Have you ever used the "it's not you, it's me" routine in dating?

Question

Diodoro · Accepted Answer

No but I have genuinely given an honest variation of it. I was out of a relationship and not ready to date again. Thought I was. Started seeing a girl who was into me for quite some time.

She got eager and wanted to move things to fast in her excitement. It was too fast, more than I was emotionally ready for and in a sense put a light on the fact that I wasn't ready for all that yet.

So I backed away telling her where my head and heart was. That I just needed more time. That it wasn't her, I liked her, just wasn't ready. And it was true. After her I didn't see anyone else. I just stayed alone and got myself back together.

I came back around later but she had a guy by then so I let her be. Then it was never a good time lol. She left that guy and came to me. I was seeing someone else. I break up and talk to her. She marries a guy.

She gets a divorce and contacts me. I was 2 years into a relationship with a girl lol. Actually pretty funny

Citizenkirk · Accepted Answer

No, I'm not that vindictive and hurtful. I've been on the receiving end, with a steaming 🐮💩 of "YOU'RE SUCH A NICE GUY, AND ALL that --(🦶💥🌰💥🤛🏴‍☠️🇱🇨🖕🖖🇺🇳🇲🇵🤜💥🌰💥🦵)

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Nah, because everyone knows that's just a nice way of turning someone down.

Now ask me how many guys have used that line on me... more than I care to admit 🙄
I'm not stupid. Just say you're not interested in me so we can both go on with our lives.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

Nope, if there's just no chemistry, then that's what I'd say. If it's them not me, imma say that too... Don't tell anyone I answered your question🤫👀😂

slackbabbath · Answer

No. I say it’s not you it’s “us”... we aren’t a good match because I’m not feeling the connection or excitement or security or xyz. I don’t like the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” because that doesn’t make sense to me since I view it as a chemistry exchange and it takes both of us to feel the match. The only exception would be if I was going through something personal and couldn’t date at that period in my life then yes I’d say it was fully me (which was the case when I was recovering from some surgeries awhile back).

Piper_Jackson · Answer

Yup, I never want to hurt there feelings. And one time it really wasn’t them. Sometimes we just lose feelings and it’s not like it’s their fault. So yeah I’ve said “it’s nothing you’ve done, it’s just me.” So I mean yeah it happens and yup I’ve definitely said it.

pickedcrisps · Answer

Hell I use it whenever some woman is giving me the quote unquote "love gaze" treatment. I politely ignore them until they stop or i cease being near them.

Hell if it meant changing stores or eateries or places I frequent, same thing. It's not you lady it's actually me 🥳🤪🥳🤪

EvilAngel114 · Answer

I just tell it like it is. If it’s them…I say so. If it’s me because I’m not interested or don’t see it going anywhere, I’ll at least give legitimate reasons.

Jayplays900 · Answer

I know people are usually using this as an excuse, but sometimes for me at least, it actually is because of me.

Sometimes, I can't satisfy the needs of someone else. I don't want to drag a person down because of my inabilities, disabilities, or my issues. If I see that a girl has had to carry me during a relationship, then I shall leave because she deserves better.

I guess it's a form of self-acknowledgment, and accepting that you're not good enough for someone else.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah.

“It’s not you, it’s me. You know, I’m the one that feels like you’re not attractive enough. I’m the one who feels like he can do better. It has nothing to do with you.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. I mean your body is a 9/10 and your face is a 3/10, that’s an average of 6/10 which isn’t bad.

Hey if it makes you feel better you’re one of the ugliest girls I’ve ever slept with - think about what that says about your personality huh?”

purplepoppy · Answer

You mean like "it's not you, it's me, I've just got really high standards"

Anonymous · Answer

Yes and it was me. He was lovely I had too many secrets and things going on in my life and I was tired of putting on a charade with him

DataOrganizer27 · Answer

Rarely. I've always been very honest and I tend to be a self-blamer so even the few times I've used that line it couldn't have been more true to the way I felt ha...

unknownforever · Answer

Yeah I did. But that was because I was extremely emotionally exhausted and wasn't putting effort in. But he was also doing the same thing, and I didn't want to argue with him😂

NathanDavis · Answer

never been the one to come up with excuses... certainly not one of the most lame out there, lol oh wait, I said something like this once, but it was true... lmfao

dustybiker · Answer

No. You can be honest and still end things without hurting someone.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

No, thats dumb, just say what you are looking for and the person at that point realizes they don't fit that.

DonRollins · Answer

fuck no. that is some weak shit. it's dishonest and rude. Unless it's really the truth but you must elaborate.

WowwGirl · Answer

It was me, not wanting to be with? you

ChefPapiChulo · Answer

No. I’ve always been the one to break up. I either ghost or just tell them to fuck off. No need to sugar coat it.

Wiredone · Answer

No I've never said that before. We always tried to work things out together

Jay3344 · Answer

First break up, totally used it. I was such an Asshole

Anonymous · Answer

I use it on my husband

Alyssa11 · Answer

Yeah I did it with the last guy I went out with

devilish-cutie · Answer

no, its usually them lol

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Yes lol

IveGotNoName · Answer

Nope

karaspara · Answer

Yes I have proper weak though

es20490446e · Answer

When they say that it often is true.

Laggy · Answer

I have, but it's not an excuse, it's actually that

Iron_Man · Answer

No I never have

ChiPaPa · Answer

Nope 🤣

EaterPeter · Answer

Yes.

Justneedtokno · Answer

Yes sure have

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Answer

Nah, too slimy

Slim57 · Answer

Never

Have you ever used the "it's not you, it's me" routine in dating?

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What Girls & Guys Said

When it comes to a relationship is the term "it's not you it's me" actually genuine?

Have you ever used the "it's not you, it's me" routine in dating?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

When it comes to a relationship is the term "it's not you it's me" actually genuine?

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