Group sex suggestion by boyfriend - should I have reacted differently?

[Anonymous]

. I have been online talking to a guy who lives far away for almost 2 year now. We are both young and still not fully independent. Due to many factors, we still didn't meet, but the relationship had been full of chemistry from the minute we started. It started very romantic and sweet- we would have conversations about casual topics for a few months before admitting the attraction towards eachother and getting more sexual. Since the distance is hard, we talk less often and mostly be sexual with eachother which was not a problem for me. Recently we were talking about finally meeting next summer and were both equally enthusiastic. However, recently he shocked me and dissapointed me by asking me if we will be having group sex when we meet. This took me by surprise and I got offended, saying that there is a misunderstanding how he views me and this relationship. At first it felt like he is assuming I am slutty- and I explained to him that the only reason that we exchanged graphic intimate photos, videos etc was because we couldnt physically be together. Since our relationship started with always having plans to meet and date i was so dissapointed. Now after reading on the topic about group sx being a common and normal sexual fantasy of young men, I started feeling guilty for my reaction. I dont want him to hide his desires from me and I worry if I ruined anything. On the other hand it still hurts me that he fantasises about being with multiple women as if the idea of only me is not enough. I did end up apologising for my reaction as I knew he didn't want to offend me, he says he understands me and loves me as a person - which i do believe. But i still feel this disagreement hasn't been as well resolved abd discussed as it should have. I still wish I would have reacted calmer as now i worry if i came across as controlling and insecure. Please help!!!

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't need to apologize for your reaction. May people have absolutely no interest in group sex and the fact that he envisions that happening your fist time together calls into question his motivations.

I understand that you want to be accepting of his right to have these fantasies, but you also have the right to not participate. As much as you may not want to hear this, it sounds as if this is a deal breaker.

[Asker]

thank you for answering! I just want to meet him in person first before making a decision. thats why i feel maybe i should have just politely said that thas not my thing and moved on and not made such a big deal out of it.

[OlderAndWiser]

He made a big deal of it by raising the suggestion before you have ever met, before you have ever held hands or kissed.

[Asker]

Exactly! Thats why it hurts so much. Thank you for answering. I appreciate it.

[Wise4myage]

You didn't ruin anything and he was way out of line for suggesting group sex. I mean, you haven't even had sex yet FFS. You had no reason to apologize either.

[Asker]

thank you. as a male how much do u think this difference in opinion over this might be a deal breaker? is it clear for u that he doesn't take me seriously? he seems definitely emotionally immaturre - he also says this stuff while he is aroused. i always thought he did have bigger plans for me. now im really doubting.

[Wise4myage]

You're welcome. Yes, it was immature for him to even mention it, but he might have gotten the wrong idea from convos you had with him, etc. Its normal for a guy to be hard when talking about that, but he must have assumed you would be into it.

[Asker]

Yeah i have no idea how i would have given that impression. I mean we talked about having sex with eachother obviously and i sent him sexual pictures- basically of me naked touching myself (but nothing kinky or freaky that I wouldn't send to a real serious boyfriend). We first started sending these things after 6 months of friendly regular talking. I think he watches too much porn and doesn't think about much else. I just feel really dissapointed. Thank u for answering. u helped!

[Wise4myage]

Hey, glad to be of help. Its one of thing if you sent pics of group sex or mentioned it, but he was way out of line. And your probably right about him watching too much porn, lol.

[Asker]

omg im sorry for so many questios- i swear its the last- would you try to clarify things further with him or just let there be silence after this. like i said i dont feel we totally clarified everything but maybe i shouldn't be the only one who keeps trying to fix it

[Wise4myage]

Its fine. I say give him a chance to clarify himself but make sure he knows not to bring it up again.

[Asker]

thank you! have a nice day!

[Wise4myage]

You do the same!

[Browneye57]

I quit reading at the first sentence. You've got NOTHING here.
Group sex is a porn-addicts pipe dream. And you're a gullible sucker.

[Twalli]

I doubt he saw you coming across as controlling and insecure. Most girls do not like threesomes or group sex with their guy.

[REDHOTLINE]

Sex is diffwrent stuff. love is diffefent stuff. You can go on your relation with group sex.

[Asker]

i dont understand. can you explain more? You are suggesting I should do the group sex. I definitely will not do it either way. Im just wondering how much this difference of opinions will affect our relationship.

[REDHOTLINE]

Its not affect your relation. If you want to make group sex do it.

[Anonymous]

No, if you don't want to engage in group sex you reacted appropriately.

[Asker]

thank you. as a male how much do u think this difference in opinion over this might be a deal breaker? is it clear for u that he doesn't take me seriously? he seems definitely emotionally immaturre - he also says this stuff while he is aroused. i always thought he did have bigger plans for me. now im really doubting.

[Opinion Owner]

I want a serious relationship leading to marriage. Which is why I am waiting until marriage for sex.

[JuliaStyles]

Nice story but not too believable. Nice attempt at trolling though.

[Asker]

wow what a useless comment. thanks for wasting everyones time. by the way true story and actually got excited at ur notification hoping it would be some actual valuable advice! :)

[JuliaStyles]

Actually you sound like a couple of pink anons who come up with these lengthy stories, as if the length will make it seem more true. You seem to need some attention. Maybe you just need a job?

[Asker]

Well u sound like u have a lot of free time on ur hands to keep commenting. maybe u need a job :) ?

[JuliaStyles]

I'm no the one asking fake questions.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

You’re more understandable

[Yellovv]

Can you handle it two or more in same time?

[Asker]

first of all he is hoping for 2 girls with him :) second, that is not what im asking.

[Yellovv]

That is not for you than, but you deserve nice sex too darling ☺️

[crazyymann]

he doesn't love u