt badly etc is all about the relationship you have with yourself. If you have a good one and you trust yourself, you’ll be just fine. You’ll trust yourself to let your guard down when it’s right, to move on when you need to, and to be okay if things don’t work out.

Feelicks · Answer

Once you accept pain as a natural state of being you kind of just stop fearing it and the fear of pain is usually worse and more ensuring than the pain itself.

I've been through such hell in my life that a romantic misadventure doesn't really even register as worrying.

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

Personally, I'm 10000% me all the time, i don't compromise or tone myself down. It weeds out the guys quickly when im just me & not REALLY trying to impress by lying or compromising to them about who i am. Some guys love it, other guys hate it. My man loved it & here we are, happy & adorkable together.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Society doesn't mold shit about my way of thinking. People are individuals, making stereotypes is pointless, as is putting up a wall with who you get to know better.

MalesGOD1 · Answer

There is no "the wall" in what your talking about. The wall is and about what only women get to and can't defeat. "The Wall" facts are etched in stone for all time. Women get to the point that they loose their looks and with that men's sexual attention and have zero hope of getting it/them back, THATS THE WALL.

LeoElias · Answer

I don't think you should until you feel comfortable enough to let some guards down as time goes on. I think by the time you consider marriage with that person, all your guards should be down. Except of course for some skeletons in your closet that you planned going to your grave with.

Tomsta · Answer

Speaking as someone who has walls as thick as a citadel let me tell you it isn't easy. The only thing that can work is time and challenging your own thoughts and fears, maybe getting professional help can aid you. Having someone you can confide in also helps as well, they can challenge your own thought processes each time you "get in your own way"

Djaay · Answer

No wall , nothing to tear down. Every time a wall is built , someone tries to go over it , under it or through it. Trusting isn't learned or earned , its extended until taught otherwise. What matters more than trusting , is not falling for the untrustworthys traps and with a smile included.

Mikeysoda · Answer

Continue to build genuine trust and consistency. It will come eventually with time.

candycandy02 · Answer

I fall for small gestures, which is my biggest weakness in dating. But luckly i am not so stupid and i know how to play my cards too, cause or else my heart would have been hurt thousand times.

But appearance is also Nice.

Bee-Hatch · Answer

You just get out there and start dating. Hiding from something you don't understand is just hiding. It's easy to hide. Kids do it all the time. Grown ups learn to tackle their fears head on and learn from the experience.

dandiazderivera · Answer

I don’t have this problem. Just be open. Honesty, clarity, and vulnerability are all very important when it comes to finding the right person. Don’t make it hard for yourself and your date. I understand “taking it slow”. But it’s completely different when you’re not letting yourself move. It’s not about the how. It’s more like with whom. If the person is right for you, it shouldn’t be hard. Even if they aren’t, I think it’s best for them to know you now than later. Get it out of the way.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I treat every new relationship with a clean slate.  If you go into a new relationship taking your old baggage with you, I don't believe you are giving the new one a fighting chance to succeed.

Leavesbound · Answer

My walls crumbled years ago. I've got nothing to lose. So I spill my guts early on and let her figure out if she can live with my imperfections.

magiusX26 · Answer

no magic fix for that exists. closest is it takes time and effort. how much time and what kind of effort (what areas usually) vary from person to person.

Alexandrubaschet08 · Answer

If the girl search for me and is very kingy and needy. Olso if she like to choise the activitis and she chois good activitis and place she can detroy my walls. But still not shure.

cth96190 · Answer

From a male point of view, a man should never lower his guard. She is never yours. It is just your turn.

collie22 · Answer

it took me a year to start letting my heart out there again. i'm still protective with of it

victoria5475 · Answer

It's pretty much impossible for me until I know someone well.

Xitomyth · Answer

Get to know them and eventually you'll earn their trust as they do yours.

dumazzs · Answer

I don't really use a wall, I just distance myself from people I don't trust.

Hanrej · Answer

You don't let your guard down. You trust only to the extent that no one can hurt you. When you go into it deep enough that you can get hurt you make agreement and have lawyers look at it to reccord the terms of agreement.

JosyJosy · Answer

The only answer I came up with is by giving it time. I take months to get in a relationship with someone, not a few dates

Sincerly_KittyCat · Answer

My guard will never be down for someone I am just dating.

jshm2 · Answer

You don't You let the guard down slightly after it's something "more"

TessCasie · Answer

No no no !  stay elusive  stay mysterious  stay fun

exitseven · Answer

Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and leap into the abyss.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Rip off all my clothes, jump into bed with my arms and legs spread and tell her to fuck me!

HairyPoppins · Answer

What is the alternative? To get what you want you need to take a risk and yes opening up your heart to someone is a risk but necessary to find love.

es20490446e · Answer

By taking the time to get to know the other person.

AdithyaR · Answer

I've neve taken down my guard after my last relationship and I'm not gonna take it down either.

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

Trust has to be earned, not handed away like candy on Halloween.

SuhRaw · Answer

Never Let Your Guard Down! The Moment you do The Easier It Is To Get Hurt !

TheOracle10 · Answer

A girl I met online ruined my perceptions of women, I don't think I will ever recover.

Wiredone · Answer

I only let my guard down when we were dating for a while.

Likethesky · Answer

I'm single af since birth. Here for opinions and to gain xp

OddBeMe · Answer

I’d say more of chance you let your guard down and an asshole gets in.

innerman · Answer

Sounds weird but I find it sexy when I find a girl holding a game🎮pad... eyes focused on the screen

Asianguy123 · Answer

sniff some coke and drink and have sex like you do every day

Scottty2hottty · Answer

Great question. Either way it's a risk right. Go for it I suppose.

ARealHonestHuman · Answer

My gentleman side can make me vunerable

Anonymous · Answer

you don't otherwise you'll get screwed over and hurt

LemiaOfChampions · Answer

It takes me a while to let down my gaurd

ChiTown33 · Answer

That's easy. I don't! Ever!

lorenzomichael · Answer

By taking off my pants.

BareNecessary · Answer

I'll go down on your guard if you go down on mine

Maria99_ · Answer

If she gains my trust.

MrJMM · Answer

Now... Never letting it down.

Abdulwahh · Answer

Just relax be in the moment dont be needy

Anonymous · Answer

Over time. Building trust.

Slim57 · Answer

Hell if I know

How do you let down your guard in dating?

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