Why do guys or men need to have social skills in order to get a girlfriend but girls, women don't? ?

Question

It is always angered me and filled me with resentment and rage on how it seems men need to have much better social skills than women do in order to succeed in the dating world but sadly that will never change, hating that would be just like hating that earthquakes and hurricanes exist or as to why the sky is blue.

I sometimes hate women because it seems like for the most part, women just have to be physically attractive and have a decent or average personality.

But guys or men need need to talk right, sit right, stand right, breathe right, walk right, have a certain attitude, have certain social skills or certain social behaviors, know how to lead or have the ability to lead and leading or taking the lead, being confident and leading is social behavior based, have a mission or purpose, and I'm sure other things.

Reminds me of this comment that pissed me off:

"Well, everything depends on how you look at things. And you can complain about how the world works, or you can adapt to it and make the most of your situation!"

That only angered and pissed me off more, over the years there are times I have hated being born male

hellionthesagereborn · Accepted Answer

For the same reason that you can offset your lack of looks with money and success, its biology. We are built for different jobs and we have different desires. Her value is innate so you chase her and you have no innate value so you don't matter. Inversely her value is going to ALWAYS be tied to her reproductive ability and looks no matter what she does (she can enhance her value with other things but that will always be an addition not the main value), and you get to create your own value which is why men are the ones who invented damn near everything, where the explorers, warriors, and those at the highest points of power (and the lowest).

Its the same reason that you will never be taken seriously as a victim and she will ALWAYS be taken seriously as a victim and inversely why she will never be taken seriously (at least not fully) in a position of power but men can be (we are bigger stronger and faster. We are a threat, women are arguablly not or at least percieved to not be so we can have greater authority but they can always be a victim and we cannot).

Their is trade offs in everything, bitching about it is getting you no where as your still bitching about it so clearly it hasn't worked. What will work is accepting these trade offs, understanding them, then working with them. You don't ever overcome nature, but you can exploit it if your willing to accept the rules.

Stop giving a fuck, that is rule one. Confidence is a self feeding cycle, stop caring what others think and you will come off as confident and they will treat you as such, that will in turn make you feel more confident. If you can't be suave (I sure as hell can't), be quick witted. If you cannot be that, be earnest and sincere because every one appreciates sincerity in a person (it means they can trust you, and when you have a faux pas, people are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, especially if you catch it and then clarify it and admit the mistake). Do that and your already half way there.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Women have their own responsibilities - they have to be fit, dressed nice, made up, and they have to be at least a BIT social.

Yes, men have their share of responsibilities, and, yes, a decent amount of social skills are required. Yes, that is tough, and requires hard work for many guys, just as others struggle with school or careers. But that's the reality of the world, and there's no changing it, so you either put in the work to bring up your skills, or you accept that dating - which is rarely easy for anyone - is going to be exponentially harder for you.

If you were determined to drive a new Ferrari, but you were broke, it wouldn't be controversial to say that if you wanted to make that a reality, it's going to take focus, smart decisions-making, and a LOT of hard work - but it's possible. But if you are waiting for someone to just GIVE you a new Ferrari, your chances will be very poor at best.

Life is hard for just about everyone, and just because someone else has it easy doing something you struggle with doesn't mean that the opposite isn't also true. Everyone struggles at something, even people who seem to have it easy.

I grew up with a guy who was in a band since he was 10, and at 14 he was on MTV and going out on tour until he was in his early 20s. He slept with half the girls in my high school (starting before he was IN high school), and probably slept with over 1000 girls before his 21st birthday. Finally, at 32, the met a girl, and had feelings for her, and had NO IDEA what to do. He'd never been on a date or had a girlfriend and he was embarrassed and terrified. I literally had to be a go-between and assure him that she was interested before he could bring himself to ask her out. They dated for 6 years and finally got married, but he has STILL never cold-asked out a girl. People would assume he was a pro, but it was just the opposite.

JustAnj · Accepted Answer

I just feel like this is lazy, I am not trying to be a dick but honestly why should a girl be with you if you cannot meet her half way? This whole idea that you have is inaccurate, women play a big part in men's life through relationships and they also play a huge part if you want to breed.

Women are not afraid to approach a man and you shouldn't be afraid to put in effort that will be reflected if someone truly is interested. Women's looks and all that stuff you guys keep mentioning is really irrational when it involves a relationship being easy especially if you ever get married.

My guy was never a true approacher he actually got rejected by me twice, the only time he impressed me and I noticed him was when he stopped acting innocent and was direct about being confident enough to understand that he just wanted to be straight about his feelings and not ask me out he just needed to be honest, not a fear in sight in his approach. I saw a man at that point. I'm not easy to intrigue, not do I play games and waste men's time to find the right partner.

This is not you working just as a approacher but as a human being who knows what he wants and will build himself up to have a good life with someone who can reflect their ability to offer the same as a partner.

So if your interested in a girl approach her to if she might be interested if she has not approached you it's that simple.

natured · Accepted Answer

See this is when I get mad,  because either you dated billions of Women to make such a general statement and all these women "expected social skills" from you, or you just didn't date enough Women, and the ones you dated gave you this impression so now it's ALL OF US. I'm sorry if you have this impression I really am,  and even thought no matter what I SAY HERE, you will come back to me with your  "facts"  and not change your mind that not all women are the way you are depicting them.  I couldn't care less about his social skills,  will his social skills make  ME AS A WOMAN HAPPY?  No, will his social skills give me security and love NO... Some of us want simple MEN some of us want Men with good social skills, some of us want rich men, some of us want popular men, some of us want good looking men, some of us want quiet and shy men, some of us fall in love with Menwhores,... get this in your head :  WE  ARE  ALL DIFFERENT AND WE ALL WANT DIFFERENT THINGS  FOR  GOODNESS SAKE !!!

jennifer_bloom · Answer

A relationship is a lot like a job, you have to prepare for it in the school of maturity and personal growth, I know guys who did not marry until their 30s and waited over 12 years for their partner but now they are with the woman of their dreams and they get to enjoy that relationship until one of them dies, invest in your social skills, and one day, you will find somebody so amazing, you won’t care how long you had to wait to find her.

Kaamraj · Answer

You're right, women can lack social skills and still find a boyfriend, but men mostly cannot. This is because men and women are not equal, they have very different and often adversarial mating strategies. In short, a woman's sexual value is dictated by her looks, and youth, while a man's sexual value is decided by his resource provisioning and bargaining power. Having resources is not enough, else you will end up in the friendzone. You need to have resources and be prepared and able to bargain with them. And this is where social skills and "the game" in particular come into effect. There is a multi-billion dollar make up and cosmetic industry designed to make women seem to have higher sexual value, then men must also be prepared to advertise and inflate their own sexual value.

Yes being born a male "sucks" however, one huge benefit is that you're the master of your own destiny and sexual value. Stay on your path and purpose, diet, exercise, and improve yourself. Network with other people in a similar field and advertise your value. As a man it may seem that life is unfair and women have been dealt with an unfair advantage in terms of sexual value, however, it's important to remember that it is temporary, looks decline with age and youth erodes.

TheorionMage · Answer

If you're not yet ready for a committed relationship, sex is largely 'recreational'.
That being the case, let's use a metaphor...
if managed responsibly regarding STD's and unintended conception, the female physique is like Nature's BEST theme park.
They whom control admission to that park, generally ALSO
set the price of admission TO "ride the rides".

Speaking candidly, past her FIRST formative experiences,
the novelty wears off and implicitly her psyche becomes judgmental.

If I let you 'play' can you show me something new?
Will I feel something I've never felt... more intense, ... longer, etc?
Cause if it AIN'T expressing 'romance' then it ALL boils down to technique and enthusiasm! And...
did he leave 'the park' better than he found it? Was he a respectful 'rider'?
For him, its like an audition interview... did his efforts MERIT a return engagement?

From HIS side, did she just lay there and tolerate his spent lust?
Was she openly verbal about what's making it 'good' for her too?
Did she just 'endure' him or was SHE 'aggressive'?

Why do guys or men need to have social skills in order to get a girlfriend but girls, women don't? ?

Anonymous · Answer

I would say that women on average probably have better social skills than men... organically. Just because men have to 2x as much brain power to have the same emotion recognising skills as women do. Women are lacking other skills of course, like spatial awareness and reflexes.

So I think men need to put a tiny bit more effort into their social skills than women do in dating perhaps. All I know is my boyfriend is a very much a person who automatically takes the lead in everything, bossing people around, treating friends like employees, and sometimes just being on a different pace to others in general or not reading the mood correctly. Over time he's learned to become more calm, level and stable, which has made him much more likeable too.

In direct response to the detail you put, I think you're sounding super bitter. You still have to pick yourself up after a couple bad experiences. There are challenges in getting someone to like you, but that's all part of the experience. You also don't really need to think about how you walk, sit, stand, speak... I mean most people can do those things without looking ridiculous since the age of 5 right.

I can tell you're frustrated but I think the best way to attract girls is to... not. Don't put huge amounts of effort in to chase a girl. Focus on your health, career and your enjoyment of life and you'll attract girls easily really.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. It is also sad to me. Men have it hard in dating. It is probably because male bodies are not attractive to women at all. Additionally women are privileged, entitled gender with tendency to be selfish in relationship related matters.

Typically, a man loves a woman for who she is body+mind
... and want best things to happen to her: a long, joyful life.

Woman, on the other hand, "love" man for his money, status, protection, the feeling of having sexual power over him
... and dream of him sacrificing his life for her so she may happily continue her existence while he rots in a grave.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

Because men approach women. Women just have to look cute. The burden of effort is on men because we handle rejection better. Were not as emotional or physically insecure. In a nutshell, we handle it better. Women done have game anyway, lets be realistic

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Girls have pussy!! Nearly EVERY guy wants some!! All a girl has to do is walk up to a guy and tell him, "I want YOU!!" and, chances are, she'll get him!!
If a guy does that to a girl, chances are, she'll at least laugh her ass of at him or have him arrested!!

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

Because women live life on baby mode. There’s no challenge until it’s too late for them to develop the skills at which point they dive headfirst into realistic mode.

Women get treated like they’re special from the moment they’re born until they’re 40, then only women continue to treat each other that way while men don’t even realize these older women exist unless they’re related to us. Feminism and the western mindset has failed women in the long term but men will swing back around in value and respectability starting in our mid 30s.

Why don’t women learn social skills? Because men age like a fine bourbon while women age like milk sitting in the sun in the middle of summer.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, I was raised as a tomboy then I realized I want to be a normal woman.
I am losing weight, learned how to eat, sit, speak in a low voice and being a friendly-warm person. Still studying to do makeup and beauty hacks for 20 min every day. Like eyebrow shaping and lip care stuff.
I am doing face yoga for slim face, work out for my health, and stretching to get slim legs.
Waist exercises, lip exercises, shoulder exercises in my calendar for next month.
I have waxing, haircare, face care, body care, scar care, nail care, and foot care routines.
I quit eating sugar, process food, or any kind of flour product.
So for me being a woman is not easy. But is worth it. When you start to improve yourself life gives you better options for everything.
I don't think women are privileged they are just working on things.

Anonymous · Answer

One thing I’ve noticed is that women don’t have much sympathy for whiny men. They would want someone to be nice to them when they are down, but any time a man expresses how he gets the shit end of the stick these days, women don’t give a damn. If u were hot they would care. In truth they are just as cold as guys and more enabled

WhiteWolf69 · Answer

Socially women are taught to sit back and let the men come get them. So they dont have to develop the social skill in trying to go after and date men. Socially they are taught that all they have to do is look their best and that's all they need is to look good. It's hard to find a good hearted, smart, independent woman that's down to earth and I would want to date.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

That's what happens when you are the gender that is pursued instead of the ones doing the pursuing. Women have never really needed to know how to do much more than look pretty and be an enjoyable person to talk with.

IHateBeingaMan · Answer

the game, seduction, has always required more of men than it has of women, thats a fact, it does get me mad and fill me with resentment at times, but i feel the times i've able to have understanding and compassion, is because it makes sense for women to expect more of men when it comes to attracting a mate or establishing a sexual relationship, since women can get pregnant while men can walk away easily and inseminate multiple women a year, a woman can not, yes we humans have sex for more than just reproduction, and we have birth control now.

But the human female mind has not been around long enough to adapt to the birth control era

K-I-S-S · Answer

Life is not fair.

Women controls the sex you control the marriage/longterm relationship.

It is what it is.

Get fit, dress nice, stay clean, have a life/goals/hobbies and earn decent money then the women will come to you.

Lost_in_the_Woods · Answer

I think girls naturally have better social skills.

Guys naturally have worse social skills.

So guys general have to try harder to get to the same level and are less likely to care, whereas girls have higher standards for social skills and are less likely to have a need to improve them.

Everyone needs to have some social skills, but guys don't care about them as much as girls do.

MarkRet · Answer

Girls have pussy, so if you want some, that gives them an advantage. Girls overall have better communications skills than guys. For them, social skills come easy, so they don't even have to try, it just comes natural for them. Guys have a tendency to keep quiet, because they think if they share knowledge, it gives someone else an advantage over them. It goes against their logic, but guys HAVE to try harder to 'open up' to reach the social skills that girls have.

kannettava · Answer

You can't upkeep any relationship without social skills. Eventually they always fizzle once the person trying to keep it together gets tired of carrying the relationship. If a man is trying to uphold a relationship with a woman who has no social skills, it's usually just to have sex with said woman, not to have an actual relationship with them. An equal relationship requires similar levels of social skills from both partners, which is the case with most romantic couples.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

All those things you complained about not having up there. The two most important skills you missed out.
Humour and humility. If you have those, you'll never be short in finding someone, and the best part is you don't have to be born with either. You can learn those skills quite easily.

Notfabricated · Answer

In reply to your update you are completely right. The worst about it is that we have to do everything right when it comes to most women in the U. S. for generations its been passed down that "a man " takes charge and need to initiate the convo and everything else. Its exhausting.

demonics · Answer

Women have higher (dare I say unreasonable standards) than men. Simple as that. Women dared to call up their Ex's and ask if they wanted to smash. Given their performance... switch the roles and the men hit them with these lines. They'd the hung up on a blocked for being so cringe. Men chase, women choose. Simple as that.
Actually being able to flirt is completely lost on this generation.

Why do guys or men need to have social skills in order to get a girlfriend but girls, women don't? ?

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