How to overcome not being physically attracted to someone?

[Anonymous]

So I’m recently talking to someone who has a good heart. I recently met him and he is a bit taller than me and I’m short and he is very very skinny. I’m bigger than him. Usually, looks and height is never ever a big deal for me and is not a deal breaker at all. I did not realise because his photos do not show that. I don’t want to pass a good opportunity up but I feel like there should be some level of attraction and he does have such a beautiful heart. I met him recently and I was not really attracted but the conversations we have are literally on point. Can anyone give me advice. It sounds so dumb saying this but I’ve never spoken to someone who is quite skinny. He is under weight.

[coldmarch]

I understand, I think skinny is always much worse than chubby (males and females), in terms of physical attraction, because the person looks seriously unhealthy, weak, old, cold.
I think you could go for him canceling your sexual appetites only if you've got lots of experiences already and you just want to settle down with someone who shares plans with you and has conpatibility. Settling down needs an intelligent move, better if rational, and usually married couple end up -anyway- living decades without being attracted to each other anymore. In any case passion will fade for everyone and sex will change its way to be done.
A good point instead could be that getting out from underweight (if not given by a mental illness about food) is easier than getting out from overweight and chances are that in a long term relationships he will try gaining weight if you're not comfortable with it. But anyway it requires time so that means at least your first year of relationship will be made of no big passions, some arguments about your motivation to have anything physical, and wastes your initial moments of the relationship where everything has the potential to spark very strong but it won't and meanwhile you'll start discover flaws of each other + routine kicks in and "that" initial passion won't be available anymore anyway even if he gains weight later. So if you don't have already big plans in your life, then probably you're not going to enjoy this. Probably you could have been just close friends, but maybe you're not set for this if you're dating or anyway are in a context of possible dating (do not propose a friendship if he is already into you).
However if you abandon him you should tell him why. Will you be able to expose your reasons? Maybe before abandoning you could try having a night with him and then having the evident proof of your lack of attraction that can't be fixed. Problem is sleeping together means already some investment and trust so it might be cruel if he is into you already.
My conclusions can't be easier than these, I can't tell you "yes" or "no" because of these variables. But I might say in "most of cases" it would be, from me, 20% yes - 80% no.

[Coolguy33989]

"I understand, I think skinny is always much worse than chubby (males and females), in terms of physical attraction, because the person looks seriously unhealthy, weak, old, cold."v

You're joking right? Unless someone is underweight then being skinny is far better than being fat always. Being chubby/fat you're more at risk for heart disease, diabetes, and lung problems. Its not a bad thing to be skinny, it usually is bad to be fat. As a skinny guy myself as well as short, if someone doesn't like the way that I am but they're giving me the chance then i'll tell them to fuck off. I'm not wasting my time with someone that doesn't appreciate me how I am physically. I've never been fat at all in my life and have mostly been skinny, but I could care less what women think, its my fucking body not there's. I'm fit and healthy as it is. People say women are more lenient with the body of guys, but thats bullshit. You guys don't even like skinny guys, short guys, fat guys w/e. I've seen way more chubby and extremely skinny women with guys, the other way around, not a fucking chance. Most women want a guy that lives in the gym and has muscles on his muscles or something. Unfortunately thats how it is. I love my body.

I love the fact I could eat anything I want to and not gain fat. I love the fact that clothes look good on my body and its not awkward wearing clothes because on my body because the clothes that I wear aren't stretched out, I always look for slim fit or tailored which is better anyway for a lot of people. I love the fact that I can look taller compared to guys that are muscular/fatter who look more compact. I realize that being muscular is the GOAT body, but i dont give a shit. I'm not changing for anyone and if someone tells me to change my body i'll get pissed off because i'm fine the way it is. If you don't like someone for any reason don't waste their fucking time.

[coldmarch]

@Coolguy33989 I'm sorry but I'm speaking about what it "looks" like. I also had an ex who was very skinny, probably as the OP describes, and I was always put off by that. And as I can see by feedbacks from people I guess this is very common, not just me, to prefer chubby over skinny if you have to pick one outside "average"...
The OP here describes a "very skinny" guy with a very skinny face as well, not just slim.
Also, you come here complaining about women because you're personally touched then you say you don't care at all about what women think. "OK?" You're mainly writing this reply to yourself to "convince" yourself you don't give a f, but you do, a lot...
My only mistake here was not specifying "very skinny" instead of "skinny" at the beginning of my reply, but I thought I was clearly talking about a strong degree of skinny vs a strong degree of chubby, since this was the topic... If you're "very skinny" I'm sorry, but however you'll find someone as well because you've surely seen also very skinny guys dating girls. I did see them.

[Coolguy33989]

Honestly what difference does it make? Skinny and very skinny have similar appearances and it just seems like you're trying to hide the fact that you aren't attracted to skinny men in general by correcting yourself and saying "very skinny." Its fair enough though. Most guys aren't attracted to women that are very skinny as well or too fat. In fact, a lot of guys are turned off if a woman isn't skinny, but at least we aren't that critical about a girl's height compared to women

[coldmarch]

@Coolguy33989 We are talking of course about "very skinny" because this is what the OP is talking about. She describes a man with a very skinny face and underweight, probably she means those guys who look unhealthy, weak and old, even if they're theoretically young and healthy. How don't you have this type in mind? Sure being skinny can remind of that type but I think being just slim is still preferrable than chubby. It's when you get skeleton-alike also in the face that things get more repulsive than chubby... You can get surely someone in your mind who has hollow cheeks, wrinkles before the time especially around the mouth, super thin upper arms next to the armpit but the elbows larger, very pointy knees, hollow stomach, bony ankles, thin neck... And some look worse when underweight because of the structure (like a long pointy chin by default or pronounced eyebrows bone that makes the eyes super hollow/hooded, a long thin nose... That puts emphasis on this appearance).
I've no idea how you are exactly but you can simply put a photo of your body or face in this website and ask how much females consider you attractive, or if they think more fat would fit better.

[kmg9150]

Sometimes attraction can develop over time, just as one sees more attraction or someone loses it. Women's attraction is normally more emotional than physical... As they will find how a man presents himself can easily shadow expected physical traits... If you like the guy and think you can be good together with both not changing who are then go for it... pay attention to how speaks, interacts with others, way he handles situations. Your too focus on what others will think of you regarding his appearance...


Do you have friends that this way? Read a lot romance novels? Watch a lot of girl meets guys movies? It all has to do with the way your brain is programmed.. Seeing as your questioning it makes me conclude youve been around groups of people or situations where looks has always been the focus... forget the other voices in you head a pay attention to what you already mention whats appealing to you conversation, natural connection, etc. just imagine (doesn't have to be when your His presence) and think of how it makes you feel and then concentrate how you want it to make you feel...


A to c transformation. Not how to do I become the women more attracted to abstract traits... its I am that woman, this is attractive here is my response.

[Coolguy33989]

If you believe physical attraction is that important don't waste his time. People get pissed the fuck off if they feel like you don't appreciate the way they are and if he ditches you I dont blame him. If its something that is so important to you that you can't overlook it literally just tell him straight up you aren't physically attracted to him. As a skinny guy myself, I realize that the ideal body type for a guy is looking like the fucking Hulk and if you knew you weren't physically attracted to him or aren't, then why are you even with him still? If a woman liked everything about me but my body I would tell her to take a hike and gtfo out of my life. Part of love and being in a relationship is appreciating someone you are with in everything. Their personality, their body, their interests and hobbies etc.. If you don't even appreciate something about them it won't work.

[kery123]

You sound bitter and immatture.

Women actually hate muscly guys, what we like is toned/lean/fit, which literaly any guy can become if he goes to the gym.

[Asker]

Firstly, you need to calm down. Secondly, he sent me photos where his body is alright. Thirdly, when I met him, his body was very underweight and I didn’t know that. He has an attracted face but not body.

I don’t dig guys who look like hulk. I’m down for the average guys and don’t mind if they have a bit of weight on them but never been with someone whose very underweight

[boggboss]

You simply not attracted to gik its irrelevant how well the convo is going if u are not attracted to his looks a relationship won't work

[Asker]

He has a handsome face
Just very underweight

[boggboss]

OK... again are u attracted to him physically not just his face him overall