Do you believe in a third chance?

[Natcha]

My boyfriend asked me for the third chance. He got the second chance and he did nothing better. Does he deserve another chance?

Yes

No

[Nomina]

I can be a hopeless romantic sometimes. Mixed in with pragmatism.
If there are no extreme circumstances, were I in a similar situation, I would think about it. Not outright dismiss the possibility. A part of me thinks that many relationships would make it a lot longer people were given chances to redeem themselves and evolve within the relationship. It kinda makes me sad a little to see relationships given up on when it could have been salvaged. That's the hopeless romantic part.

However, any second, third chances need to be finely tuned and entered into properly. To first figure out what went wrong, why and how to fix it. Maybe both people need to adjust their behavior, expectations a little.
To not rush into the relationship again; trust has been broken and needs time to be rebuilt. To dispel any notions of going back to the way things were before when all was good or to pretend as though the past didn't happen. It's important, in my opinion, to know that things will take on a different tone for a while and that whoever did the fuck up (the biggest one) could be on thin ice. To ensure that what was agreed upon for fixing things is actually done, not just talked about. To discuss all those things before moving back into a relationship. That's the pragmatic/practical side.

You decide what you do, but I guess keep those things in mind for yourself and maybe to bring up with him before you make a decision.

[meetkitty123]

Don't I gave my man a 3rd a 4th etc even after calculating he gambled over 90,000 I recently gave him the slightest microscopi less than one hair strand thick of a chance only if he went to counseling and a gambling help group only to have it be quickly discovered he gambled over $100 while taking couples counseling lying and fooling the therapist (I wasn't fooled one bit!) He was swearing he loved me he'll change this time he sees how close he is to loosing me he swears on his father's grave it's the gospel truth blah blah blah I was cold hearted and immune to it... And then it's discovered he was still gambling... Once caught the same shit denial until I had pure documented proof then it was the same entitled and so what attitude followed by trying to gilt trip me into believing it was my fault... The therapist saw this and confirmed he was very manipulative.

[Diodoro]

In my experience girls who ask this are going to do it regardless of anything so in my mind it's irrelevant

I strongly believe in the concept of, " to get what you want you have to deserve what you want". You gave him a second chance in your mind he's deserving. So ultimately it doesn't matter

If you're asking this question it's because you want to and if that's what you want then that's what you're going to do and whatever you need to justify that decision to yourself you'll take on

[horsenrhinounicorn]

I depends on his motive. Is he willing to change. Can you give him expectations and keep those boundaries. Are you being used until he finds someone prettier. Is he willing to be with you if there is no sex; if he truly loves you he will wait. What baggage he carries now will only get bigger if you get married. The bags can only expand so much until that bag of unresolved issues starts leaking out.

[OlderAndWiser]

Does first chance and second chance mean that he was unfaithful to you and had sex with another woman?

[Natcha]

No. It’s just about him not giving a fuck about me.

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you are praying that he will change when you know that he won't? I've been there and done that. Devoted to years to a girlfriend who only wanted me when it was convenient to her. When we were together, it was good, but not seeing her for a few weeks at a time got old. I broke up with her after two years. I don't regret the decision even though I occasionally miss the good times.

[Anonymous]

I barely believe in a second chance! Part of giving someone a chance at all is that along the way they have shown you some real effort in wanting to change behavior. Repeating the same thing over and over and running back to you asking for chances is not it. These aren't kids who don't know right from wrong, these are adults whom you have expressed something they are doing is hurting you, and by the time you get to chance three, they have made it clear that they have no intention to change and have come to expect that you will forgive or take them back and that they won't do anything and you'll be in the cycle over again until you wake up and realize there is more to life than being with someone who doesn't think you are that important.

[420Rachel]

Girl it's time to get rid of him once and for all. Second chances I can maybe accept depending on what the fuck up was (cheating is an automatic "kick to the curb"), but doing something that warrants a third chance? He's only going to do it again and want a 4th chance, 5th, 6th, etc... If you want to be hurt over and over again then go for it. If you'vd had enough of his shit then it's time to end it.

May I ask what he did?

[Natcha]

It seems like he didn’t care about me. On my birthday he promised me he’d send a present box to me soon. (We’re LDR) but then he made me wait for 6 months already. He said he’s been busy but he went out so many places. He even was on vacation 2 times already, a week for each. I’m not materialistic but I just think he doesn’t care about me at all. I already told him about that. I gave him the second chance. He said he’d be better. But he still did nothing better! I wanted to break up but I still really love him. So now he’s asking me if I don’t wanna give the third chance. What should I do?

[420Rachel]

6 months and no birthday present? Let me tell you, he wasn't planning on getting you a gift. :/ It really does sound like he's not serious about the relationship if he can't even put in the effort to send you a freaking BIRTHDAY gift! He obviously had the money to if he went out on vacation. It's not even about the gift itself, it's about giving a fuck about your birthday. If he doesn't care about your birthday then he doesn't care about your feelings. Do you really want to keep on with that? I know it sucks to let go of a person when you become really attached to them but if he isn't worth the effort, he isn't worth the effort.

[Natcha]

About 2 months ago, I asked him before why he took it very long. He said he’s been busy and said that I won’t understand because I don’t know what he wanna give me. So I waited. But then he still did nothing. And I talked to him about that again and actually BROKE UP with him. And then I got back to him because he told me he won’t treat me like that again. One month later he hasn’t even finished the present box yet! I talked to him again and he admitted he slacked ! I asked him why he still slacked despite he knew it made me feel not important to him. He said “I guess out of selfishness. But I never intended on treating you like that “ and now he’s asking if I don’t want to give him the third chance…

[420Rachel]

It was out of selfishness. A guy that loves you doesn't slack on your birthday gift. I honestly wouldn't if I were you, don't date someone that doesn't keep up with their promises. I get that things get in the way of us making our promises sometimes but this is just ridiculous. There's no excuse other than laziness and an uncaring attitude

[snowboarder720]

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”


If he’s no loyal the first or second time what makes you believe a third time will make all the difference? Loyalty and trust are my most important virtues in a relationship.
If you give him another chance it’s teaching him that he can win you back by simply begging and insisting he has changed. I suggest that you move on to someone who doesn’t break your bond of trust.

[Not_a_baddie]

Exactly!!

[Daniela1982]

Hell no! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. There should be no thought of a 3rd chance unless someone is totally desperate and feel that someone is better than no one.

[_Clara_]

No, it doesn't deserve a chance. Whoever makes a mistake once will do it again. Nobody deserves a second or third chance. habits do not change. only the masks change. Don't believe him again. he will make the same mistakes to you again. don't give him another chance.

[Anonymous]

No, I gave my boyfriend second and a third chance too, bcz I really wanted to work on the relationship. Turns out he started to disrespect me even more and expected to take from others around me too, would never apologise, rather started to say that I can stop talking to him bcz he knows I will come back and can’t live without him.
Right one doesn’t need extra chances, they know how to act the first time around.
💚

[LinaDaGoddess]

Based upon your response to a previous commenter, you have your answer.. When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time.. sometimes you have to let them do what they want to do, to see what they’d rather do… you know? Don’t give him another chance, that’s my advice. He’s coming back because he sees you don’t have boundaries and you’ll allow him back into your life.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

A guy shouldn't need a second chance if he does he's not serious about you... cut your losses the best is yet to come... its like going back to a oatmeal cooking hoping and praying it will become a oatmeal chocolate chip cookie people are set in their ways with most things in life.. you either love and accept them with all their flaws or find someone that you can live with their flaws.

[Mollynotgemma]

I believe in chance after chance after chance… ONLY if you are willing to be hurt and hurt and hurt again! No one knows how two people are with eachother. So give the third chance… give the sixteenth chance…. Is there a reason why you won’t succeed?
When do you stop? When do they stop? Is it all a game?
Try and understand what you want… throw the dice!

[Shizunk]

I'd listen to a specific honest plan how to make things better this time. But people are often horrendously bad at formulating those. "I will try really hard this time, trust me." is not a plan. If it were "i know exactly what I did wrong last time and here are the steps I am going to take," I may consider it.

[Browneye57]

Chance for what exactly? To please your highness? Or what?
Don't be expecting to change your man somehow - just not ever happening. If you're not completely enamored by him, in awe, love adore and admire, then cut him loose and find one that you are. This is THE entire purpose of dating in the first place.

[AydenHazor]

A second chance is often unwise, no dude deserves a third chance after wasting the second. If you give him another one he'll expect he can always come crawling back for another chance and have no reason to change his behavior. If he didn't take the second chance to improve, giving him any more will only reward his behavior

[Totesperf]

It truly depends on the Individual asking for Forgiveness. Is it genuine? Are they actively trying to make it better? I personally think forgiveness can be implemented many times over, but only if they are genuinely sorry for what they've done, and are truly trying to change their ways.

[Alwayreckles93]

I hate it when people say don't hold recentment or grudge's yet they expect forgiveness and they go again broke the trust nope. I see no point once someone does something horrible things to me the relationship is dead to me their history.

[JenniferStar]

First mistake can be a mistake. Making it twice is not a mistake, it's a behavior pattern.

[Dude_777]

You made a big mistake by even giving him the second chance. The truth is that he is not getting any other girl, so he keeps coming back to you 😅.

You could give him 1000 chances, but everytime it will be a bigger regret than the last time.

[altgirl14]

I think I would after talking and going over things... Maybe he doesn't deserve it.. but If I still liked other things about him I'd still hope for the best but would actually talk about everything

[molonski2]

Piss him off.. No third chances , he's worse than COVID.. He keeps coming back..
CUT CLEAN THE DEAD WOOD !

That will teach the prick for not doing the dishes hahahahahahahaha :)

[musicloverr8]

Hell no he doesn't deserve it and you know that you just want validation here... The only reason you should give him a third chance is if you want to be let down again. If you have any self-respect you would walk away!