What are the reasons why someone would string along a person they’re not interested in instead of stop talking to them?

[Flower7]

There’s a guy I went on a date with almost 3 months ago. Every time the topic of a 2nd date comes up, he makes excuses. But yet, he continues to send me messages. I feel like he’s probably not interested. But why does he even bother messaging me at all?

Personally, if I had lost interest in someone, I would never waste time chatting with them. That would be torturous and extremely boring.

So why do you think someone would keep talking to someone they’re not even interested in?

[ohshee]

This is just the vibe that I got is that when a guy is in a relationship and he wants to cheat so he goes out with somebody else. And he makes the girl feel something else so she starts contacting him but he never has time to chat because he's busy in his relationship so he has all types of excuses on why he can't meet up for do this or do that. And then on certain days he might be feeling certain things so he might send an email talking it up wanting to do things. But then all of a sudden that moment passes and he's right back to making excuses because of his relationship until it happens again you might be in an argument she might be gone he might be online so he's going to send another email instead of just being honest. No I don't know if any of the above is true it's just the vibe that I got when I read your post

[Flower7]

You could be right, who knows?

[exitseven]

This really sucks for you. He is having some kind of an ego trip because he thinks you are interested in him. Give him one more chance, then forget him.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[Cabri888]

Sounds a bit typical. I would say he’s ‘bread-crumbing’ you. Seems to be a real trend these days. Your best option is to not be available to him for his convenience.

[Flower7]

Not being available does seem like the best thing to do. What do you think the point is of bread-crumbing someone?

[Cabri888]

Yeah I think it’ll either work in your favour to give him a push/wake up or you’ll just know where you stand. In my opinion it could be for multiple reasons, such as an ego boost, purely out of boredem, have you as a back up plan, also maybe just the way he is wired - Unfortunately a lot of people love games. So maybe he’s genuinely into you but pursuing other people who are less available to him; like a chase thing. He doesn’t have to make that extra effort with you cos you’re just there. This all has nothing to do with YOU so long as you know that. You deserve 100%. If you haven’t already, maybe just say something and hope he’s not a coward and doesn’t gaslight you, but life’s too short not to be blunt so I think confront him on potentially wasting your time. OR if you don’t feel comfortable, test him out by casually bringing up dating someone or another guy in general and see his reaction. I rather the straightforward option personally because that one could possibly backfire. Anyway I feel this post girl, it’s a really confusing predicament to be in. It’s hard but I do believe if someone wants to see you, they will. So unless you’re in apart of the world like me in strict covid lockdown craziness, he shouldn’t really have an excuse

[Gwenhwyfar]

Wants to sext/send nudes? Or keeping you as a backup plan.

[Flower7]

But why would someone want a person as their backup plan if they don’t even like them?

[Gwenhwyfar]

Cause he does like you just not as much as the girl who’s his main plan

Just a thought. Or he could just want free online/phone/video sex stuff.

[Flower7]

It is possible that he found someone else.

I’ve never given him any of that stuff and he’s never asked.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Then you’re probably a backup plan

[ToastyOats]

Its tough but once you feel you can break it off without hurting yourself go for it. My advice.
I've had women string me along and gradually exit my life, it actually hurts a lot less than telling the other person you don't like them and quit suddenly. You can totally tell them all the things you dont like about them and encourage them to do things that are good. Just spend a little less time on them every week until you just finally ghost em.
Much gentler easier way if you actually like thr person enough to fo that at least. After learning about that method I've used it and it was much better for the woman I was seeing.

[Flower7]

So you think stringing along is done to not hurt the persons feelings?

[ToastyOats]

That's why I would do it. Some people probably just are lazy or don't care about the relationship enough to even breakup. They might be of two minds with a lot on their plate. Either way, im a full throttle guy or im easing on the brakes, no inbetween. This guy sounds like a slowpoke and wishy washy. Tough but true.

[ToastyOats]

I love practicing thr advice ill give my daughters if I ever Have them. Hopefully, they will be as smart as you

[William7489]

No one likes to walk a tight rope over a space without a net. That’s why a lot of women and even men will have somebody as a “back up“ or a Plan B. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I have had a number of girls I’ve broken up with, or more accurately broke up with me and still want to be friends. I Reminders most of them, that there’s no such thing as “Friend“ in ex girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. If you’re being honest, do you really want to hang out with guys doing the things you want? No. If somebody stringing you along it’s because they’re not totally comfortable in their current relationship and like the idea of having you around as a back up or a Plan B.

[Fireguy17]

no clue, but most guys either are idiots or are capable of doing stupid stuff.
Keeping you in reserve, or doesn't want to "hurt" you by saying we just aren't right for each other.

[Flower7]

Why would a guy want someone in reserve who he’s not even interested in?

[Fireguy17]

just in case he can't find someone else at any given moment.
Not a fun place to find ones self

[ArrowheadSW]

Unless he is just interested in having you as a friend. But even then, he'd probably see you again if that were the case.

[Flower7]

This situation is so confusing! I hate when people give mixed signals.

[ArrowheadSW]

Yeah it is weird. If it were me and I just wanted to be friends and not really "date", I'd try to meet up for coffee every now and then at least.

[Caliguy88]

I don't know, I never string anyone along. I can’t do that. Not that I worry about it happening to me. I can deal with it but I don’t like hurting people.

[Flower7]

it definitely does hurt people in the end, especially after they figure it out.

[Little_Bumblebee]

You give him something - attention.

Or he wants to keep you around if he gets rejected by others. As a safety net of sorts.

That's my guess at least

[Interstate]

The best thing to do is to forget about him. If he is making excuses, it is a 🚩 he is not interested in dating you, but enjoys your conversation.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I agree stringing someone along is not right, you either want to date them or not date them is how I see things... My best advice is to tell them you've moved on

[beebella]

They're bored, want attention, and/or they haven't found someone else to give them whatever they're getting from you.

[PeterCharie1991]

It's cos your their 2nd choice if things don't work out with someone else

[Jamie05rhs]

Maybe he's overthinking the second date. Tell him to just keep it simple.

[Flower7]

I asked him to come over to my apartment, but he says he's too busy.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. Hmm. Is it because he thinks you want to have sex with him?

[Flower7]

Well he was chatting with me about wanting to have sex with me. I asked him if that could happen in real life and asked him when he could come over. And he started saying he's busy with work, with being on the bowling team, etc etc.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. So you called his bluff lol.

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, if you want to have a relationship with the guy, you're going to have to reset things a bit. Reassure him that you would also enjoy hanging out with him doing something that doesn't involve sex.

[Flower7]

I guess. I just don't understand this at all! And I don't get why a guy wouldn't be interested in that.

[Flower7]

He's told me that he's not looking for anything serious.

[Jamie05rhs]

So you're not looking for anything serious, either?

[Flower7]

I’m looking for a boyfriend.

[Jamie05rhs]

So a boyfriend is not serious?

[Flower7]

I don’t know whether that’s considered serious or not.

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmm. That's a good point, I guess. I always thought that was serious, but maybe some people don't think of it that way.
You should do a poll.

[Starman5]

maybe he doesn't really love you but he's holding it in reserve because he doesn't want to lose it.

[Flower7]

But why wouldn’t he want to lose me if he’s not interested? It seems like that would be a good thing to lose someone who you don’t want.

[Starman5]

I think he wants to keep you in reserve. if he is currently in a secret relationship with a women, he will be with you immediately if that relationship ends. know what I mean?

[Gingersnapz74]

No idea... but yes, annoying

[Wiredone]

Maybe because they are players

[Dave576]

Possibly seeing other people

[In_Trance]

boredom; had nothing else going on

[nacholibre94]

Or he's a player

[Hulk30]

ego boost

[Rawkman]

They're a jerk lol

[Slim57]

Attention