Was it too soon for me to mention sex in this situation?

[Anonymous]

I started to communicate with the guy I like. We have been planning an actually date and we recently talked about hanging out for New Year’s Eve and having a few drinks. The only thing that made me want to set boundaries and mention sex is the fact that I know when two people who like each other and are attracted to each other are together and you add liquor and being drunk, sex could happen. All I told him was that I know what that could possibly lead to and that I don’t mind drinking and hanging out but I still want to get to know him better before it leads to that. I can’t help but to believe maybe he wasn’t even thinking about sex and now thinks I’m being desperate or overthinking or assuming that he wants me in that way. When actually I was just playing it as safe as I can.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey, I wouldn't stress too much about bringing up sex. If anything, he'll probably respect that you're taking things slow and being thoughtful about boundaries. A few thoughts:

- You're right that alcohol and attraction can lead places, so addressing it early is smart. Shows you're mature.

- Guys find it flattering when a girl's interested but still wants to get to know us first before jumping in bed.

- Even if he wasn't thinking about sex specifically, now he knows you're into him and interested once that comfort level is there.

- Better to have the chat now when making plans than ignore it and chance mixed signals on NYE itself.

I'd say follow up by continuing your cute convos so he knows you're still having fun getting to know him. Reassure him you just wanted to be clearheaded. He'd have to be pretty dense not to see it as you genuinely liking him. You're all good, sis!

[BarryLiverstone]

Are you going out for drinks or hanging at his place?

[Asker]

I believe his place.

[Asker]

Because when we mentioned New Year’s Eve he said “Do you want to get drunk with me?” Not “Do you want to go out for drinks?” Had he said that I would have never set any boundaries about sex and therefore I wouldn’t have mentioned it

[BarryLiverstone]

Go out in public. It’s not safe to drink at his place

[Asker]

Got it. So you get why I mentioned it.

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh yes I understand why you mentioned it totally. But you aren’t going to risk being at his place right?

[Asker]

Not at all. Even though his response was that he can control hisself and hold his liquor and that I don’t have to worry and that we can move at my pace and he’ll respect my boundaries. I I won’t say he’s lying but you just never can really predict the outcome in a situation like that.

[Asker]

So I’m getting him to reconsider having drinks at a bar or something.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya just let him know you want to be secure and it’s better to meet at a bar., that way you can leave when you want to and Uber home. Let him know in 2024 you are excited to hang out more with him

[BarryLiverstone]

by the way if he says that he can’t go out with you and wants to be at his place.. then you know he’s not really wanting to date