Do you believe in a third chance?

Question

My boyfriend asked me for the third chance. He got the second chance and he did nothing better. Does he deserve another chance?

Nomina · Accepted Answer

I can be a hopeless romantic sometimes. Mixed in with pragmatism.
If there are no extreme circumstances, were I in a similar situation, I would think about it. Not outright dismiss the possibility. A part of me thinks that many relationships would make it a lot longer people were given chances to redeem themselves and evolve within the relationship. It kinda makes me sad a little to see relationships given up on when it could have been salvaged. That's the hopeless romantic part.

However, any second, third chances need to be finely tuned and entered into properly. To first figure out what went wrong, why and how to fix it. Maybe both people need to adjust their behavior, expectations a little.
To not rush into the relationship again; trust has been broken and needs time to be rebuilt. To dispel any notions of going back to the way things were before when all was good or to pretend as though the past didn't happen. It's important, in my opinion, to know that things will take on a different tone for a while and that whoever did the fuck up (the biggest one) could be on thin ice. To ensure that what was agreed upon for fixing things is actually done, not just talked about. To discuss all those things before moving back into a relationship. That's the pragmatic/practical side.

You decide what you do, but I guess keep those things in mind for yourself and maybe to bring up with him before you make a decision.

meetkitty123 · Accepted Answer

Don't I gave my man a 3rd a 4th etc even after calculating he gambled over 90,000 I recently gave him the slightest microscopi less than one hair strand thick of a chance only if he went to counseling and a gambling help group only to have it be quickly discovered he gambled over $100 while taking couples counseling lying and fooling the therapist (I wasn't fooled one bit!) He was swearing he loved me he'll change this time he sees how close he is to loosing me he swears on his father's grave it's the gospel truth blah blah blah I was cold hearted and immune to it... And then it's discovered he was still gambling... Once caught the same shit denial until I had pure documented proof then it was the same entitled and so what attitude followed by trying to gilt trip me into believing it was my fault... The therapist saw this and confirmed he was very manipulative.

Diodoro · Accepted Answer

In my experience girls who ask this are going to do it regardless of anything so in my mind it's irrelevant

I strongly believe in the concept of, " to get what you want you have to deserve what you want". You gave him a second chance in your mind he's deserving. So ultimately it doesn't matter

If you're asking this question it's because you want to and if that's what you want then that's what you're going to do and whatever you need to justify that decision to yourself you'll take on

horsenrhinounicorn · Accepted Answer

I depends on his motive. Is he willing to change. Can you give him expectations and keep those boundaries. Are you being used until he finds someone prettier. Is he willing to be with you if there is no sex; if he truly loves you he will wait. What baggage he carries now will only get bigger if you get married. The bags can only expand so much until that bag of unresolved issues starts leaking out.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Does first chance and second chance mean that he was unfaithful to you and had sex with another woman?

Anonymous · Answer

I barely believe in a second chance! Part of giving someone a chance at all is that along the way they have shown you some real effort in wanting to change behavior. Repeating the same thing over and over and running back to you asking for chances is not it. These aren't kids who don't know right from wrong, these are adults whom you have expressed something they are doing is hurting you, and by the time you get to chance three, they have made it clear that they have no intention to change and have come to expect that you will forgive or take them back and that they won't do anything and you'll be in the cycle over again until you wake up and realize there is more to life than being with someone who doesn't think you are  that  important.

420Rachel · Answer

Girl it's time to get rid of him once and for all. Second chances I can maybe accept depending on what the fuck up was (cheating is an automatic "kick to the curb"), but doing something that warrants a third chance? He's only going to do it again and want a 4th chance, 5th, 6th, etc... If you want to be hurt over and over again then go for it. If you'vd had enough of his shit then it's time to end it.

May I ask what he did?

snowboarder720 · Answer

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

If he’s no loyal the first or second time what makes you believe a third time will make all the difference? Loyalty and trust are my most important virtues in a relationship.
If you give him another chance it’s teaching him that he can win you back by simply begging and insisting he has changed. I suggest that you move on to someone who doesn’t break your bond of trust.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Hell no! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. There should be no thought of a 3rd chance unless someone is totally desperate and feel that someone is better than no one.

_Clara_ · Answer

No, it doesn't deserve a chance. Whoever makes a mistake once will do it again. Nobody deserves a second or third chance. habits do not change. only the masks change. Don't believe him again. he will make the same mistakes to you again. don't give him another chance.

Anonymous · Answer

No, I gave my boyfriend second and a third chance too, bcz I really wanted to work on the relationship. Turns out he started to disrespect me even more and expected to take from others around me too, would never apologise, rather started to say that I can stop talking to him bcz he knows I will come back and can’t live without him.
Right one doesn’t need extra chances, they know how to act the first time around.
💚

LinaDaGoddess · Answer

Based upon your response to a previous commenter, you have your answer.. When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time.. sometimes you have to let them do what they want to do, to see what they’d rather do… you know? Don’t give him another chance, that’s my advice. He’s coming back because he sees you don’t have boundaries and you’ll allow him back into your life.

PeacefulRainDrop · Answer

A guy shouldn't need a second chance if he does he's not serious about you... cut your losses the best is yet to come... its like going back to a oatmeal cooking hoping and praying it will become a oatmeal chocolate chip cookie people are set in their ways with most things in life.. you either love and accept them with all their flaws or find someone that you can live with their flaws.

Mollynotgemma · Answer

I believe in chance after chance after chance… ONLY if you are willing to be hurt and hurt and hurt again! No one knows how two people are with eachother. So give the third chance… give the sixteenth chance…. Is there a reason why you won’t succeed?
When do you stop? When do they stop? Is it all a game?
Try and understand what you want… throw the dice!

Shizunk · Answer

I'd listen to a specific honest plan how to make things better this time. But people are often horrendously bad at formulating those. "I will try really hard this time, trust me." is not a plan. If it were "i know exactly what I did wrong last time and here are the steps I am going to take," I may consider it.

Browneye57 · Answer

Chance for what exactly? To please your highness? Or what?
Don't be expecting to change your man somehow - just not ever happening. If you're not completely enamored by him, in awe, love adore and admire, then cut him loose and find one that you are. This is THE entire purpose of dating in the first place.

AydenHazor · Answer

A second chance is often unwise, no dude deserves a third chance after wasting the second. If you give him another one he'll expect he can always come crawling back for another chance and have no reason to change his behavior. If he didn't take the second chance to improve, giving him any more will only reward his behavior

Totesperf · Answer

It truly depends on the Individual asking for Forgiveness. Is it genuine? Are they actively trying to make it better? I personally think forgiveness can be implemented many times over, but only if they are genuinely sorry for what they've done, and are truly trying to change their ways.

JenniferStar · Answer

First mistake can be a mistake. Making it twice is not a mistake, it's a behavior pattern.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

I hate it when people say don't hold recentment or grudge's yet they expect forgiveness and they go again broke the trust nope. I see no point once someone does something horrible things to me the relationship is dead to me their history.

Dude_777 · Answer

You made a big mistake by even giving him the second chance. The truth is that he is not getting any other girl, so he keeps coming back to you 😅.

You could give him 1000 chances, but everytime it will be a bigger regret than the last time.

altgirl14 · Answer

I think I would after talking and going over things... Maybe he doesn't deserve it.. but If I still liked other things about him I'd still hope for the best but would actually talk about everything

molonski2 · Answer

Piss him off.. No third chances , he's worse than COVID.. He keeps coming back.. CUT CLEAN THE DEAD WOOD ! That will teach the prick for not doing the dishes hahahahahahahaha :)

musicloverr8 · Answer

Hell no he doesn't deserve it and you know that you just want validation here... The only reason you should give him a third chance is if you want to be let down again. If you have any self-respect you would walk away!

NewgodX · Answer

I don't belive in second i had bad experience with 1 women and I decided to ban females from My life for ever  I know it sounds heartless and senseless but I am better off alone

Miristheiss · Answer

It depends on what the offense is that we are trying to forgive.  Any sort of cheating then dump them. Not even a 2nd chance.

JennyDunne · Answer

It really depends on the what its over and how long the relationship has been, can't really put a number on these things

Blackcupcake · Answer

I don't believe in second chances let alone third... there is a reason why we broke up, and if that reason is still present then what's the point of wasting my time?

kc_4308 · Answer

I don’t give second chances less more third chances. Giving too many chances will make that person take you for granted..

serious · Answer

I hardly give second chances to people so there is no question of a third chance. Hence the answer is NO.

Caunsos · Answer

He knew what he had to do and he fucked up stick your ground because he will us think all he need to is beg forgiveness every once in a while and not improve. This might lead to him treat the next girl better.

Mangospacho · Answer

It depends on how severe the offense was. If he’s late meeting you or he forgets something, it’s probably going to happen a 4th time. If he's cheating on you and he keeps promising he's gonna stop then he won’t.

NicoletteXO · Answer

No way. Second and third chances are the oxygen that toxic people breathe.

PiinkFalls · Answer

He screwed up the first and second chance. There is no way he’s going to be different on the third!

PralineCream · Answer

Nope. A second chance is being generous enough. I also live by this motto "if he wanted to he would". Men are simple, he just doesn't want to change, but wants to keep you around for some reason

boxxie2002 · Answer

I would say no; especially if the reason for the second and third chance were the same.

If the third chance was for something different, it may be an issue of how much you believe him or if you can handle having him let you down again

SunnySensei · Answer

No Miss I don't think you should give him another chance as the saying goes  "fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, shame on me."

confusedperson2002 · Answer

Usually, if someone fucks up a second chance I would say bye, get out of my life.

RiverUndertheSkY · Answer

I personally believe in the motto there strikes and your out - but if your sur I'd say ditch him

Coulis · Answer

You haven't said what the offense was so how can we properly answer your question?

Agape93 · Answer

No. Someone has to be goddamn lucky to get a second chance from me. There is no third chance.

t-8900 · Answer

i've given women multiple chances. context on what you are getting on specifically?

Djaay · Answer

If you yourself put yourself in that position or perdictament , maybe you should ask him for a third chance which seems to be what he's already doing. Stop pointing fingers

Joshua0213 · Answer

Depends what they did. There are some things where sure id give her a 3rd chance but many things I wouldn't too

Fireguy17 · Answer

you deserve better, hopefully the next person will treat you like you deserve to be treated.

humpbackjack · Answer

Only you can answer this I would say it depends mostly on what the issue is

OldFurTrapper · Answer

He is not really ready to settle down for a full commitment to just one woman! It is better you let him go now than any further involvement with him on a serious basis that could lead to marriage and divorce.

Anonymous · Answer

No.. only time I would give another chance is if they had actually already proving that they had changed.

sheikalana · Answer

He already got his second chance. There's no third chance in life bro, sorry.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

No, I don’t, but I know women that give a 100th chance. Usually it’s like this when they have kids together or they’re plainly addicted to chaos.

OnTheLevel · Answer

Do you expect anything different from him this time?

noohair · Answer

I believe that people make mistakes. However when it comes to violating intimate trust, he is showing a pattern. Do you trust him?

KrakenAttackin · Answer

"He did nothing better". What is it you are expecting from this fellow?

Neilbud · Answer

Unless their was a looking time frame between the second and third chance, no. Even than I would take it super slow.

Anonymous · Answer

There is only one chance, if you screw it up, then I'll be like: bitch bye. Thank you, next

sattii2607 · Answer

Maybe give him one last chance, not that he would change for sure, but just so that you don't tell yourself in future what if I gave him one more chance.

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely not. No.  Fool me once shame on you , fool me twice shame on me. Fool me 3? you can’t get fooled again.

moviedude714 · Answer

What happened? Was there cheating or something else?

crazy8000 · Answer

Do you deserve it? What exactly did he do every time?

Anonymous · Answer

I don't believe in giving her a 2nd chance let alone a 3rd.

Nazgol · Answer

It depends on what. If it's something very serious, no. But minors I'd brush off

Grubhub · Answer

No, Every last woman is superficial. I’m sorry but it’s a fact. 💯

pri1213 · Answer

Don't do it. I can't say much though. I've gone back to my ex so many times. Even if it's just for sex it's still going back.

Anonymous · Answer

No i believe in being a stupid dumbass bitch for giving someone a third chance

Do you believe in a third chance?

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