Why is it too hard to find a quality girlfriend nowadays?

[Anonymous]

I have had a relationship with someone before but the fact that I feel I have never been precisely loved by anyone, mx ex was truly toxic and troubled person who used to psychologically opress me thoughout all of our relationship period. Then we finally broke up with each other permanently and I had to finish everything in my brain, however it would be so difficult.. I feel myself so lonely because it's too hard to find someone qualified whom I heartedly love and to be loved as well. Despite tons of my effort to make a candidate girl to love and care me, but I find myself either ghosted and abandoned. We don't last long with strong connections. I fed up with this sticky situation and my trust has been drained to girls. How can I find someone? Seems like that I could never get married to someone :'(

Updates

11 mo

I am so surprised whether I got several opinions and comments. Thanks for all.
Apparently, everybody misunerstood the meaning of "quality" and noone has read the question details. I meant that finding a girlfriend to love and to be loved with strong connections, reciprocal respect and care, deep emotions and having affiliation which all takes long lasting and then will be resulted in marriage. I didn't bet that I am a super handsome and picky person. Quality is just at all.

[Finchie40]

I feel social media played a big part on damaging relationships and damaging the foundation of relationships, Most girl’s I have dated nowadays are very selfish people , that do not know how to wear her partner’s shoes likes she expects him to wear hers , When a girl doesn’t get her way she doesn’t understand that she can be wrong , most girls have the mindset that she is always right , She doesn’t understand the foundation of a relationship she just assumes things are ok for her but not ok for her partner , when boundaries are set she expects her partner to follow those boundaries but she doesn’t have a clue on how to follow those boundaries as well , and she wonders why she constantly has failed relationships because she is clearly a selfish person , Nowadays I will not jump into a relationship with a girl mainly for this reason , If a girl doesn’t make me her priority she will not be mine , sadly most girls today get into relationships thinking she is still single , just because she might not be physically cheating in the relationship she is cheating on the foundation of a relationship by only doing what is best for her , When a girl prioritizes her friends over you , you are best to kick her to the curb where she belongs because she only likes the convenience of you but she truly doesn’t value you the same way she wants you to value her. When double standards come into play you are best to move on from her because she c’s no wrong in her doings , this goes for all relationships, I am not saying guys are perfect either but for a relationship to survive and for love to grow both partner’s need to make each other their top priority and remove selfishness for each other , if you can’t do that for your partner they will not be able to do it for you. If a girl tells you she doesn’t like some of your friends and you distance yourself from those friends to show you love and appreciate her , she needs to do the same if you tell her you don’t like some of her friends , Most girls don’t grasp this concept she thinks it’s ok for her but not ok for you , she will try to say you are being insecure and you don’t trust her blah blah blah , If those words come out of her mouth kick her to the curb where she belongs because she doesn’t value you like she wants you to value her , she is more than likely being plowed by another guy or interested in another guy , do not sit there with Sucker on your head , I made this mistake once before to realize I will not tolerate it ever again.

[Anonymous]

Your perception on the world is tainted by your emotions so you aren’t judging with a clear mind.

However there really is something that’s happened in western society and it’s not good. Not good at all. Modern feminism is influencing impressionable women to make selfish knee jerk decisions for short term benefits. These same women would have made decent girlfriends and wives in a different time era.

Now what these women don’t realize (until it’s too late) is being voluntarily unmarried and childless your entire life for some sort of misguided sense of “freedom” leads to deep unhappiness. It’s an unfulfilled life especially if you voluntarily choose that path. And women more than men have the freedom and power in relationships.

The immediate damage is what these women do to men. It’s usually up to a woman to accept or reject a man. It’s also usually women doing the dumping. However is embracing their emotions (or as Oprah calls their truth) always the best idea. Single hood rates are way up and it’s really women who are cause of this for reasons I stated above.

[Katebfun]

Nope. You can't blame just women. Also men are having a "attention addiction " they like to have female attention, even have her chase him all for nothing!! Men are sex addicts, most don't want to commit.
Also men are Gate Keepers of relationships and Women are gate keepers of sex. Therefore, women want to settle down with a decent man. But most have a grass is greener on thr other side, or they are low key bi / gay

Answer this statement you said above: Women make selfish knee jerk decisions for short term benefits. Example?

[Asad1ONE1]

She said " gatekeepers of sex" 🤡

[Opinion Owner]

@katebfun do you truly believe that most men have a

“But most have a grass is greener on thr other side, or they are low key bi / gay”?

Seriously do you believe that?

[Katebfun]

From my experience and perspective. Yes.

[Opinion Owner]

@Asad1ONE1 she’s in denial which doesn’t surprise me. She probably has made some bad past self centered decisions but her ego won’t let her own up to it. Most women fundamentally don’t understand that admitting fault does NOT mean admitting defeat.

With that said I’m not letting guys off the hook. If you are unmotivated in your career, your fitness and in your hobbies then good luck getting what you want.

Truth is I don’t like being cynical. But I’ve observed way too much bullshit in my lifetime and this new “modern women” bs going is extremely destructive for not just men BUT FOR WOMEN AS WELL.

They are under this insane delusion that they can bash on men nonstop and it supposedly has no harm to society. They think they can have their cake and eat it too.

[Opinion Owner]

@Katebfun thank you very much for quickly identifying yourself as what I thought. That’s an INSANE bad assumption. It says a lot about your twisted view of men. At best (and it wouldn’t surprise me) you likely live in a very liberal part of the country. That’s definitely not true for most men.
Truth is I ultimately want to argue for WHAT is right vs BEING right. However given your response I can tell you want to argue to BE right vs trying to figure out WHAT is right.

It’s modern women who:

- started the #metoo movement who caused extreme (and unnecessary) levels of paranoia in men who want to approach
- propagated this bs concept of “toxic masculinity” while conveniently believing toxic femininity doesn’t exist.
- treat abortion as some sort of sacred right. So much for the original concept of “safe legal and rare”
- believe that promiscuity somehow makes them equal to men”.

Not to say men have issues. We do. But men didn’t change first. Feminism came along and brainwashed women with false and poisonous so called promises of “freedom”.

However that all leads to unhappiness. But you don’t want to admit it.

[Asad1ONE1]

Yes there aren't any "gate keepers" of sex and relationships. It's either mutual or nothing.

[Emelina]

It's hard bc none of them wants a commitment, they just want the fun. It's truelly hard to find someone that can relate to whom you're looking for in a relationship. Finding a person who would love you unconditional and stick with you for life It's difficult, it's no longer back in the days where you meet a woman go out on a simple date and see where it leads too, and not like now, you date then you get either lucky to get some or say bye and never hear from them ever again... I loved the old days, not this generation. Take your time in finding your love, and take all the relationships you had and see what was missing in your relationship and transfer it to whom you date next, and as you keep on learning on what you want in a relationship, you will eventually find someone who would give you the love you are wanting. Don't date girls who are into bars or smoke or drink like a fish... drinks are ok socially but not each day or very often. Good luck in finding someone who would put all their love you deserve from a lovely woman. Cheers

[Emelina]

Thanks for the MHG 🙂

[Pinay_ako]

Because the quality ones are

• taken
• married
• has high standards and won’t settle for less
• attracted to someone else
• broken before and has their walls up and stronger
• don’t wanna get married

[bingbongbangbung]

the same can apply to women 🤣

[bingbongbangbung]

men*

[Sunssong]

That's not true. They aren't all taken or anywhere near. That would be like saying all the water on the planet has evaporated. On top of that quality is subjective.

[Jltakk]

Wow, that's literally what I was gonna post lol perfectly accurate though

[OlderAndWiser]

The fact that your efforts have not succeeded does not mean that good women are not available.

[WhiteBoyChill]

With all due respect, you are not a member of our generation. Its a lot harder than you think

[OlderAndWiser]

@WhiteBoyChill with what part of my statement do you disagree?

[WhiteBoyChill]

Good women may not be available to him. It all depends on his surroundings.

[OlderAndWiser]

@WhiteBoyChill sure

[Avicenna]

@WhiteBoyChill: There are women out there his age who do meet his criteria. But he does need to be discerning- stay away from the troubled ones because you can't fix them.

[WhiteBoyChill]

@Avicenna Yeah like needles in a haystack. They’re hard to find. Chances are he’d need to talk to about 100+ women in his area before he finds one that’s suitable

[OlderAndWiser]

@Avicenna. Trying to talk sense to the butthurt crowd is a fool’s errand.

[Avicenna]

@WhiteBoyChill: "Hard to find" doesn't equate to "impossible". If talking to 100 women is too daunting, I would advise not bothering dating. Even if you decide not to pursue things with a woman after a first or few dates, you can still have a good time and learn something you didn't know before. Or maybe make a friend.

[WhiteBoyChill]

@OlderAndWiser Again, just because you don’t have as many problems in your generation, doesn’t mean things are just as easy in mine

[WhiteBoyChill]

@Avicenna That sounds like a waste of time to me. Dating a woman “just because”. Is that what people actually do?

Like am I suppossed to just date women regardless of whether I feel any attraction?

[Avicenna]

@WhiteBoyChill: That's not what I said. It takes a bit of time to get to know someone and that's time you're going to spend when dating. You don't know when you've just met someone whether they are a suitable match- you need to spend that time with them. You should have, if nothing else, a fun date and some interesting convos.

If you don't feel any attraction, don't talk to them and don't ask them out.

[WhiteBoyChill]

@Avicenna that’s the thing tho. I almost never feel attraction. For me its always “yeah she’s pretty, but idrk her”

[Effably]

Just so we're clear here mate, a grand total of one umhealthy partner doesn't really qualify you for talking about how times have changed when it comes to finding a girlfriend.

It can be hard though. Chemistry. Values. Similar location, age, stage of life and on top of that things have to click on the day. It isn't an easy equation. But all you have control over is yourself and your actions. So be the best you. Get goals. Ambitions. Push forward. Having a girlfriend while a fair goal, is a bit like hoping to win the lottery. You're better served getting the skills for the end result rather than gambling. You have to actually do it though. Not just nod and realize it makes sense.

[Asker]

Unfortunately it is just a chance and consists of a blind gamble. Most of my friends have been dating they apparently seem happy and cared, loved each other and they have longlasting serious relationship unlike my last one. I don't know where I made a mistake.. So bad..

[Effably]

Yeah I was harsh with you because you were venting, not asking for help.

That is why you get the pissy responses. You're not seen as wanting help but wanting to complain.

[Asker]

Mate, I really didn't understand what you mean, how comes to think that I couldn't seem to need help? I have been complaint about this situation and therefore sincerely asking for your opinions about this issue so this is why I asked this question here. Confused.

[Effably]

Aight so. Basically because your question takes an accusatory tone people will assume you're complaining, venting and that your goal is just to get your negative emotions out. Because this is typically seen as bad behaviour most responses will not be helpful. Your intent does not mattet here, it is how we will all perceive you.

Now if you changed the question. Saying instead that you're striking out, can't seem to fond compatible people and so on, you now get advice.

So my suggestion is to tailor the question to what type of answers you want.

[EricSummer]

You had one ex girlfriend who psychologically oppressed you. That's not enough to make a rule out of it. You cannot conclude that all girlfriends would oppress you, though you are at risk of developing this unhealthy relationship pattern and falling for another oppressive woman.

Best try new things and develop new interest in sports, social clubs or even a religious group. Make sure to pick activities that women also like (but not yoga or pilates where you are the only man, that can get creepy). A dancing course for pair dances would be ideal.

And then just have fun and meet women who share the same activity.

[Billlewis]

When the rules of the game change, we must change our approach accordingly. Women clearly have a sizable advantage over men in terms of dating, relationships, etc, and if you want to be successful with women, you'll need to reevaluate your entire philosophy regarding your personal relationships with women.

I'm very fortunate, in that I'm inherently submissive to women, and I'm actually uncomfortable if the woman I'm dating/serving won't let me place her on a pedestal and literally worship the ground she walks on. I know many people would regard this kind of arrangement as strange, kinky, bizarre, etc, but I honestly can't imagine it being any other way.

[Clarkkk]

You want to date an adult. Bad news, tho. Even dating 40-somethings, they still act like children.


Does the following sound familiar?


Celebrating my girlfriend’s sons birthday, I split the check with her father-in-law (her ex wasn’t there). Sushi dinner for 6 people.


Afterwards, I jokingly say (which she needed to hear): “you’re welcome for dinner” (because of course, she didn’t thank me). Before you keep reading, think about what her utterly childish reply might have been.


She literally starts crying because she feels guilty about not thanking me for dinner. Basically, she’s trying to make ME the guilty party, because I made her cry.


Fortunately, I’ve learned enough in my life to cut that right off. I told her she could stop crying or I was gonna drive home right then. The dumb girl stopped crying. Broke up with her two weeks later.

[Keishio]

In my experience if looks is a big factor I'd recommend lowering that standard because out of all the women I've dated and/or be in a relationship with it seems by far that the more stereotypically attractive women are also the worst partners. Not saying that's across the board but it seems to be relevant enough to consider. Of someone has managed to get co formally through life with their looks they see themselves as the prize to win and rarely have many if any skills to bring into a relationship that'll be of benefit.

[Anonymous]

Because you are not

•Over 6ft Tall

•Athletic/Muscular

•Financially stable

• Own a home

• Well educated

• Handsome

• Big Dick

• Successful

• Good sense of humour

• Kind

• Strong

• Wants kids

[Katebfun]

With that said I believe 80% of women are only wanting or going for 20% of men because of the above list. The rest of the 80% men are kinda left with little to maybe NO women who want them...

[Asad1ONE1]

Troll 🧌. Thankfully unpopular opinion 🙏

[Opinion Owner]

@Katebfun agreed most guys aren't good enough

[marish01]

Now list qualities of a high value woman.

[Asad1ONE1]

Truth be told. In that case I can empathize with your response. There are a lot of a**hole people out there. Mem and women.

[HighValue]

I have all of the things on that list and more, but then that means no women even come close to matching me in quality.

[Asker]

You have said all of the best feautures of a men they should have. But what about you? Do you personally own all these things on yourself?

[inhua]

feminism turned women into men and men into women. now this expected to be "the norm" but it doesn't arouse anybody

women have become even more masculine as a result and men are having to compete from the very bottom. those who didn't buy into the feminist bullshit lies about equality and female empowerment already have a huge head-start though surrounded by a lot of undesirable masculine women

that being said, overseas would be your best chance

[asphaltrhymes]

If the quality ain't already taken, or they've been used, mmm not my thing, then I guess maybe they just don't exist or im not looking hard enough on dating apps or in real life but oh well.
On the plus side, I'm sure I'm not missing out on much by "not" settling for less than, so I feel like I'd rather a quality girlfriend over having no girlfriend. So I'm happily without girlfriend 😀😃

[Miristheiss]

I'm guessing you live in the west.

Women have been trained for 40 years to be hard core feminists, who don't need men and they are victims and who are oppressed. Also, we are 50 years past the release of birth control and the sexual revolution. The west is hardcore hook up culture.

There aren't a lot that are girlfriend/wife material in the west these days. It is just basic math.

[springxxx]

You have to be patient. You'll find a girlfriend that is right for you one day, just don't give up on hope. But also don't be too desperate because most of the time, the best ones come when we least expect it. Good luck😊

[Anonymous]

Sorry welcome to the club.. If you have no kids or ex wife that helps. Having looks and your life together too. I've been single 7 years now. Looking back I don't believe my past 2 boyfriends ever truly loved me. Both were unhealthy and toxic as well.

[SarahS98]

Maybe it's because quality girlfriends aren't really looking for bfs to pass time with for years but for a husband to form a family while she's still in her 20's.

[SarahS98]

We're already taken, married and likely will be getting pregnancy any time this year.

[LazerBean]

I've only seen it be hard for people who themselves don't have much good qualities.

[Asker]

What kind of good qualities? I meant "heartedly and sincerely" relationship which doesn't count on personal benefits and which goes untill the death by quality girlfriend.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

What she means is a man that fears God, loves God and the Bible and produces fruit of the spirit of God. LOL

She's basically saying without saying it that heathens are trash. 😂

[LazerBean]

Yup 😂 and as expected, the trash is triggered

[KejKej]

What qualities do you mean?

[YourExLover69]

If a girl is loyal, have no greed of money and wealth, educated then she is my type irrespective of anything else. If I come across that kinda girl I'd be interested in her. I don't have any other demands. She must be clingy and listening too

[Nikki1989]

Men I know have no problem at all. Most men I grew up with were all married by the time they were 25 and still are married.

[Anonymous]

The only way to find someone is through God, and the only way a woman can love you back is through God. Most people don't love themselves, so why would you expect them to be able to love you...

[Quackthulu2]

Because the “quality girlfriends” are dating guys worth their time.

[WhiteBoyChill]

What makes you so sure this is a “guy not worth their time”

[Quackthulu2]

@WhiteBoyChill Because if the guy was worth their time they would be spending time with the guy… duh

[Unit1]

I suppose the good ones are low on production, which would explain dating being like trying to find those gems among the bunch of rocks.

[RavVid]

Young guys (~18) are saying girls aren't worth the trouble.