Are there any red flags or things I need to watch for?

Question

So, this man I met on an autistic dating app, is meeting me at a very expensive hotel near the White House on the 27th. We are both high functioning autistics and share the same MBTI type which is INTJ. I know he’s real and he knows I am.
we sent over 11,000 texts within a week span and talk to each other all the time.

Since , I was moving all the time in Airbnb’s and he knew …. he asked to come see me and then a week later surprised me with a plane ticket…. we would leave to Washington state together to live with each other. We still haven’t met though.

He wants to cohabitate with me and I’m nervous. We have never met but he loves the way I look and we have a lot of nerdy interests, and investment interests in common.
I am wondering if this is a red flag or any things I need to know in advance since I don’t really have much advisors in my life (if any at all)

what possibilities are there?

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

yes, many. 10,000 texts is useless, if not worse than 3 because of the deception and fantasy that can be created.

I met my girlfriend kinda like this several years ago, in of all places, Washington DC, and we are living together now and doing well. that was several years ago. We chatted for a while on gag, talked on the phone, then decided to meet around this same time of year, for a day. nowhere close to 10,000 msgs. texts are meaningless communication and it's all superficial. I didn't put precursors like that on her and I left her in control of where to meet and with bailouts. Although we talked, we didn't know each other at all.

You don't know someone until you meet them in person and spend some time with them... like months, slowly. you only know each other at a certain level of imagination, fantasy. you don't hold value to anyone just doing what they say and being a pushover, I learned that the hard way. Hold some rules as a valued human being, a woman, else you will be discarded.

the big red flag is you seem to have a moral compass (marriage) but disregard it and go wherever you are convinced to go. thus you could end up anywhere. you don't hold a boundary. Thus, a lot could go wrong since he knows much about you. you seem to lack fear.

I hope you have a girlfriend or someone you can confide in along the way, suspect you don't.

You'd be best to lay down the law that the man that marries you is well rewarded, others aren't. you don't sleep over for a week.

how about you get his information, photo, etc.. since you don't have friends or family and he agrees to have it posted online. your meetup is put on facebook/youtube and make a series out of it. that way if something happens to you, like he's a borderline psycho, you disappear, etc.. then someone knows who to send to jail or who pays the bills if pregnant, etc.. You could inform the police and they will give you the 3rd degree of what can go wrong... like sex trafficking, etc.. Since you lack fear, none of that will work, so have a bailout and keep to some limited set of rules.

MotorcycleMan · Accepted Answer

It is very difficult to get to know someone through text. You really need to meet them in person. Most communication is non-verbal and you don't get that through text, so your brain just fills in what you expect to see and hear. You are missing the body language, the facial expressions, the tone of their voice, the volume, etc. Being on the spectrum, some of these things may be more difficult anyway, so all the more reason to get to know each other in person. I have seen many people move across country to be with their "soul mate" that they have been typing to, only to find out they wouldn't even hang out with each other. Take it slow and easy. Sure, go meet him, but have your own place to stay there. If you do ever end up in Washington, say Hi :)

Espresso-Grande · Accepted Answer

It's a red flag to want to live with somone you've never met. He may be high functioning, but something is definitely "off" with him. It's weird to want to live in with somone you've never even met.

No matter how many texts you've sent each other, you don't know each other. The basis of your relationship is online communication. That's not enough to judge who somone is as a person.

rienna888 · Accepted Answer

Yes, please meet him at a mall or a place with lots of people. Do not go into a car alone with him, get to know him first. You are very beautiful and young, and he's 34 don't trust men too easily. I've seen too many videos on young girls not returning to their families.

cheeky_starfish · Answer

By all means have these plans and look forward to meeting this guy and spending some time with him etc - but give yourself an ‘out’ just in case things don’t work out. Have a back up plan and don’t back yourself into a corner by committing everything to living with him, just in case you don’t get on and you need or want to get away and return to your current living situation. Just be careful and don’t over-commit is all I’m saying! 🙂

Truthatanycost · Answer

You need to slow it down, what's the rush? You don't know anything in depth about him at all. He wants to cohabitate with you? He doesn't know enough about you to even talk about such a thing. This is like asking a complete stranger to live with you...

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

The thing is he wants to go to an expensive hotel near the White House in Washington District of Columbia and make a life together in the State of Washington in the USA
now this is what I feel is confusing for sure... If I was a guy going to meet a girl I would have an apartment, house to take her to but no Hotel at all that is a red flag for sure sounds like he just wants some booty off of you but please do not be offended your
a sweet young woman, hey I could be wrong who knows?

iseekpinetrees · Answer

Don't move in together til you've dated a year or 6 months at least. Red flag he's saying all this yes. You've known him how long? Your prob just hot to him n he's excited but moving trying to move too fast is a red flag.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, that is moving way too quickly. You need to meet him in a neutral location with plenty of people around for the first time in person. Maybe he is a nice guy who will love and respect you. But he could also be a serial rapist or murderer for all you know. Or anything in between. Take your time when online dating. As there is less risk of being used, abused, and/or buried in a barrel in some guys backyard. Also what app is this that you met him on? I am also on the spectrum.

spartan55 · Answer

No way should living together even be thought about at this point. I would strongly recommend against that. You really don't know the guy at all when it comes down to it.

Bee-Hatch · Answer

If I'm reading it right you've not met but plan to.  And he's asking you to live with him? I'd see that as worrying

slatyb · Answer

11000 texts in a week? Seriously? That’s over 1500 texts per day. Don’t you have jobs?

neeeeeeeko · Answer

If he's nice and genuine I don't see why not, the worst thing that happens is you get a vacation.

rcljr · Answer

You may want to rethink that hotel stay, slow down, take your time.

Anonymous · Answer

Nice troll. But if you're going to troll make it a little more believable.

Are there any red flags or things I need to watch for?

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