Guys is it true that good women these days are very hard to find?

[Rosabelle65]

Is that why you choose to be single?

[iluvtoknow]

Yeah, pretty much. I’m not resentful about it though. Maybe I’ll find a girl I like, we can get together, and live happily ever after soon enough—you never know. But I only find a girl I really like like that once every couple years, so we’ll see.

I’ll let you see what I mean. Below is another answer I wrote about my ideal girl. You can judge for yourself how rare she is.

I don't really care all that much about looks. I don't like tattoos and I don't like obesity, but other than that all that really matters there is that she's hygienic and healthy (and I do mean that.) So pretty much everything's directly in the girl's control (to the extent you have control over who you are, I guess.)

And there are plenty of things about a girl's personality that I find attractive, though specifics really vary from person to person. Everyone has their own idiosyncrasies, and often-times it is only as you get to know a person (or start to fall for them) that they start to become endearing!

But having said that, there are some standard personality traits that I really like in a wife someday, so here they are! Of course no one is perfect and I don't expect them to be, but the more of these traits the better.

Friendliness

I mean this in two senses.

First, it would mean the world if she were my close friend before we were dating, so we would have a very concrete bond beforehand. Strong friendships that don't require anything more, if one chooses, lead to the best strong, self-sufficient romantic relationships in my opinion.

Second, it would be fantastic if she were an overall nice and friendly person to people. You know, swearing at a minimum, always treating people with decency and kindness, and just all the things that one thinks of when they think of friendliness. It doesn't have to be over the top, but just there.

Intelligence

I also mean this in two senses.

First, I think it would be fantastic if at school she was a student that worked hard and was pretty smart. From experience, intelligence creates deeper personalities, higher standards of humor and else, and if they don't overload themselves, a happier and cooler human being.

Second, I think it would be fantastic if she was cautious. –if she thought before she did things and didn't act recklessly. In other words, self-control is great. It also shows the guy, if she is interested in a relationship with a guy, that she has thought before the decision to be with him and hence is more meaningful. (That one minute possible reason for this being a good thing; there are plenty more.)

Equality

I would want this girl to believe that she is my equal in every way. What I mean by that is this: Some people believe in gender roles like that men are supposed to be strong, always take care of the needs of his woman, always pay the bill, be the one in charge, and watch over their woman; while women are supposed to be over-emotional, over-romantic, needy, being catered to, and pay back their man sexually. I hate this so much.

Ideally, I'd have it be that the girl and the boy are complete equals (as previously stated.) If the man wants to treat the woman, he might pay for one thing. If the woman wants to treat the man, she might pay for another. If someone is feeling kind one day, s/he might get the door, etc.

But overall there would be nothing that one person has to do for the other because of their gender. What happens should happen because of affection, care, or love, and nothing else.

I'm going to continue in the comments since I've met the word limit. Feel free to comment if I was helpful or you have any comments or questions! I love getting responses!

[iluvtoknow]

Confidence

I would want the girl to be confident. Both she and I should be able to start conversations without becoming a nervous wreck and we should trust each other enough to not live in fear of judgement all the time. Friendship would help with that. But as a general rule, people are more inclined to spend time with people who demonstrate that they want to spend time with them. That's not to say she can't have a bad day once in a while; being there for your partner is an important thing. But she should be able to stand on her own two legs in general.

But to be clear, an attractive girl is confident in the sense that they don't feel limited and are able to stand on their own when they need to, but not to the extent that they are never able to let their guard down and be vulnerable with their partner or are so 'confident' that they don't listen to others and do whatever they want just because they can despite their peers' or their partner's protest (unless there's an actual reason.) In other words, they shouldn't let 'confidence' become arrogance and they should still be able to have a sensitive side; that's what makes people human. And in the relationship, vulnerability is just as important and confidence. I think if there's a solid foundation of trust, some vulnerability among partners goes a long way and can really solidify a bond.

[iluvtoknow]

Modesty

I'd want her not to want to wear clothes that reveal to much, speak too sexually, or act too sexually. I understand that's too much to ask for some people, but it's a bit thing to people like me. Sexual stuff can wait until a few years of a relationship have passed in my book at least.

And today's society leads to people spending a lot of time analyzing their appearance and trying to look attractive, which often gets mixed up with being as promiscuous as possible. People seem to associate beauty with the amount of cleavage shown sometimes, rather than an art in itself. I hate that, and while I know and like quite a few people who show more skin than I'd like ideally, I would strongly prefer that they didn't. I don't think it does much good except to attract people sexually, and I don't think that leads to much but attracting the kinds of people a lot of girls want to avoid anyway. Plus, it's also a peer pressure thing.

[iluvtoknow]

Conclusion

But those are the basics. I’d also need to the girl to be a high achiever academically, to accept my nonreligious background (though I’m open to accepting different religions), to accept that I don’t want sex till marriage, etc. in order to fit my personality.

And all that stuff is a lot to ask. I’m not a hypocrite; I don’t need to her to be any of that stuff more than I am myself; but nonetheless, it is a lot. And I don’t know that a lot of women are like that.

If there are, I also may not find them. I am bad a going out at meeting people—getting better, but I still struggle to make the initial connections.

But maybe someday. Until then, I’ll be alone. Sound good?

[Rosabelle65]

It’s not unrealistic to expect all that from a woman. Hopefully you can find one

[iluvtoknow]

:) Maybe! But it feels difficult. A lot of people are more into casual relationships and sex than me, but notwithstanding that, I think the difficulty in finding girls like what I described is what people mean when they say 'good women are hard to find.' But it's an oversimplification and not necessarily true. I think a lot of people just don't know where to look to find the girls like that and that's their problem.

[MCheetah]

Obviously. Women's egos, narcissism, and "obtainable" standards in men have gotten sky-high since the 2010s. So many women nowadays can't even cook or clean for themselves and have almost no life skills (not that many men aren't also man-children), and yet ask for literal perfection in men and think having a vagina entitles them to it. Aka, Hypergamy. The idea that women absolutely refuse to date men on their equal or lower social level. Women always chase after 9s and 10s, even if they're 2s and 3s.

So yes, it's HARD AS F*CK to find good women who aren't taken, nowadays. Makes sense that the good ones are always taken though, while the sh*tty entitled ones who THINK they're "good" but refuse to date men under six-foot-six, are still single until they "hit the wall" at 30 to 35.

I'm not picky, but I'm not going to be with someone I don't love, who doesn't respect me, either. I'm also not going to bite my tongue, because I'm a man under six feet tall and less than an 8 in looks; what do I have to lose in telling the truth? A random chick on the internet getting mad at me for it?

[Rosabelle65]

Is it unrealistic for me to expect a man I love to shave his face, like keeping it clean shaven?

[Rosabelle65]

Or is it just a preference?

[MCheetah]

@Rosabelle65
It has to be tit-for-tat. Meaning, you can't ask of your partner, what you're unwilling to do (at least, the opposite sex equivalent of) yourself. Sure, it's fine to ask your partner to be clean shaven, but you better have a clean shaven or neatly trimmed vagina and no body hair, as well. Or else, you're being entitled, and THAT IS unrealistic.

[Rosabelle65]

I agreed. If a woman refuses to shave she should be with men who don’t shave. For me if I only expect my boyfriend to only shave the face, no where else I will be willing to shave my underarms. If I expect him to shave his chest hair too, I will shave my legs and underarms. If I expect him to also trim his hair down there I will do the same

[MCheetah]

Then that's reasonable and more than what a lot of women (trashy. modern day Western women) are willing to do.

[Rosabelle65]

Sadly more and more women and girls here in Asia started to become more like Western women because they’re obsessed with Hollywood female celebs and others like The Kardashians and Jenners. Do you prefer women who had plastic surgeries or natural?

[MCheetah]

Natural. The Ariana Grande is gross to me.

[MCheetah]

And yeah; I'm an American living in South Korea right now. The least happiest and most single girls here are the ones who try to be like American women.

[Rosabelle65]

Do you agree women who had plastic surgeries are dumb?

[MCheetah]

Maybe. If it makes them happier, I'm not going to give them crap for it. But 90% of the time, I don't think it makes women look more attractive. Maybe boob surgeries, but that's about it.

[btbc92]

It's not that we're hard to find. We do exist, just that many of them don't deserve us, and all they know how to do is take advantage of other women, and mostly because unattractive to us. If anything we're hiding from them while observing how they treat others. A lot of these guys are not suitable partners. They know who is who usually, they just make excuses why they can't change and get into relationships for the wrong reasons. Most of these men are just basically physically picky while women, in general, became pickier. But when it comes to sexual morals, they literally have very lax to none at all. Many don't want marriage, but complain about what they don't have? They are hard to please most of them.

[yucychan]

I think it should be about finding the right person instead of a good person.

[OlderAndWiser]

It has always been difficult to find a woman who is not only good but also kind, intelligent, dependable, and interested in me. BUT. . . I only need to find one woman who fits that description!

[HighValue]

It is hard to find ones that meet my standards.
18 to 30 (over 30 equals no interest), hasn't done any hook ups or ONS, doesn't do any drugs (no weed either), doesn't drink alcohol or drinks very rarely and is willing to quit, doesn't smoke, no kids from past relationships, but does want some with the right person, no contact with any ex, once in a relationship won't be posting revealing and flirty pictures online for attention, will be very affectionate with me and she initiates the affection sometimes too, doesn't have an immoral job or one that requires her to spend multiple days away from home (traveling), no tattoos or very few (each tattoo makes her less attractive to me), will exercise every week just like I will to stay healthy and in shape for long term, is not hypocritical. (Yes, I realize I probably won't find anyone that meets this because realistically there probably isn't anyone even nearly as good for a relationship as I am. (prove me wrong by being the good woman I want)

[horsenrhinounicorn]

Yes, in most places I have been, I have found this to be true. I think there are some factors to where both parties are at fault: If a man uses a women for sex or abuses her, there are scars she carries and it creates a defense mode that blocks her from being a woman of her true potential. It takes a divorced man/woman an average of 7 years from the start of going to a counselor or pastor and using the tools to identify the route cause and breaking through the burdens. Not 7 years of counseling total, but 7 years from the time the program started. For dating it varies on how long the problem continued to when something was done to stop it.

[Hellraiser1984]

I think so. It's more like finding nice ones is hard. I'm all for female empowerment it's just the hatred for men is very high and guys like me are just fed up with being blamed for the state of the world. How can I be to blame for something that's been going on for millennial? It's hard being rejected for some guys ( the ones with depth) and others don't care because it's all about them. I've been denied service at a small restaurant because it was two women working and the one at the register told me she won't serve guys. I've been run out of self help groups because I was the only male, I was very polite to everyone but I found myself being a Target and harrassed. It s hard out there for most people. I understand women who have been abused and am sorry for that. I know a girl that has brain damage because of her ex boyfriends abuse. She can't have children and has interal problems she has to wear a heart monitor. There's horrible people out there.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say good women I’d say the right women. Majority of people I have met are ‘good’, I believe that people do somewhat have ‘high expectations’ due to film and media’s depiction of romance (I’m one of those people) so meeting a person who’s the right one:(aka perfect, or as close to) is far more difficult to achieve.

[Anonymous]

I think its just not that worth it for many men. We have porn. We have fleshlights. We have an abundance of women who will sleep with you immediately and ask for nothing in return. How can we be motivated? Then if we do get married, we set ourselves up for the ultimate betrayal, which seems to occur often these days and the law will fuck us hard forevermore. Men are apathetic and just want to coom, most have given up finding something special

the cold men get all the ladies and those ladies then become cold and break all the good men

[Rosabelle65]

For me I will work hard to be a good woman so I can get a good man I know he’s out there somewhere

[Opinion Owner]

Good, we need more women like you. I’m in a state now where I have a good fuckbuddy and I wanna search for a real love relationship but it’s so damn lonely out there... and I feel guilty dating while having a fuckbuddy even though I’m 100% honest about our relationship status and we both agree to exclusive friends with benefits, meaning we just can’t do anything sexual with anyone else for risk of stds. I don't know what I’m doing anymore. I’m in my late 20s by the way was single my whole life until now so it’s just nice to have intimacy.

[Rosabelle65]

Sadly good women here too are getting harder to find because they’re influenced by American women like for example celebs and the Kardashians

[Opinion Owner]

Probably not nearly as bad as Canada lol. We are the worst.

What do you think about my arrangement? Do you think I’m a bad person? I feel like it’s taking an emotional toll on the girl but she says she wants this too so I don’t know, I can’t make her decisions for her

[Rosabelle65]

It’s like a disease spreading which infects a lot of women into behaving like those unrealistic women

[Rosabelle65]

I am still a virgin up till now, and I don’t think you’re that bad. For the arrangement it’s fine. The girl you referring to is it the girl you hooked up with or your ex girlfriend?

[Opinion Owner]

Technically ex girlfriend, we’ve been seeing eachother for a while and broke up a cpl times and now just decided to do this arrangement. I notice girls don’t seem to care too much when guys act like I am, they seem to prefer a guy who can get laid to one that stays alone and waits for the right person. Most men looking to have a family want a virgin woman though. The girl i’m with has been with many guys and that makes me hesitant

[Rosabelle65]

As a virgin I’m more likely to marry a virgin guy because it shows that he’s willing to wait till marriage to have sex I wouldn’t want a guy who’s not a virgin

[Opinion Owner]

Oh hmmm yah I have heard some women say that, religious ones usually. Fair enough. So if a guy had 2 partners in the past, that would be too much? As you get older you may consider accepting some compromise in that regard. For a man in his late 20s to be a virgin is not necessarily a good indicator

[Rosabelle65]

It’s quite possible for a guy in his late 20s to be a virgin but to me it’s not a bad thing. I don’t mind if he has ex girlfriends but if he’s not a virgin I don’t think me and him will be a matching couple

[Rosabelle65]

Why would you think it’s not good?

[Opinion Owner]

Nothing wrong with it persay, it’s just that most men being a virgin at those ages aren’t so by choice. Have your preferences sure but be open minded.

[Rosabelle65]

If he’s not a virgin will he be willing to wait for sex until marriage?

[Opinion Owner]

Depends on the man, but possibly yeah. Handjobs / blowjobs can help

[NewgodX]

That depends on the definition of good and that definition of good is different to different people, second no one is perfect and on one will ever will so if someone can't accept someone with their flaws they won't ever find someone good

[Yahall0]

Not true their are many good women who has hook up with multiple guys having f budies, friends with benifits and who want to date 30+ thinking young guys have no good bank Balance , expencive cars and no good understanding for carry good relationship

[serious]

Yes what you have said is true. However, that is just one reason I chose to remain single for life. I have plenty of other reasons as well.

[genericname85]

No. They always were. Cause generally speaking, "good people" is a highly subjective thing and finding someone with matching ideas of what's good is not easy.

[FilmGuy93]

That's very true, in my experience. Attractive women are a dime/dozen, but high quality women are like unicorns.

[Andres77]

Good men and women are hard to find.
If we were all perfect it be so much easier but... there's just another struggle for you to deal with.

[magiusX26]

its a bit more complicated really, but in a looser and more generalized way, thus sums it up pretty much.

[Anonymous]

Yes , my reason is mostly that to be single , rejecting. It’s very hard to find kind , intelligent women who are also interested in similar

[Rosabelle65]

Basically most women you encounter are bitches am I right?

[Opinion Owner]

Most yes , but I have seen some good kind women too , often they are way older than me , or already in relationships. Majority of women on my age are too much into themselves or interested in petty stuffs.

[Rosabelle65]

What kind of petty stuff do those women like?

[Opinion Owner]

Only caring about beauty products , don't have any interesting hobbies , too much into gossip and relationship stuff.

[Rosabelle65]

Yeah a lot of women are crazy about makeup and stuff

[loveslongnails]

I think a woman who knows what she REALLY wants is hard to find, especially if she's in her mid to late twenties !!

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

Sane are hard to find. Most have abused to show who's boss (mommy, of course), been abused back and shown who is stronger, and now live in a mix of guilt, dread and anxiety, doing drugs to escape their experiences.

[Pogi-Paddy-2]

Yes, it's true; and it's the main reason I'm still currently single. I not really good on dating apps either.

[Jerre]

I don’t think good women are difficult to find. Of cours it all depends on the definition of a good woman.

[zagor]

Very, very true. Even mediocre ones can be hard to find.

[Dchrls78104]

Yes, it's true; and part of the reason I'm still single.