If he’s still on dating apps, is that a bad sign?

[Anonymous]

This guy and I were dating casually but due to personal reasons I had to move away so we broke it off since I thought I’d be gone for quite awhile. We weren’t ever a couple but we were consistently seeing each other and I had feelings for him. Now I’m moving back for reasons, I was only gone for about a month. I told him this and we both said we would go out again once I move back and he seemed excited. He knows I want something serious and have feelings for him, so I assume he thinks there’s potential for it to become serious? But I told him a week ago I’d be returning in a month and my friend who lives back at home said she saw him recently active on a dating app. If he’s still frequently going on dating apps while he’s planning to see me in a month... is this a bad sign he isn’t that interested or serious about seeing me again?

[CallmeTheKnight]

You're thinking too much about it and I understand that your friend is looking out for you, but let's get real.
The both of you were never a couple and you moved away for a while. Yes, he's going to be active in the dating scene, he's single and so are you. It's not a red flag at all that he's on dating sites, because he's single. He may be happy to have the casual dating with you again, but don't get your hopes up on him seeing potential of something really happening. He has options that are closer to him than you are right now

[Browneye57]

It's neither. He's keeping his options open. And you should do the same.
You're way premature in expecting some kind of exclusivity. Try actually DATING first.

And consider what you'll do to get and keep him. Do you even know how to do that? My guess is you've never even considered it, nothing about what YOU would do for HIM.

[Asker]

What are some examples?

[Browneye57]

Instead of expecting or hoping for some kind of exclusivity, consider how you would EARN it. How will you compete for his love? What will you do that will set you apart from all the others?

The NUMBER ONE thing a guy looks for in any woman, is... wait for it... no it's not her tits or her hair... it's HER level of attraction and desire for HIM. Does your guy know how much you love respect and adore him? Or do you even? If you do, does he know it?

That's how you keep a guy. They're really simple creatures - not stupid, simple. So here's their primary needs:
Sex
Food
Love/respect/attention

If you give him all of these he could need or want, he'll remain in love and true forever. About half of women get this, the other half either don't believe it, can't be bothered, or simply refuse. And then they wonder why their man wanders off looking for one that WILL.

Lots of girls on here ask how they can get a guy to like them, commit to them, be loyal to them. You hear, "He's not very passionate." Or he works too much and is tired all the time.

So I tell them, cook him a nice meal, tell him how much you adore and admire him, how he's the most important thing in your life, and then fuck his brains out. If that doesn't bind your man to you and make him glad to have you, then you chose wrong. He has to be worth it in the first place.

[sage2021]

You are saying to adore and respect a guy that is constantly hurting you? Come in! That's like having a hair in your mouth that won't come out. No, he is the one that has to earn me, my love and my time. I'm not stupid!

[Browneye57]

@sage2021 - It's over. Move on. You don't want him anyway.

[Asker]

It really is about mutual respect and not letting your ego run your emotions and thoughts. If a guy keeps hurting you, you’re accepting that role and playing into it. Don’t know what your situation is but you can stand up for yourself and be kind and understanding of the other person. If it’s time to leave, leave. He’s n or staying stick around. But I think a lot of women think they’re so desirable men should instantly just want them, chase them and provide all the adoration and responsibility without the women providing much... Especially with feminism nowadays, I think a lot of it has ruined compassion for the other sex.

But I think he’s right. It’s about bringing equal responsibility and value and treating the other as a person... not let your ego run the show..

[Browneye57]

^^Reasonable. I tend to agree.
Women have a strong tendency to only view everything as it affect them - much like a child does. There is no introspection, no cognizance of others around them. Which is at odds with their nurturing nature anyway, the maternal instinct. But only seems to apply to their direct offspring. So they do a lot of victim claiming, blaming other things and other people, not accepting any responsibility for their own thoughts and actions. You even hear it in their word tracks, like, "I had no choice." Or, "He made me ___________" Fill in the blank. No one can MAKE you anything - you get to choose. Unless you're claiming you've turned over power over yourself to someone or something else. There's always a lot of 'whoa is me', I'm some kind of victim in my circumstances.
The truth is, it's a dead end thought process. YOU are in charge of your own destiny. YOU get to decide what your life is, what it's about. Time to take charge.

[babydi09]

You said you were casually dating, did you get things straight with him and told him you wanted something serious? if you did, then yes, it's a bad sign if he knows you want something serious FROM YOU. But if you didn't tell him, you should. Being in a relationship in which both parts don't know what kind of relationship is is like walking on eggshells, it never works unless both parties put the cards on the table (are honest with each other).

[sage2021]

I have been with my guy for almost 4 years, and about a month ago he paid money to join a dating site. I think he has a collection of them. I am still not over that - it still hurts me and makes me want to say just go! Find someone else, but you can't have me and go on dating sites. They are always looking for someone better. It really sucks!!

[Asker]

Wow I’m sorry :( you deserve so much better than that. That’s crap

[hahahmm]

@sage2021 In your case you should leave the relationship. He's saying he's just using you till he finds something better & you don't want to be in that situation.

[Asker]

@hahahmm yes please leave him

[t-8900]

If a woman tells me she's dating me casually that means both parties have the ability to see other people. If she said she wanted a committed relationship then I would say yes or no. Since you told him casual or w/e it's you that needs to tell him you want something more and wanted to know if he felt the same

[hahahmm]

What did you expect? You know you did not have a serious committed relationship. You both just said you're interested in that. "dating casually" isn't it. If you both agree to focus on each other he'd drop the dating apps.

[Fireguy17]

If you were both supposed to be monogamous and he was doing that, then it would be an issue.
If this is just something casual and you are both fine with that then no, it wouldn't be wrong to do that.

[Asker]

But is it an indicator of interest? I know it isn’t wrong

[Fireguy17]

He may very well be interested in you, but if this is just a casual interest he may be in or looking to fill in the times you are apart.
Maybe talk to him about it, have you both agreed to being with just act other, maybe he is afraid to bring the subject up in fear of losing you.
If you don't talk to each other the both of you will never know how you feel about each other.

[Mofunfour20]

No you just haven't made him an offer he can't refuse yet. He understands his value to women so maybe you should try harder

[Asker]

Lol please

[hahahmm]

@asker He's right. Women who want casual/fun are a dime a dozen. You haven't shown this guy that you're worth taking seriously yet. Like it or not... if you don't have requirements then you don't get top quality relationships.

[Asker]

@hahahmm the entire time I’ve been serious about him and wasn’t just whatever and I’ve always treated him very well.

[Asker]

Don’t really know what those requirements are?

[Mofunfour20]

Talk to your dad. He won't lie like other guys

[hahahmm]

@asker but you knew the relationship isn't committed by either of you. "I treated him very well" is not the definition of commitment. If it were then just doing something nice for another person would create a serious relationship. Sorry to write so much on your post thread @Mofunfour20

[Mofunfour20]

@hahahmm its ok say what needs to be said

[pleasestopthis]

You guys are not exclusive at the moment so it seems he's not closing that door YET, in case things don't work out as expected. I would not say it is a red flag.

[boggboss]

He can still be intrested but you two are not yet dating or exclusive so he is still on the market

[backblueblack22]

It’s not confirmed. He’s not going to hold out for you.

If you and him get back together and go out on 6 plus dates or something like that it’s different. However you and him are not official. At least that’s not how he sees it.

[xf25x]

Honestly he's single until you two have a discussion otherwise so don't judge him or over think his actions when he's just behaving as a regular single guy

[DarkWinterNights]

There are no guarantees you’re actually coming back or whether you two are going to date or not. Until you guys are exclusive there is nothing wrong with keeping your options open.

[tata1993]

I think it’s not bad and not surprising that he’s on dating apps since you guys aren’t yet together.

[karaspara]

I've heard it's hard to permanently remove your account from these things but if he's actively using get the fuck out

[Anonymous]

I guess he is keeping a back up or not sure of the relationship yet

[Mulan8]

No, just give him a little time

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he likes you and probably enjoys his time with you but It doesn’t look like he loves you the way you love him if he’s still looking

[Jamie05rhs]

It just means he doesn't fully trust you yet.

[noohair]

You are not the one for him.

[Papabubbles]

Yes he's looking for options.

[Renadesu]

Red flag babes

[CuriousAZ]

Yes. Its a bad sign

[prakhindev92]

Why not it is bad