I believe I have come on too strong with a guy. What is my best strategy now undo my mistake?

[emeraldlulu5381]

I have been working with this guy for about six months. There has been intense chemistry between us from the start and we playfully flirted with each other but he was in a relationship until recently. Once they split the flirting became even more direct from both of us. About two weeks later he came over for dinner. Then for the next month he would come over a couple times a week and hang out, watch a movie, have dinner, whatever. But no sex. We both agreed it was a little too soon from his split to take it there yet. But we kissed and played around a little. He mentioned to his family a little about me and even at one point suggested I meet his mother. He brought his son over to play with my children a couple times and it all seemed great. He even indicated that he would like to meet my dad after me talking a little about him. Then I invited him to hang out with me and my kids on new years eve because he was also going to have his son and to come to my daughters birthday party. He agreed to but I could tell he wasn't sure. And on new years he was totally MIA and didn't come to the birthday party but at that point I wasn't really expecting him to. It really hurt my feelings but we talked about it and he admitted that maybe it was all too much too soon. I just put too much pressure on him. He said he still wanted to come around but he thought maybe just not as often. But then that night he came over, cooked supper for us, ate and even spent the night...again, no sex. The next morning I told him a friend of mine was wanting to set me up with a guy she knows that weekend but I wanted to know how he felt about it. I figured this would give me some clarification as to where we are or where we are headed. I assured him that I really didn't want to but just wanted to know his thoughts on it. He very bluntly said hell no...do not go meet him. So I didn't. But then he didn't try to hang out with me either. And we Haven't hung out since. Keep in mind he has had a cold and the one time I did invite him over since then he turned me down, saying he was still sick and didn't feel good. But I do feel like I am getting the cold shoulder at work but it could just be that he hasn't been feeling well. I am worried I came on too strong or was a little too excited about him. He is fresh out of that relationship but I just don't know if I have totally ruined it with him or if there is anyway to recover it. I have been giving him space and not inviting him over and trying to stay out of his way at work but I don't want him to think I m giving him the cold shoulder or being moody or emotional or a bitch. I just need some advice please :)

Updates

+1 y

Thanks so much for your responses. I guess I kind of know to back off a bit even though it is so difficult but just needed that reassurance. I suppose time will tell...

Thanks again

Updates

+1 y

ok girls, here's the deal, just because a guy acts like a douche bag it does not automatically mean that you screwed up. We are so quick to assume that WE did someting when often times it is just that he his too ignorant to realize what he has in front of him. So from this point forward stop asking yourself, "what did I do" and start asking yourself why do you give a damn. If he is not man enough to look you in the eye and treat you with respect then he is not worth another thought!

[elledianna]

well the only reasons I can think of that would cause him to not want to come around as much are:

1. he is not entirely comfortable integrating your families quite yet and maybe feels pressured to do so

2. he is having some thoughts about his ex, or is just having a hard time getting over it in general, not necessarily thinking of her.

3. he is genuinely sick and not feeling well, and just keeps more to himself when he's under the weather.

4. he possibly saw some quality in you that he doesn't quite love, or maybe has just lost slight interest.

there are such a broad range of reasons that its hard to pin anything down. my advice through all of this is to give him a little space and wait for his texts. if he doesn't text you for a day or so, I would say to text him and ask if he would like to meet up, just the two of you, to go for some dinner. (or some other date, but emphasize the fact that you'd like it to be just the two of you). this way, if he's feeling pressured to connect your families you could just hang out together and really solidify the relationship. in addition, when you're actually hanging out, you could bring up the fact that you still find him incredibly fun to be around and love his company, and sort of gauge his reaction. if he doesn't seem to share your feelings, then he may be either struggling with his past, or simply becoming uninterested. its hard to be completely sure of what to do in this situation, but that's the advice I have for you :)

[Racez]

You're already doing the right thing. Giving him space is the best thing.

Don't worry about anything else. Time will eventually heal all the "wounds".